Fred and Cammie (Backlogged to Last Night)

[x-nothungry.livejournal.com]

Fred and Cammie meet in the kitchen late at night and discuss the finer points of Police and Bad Movies





It was later in the evening when Cammie made her way to the kitchen. It was time to get herself something to munch on. She had considered keeping her food in the suite she shared with Jane, but figured that would be too mean to Cloudy who was nuts enough without the constant smell of mold.


So she decided to torture the mansion at large with it.


“Helllloooo kitchen!!!”


Fred had been sitting quietly in the kitchen, reading a book, and jumped slightly when Cammie entered. He calmed down though, and smiled a little at the green haired girl, "Hey Cammie," he said, and marked his place in his book before he set it down.


“Change your name to kitchen when I wasn’t looking?” she asked as she walked in. “Hey,” she added greeting him properly as she walked to the fridge.


Fred's smiled broadened, "Honestly, at might size? It might as well be my name...I thought you didn't eat normal stuff," he said as he watched her.


“I don’t,” Cammie said, opening a baggie in the fridge, the smell of rotted meat filling her nostrils. “And you’re not big enough to be a kitchen. You’re more like a table.”


Fred raised an eyebrow at Cammie's culinary choice, but waved it off. Everyone's got their quirks, "So what's got you up and about?"


“I don’t believe in sleep. It tries to steal my life away. That, and I like to eat when no one else is around,” Cammie said.


Fred smirked and waved his hand at the bag, "I can see that would be a good choice. But go ahead, I don't mind," and pointed at the seat across from him, before he looked back down at his book.



“Reading is so over rated, you know,” Cammie said, as she slapped her sandwich of death together. She then pulled a variety of chemicals from underneath the sink, “The best TV shows are on late at night.”


Fred chuckled and held up the large paperback, rectangular book, "The Book of the Subgenius. Better than all late night cable shows combined,"


“Never heard of it,” she said starting to mix her chemical cocktail. “Then again, I normally don’t read books. Except for Helter Skelter, but I had enough of that and it was damaged beyond repair.”


Fred grinned broadly, and slid the book over to Cammie, "Some books I've got, like this one...I promise, you'll get a kick out of it,"


Cammie looked at the book as she sat down with her rotted sandwich and mixed drink, “Huh. Maybe I’ll read it. You know, if reading wasn’t a soul sucking pursuit,” she grinned.


"Strong accusation coming from the girl who wants to watch late night TV," He looked behind him and around, and suppressed the urge to smoke. He'd have one in a bit.


“It’s the devil I know. Can I borrow your lighter?” Cammie asked.


"Didn't think you smoked" Fred said, but handed the girl his lighter anyway. He hoped he wouldn't regret this decision...


She took it, “I could but I don’t. The taste is off. She held the cup with one hand and the lighter with another and lit the content of the cup on fire and let it sit for a second before putting another cup over it and putting it out. “This is best a little burned.”


"Cammie, there is no way that the stuff you're putting in you could ever reach a level that could be described as 'best'" Fred said, not sure whether what he'd said made sense.


“Sure there is. This stuff here, is better than sex. Not that I have sex that often,” she mused as she took a drink.

"Heh, join the club," Fred said as a small rueful smile crossed his face, and he looked far away for a moment.


“My boyfriends have this bad habit of getting sick or dropping dead,” she said, twirling her cup. “Sorry. It’s been a long last couple of weeks. I’m pretty sure I just hit the TMI buttons.”


"The closest thing I had to a girlfriend was a stripper who could make herself two-dimensional," Fred looked back to Cammie, "There. TMI has been returned. We can return to normal,"


“We can. Though I’m going to be wondering about the two-d stripper for the rest of the night now. Gives me this image of flat boobs,” Cammie said, looking off to the side as she thought about it. Or how that would even work for a stripper in the first place, since they made their money by sticking out.


“I’m so glad I never ended up in that line of work.”


Fred shrugged, "Lot of the girls I met doing it didn't mind it, some really regretted it. Guess it just depends on the place and person. Some clubs..." Fred shook his head as if trying to slog off slime, "I wouldn't re-enter on a best, invulnerability or not,"


“You make more money jacking cars and stereos than you can hope to strippin’ or hookin’,” Cammie said simply around a full mouth. “Three, going on four years and I never had to do either of those to make some quick cash.”


"You don't have to worry about cops or crazies as much though...at least where strippings' concerned," Fred pointed out, then a sour look burrowed into his face, "Though that's not always entirely true..."


“Some of the guys in those clubs are pretty skeevy. Oh, I did think about it. I even faked being a street walker a couple of times to get close enough to jack a guy’s wallet. When I realized they often didn’t have more than twenty dollars I went back to dodging cops and taking stereos,” she said with a shrug. “Cops I can handle. Horny old men? No.”


Fred chuckled a little, "The first should be taking care of the second if you ask me." He went to the fridge, and grabbed a large carton of orange juice. He brought it back to the table and popped the top open, "Figured I'd get my own drink. Didn't want you to have to share yours..."


“Yeah, mine’s not something most people like. And you’d think so, but it’s a truth of the universe there’s never a cop around when you need one,” Cammie pointed out.


"The secret I learned out there about cops is this: they're just like everyone else. Lotta genuinely good people. Lotta douchebags," Fred gulped down a large amount of the orange juice, he sighed as he set it down, and wiped his mouth on the sleeve of his raincoat, "You were talking about late night TV before. Any chance you've ever caught the Upright Citizen's Brigade on reruns?"


“Once or twice. I’m more into fighting and violence,” Cammie admitted, “And you say that, but cops have always been douchebags to me. Of course, the way I made my living doesn’t make cops happy.”


"You can't really begrudge them doing their jobs," Fred said, "And I got plenty of fighting and violence in my real life to want to see it on TV. Comedy, though? Not so much..."


“Sure I can. Their jobs got in the way of my job, which boiled down to staying alive,” Cammie said, finishing off her drink, “And you think a guy like you would just be a barrel of laughs. I mean, you seem to have a decent sense of humor.”


"Me? Heh," Fred grinned sadly and tipped more orange juice into his mouth, "Most of the time people laugh at the fat guy, not with the fat guy,"


“Well, I’m not saying your thin. Or like a big version of Charlie Chaplin or anything. But you seem to have SOME sense of humor.”


"World would be a cold place if we didn't laugh at it once in awhile, ya know?" Fred said, as he drank the last of the orange juice. "Speaking of which, you said you liked violence in your entertainment?" Fred stood up and threw away the carton. He smiled when he turned back to Cammie, "I think I have just the thing for you. Wait here." he said, and made his way quickly up the stairs to his room.


“If you’re not bringing back porn I’m going to be very disappointed!” Cammie called after him.

Fred made his way back into the kitchen, "Better than porn. Troma Movies." Fred sat a large sleeve of DVDs in front of Cammie, "Toxic Avengers one through four. Class of Nuke'Em High one and two, Sgt. Kabukiman...all of them. The kind of gore and comedy you can only get from drug addicts and alcoholics with cameras."


“Toxic… avenger. That’s ironic naming for a movie for me to watch,” Cammie said, looking at the DVDs. “Right up my alley though.”


Fred smiled, "Actually, your drink made me think of them," Fred beamed as Cammie looked at the DVDs, obviously proud of his...eclectic collection, "And man, wait till you watch them. Bad effects, hodgepodge fighting scenes, bad kung-fu, corny dialouge...yea," Fred sighed, like a wine taster giving his educated opinion, "Troma sure makes a fine movie,"


“Well, if nothing else they’ll annoy my roommate,” Cammie said brightly. “And I do like bad kung-fu.”


"Which one is your roommate? The pointy earred red girl or the naked cat?" Fred asked, "I don't really have a lot of pure kung-fu, but I've got some..."


“My roommate is certifiable. And is Jane,” Cammie said. “Don’t worry, the longer I’m here the more I’ll build my own Kung Fu collection.”


"Don't think I've met Jane yet..." said Fred, "And if you're looking for good Kung Fu, watch Ong-Bak. Then again, if you're looking for funny Kung Fu, you gotta watch Shaolin Soccer and Kung Fu Hustle..."


“I’ve snuck into both of those movies,” Cammie said with a laugh. “Kung Fu hustle was just crazy. And I like the old school movies that used to be on early in the morning. Like Five Deadly Venoms or Snake in Eagle’s Shadow and all of those.”


"When it comes to older ones, I've still gotta soft spot for the original Legend of Drunken Master" Fred smiled, "Jackie Chan in his prime, and the humor of the movie translates pretty well, all things considered..."


“I always thought the whole drunken fighting would be great to learn and then I’d realize I can’t get drunk,” she said with a grin.


Fred scratched his head as he returned Cammie's grin, "I've fought drunks before, and to be honest, I'm kinda glad most of 'em can't fight too well..."


“Best drunken move I’ve seen in real life was a guy who slipped on a puddle of beer and cut his friend pretty bad with a broken bottle,” she said thinking back. “Drunk people think they can fight. But… unless you’re Jackie Chan, you can’t.”


"That may be the best thing anyone has said in the history of ever," Fred looked around for anyone, "Hey, If you're not sleeping any time soon, you wanna watch the first Toxic Avenger with me? I hadn't watched it in a while myself..."


“Sure, I could get into that,” Cammie said with a grin. “Just don’t expect me to eat popcorn or eat anything that I eat…”


Fred shook his head as he stood up and grabbed the DVDs and his book, "The only thing I expect is for your life to change after you see these movies, madam..." and waved his hand toward the rec room, "After you,"