xp_logs | Angelo and Paige, late Saturday night

These stairs were getting to be a little too familiar for Paige's liking. She could wander them in the dark, on one foot, with both hands tied behind her back at this point. She paused in front of Angelo's door for too long of a moment, just out of view, and stared. Paige was beginning to hate medlabs. She tapped at the door with her fingertips, in case he was asleep.

Angelo was, in fact, not asleep. This was partly due to the cold of the medlab, partly the remaining pain, and partly simple fear of the dreams that had been coming more and more often lately. Hearing the tap at the door, he raised his head to call, "Come in."

Paige closed her eyes and took a breath, willing herself calm. She opened the door, peeking in. "Hi," she said quietly, smiling from the corner of her mouth.

Angelo had turned on the bedside lamp as soon as he heard the knock on the door. Seeing her, he smiled in return. "Paige! Hey."

"Did I wake you?" She stepped into the room, closing the door behind her with a soft click. Her back rested against it for a moment before coming closer.

"No, I wasn't asleep", Angelo told her, eyeing her with some concern. "Come over here, sit down." He gestured to the chair by the bed.

Paige did as he asked, tucking herself into the chair with her legs folded. "I thought you might have been. The light was off."

Angelo sighed. "I was tryin'. Just not havin' that much luck. So, no, you didn't wake me up."

"You're getting your accent back," she said, out of no where, a random observation.

Angelo paused, realizing she was right. "Yeah, I guess I am. Not sure why." He shrugged.

Paige shrugged in return, pulling her arms around herself. "It's not a big deal. Picking it up from the other people here I guess."

Angelo nodded. "Maybe so." He hesitated, before changing the subject. "So, how you doin'?"

Paige giggled a little, reminded of Joey from the "Friends" DVDs that Bobby was forcing her to watch. "I'm all right. How about you?"

"Better", came the answer. "Missed you, though", he continued with the slightest hint of reproach in his voice, though he was trying to stifle it.

Paige's insides stilled and she turned away to stare at the tiled floor. "Yeah... Missed you too."

Angelo reached for her hand and just squeezed it silently, knowing he'd hurt her and not knowing what to say.

She didn't pull away, but certainly move into the touch. Her head was swimming with streams of words, thoughts, accusations, tearful admissions, and she couldn't bring herself to say any of them. Half-heartedly she curled her fingers around his, the room going grey as as she half closed her eyes.

Angelo did the only thing he could think of - swung himself out of the bed and over to her side. Once there, he dropped into a crouch and wrapped his arms around her, not saying the thought in his head, which was "Why didn't you come to see me?"

Shuddering with the intake of her breath, Paige slipped her arms around him, rocking slightly. Her cheek had fallen to his shoulder, all the touches so ginger and tentative. So afraid that he might break. She tried to get that thin layer of control she'd kept up this entire week back, eyes closed tight.

Angelo rested his head against her shoulder, so very tired, not least from the lack of sleep. Suddenly, he found he couldn't keep the question in any longer and asked softly, dreading the answer, "Why... why haven't you been down before now?"

Paige pulled back, resting her elbows on her knees, her hands over her face. Her voice was quiet when she replied, hindered slightly by her palms. "I have. Just... not when you've been awake."

Angelo nodded. "See... I haven't exactly been sleepin' too much, this last week. So... either you've been leavin' right before I woke up every time - which'd be hard to plan - or not comin' down here at all since Amanda started the healin'." He sighed deeply, not wanting to hurt her, but needing to know. "So. Which was it?"

She didn't move but for the tenseness in her shoulders. "Neither. I've been here often, just not in this room."

Angelo nodded sadly, thinking he understood. "Wish you'd've come in..."

Paige raised her head, eyes smoldering and slightly red. "What do you want from me, Angelo? I'm sorry. I'm a horrible human being. I get that, okay? I get it!"

"You're not a horrible human being", Angelo said quietly, brushing at his own eyes in annoyance directed solely at himself. "But if you don't wanna see me, then you can tell me that. I'd rather know."

"It's not a matter of not wanting to see you," Paige said evenly. "It's a matter of not being able to see you." She shook her head and sunk back into her hands. "Nothing is coming out right."

Angelo looked at her in quiet despair. "It's okay", he muttered. "I understand."

"Do you?" Paige asked. "Do you understand how hard it is to see someone you love on fire? To wonder if they were going to die because you didn't get there fast enough? Didn't know how to take care of them while you waited for help to come? No, you don't understand, Angelo. The only person who probably does understand is Alex and he's /not here/! That doesn't bode very well!"

Angelo recoiled, moving back to the bed. "Great. So I don't understand. And I can't help. So what can I do?"

Paige dug half moons into her palms as she rocked slightly. "You're not dead. That's helpful."

"I'm sure it is", he said bitterly. "But what good am I to you, other than that? What do I do for you, 'cept scare you to death and hurt you?"

"Supposedly, occasionally, you love me."

"I do love you. But I don't have any solutions, no way to fix things. Look at me - I can't even manage a full night's sleep without waking up in a screaming fit, as Monet puts it." He sprang up from the bed and paced a little, glaring in the opposite direction to her.

"Monet's a bitch and can slit her throat for all I care." There was a underlying current that spoke that Monet could be switched with Paige at will. "You don't have to fix everything. Not everything is fixable."

He turned back to look at her, the despair raw in his eyes. "But it has to be", he said, suddenly vulnerable. "This has to be."

Paige looked up at him, her posture uncharacteristically poor and small. "Which this?"

Angelo glanced down. "I don't know..." he whispered, genuinely unsure which "this" he'd meant.

"Exactly. How can you fix something if you don't even know which something you're fixing?" She knew she was being hurtful, but damn if he was going to pull this on her and not have a way to back it up.

Angelo's head snapped back up, eyes filled with hurt and anger. "I don't know, okay! I've just told you I don't know!" He sank back onto the bed with his head in his hands, facing away from her. "I can't fix anything, I can't do anything, I can't even sleep, and I'm so tired..." He fell silent, carefully not looking in her direction.

Paige sighed quietly, rising from her chair to circle the bed and sit beside him. "Then sleep." Her hand stroked his hair with a gentle touch, matching the immediate lowering of her once biting tone.

Angelo sighed, leaning into her touch. "I've tried. Never seems to last more'n an hour..."

"You've never had me here before," she observed plainly, kissing his temple with soft lips. There was admission in her words.

Angelo looked up at her. "You'll stay?" he asked, with hope in his voice.

"Mhm. As long as you need me. Or want me." She moved her mouth to his ear as she whispered lowly.

"I'll always need you and want you", he whispered back, an arm sliding around her shoulders for his own comfort as much as hers.

Paige didn't reply to that; no more words for today. They only seemed to get her into trouble these days. She pushed him back a little, up by his collar. "Sleep."

Angelo lay back, pulling her with him, and wrapped his arms securely around her. "I'll try."

She didn't respond to that either, not with words, instead letting all the muscles in her tense frame relax. She moved close, slipping a leg protectively over him, fingers taking hold on his shirt.

Angelo let himself relax, soothed by her presence, and closed his eyes, hoping desperately that she'd be enough to keep the nightmares away.

So that's how Paige lay, perfectly still and with her eyes wide open. She could hardly fall asleep now, what with her breath still coming from the top of her lungs and begging to be gasped. Listening to the way Angelo's heart slowed as he fell into a much needed sleep she willed her own heart to do the same, instead of breaking his steady rhythm with it's insistant pounding and was forced to hold her breath for long counts if only to better hear. She didn't have the energy, the will to stay angry at Angelo and was disappointed at herself for bringing up her own fears in the first place. She'd have to be more careful in the future.

These thoughts were interrupted by Angelo's heart starting to speed up again, and he stirred restlessly in her arms, muttering almost inaudibly, but in clear distress.

Paige blinked, coming out her thinking place to raise her eyes up to Angelo. He'd grown warm, a thin sheen of sweat forming at his neck that shone in the low light of the medlab lamp. She slid up him, as carefully as she could, and lay over him, pushing back his hair. Her eyes were worried, forehead furrowing in distress. Was this what she looked like when on those days she "couldn't sleep"?

Angelo stirred again, and cried out, before starting to mumble again. "No. Guys. Please. Don't..."

"Angelo..." she murmured low, bending over next to his ear. Her hair brushed his face and smelled faintly of vanilla. "It's okay, alleycat. I'm here. I'm here, love."

Angelo stilled, slowly waking and becoming aware of her presence. "...Paige?"

"Mhm..." she rumbled in his ear, kissing it gently. "Me. Paige."

Angelo turned towards her, seeking comfort. "Guess it didn't work..."

Paige held him, uttering words soothing but hardly decipherable in the same low tone. She paused. "I'm sorry."

Angelo shook his head, too tired for vehemence. "Don't be. Least I didn't wake up screamin' this time..."

"Mm... progress." There was a line of something like bitter, but not at him more the situation, in her words. A racing stripe on a car if you would, decoration but hardly the entire vehicle. She kissed him again, still his shaking head.

Angelo leaned his head into her touch, wearily. "Stay", he said quietly, knowing she would - she'd already said so, after all - but needing to hear it.

Paige reassured him with his own knowledge. "You know I will. Not going anywhere."

"Good", Angelo murmured with a faint smile, leaning back in her arms, but not closing his eyes yet.

Paige pushed her hair back, behind her ear and sighed a little, remembering to breathe. "Good."

Angelo raised a sleepy hand to stroke her hair, the repetitive movements soothing him. "Never think I don't love you...", he said, apropos of their earlier conversation.

"I'm trying," she replied as simply as she could, not wanting to set herself off again.

Angelo nodded, accepting that as the best she could offer. "I do, though", he stated simply, making it an offer of his own.

Paige turned her head into his shoulder, eyes shielded from the dull light of the room by Angelo's shirt. "Okay. I love you."

Angelo gathered her into his arms as best he could while settling into hers. "My mouse", he whispered, slipping back into sleep.

She didn't answer to that, waiting for the telltale slowing of his breath before opening her eyes, lashes brushing against him. She'd be here when he woke up again.