Jay & Sam

[x-icarus.livejournal.com]

In a talk after class, the Guthrie brothers resolve their differences and come to realize they hardly know each other.

Like his brother said, it wasn't hard to find him. He waited until all the kids filed out of Sam's classroom before stepping in the door, crossing his arms and leaning against the frame.

"Hey," he said, tossing a nod to the elder of the two.

Sam had started to head out of the class when Jay stepped in, which made him stop a few feet from the door. He offered a big smile and he was honestly glad to see any Guthrie. "Hey. What's up?" He asked in the casual way of greeting, not expecting anything specific to be mentioned.

He stepped in further and closed the door behind him. "All right. Ah know Ah stepped outta line and Ah'm sorry. Ah shouldn't have said some of the things Ah said," he confessed.

The eldest stepped forward and put his hand on his brother's shoulder. "I didn't handle things the best either. I figure we're both trying to improve and that's important." He winced after he said it. Jay tended to get annoyed when Sam talked like that.

He didn't really like the contact but it was his brother, no one he wanted to keep at bay. "It's fine Sam. You don't have to watch what you say around me. Ah ain't here to fight with you." Slipping past Sam, he put space between them, moving to sit on the edge of the desk, crossing his arms and legs.

Sam followed, sitting at his desk. "I want to say the right things... maybe more then you want to hear them. Sometimes I just don't know what it is."

Shifting, he pushed off the desk and sat on top of the ones across from Sam's desk, wanting his space. "Stop tryin' so hard."

"That's what I did before." Jay was confusing to Sam. The older was simple, direct, rural. Even though they grew up together, the younger was much more modern and urban; that meant complicated. "Didn't work out like I expected."

He shook his head. "You ain't gettin' it again. You never did. Stop tryin' to be Dad, tryin' to fix everything. Even before all this happened, you just kept tryin'. We're all older now. Just cause Ah want you there, don't mean Ah want you fix me, yanno? Ah'm dealin' with mah own shit just fine. Ah'm gettin' help, Ah'm okay." He didn't want Sam's help. He only wanted Sam there, a presence and nothing more.

"Yeah Jay. I get I'm not Dad." Sam didn't have much more to say about the topic. Despite Jay's constant reminders, Sam was the oldest Guthrie. That carried a responsibility and even more with how many siblings they had.

"See? That's all you hang on to, the 'Ah get Ah'm not dad' bit. Did ya hear anything else Ah said?" He could hear something in Sam's voice, disappointment? A stubbornness that no matter what Jay said, he would always be treated like a son to Sam rather than his brother.

"I hear you Jay, but brothers want to help and fix things too. Big brothers even more so. I'm not trying to fix you because you don't need fixing. I'm trying to help you because everyone needs help and that's what big brothers do. If you want me to act like one of your friends then I won't because we're not just friends. We're more than that." If Jay thought he got tired of hear Sam spouting off lessons, he should know that the blonde got tired of saying them.

There was that old Guthrie stubborn streak, as bright as ever. He refrained from reminding Sam he wasn't their father again. "That's mah problem with this whole 'we're more than that'. Well, Ah'll tell ya somethin'. We ain't more than that. You barely know me. All ya know is that Ah like music, dated a few guys, had a couple of problems but ya don't go beyond that. Ah ain't sayin' you should be the only one, but all ya do is see if everythin' workin' alright. If it ain't, ya try and fix it, then go do your own thing with the team until the next thing pop's up that needs fixin'."

"Are you saying you want to go shooting, mudding, or drinking with me, Jay? I didn't figure you'd want to do any of the 'friends' stuff I do with me." It could actually be a good compliment. Most older brothers were very aware that their younger brothers wanted to follow them around and do everything with them. Sam never looked at Jay like that, though. He was always very independent and had strong interests that seemed to make him feel accepted. It never occurred to Sam that he might not have properly accepted Jay.

"Somethin' like that. Whatever you want. Right now, you're like a stranger to me, preachin' the good holy lessons whenever you get the chance." His easy, lopsided smile replaced the frown and nodded. "Ah ain't the baby boy anymore. Ah'm a man and yeah, Ah flew off the handle the other day, like a three year old stompin' mah feet, but ya sure have a way of makin' me feel like that instead of someone who can legally drink."

"Momma still makes me feel like a little kid too. I think that's just how it is sometimes. If you want to do something more social we can do that, though. You just set something up and I'll be there." Sam smiled back. He liked the idea of going out with Jay and doing something he wanted to do in order to connect.

"Okay," he nodded again, brushing a hand through his hair and stood up. "Ah'll let ya know when Ah got somethin' figured out for us, all right?"

"Sounds good." Sam gave his little brother another big smile, standing up as well to head out of the classroom with him. He had office work to get done so that he could be ready for anything Jay wanted to do.