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xp_logsJay goes to see Garrison, assuming the Canadian has all the answers. They talk and things come out that results in the pair going for a run in the danger room. Only things turn serious that tests Jay mental limitations and Dani finally comes in, her true strength breaking the conflict within him.
After hooking up with Dani in the kitchen, Jay told her he was on his way to find Garrison and that she should come and talk with them too. He wanted to talk to Garrison all week but he wasn't sure what he was supposed to say and even now, as he found the door to Garrison's suite, he didn't know why he was even seeking the Canadian out. Hesitation was a thing of the past as Jay lifted his hand and knocked abruptly, breaking the silence of the hallway.
"Come in." Kane's voice came through the door, it being typically unlocked. For whatever reason, Kane never locked his door unless he was planning to be gone for more than a day's work. Perhaps being able to throw a Buick made you less concerned about home invasion. He'd been pulling long hours since returning, catching up on his FBI duties as well as reacquainting himself with his hand to hand students.
He let himself in and stopped, letting the door close behind him. He stood there like he was expecting a greeting of some sort, but instead, was satisfied with the silence that filled the room. He moved forward, walking into the room and stopped again, looking around like something would tell him that nothing had changed, yet everything had. He would have said that Garrison looked normal, an ignorant observation if he didn't know what he was looking for. He felt like he didn't know, but his body knew and he was paying very close attention to it. "Hey," he said finally.
"Jay. Something on your mind?" Garrison was leaning back in his chair, feet propped up on his desk, flicking through a folder full of printouts. He was still in his shirt and tie, although his suit jacket had been tossed over another chair, and his gun was back in the small safe he used at the mansion."
"Somethin'. Everythin'." He didn't know what to say and quietly took a seat.
The nice thing about his metal wings was only that he could put them away, if they ever went away, which they did in Garrison's presence. Gone, away and secure which made it easy to sit down, no feathers, no molting. Acceptance was a weird feeling to have, but he felt it was settling in the room and hostility drained out of him at the relaxed state Garrison was in.
"If you wanted to talk about everything, you should have brought drinks." Kane tossed the file folder back on his desk, and crossed his arms over his chest, looking at Jay sitting on the end of his bed. "Start with something, and we'll see how it goes, eh?"
"All right."
He thought about it, but knew he should have just said the first thing that was in his head and after a long hesitation, he did. "What's wrong with us? What's wrong with me?"
"Your taste in music for one thing. Also your dating choices." Kane rolled his eyes. "Do you want me to go on, Emo Blue?"
"Okay, the datin' thing Ah agree with but the music Ah won't tolerate. You remember that was what we was talkin' about in the car before we got hit?"
"Unless you've agreed with me, I doubt that was what you were referencing when you came into my room. You going to dance around it, or just give a big sigh and slink off to wherever it is you've been hiding between violent outbursts?"
"Ah don't know what to say? What do you want me to ask? " He blurted out, gesturing helplessly. "What happened to us? Why can Ah sit here and feel normal when out there, Ah feel like Ah'm crazy? Ah got a hundred questions and why is it that Ah feel like you're the one with the answers?"
"What answers do you want, Jay? Do you want to know why it happened to us? Opportunity on their part, bad luck on ours. Do you want to know how to move on? I have no idea." Kane's voice didn't change tone, remaining level and calm. "What happened to us was extremely fucked up. That's pretty obvious. Where we go from that, how we handle it, that's entirely in our own hands."
"How are you handling it?" he asked honestly. Even though Garrison had his arm changed, missing a limb felt wrong - he should know, he was missing two of them.
"I ran away to the South Seas, found out my dad wasn't a total douchebag, and realized that all that bemoaning the fates about what happened to me would do is let Apocalypse's assholes win by getting me out of the way. I decided to fight back." He pointed to the desk, where his badge wallet lay. "I decided to remember what it is I believe in, and what I made oaths to do, and to live up to it."
"So where's yer horse and Canadian flag then? Sure, the path's nice 'n clear for you. Everythin' Ah've ever believed in was stripped away from me. Dani and Ah don't have nuttin' like that for us. Ah can't think straight enough to do anything like that."
"No, you can't be bothered to think straight. You've been too busy blaming everyone else for not understanding what happened, feeling like the world has done you wrong. We were dead, remember?" Kane kicked his feet down and swivelled the chair to face him. "Now we're not, and the only thing you can be bothered to consider is how tough you have it. You think you can't handle it, there's an easy way out."
"Aw c'mon, you dunno what you're talkin' about." Jay scowled. "We should of stayed dead." His tone hitched and he ran a hand over the other - a habit he'd formed since he'd gotten back. "Third time's a charm for me cause that's how many times I've been dead and come back. No, you take a good look in the mirror, then tell me how much you've changed. Most of your shit's on the inside."
Kane smiled thinly. He'd already taken his look in the mirror, and Jay couldn't know what he saw there. But that wasn't the point of the younger man. It was his own anger and shame at living, the bitterness of fate. Emo Blue was fitting.
"If that's the case, follow me. I don't want to get blood on my carpet." Garrison said, standing suddenly and opening the door.
Jay stayed where he was, crossing his arms over his chest. "Who's blood? Yours or mine?" Oddly enough, he found that amusing.
"Depends on you. You can walk or I can drag you. Your choice." Kane walked out the door.
For a second, Jay didn't follow. He stayed where he was, but after brief consideration, he got up and followed. Something set him on edge though and his wings silently slipped out, pulled back as he exited to follow.
It didn't take long to reach the basement, and into the Danger Room itself. Kane had paused briefly in the elevator to answer a text message, saying nothing to Jay as they stood there. Finally, the doors opened, and Kane swiped them through into the room. It was between training sessions, and Garrison switched the default over to a basic level plain, the kind used to give trainees a sense of space, but had virtually nothing programmed into it beyond a hard dirt ground, and a mid-afternoon sky.
Jay stopped in the familiar setting, having already seen it twice with Logan as his opponent. He shook out his wings, extending them in a stretch before drawing them back again. "Ah already did mah session with Logan, Kane."
"This isn't a session, Jay." Kane said, and with a neat pivot, broke Jay's nose with a single jab. The blue man reeled back, only to be sent sprawling with a kick to the stomach. "We came down here to train, you got out of control; completely out of control. Only way to defend myself was to take you all the way out. Logan will back my story."
He advanced on Jay, fists clenched. "You want out, Jay? You really think you should be dead? Here's your chance."
Jay tried to take in a sharp breath at the pain in his stomach and his nose. He wasn't sure what was worse but he was convinced it was his nose. "Ugh," he groaned, coughing and he slowly rolled to his stomach, curled up while his wings hovered protectively over him. He opened his eye, face planted in the dirt as Kane made his advance.
"Jesus.. CHRIST.. what the hell--" he stumbled as he tried to get up, almost falling back on his rear, except his wings quickly compensated, arching back to hit the ground and pushing him back to his feet. His wings drew back but did nothing concerning attacks. Tucking an arm into his side, he was driven back by Kane coming towards him and turned his head, spitting out a wad o blood.
"We should have stayed dead, right?" Kane's fist crashed into his side, snapping a pair of ribs like twigs. "Better to be dead than live all fucked up. A trio of freaks who had their real bodies taken away." The jab opened up the skin over his eye, sending blood running down his face. "Isn't that what you've been telling me, Jay? Huh? Won't this be better for you?"
Did Kane forget to take his crazy pill this morning? It was hard for Jay to believe Kane would plan this, plan to kill him but every hit was much more convincing than the last, forcing him to stumble back farther. But his wings wouldn't react, he wouldn't react, instead taking one blow after another.
His head spun, the blood flowing into his eye and he brushed it away, hunched over more until his fingers brushed the ground to maintain his stability.
And he laughed.
Much like his keen vibrating up his throat, his laugh grated through his teeth like nails on a chalk board and he pushed himself painfully up, grunting before walking backwards down a slope. He slipped forward. "You can't kill me," he spat and a hissing growl rolled over his tongue, tasting blood and clicked, before he swallowed it back.
"Can't I? Isn't that what you want?" A backhanded slap exploded against Jay's cheekbone, sending him spinning with the force of the impact. "Why stop me if you're better off dead?"
"Cause..." Jay croaked, pushing up from the ground and blood oozed from his mouth, surprised he could respond at all through the stinging in his face. His vision blotted black spots and a ringing raged in his ears - still, he didn't attack Garrison. But his wing deflected the next blow.
Kane sidestepped the protective wing, grabbing past them for the back of Jay's neck, and flinging him sideways so he skipped along the ground, tumbling over and over until finally skidding to a stop.
"Okay," Jay rolled over back onto his stomach and curled into a ball again, groaning. His insides felt like his outsides and his neck strained, roaring an immediate headache that resonated from his shoulders to his temples. Another sharp intake of breath and he was pushing himself to stand again. "Okay--" he gasped. "No one likes the tar beaten outta 'em." He wasn't going to fight Kane or he told himself that, but he could feel the coil of a snake pulling back, preparing to strike. His wings mimicked the same, shifting out slowly and his feathers reflected dangerously through a ripple across them.
"You made your point."
"What point?" Kane said, as he dropped his head and bull rushed Jay faster than the young man could react. His broad shoulders smashed into the man's torso and chest, carrying him easily along and then crashing him cruelly to the ground on his wings. Kane rolled off as they hit, trampling Jay as he pulled back distance.
"This isn't an object lesson, Jay. You're right, we all changed out there. This is the Kane that decided Apocalypse shouldn't get to live now passing judgment on you."
"Ah fuck!" Jay yelled, his wings cutting into his back. His skin crawled with the tissue being cut into and he immediately rolled on his stomach again, not realizing that it was by some instinct to protect his belly. "What ...the fuck?" he coughed harder and his lungs burned against the intake of a shuddering breath. This time, he didn't feel like he could get up immediately. His movements were slow, muscles furiously working to repair with the healing factor that couldn't keep up with the damage that was being dealt.
"No one would.." Cough."... ould get away with killin'." Not in the Danger Room, he tried to finish but instead, took in another sharp breath. He was rationalizing Kane teaching him a lesson but that rationalization was quickly taking flight out the door.
"You're a danger to everyone here, Jay. You tried to kill Yvette. You cut up Logan. You tried to kill your sister, Jay. You think anyone here cares about you now that you're ugly, dangerous and crippled? Nothing but a broken pitiful mess, that can't control himself. You think any of them are going to regret you coming out of here in a body bag?" Kane chuckle was low and menacing. "You know what they'll call it at the investigation? Death by cop. I won't even be charged. Now, let's get the over with, shall we?"
"You're right," Jay got up, slowly, shaking his wings out. He wavered on the spot, stumbling to the side before he was able to push himself up to a standing posture. Even then, it pained him, grimacing for every movement he made. He swallowed hard and not just the blood in his throat but Kane's words. Hard to digest but he swallowed them..
"You're right, No one cares now. So's what's the point? Why fight it?" His growl curdled in his throat, coiling and he sucked in another quick breath, wincing. "C'mon Kane. You wanna finish it, so finish it." He wavered to one side, stumbling again in a cocky sway. He clicked his teeth and pursed his lips, brushing his finger tips together near his groin and grinned, narrowing his eyes for another one of Kane's attacks. "Here puss, puss, puss, puss."
"Aw, going to fight back? A cripple and a liar." Kane sprung forward, barely escaping the neck high swipe from Jay's wing, that whistled over his head. He rolled forward, and drove his fist into the side of Jay's knee, hearing it crack. Garrison just got out as the other wing buried itself into the ground in front of him. He pivoted, knocking aside a follow-up lash, just keeping his arm away from the razor sharp edge. "That all you got?"
He cried out at the broken knee and fell down on it, screeching at the intense pain that shot through his entirely left leg.
"Fucker," he growled through grit teeth. Jay hopped back a foot before pushing his wings down in one gust, needing to break between them, but Garrison closed the distance, jumping up and grabbed Jay by the leg, forcing him down in a side long crash, that sent his head reeling, burying his shoulder into the ground.
He rolled onto his back, pushing with his one good leg away from Garrison and drew out his wings. They extended, sharp feathers pointing up and he thrust them out, a dozen blades of poisonous feathers aimed straight for his body.
Only Kane's enhanced speed saved him, tossing himself aside at the very last second, and seeing the blades stitch up the ground in rows where he'd been standing. Jay's wings flickered back for another thrust, and Garrison grunted as he dug his feet into the earth and sprung, arcing over the man's back. He landed, twisted, and crashed into Jay, slamming him chest down on the ground, his wings pinned under Garrison.
Kane grasped the back of Jay's neck, forcing it back up unnaturally, until Jay could hear his spine creak. "Goodbye Jay." Kane whispered in his ear, obviously intending to snap his neck like a twig.
It was all he could do to whimper, his body withering with the feeling of daggers lacing through his body. Somewhere in the back of his mind, something cried out in him and his hand touched Garrison's chest, balling the fabric of the shirt in between his fingers.
"Don't--"
The force of the pull on Jay's neck stopped, freezing his head up in the position.
"Dani!" Garrison yelled, finally hearing what was needed from the young man to make his gamble work. "Now!"
It had taken Dani a few minutes to finish what she was doing and make her way down to the basement after Jay to see him and Garrison. She couldn't get in through the door to the Danger Room, she didn't have access on her own, but she could practically taste Jay's fears. They tasted good, too. Leaning against the wall and trying not to actually salivate, Dani was jerked from her reverie by Kane's voice and she reached out unconsciously towards Jay, pouncing on his fears, letting them wrap around her, comfort her as they tormented Jay.
His was a wonderful smorgasbord of fear too, abandonment was heavy from his father's death, being left behind and losing those he loved. Each type holding a different flavour for Dani. There was a fear of failure, which wasn't surprising coupled with fears of tolerance and complacency. That one Dani ignored until she found the one she wanted. Fear of death. It was thick, tying back to his abandonment issues and it was deliciously thick like a steak. Biting into it, she savoured it, enjoying it.
It was after a minute of this that she realized, this was not a good thing. That she had let her powers control her with Jay and she pulled back, though it was reluctantly. Jay's fears were good and consistent. Yum.
He'd felt his dad, his presence, his love, only to have them ripped away, abandoned by him, the guitar he was given shattered in a hundred little shards of wood, left behind by Sam, by Paige, unable to grasp on what was happening.
The ache in his chest burned and he cried out, tears wetting his eyes and rolled down his cheeks, clawing at them because he couldn't breathe. He couldn't. Storming through scenarios, each one worse than the last, bending the death of the old until the death of the new emerged, radiant and menacing. One clouded the other and he felt like he was dying. Bright colours blazing his death across a tombstone and he could feel his body shrink and shiver, laced over with panic at the sight. He was dying, wrapped up in a blanket, the zipper of the body bag closing over his head and something inside him bent more, snapping his mind from the division.
Jay gasped, more than awake and was left trembling on the ground, clutching his fists over his eyes, shaking from a cold he shouldn't have felt. Kane stepped towards him and he curled up harder, unable to catch a breath through hyperventilating, tears and the images he couldn't wipe from his memory. She made him relive it, all of it until there was practically nothing left of him but a submission to his fears and his failures.
"Don't run away from it, Jay." Kane keyed the door to let Dani in. "It won't ever go away if you do." He looked at the young man and nodded to Dani for another blast, destroying the walls of self-delusion and hatred. This was something that every police therapist in the world had seen before; the guilt and shame of being a survivor, of believing that the end had come and when it did not, being unable to reach back from that shock and reconnect with the actual emotions inside.
When the door unlocked, Dani strode in, half in fear of what she had done and half to see how his fears had changed for herself. Sure, she could feel them, but that wasn't quite the same thing. "You face your fears and grow stronger Jay. Don't mean they go away," she whispered, touching him with one hand on his leg, her cool fingers sliding under his pant leg along flesh. Oh, but they tasted good.
"Ah can't." He was convinced he couldn't as he said those words. Can't, couldn't, wouldn't. He was drowning in them and when she touched him, he could only flinch, wither against her assault. His complete mental strength shattered, stripped down bare for his fears to catch him in a choke hold and claim their ransom. He was as frail as they came to inner personal strength, he knew. Every time they stepped up, he stepped down, submission like a lover wrapping him in a comfortable blanket of victimization.
He shook violently, the whole tremor creeping over his body, unable to still it, gasping harder for a breath. He needed control, some sort of grasp on it, but the tears rolled down his cheeks freely, the tears he'd been cold to since they broke from the mind control.
"Dad died... Kevin... died... " He sobbed harder, tightening in his throat and he swallowed hard. "Ah ...don't ...wanna, never ...wanted to ...die," he gasped into between sobs. Every time he got somewhere with life, where he was content and moving things forward, something cut in like a knife and robbed him, stripping him again and again. It hurt and the pains from his injuries were secondary to the ache in his chest that had always been there.
Something broke in him again, like a release switch and his anxiety stepped aside. He looked down at the ground, searching, propped up by one hand and brought the heel of the other to his eyes, groaning for his physical pains, the headache that replaced the mess going on within and suddenly, all he craved was to shut down.
Drawing her hand away from Jay, she released him, released his fears from her grasp and let him recover. "Okay?" she asked, looking deep into his eyes. This was really the first time she had seen him since he had turned blue and it was strange. He looked like him, but he didn't look like him and he did. It was strange. Good though. "You're stronger than your fears Jay."
"Alright." Kane hoisted the young man up, his wings recessed and docile. Garrison held him easily, like a child in his arms. "He's going to cry, and then he's going to sleep properly. Give himself a chance to heal." He headed out towards Jay's room, knowing full well that while Guthrie slept, he'd be sitting in a chair across from the bed, waiting for him to wake. The good thing was that thanks to Dani's powers, and Jay being pushed to the extreme, the mental barrier he'd built between his self and his conscious had been all but shattered, and now the young man could properly heal.
After hooking up with Dani in the kitchen, Jay told her he was on his way to find Garrison and that she should come and talk with them too. He wanted to talk to Garrison all week but he wasn't sure what he was supposed to say and even now, as he found the door to Garrison's suite, he didn't know why he was even seeking the Canadian out. Hesitation was a thing of the past as Jay lifted his hand and knocked abruptly, breaking the silence of the hallway.
"Come in." Kane's voice came through the door, it being typically unlocked. For whatever reason, Kane never locked his door unless he was planning to be gone for more than a day's work. Perhaps being able to throw a Buick made you less concerned about home invasion. He'd been pulling long hours since returning, catching up on his FBI duties as well as reacquainting himself with his hand to hand students.
He let himself in and stopped, letting the door close behind him. He stood there like he was expecting a greeting of some sort, but instead, was satisfied with the silence that filled the room. He moved forward, walking into the room and stopped again, looking around like something would tell him that nothing had changed, yet everything had. He would have said that Garrison looked normal, an ignorant observation if he didn't know what he was looking for. He felt like he didn't know, but his body knew and he was paying very close attention to it. "Hey," he said finally.
"Jay. Something on your mind?" Garrison was leaning back in his chair, feet propped up on his desk, flicking through a folder full of printouts. He was still in his shirt and tie, although his suit jacket had been tossed over another chair, and his gun was back in the small safe he used at the mansion."
"Somethin'. Everythin'." He didn't know what to say and quietly took a seat.
The nice thing about his metal wings was only that he could put them away, if they ever went away, which they did in Garrison's presence. Gone, away and secure which made it easy to sit down, no feathers, no molting. Acceptance was a weird feeling to have, but he felt it was settling in the room and hostility drained out of him at the relaxed state Garrison was in.
"If you wanted to talk about everything, you should have brought drinks." Kane tossed the file folder back on his desk, and crossed his arms over his chest, looking at Jay sitting on the end of his bed. "Start with something, and we'll see how it goes, eh?"
"All right."
He thought about it, but knew he should have just said the first thing that was in his head and after a long hesitation, he did. "What's wrong with us? What's wrong with me?"
"Your taste in music for one thing. Also your dating choices." Kane rolled his eyes. "Do you want me to go on, Emo Blue?"
"Okay, the datin' thing Ah agree with but the music Ah won't tolerate. You remember that was what we was talkin' about in the car before we got hit?"
"Unless you've agreed with me, I doubt that was what you were referencing when you came into my room. You going to dance around it, or just give a big sigh and slink off to wherever it is you've been hiding between violent outbursts?"
"Ah don't know what to say? What do you want me to ask? " He blurted out, gesturing helplessly. "What happened to us? Why can Ah sit here and feel normal when out there, Ah feel like Ah'm crazy? Ah got a hundred questions and why is it that Ah feel like you're the one with the answers?"
"What answers do you want, Jay? Do you want to know why it happened to us? Opportunity on their part, bad luck on ours. Do you want to know how to move on? I have no idea." Kane's voice didn't change tone, remaining level and calm. "What happened to us was extremely fucked up. That's pretty obvious. Where we go from that, how we handle it, that's entirely in our own hands."
"How are you handling it?" he asked honestly. Even though Garrison had his arm changed, missing a limb felt wrong - he should know, he was missing two of them.
"I ran away to the South Seas, found out my dad wasn't a total douchebag, and realized that all that bemoaning the fates about what happened to me would do is let Apocalypse's assholes win by getting me out of the way. I decided to fight back." He pointed to the desk, where his badge wallet lay. "I decided to remember what it is I believe in, and what I made oaths to do, and to live up to it."
"So where's yer horse and Canadian flag then? Sure, the path's nice 'n clear for you. Everythin' Ah've ever believed in was stripped away from me. Dani and Ah don't have nuttin' like that for us. Ah can't think straight enough to do anything like that."
"No, you can't be bothered to think straight. You've been too busy blaming everyone else for not understanding what happened, feeling like the world has done you wrong. We were dead, remember?" Kane kicked his feet down and swivelled the chair to face him. "Now we're not, and the only thing you can be bothered to consider is how tough you have it. You think you can't handle it, there's an easy way out."
"Aw c'mon, you dunno what you're talkin' about." Jay scowled. "We should of stayed dead." His tone hitched and he ran a hand over the other - a habit he'd formed since he'd gotten back. "Third time's a charm for me cause that's how many times I've been dead and come back. No, you take a good look in the mirror, then tell me how much you've changed. Most of your shit's on the inside."
Kane smiled thinly. He'd already taken his look in the mirror, and Jay couldn't know what he saw there. But that wasn't the point of the younger man. It was his own anger and shame at living, the bitterness of fate. Emo Blue was fitting.
"If that's the case, follow me. I don't want to get blood on my carpet." Garrison said, standing suddenly and opening the door.
Jay stayed where he was, crossing his arms over his chest. "Who's blood? Yours or mine?" Oddly enough, he found that amusing.
"Depends on you. You can walk or I can drag you. Your choice." Kane walked out the door.
For a second, Jay didn't follow. He stayed where he was, but after brief consideration, he got up and followed. Something set him on edge though and his wings silently slipped out, pulled back as he exited to follow.
It didn't take long to reach the basement, and into the Danger Room itself. Kane had paused briefly in the elevator to answer a text message, saying nothing to Jay as they stood there. Finally, the doors opened, and Kane swiped them through into the room. It was between training sessions, and Garrison switched the default over to a basic level plain, the kind used to give trainees a sense of space, but had virtually nothing programmed into it beyond a hard dirt ground, and a mid-afternoon sky.
Jay stopped in the familiar setting, having already seen it twice with Logan as his opponent. He shook out his wings, extending them in a stretch before drawing them back again. "Ah already did mah session with Logan, Kane."
"This isn't a session, Jay." Kane said, and with a neat pivot, broke Jay's nose with a single jab. The blue man reeled back, only to be sent sprawling with a kick to the stomach. "We came down here to train, you got out of control; completely out of control. Only way to defend myself was to take you all the way out. Logan will back my story."
He advanced on Jay, fists clenched. "You want out, Jay? You really think you should be dead? Here's your chance."
Jay tried to take in a sharp breath at the pain in his stomach and his nose. He wasn't sure what was worse but he was convinced it was his nose. "Ugh," he groaned, coughing and he slowly rolled to his stomach, curled up while his wings hovered protectively over him. He opened his eye, face planted in the dirt as Kane made his advance.
"Jesus.. CHRIST.. what the hell--" he stumbled as he tried to get up, almost falling back on his rear, except his wings quickly compensated, arching back to hit the ground and pushing him back to his feet. His wings drew back but did nothing concerning attacks. Tucking an arm into his side, he was driven back by Kane coming towards him and turned his head, spitting out a wad o blood.
"We should have stayed dead, right?" Kane's fist crashed into his side, snapping a pair of ribs like twigs. "Better to be dead than live all fucked up. A trio of freaks who had their real bodies taken away." The jab opened up the skin over his eye, sending blood running down his face. "Isn't that what you've been telling me, Jay? Huh? Won't this be better for you?"
Did Kane forget to take his crazy pill this morning? It was hard for Jay to believe Kane would plan this, plan to kill him but every hit was much more convincing than the last, forcing him to stumble back farther. But his wings wouldn't react, he wouldn't react, instead taking one blow after another.
His head spun, the blood flowing into his eye and he brushed it away, hunched over more until his fingers brushed the ground to maintain his stability.
And he laughed.
Much like his keen vibrating up his throat, his laugh grated through his teeth like nails on a chalk board and he pushed himself painfully up, grunting before walking backwards down a slope. He slipped forward. "You can't kill me," he spat and a hissing growl rolled over his tongue, tasting blood and clicked, before he swallowed it back.
"Can't I? Isn't that what you want?" A backhanded slap exploded against Jay's cheekbone, sending him spinning with the force of the impact. "Why stop me if you're better off dead?"
"Cause..." Jay croaked, pushing up from the ground and blood oozed from his mouth, surprised he could respond at all through the stinging in his face. His vision blotted black spots and a ringing raged in his ears - still, he didn't attack Garrison. But his wing deflected the next blow.
Kane sidestepped the protective wing, grabbing past them for the back of Jay's neck, and flinging him sideways so he skipped along the ground, tumbling over and over until finally skidding to a stop.
"Okay," Jay rolled over back onto his stomach and curled into a ball again, groaning. His insides felt like his outsides and his neck strained, roaring an immediate headache that resonated from his shoulders to his temples. Another sharp intake of breath and he was pushing himself to stand again. "Okay--" he gasped. "No one likes the tar beaten outta 'em." He wasn't going to fight Kane or he told himself that, but he could feel the coil of a snake pulling back, preparing to strike. His wings mimicked the same, shifting out slowly and his feathers reflected dangerously through a ripple across them.
"You made your point."
"What point?" Kane said, as he dropped his head and bull rushed Jay faster than the young man could react. His broad shoulders smashed into the man's torso and chest, carrying him easily along and then crashing him cruelly to the ground on his wings. Kane rolled off as they hit, trampling Jay as he pulled back distance.
"This isn't an object lesson, Jay. You're right, we all changed out there. This is the Kane that decided Apocalypse shouldn't get to live now passing judgment on you."
"Ah fuck!" Jay yelled, his wings cutting into his back. His skin crawled with the tissue being cut into and he immediately rolled on his stomach again, not realizing that it was by some instinct to protect his belly. "What ...the fuck?" he coughed harder and his lungs burned against the intake of a shuddering breath. This time, he didn't feel like he could get up immediately. His movements were slow, muscles furiously working to repair with the healing factor that couldn't keep up with the damage that was being dealt.
"No one would.." Cough."... ould get away with killin'." Not in the Danger Room, he tried to finish but instead, took in another sharp breath. He was rationalizing Kane teaching him a lesson but that rationalization was quickly taking flight out the door.
"You're a danger to everyone here, Jay. You tried to kill Yvette. You cut up Logan. You tried to kill your sister, Jay. You think anyone here cares about you now that you're ugly, dangerous and crippled? Nothing but a broken pitiful mess, that can't control himself. You think any of them are going to regret you coming out of here in a body bag?" Kane chuckle was low and menacing. "You know what they'll call it at the investigation? Death by cop. I won't even be charged. Now, let's get the over with, shall we?"
"You're right," Jay got up, slowly, shaking his wings out. He wavered on the spot, stumbling to the side before he was able to push himself up to a standing posture. Even then, it pained him, grimacing for every movement he made. He swallowed hard and not just the blood in his throat but Kane's words. Hard to digest but he swallowed them..
"You're right, No one cares now. So's what's the point? Why fight it?" His growl curdled in his throat, coiling and he sucked in another quick breath, wincing. "C'mon Kane. You wanna finish it, so finish it." He wavered to one side, stumbling again in a cocky sway. He clicked his teeth and pursed his lips, brushing his finger tips together near his groin and grinned, narrowing his eyes for another one of Kane's attacks. "Here puss, puss, puss, puss."
"Aw, going to fight back? A cripple and a liar." Kane sprung forward, barely escaping the neck high swipe from Jay's wing, that whistled over his head. He rolled forward, and drove his fist into the side of Jay's knee, hearing it crack. Garrison just got out as the other wing buried itself into the ground in front of him. He pivoted, knocking aside a follow-up lash, just keeping his arm away from the razor sharp edge. "That all you got?"
He cried out at the broken knee and fell down on it, screeching at the intense pain that shot through his entirely left leg.
"Fucker," he growled through grit teeth. Jay hopped back a foot before pushing his wings down in one gust, needing to break between them, but Garrison closed the distance, jumping up and grabbed Jay by the leg, forcing him down in a side long crash, that sent his head reeling, burying his shoulder into the ground.
He rolled onto his back, pushing with his one good leg away from Garrison and drew out his wings. They extended, sharp feathers pointing up and he thrust them out, a dozen blades of poisonous feathers aimed straight for his body.
Only Kane's enhanced speed saved him, tossing himself aside at the very last second, and seeing the blades stitch up the ground in rows where he'd been standing. Jay's wings flickered back for another thrust, and Garrison grunted as he dug his feet into the earth and sprung, arcing over the man's back. He landed, twisted, and crashed into Jay, slamming him chest down on the ground, his wings pinned under Garrison.
Kane grasped the back of Jay's neck, forcing it back up unnaturally, until Jay could hear his spine creak. "Goodbye Jay." Kane whispered in his ear, obviously intending to snap his neck like a twig.
It was all he could do to whimper, his body withering with the feeling of daggers lacing through his body. Somewhere in the back of his mind, something cried out in him and his hand touched Garrison's chest, balling the fabric of the shirt in between his fingers.
"Don't--"
The force of the pull on Jay's neck stopped, freezing his head up in the position.
"Dani!" Garrison yelled, finally hearing what was needed from the young man to make his gamble work. "Now!"
It had taken Dani a few minutes to finish what she was doing and make her way down to the basement after Jay to see him and Garrison. She couldn't get in through the door to the Danger Room, she didn't have access on her own, but she could practically taste Jay's fears. They tasted good, too. Leaning against the wall and trying not to actually salivate, Dani was jerked from her reverie by Kane's voice and she reached out unconsciously towards Jay, pouncing on his fears, letting them wrap around her, comfort her as they tormented Jay.
His was a wonderful smorgasbord of fear too, abandonment was heavy from his father's death, being left behind and losing those he loved. Each type holding a different flavour for Dani. There was a fear of failure, which wasn't surprising coupled with fears of tolerance and complacency. That one Dani ignored until she found the one she wanted. Fear of death. It was thick, tying back to his abandonment issues and it was deliciously thick like a steak. Biting into it, she savoured it, enjoying it.
It was after a minute of this that she realized, this was not a good thing. That she had let her powers control her with Jay and she pulled back, though it was reluctantly. Jay's fears were good and consistent. Yum.
He'd felt his dad, his presence, his love, only to have them ripped away, abandoned by him, the guitar he was given shattered in a hundred little shards of wood, left behind by Sam, by Paige, unable to grasp on what was happening.
The ache in his chest burned and he cried out, tears wetting his eyes and rolled down his cheeks, clawing at them because he couldn't breathe. He couldn't. Storming through scenarios, each one worse than the last, bending the death of the old until the death of the new emerged, radiant and menacing. One clouded the other and he felt like he was dying. Bright colours blazing his death across a tombstone and he could feel his body shrink and shiver, laced over with panic at the sight. He was dying, wrapped up in a blanket, the zipper of the body bag closing over his head and something inside him bent more, snapping his mind from the division.
Jay gasped, more than awake and was left trembling on the ground, clutching his fists over his eyes, shaking from a cold he shouldn't have felt. Kane stepped towards him and he curled up harder, unable to catch a breath through hyperventilating, tears and the images he couldn't wipe from his memory. She made him relive it, all of it until there was practically nothing left of him but a submission to his fears and his failures.
"Don't run away from it, Jay." Kane keyed the door to let Dani in. "It won't ever go away if you do." He looked at the young man and nodded to Dani for another blast, destroying the walls of self-delusion and hatred. This was something that every police therapist in the world had seen before; the guilt and shame of being a survivor, of believing that the end had come and when it did not, being unable to reach back from that shock and reconnect with the actual emotions inside.
When the door unlocked, Dani strode in, half in fear of what she had done and half to see how his fears had changed for herself. Sure, she could feel them, but that wasn't quite the same thing. "You face your fears and grow stronger Jay. Don't mean they go away," she whispered, touching him with one hand on his leg, her cool fingers sliding under his pant leg along flesh. Oh, but they tasted good.
"Ah can't." He was convinced he couldn't as he said those words. Can't, couldn't, wouldn't. He was drowning in them and when she touched him, he could only flinch, wither against her assault. His complete mental strength shattered, stripped down bare for his fears to catch him in a choke hold and claim their ransom. He was as frail as they came to inner personal strength, he knew. Every time they stepped up, he stepped down, submission like a lover wrapping him in a comfortable blanket of victimization.
He shook violently, the whole tremor creeping over his body, unable to still it, gasping harder for a breath. He needed control, some sort of grasp on it, but the tears rolled down his cheeks freely, the tears he'd been cold to since they broke from the mind control.
"Dad died... Kevin... died... " He sobbed harder, tightening in his throat and he swallowed hard. "Ah ...don't ...wanna, never ...wanted to ...die," he gasped into between sobs. Every time he got somewhere with life, where he was content and moving things forward, something cut in like a knife and robbed him, stripping him again and again. It hurt and the pains from his injuries were secondary to the ache in his chest that had always been there.
Something broke in him again, like a release switch and his anxiety stepped aside. He looked down at the ground, searching, propped up by one hand and brought the heel of the other to his eyes, groaning for his physical pains, the headache that replaced the mess going on within and suddenly, all he craved was to shut down.
Drawing her hand away from Jay, she released him, released his fears from her grasp and let him recover. "Okay?" she asked, looking deep into his eyes. This was really the first time she had seen him since he had turned blue and it was strange. He looked like him, but he didn't look like him and he did. It was strange. Good though. "You're stronger than your fears Jay."
"Alright." Kane hoisted the young man up, his wings recessed and docile. Garrison held him easily, like a child in his arms. "He's going to cry, and then he's going to sleep properly. Give himself a chance to heal." He headed out towards Jay's room, knowing full well that while Guthrie slept, he'd be sitting in a chair across from the bed, waiting for him to wake. The good thing was that thanks to Dani's powers, and Jay being pushed to the extreme, the mental barrier he'd built between his self and his conscious had been all but shattered, and now the young man could properly heal.
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