xp_logs | Angelo and Marie, sometime this afternoon

After teaching European Lit, Marie half-skittered, half-flew down to the medlab to see Angelo. She skidded to a halt in front of his room and knocked on the door.

Angelo glanced up from his books. He hadn't been having much luck taking anything in - the lack of sleep didn't help - and was glad of the excuse to stop for awhile. "Come in!"

"Hey, Skin!" Marie breezed in, slightly out of breath from hurrying. She looked remarkably better than she had when she left. Looking at him, she paused and frowned. "You look like you haven't slept since I left." She put her books and papers down and came over.

"It's not quite that bad", Angelo said wryly. "You look like you had a good break."

"Yeah." Marie gave him an impish smile. "Quite." She sat down near Angelo and gave him a closer look. "Still with the bad dreams, then? It took me a long time to get over mine, at least to the point that I could sleep well."

"Still with the bad dreams", Angelo said quietly. "The doc's given me somethin' to stop them, but I'm not s'posed to use it too much."

"It's a start. I read your post on the journals, the long one." Marie took Angelo's hand in both of hers. Today the gloves were sheer and black, the warmth of her hands was shared quickly with his skin.

Angelo looked up at her, a flash of gratitude in his eyes. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. Thus the note re: you being awesome. You said it all beautifully, and I really respect you for being so honest and decent. I'm sorry more people didn't get the point."

Angelo shrugged. "Mr. Marko did, I think. He seemed to be bein' a bit more reasonable, anyway..."

"That helps. I had a godawful fight with him over the staff journal." Marie looked a little abashed. "He yanks my chain something fierce some days."

Angelo chuckled. "Hey, you're not the only one by a long way." He paused, before asking carefully, "Can you tell me what about?"

"The whole gun thing. /Not/ your fault." Marie sighed. "I don't know what got into me. I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with guns, but then again... I'd be lying if I said I weren't learning to use one to kill people. I get scared. I get scared that we'll lose people, lose you, like we lost John." She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "Like others who were lost. I panic. I don't care what you learn as long as you learn to trust us. And that's not the best way."

Angelo nodded. "I'm not gonna say I didn't think about leavin'", he told her honestly. "But I can't, even if Doc McCoy'd let me go."

"I know." Suddenly, she had tears in her eyes. "I just... I don't want to see you on the other side, you know? And you could end up there. We need everyone here we can get. I know that I'm not supposed to think of Us and Them, and I don't when it comes to humans and mutants. But I'd be lying if I said there wasn't an us and a them out there. It's not even... it's not even just about you. It's other crap that's in the way right now and I'm sorry." She shook her head and blinked her eyes clear.

Angelo reached out to her, alarmed by her tears. "Hey... you okay?"

"It's been hard. I was... I get off-kilter when I have new people." She tapped her head lightly. "Even if they don't last, they mess with my walls. The others get strong for a while and they colour everything."

Angelo nodded, unsure of what to say. "I'm not gonna leave", he reassured her softly. "For all it doesn't feel too safe here anymore, I got too many ties here now."

"I know exactly what you mean." Marie composed herself a little. "I didn't pick to be here. I came because I had no choice and I stayed for the same reason."

Angelo nodded again, squeezing her hand. "Think quite a few of us could say that."

"Do you know who they're talking about, when they talk about Magneto?" Marie looked at him curiously.

"Scott told me some about him, when we were drivin' here right when I arrived", he answered. "Anti-human guy, right?"

Marie nodded slowly. "I ended up here because he was after me," she said quietly. "I don't talk much about it. Being here, it was too much, and I ran. He got me when I did. The team, the X-Men, they got me back. That's why I stay. It's why I do what I do for them. I'd be dead otherwise and I'd have taken so many people with me..." Her voice got faint and her sight was distant before she came back to herself with a shake. "And now, more than ever, I really can't leave, even if I'd like to go."

Angelo reached out to hug her, remembering her troubles with the military and wanting so much to make it better, but not knowing how.

Marie hugged him back and put her head on his shoulder with a sigh. "I didn't want to come back," she admitted in a very small voice. "I was very happy where we were. But happy doesn't last. Not for people like me, anyway."

Angelo just held her tighter, hating to see her hurt. "Don't talk like that. I won't believe that's true, not for you."

"Do you know what I am, Angelo?" Marie pulled back a little to look at him. "Seriously. My mutation. Do you get it?"

"I know what you've told me, and what I've picked up from other people. No skin to skin touchin'. But Em, that doesn't mean you can't ever be happy..."

"Angelo." Marie stood up and paced the small room. "I take things from people. That's why the name Rogue. I steal life from humans. They die pretty quickly. I get their minds too. They can get stuck in mine if I'm not careful." She stopped and looked at him, her face pale. "From mutants, I steal their mutation first, and their minds, everything of who they are. The surface first and then it gets deep fast. So fast. If I hold on long enough, I can kill them. Are you with me so far?"

Angelo nodded, not speaking, just waiting for her to let it all out.

Marie crossed her arms, her hands shaking visibly. "I guess I want to tell you to see what happens." She took a deep breath and continued. "That's what Eric did to me. He gave me himself and his power so I could run his great mutation machine for him. It was going to kill him to do it, so he used me instead. The hair is a souvenir, not a fashion statement. He's in my head. Eric Lenscher. Forever. And it gets worse from there." Her legs were weak and so she sat down in the chair by the bed as though all the strength had gone out of her. "And here I came down to make you feel better. I'm sorry."

"Don't be", Angelo said softly. "It runs both ways, y'know, and you needed to say it." He reached out carefully to hold her hand. "I'm here to listen anytime."

"If I kill a mutant, Angelo, I keep their power." Marie's eyes were intense and she pulled her hand back. "I didn't come with the flying and the strength. A boy named Stanley had those. Only he died. And now I do. Can you see where this is going? Can you see what this makes me?"

Angelo looked at her, eyes equally intense. "Yes. And let me remind you of somethin', Marie - you didn't ask for this. You didn't want it, and you don't enjoy it. You are not a monster."

"No. But I could be. Because I have one inside me." She put her face in her hands. "And I know him really damn well. I don't mean to dump on you, Angelo, I just... I don't know if I can be friends with people if they don't get it. And I like being your friend."

Angelo half-grinned. "I like bein' your friend too. And I do get it, you know."

"Do you?" Marie looked up at him. "It helps when people do and it doesn't scare them. But when it doesn't, I think they don't get it." She laughed at herself a little. "Perverse, eh? There's not many people who really get it. Moira does. And Logan, he gets it. He knows it all too well. When I'm around people who don't, I'm just... I'm never just me. I'm holding my breath because if they knew..." She leaned back in her chair looking at Angelo. "Well, let's just say that I appreciate the ones who get it and who stick around."

"I'm not goin' anywhere", Angelo repeated. "God knows... well, let's just say there's stuff on me that people wouldn't necessarily get, either."

"I would." Marie said simply. "I can promise you that. You can't tell me anything that would rock me for long, Angelo, not with what's -- who's -- in my head."

Angelo grinned wryly. "Wouldn't know where to start", he said quietly.

"Start at the bottom," she suggested. "Work your way up."

Angelo glanced down. "Guess that'd be the part where I've been a killer since I was fourteen, an' I didn't even want to? Not then, anyway..."

Marie leaned forward and put her hand on his arm, reassuring him wordlessly.

Angelo didn't raise his head, but kept speaking. "I was stupid. Got caught by another gang, and I ended up draggin' a friend of mine in with me. An' they thought it'd be so much fun to give me a choice. Kill him, an' live - shoot one of them, an' die right there." His head dropped further.

"Oh, Angelo." Her other hand came up to stroke his hair.

"As you can see, I'm still here", he said flatly, letting that tell the rest of the story.

"I'm /so/ sorry." Marie pulled Angelo to her gently. "God. I am so sorry. What a fucking shitty deal."

"Way it was", Angelo told her quietly. "Wasn't the last time I killed."

"No. I bet it wasn't." She hung on to him for a long moment before pushing him back a little and lifting his chin so she could see his eyes. "I get it, Angelo."

Angelo nodded, meeting her gaze squarely. "I know you do. Most wouldn't."

"We can rest easy around each other." Marie gave him a crooked smile. "Let the rest of the world be innocent and work at keeping it that way."

"Exactly" Angelo answered. "Them as can still be kids should get to be..."

"Yeah. And people like you and me, we can find time to be kids once in a while too. If you forget how, someone will remind you." Marie leaned forward and kissed his hair. "I have class now, Skin. Gotta teach the little people how to bounce a basketball. You going to be okay?"

Angelo nodded. "I'll be fine. Doc Samson says I should tell more people this stuff anyway - he thinks it might help make the dreams stop..."

"Better and better." Marie got up and picked up her books from by the door. "Let me know if you need me to listen. I want you to get some sleep."

Another nod. "I'll try. And I will. Come back soon."

"Couldn't keep me away." Marie winked at him. "See you later." With that, she slipped out and closed the door behind her.