Lil and Nate

[x-diamondlil.livejournal.com]

At the end of a run, Lil comes across Nate and the two have a conversation about the bombing, children and marriage.



The weather really made no difference to her but after years of strange looks, Lil'd gotten into the habit of keeping her jogging indoors during the cold months until the seasons started to change. Now, though, with flowers starting to poke their heads out in the gardens, the Canadian was starting to explore the trails the grounds offered. She was on her way back to the mansion for her (first) dinner when she spied Nate on the deck of the boathouse and deciding her stomach could wait a few more minutes, trotted her way over. "So, I need to learn how to make more dangerous shots, eh?" the blonde chuckled.

"Remind me to acquire some fermented mare's milk the next time I'm in the right area of the world. Then I can combine it with vodka and show you what a real shot is," Nathan said, good-humoredly enough.

Lil's nose wrinkled at that as she laughed. "No, thank you. I don't drink shit like that unless it comes with a prize. Or on a dare from a certain Quebecois." She still had bad memories of the sushi night they had with the kids. "Good to know I didn't make your liver explode though."

"Eh." Nathan waved a dismissive hand, but smiled. "I've been drinking heavily since... well, maybe I'd better not go there. Makes me feel old." He paused for a moment. "I may still be off on what passes for stress leave, but I do keep up on the team database. You okay, after what happened?"

"Probably for as long as I've been alive," the blonde said with an impish gleam in her eyes. Her grin faded though with his question. One shoulder rose and fell non-nonchalantly. "Yeah, I guess. I mean there wasn't anything I could do. Got Samson and the two women out but the girl... it was already too late." Which really didn't matter when she closed her eyes and still saw the limp child in the doctor's arms.

"It never gets any easier. When it's kids, I mean." Nathan's eyes strayed in the direction of the door into the boathouse. "I used to see my son's face, on the children I encountered. Now it's Rachel's."

She nodded once, smile completely gone now. "Must be tough. Being a parent and having to deal with it." It was hard enough not being one. Lil swallowed hard and shifted her weight from foot to foot before pushing her hair from her face. "Rachel's a cute kid. She was adorable at the party. Don't think I've met your son, though."

Nathan smiled very faintly, an echo of sadness in his gray eyes. "I would explain why that is, but... well, can I just say it would be one of those awkward moments and I don't want you to feel uncomfortable?"

Lil frowned in confusion before realization finally dawned. "Oh. Oh! I'm sorry. I didn't - I mean, I didn't know. Shit. I'm sorry," she repeated, kicking herself. Fuck. Fuckfuckfuck. She bit her lower lip and turned apologetic eyes to the ground. "I... um... shit. I'm really sorry."

"...well, that worked." But Nathan shook his head at her apology. "No, it's my fault. I forget that not everyone on the team knows, or has read that deeply into my file." He paused, then shrugged. "He was killed... almost fifteen years ago, I guess."

The Amazon continued to frown as no other words came to mind. What could she say? Not the most eloquent person in casual circumstances, she was even more at a loss in awkward ones. "I'm sorry for your loss," was all Lil could offer him. Fifteen years was a long time, yes, but the pain that came with death of a child was something she assumed never went away. "W-What was his name?"

"Tyler. Strange to think he would have been turning twenty-one." Nathan shook his head again. "Again, it makes me feel old," he went on, trying to force a little lightness into his voice. "Then again, most things do. The students get younger every year. So do the trainees. You're a nice exception to that - X-Men who aren't old enough to drink are a little unnerving at times."

Her lips twitched slightly, tugging up into a hint of a smile. "Can't imagine how you feel, really. I'm twenty-three and they make me feel old. You gotta be nearing 'ancient,'" Lil teased, determined to get off the topic of dead children. "Dunno how I feel about being drunk under the table by any Old Man besides Logan, though."

"I'm sure you'll live," Nathan said, very dryly. "We all need our come-uppance at times. Keeps us humble."

That made Lil laugh. "That's not what keeps me humble. Being tossed around the gym by a man who I've got half a foot on does. Trust me, I know where I stand with my elders. Well, most of them anyway."

One of the deck chairs dragged itself several inches towards Lil was standing, in invitation. "Oh?" Nathan raised an eyebrow. "Any particular elders you're wondering about? I am a telepath, remember. Being a shameless eavesdropper kind of comes along with the territory."

She quirked a brow at the chair before dropping into it and laughing again at his question. "No, no evesdropping necessary. I'd rather not know." At least with the men in New York. What was going to happen would but that didn't stop her from wondering about the one she left back home. "How far's your range and can you pick at the brain of a man who's probably more machine than human now?" Lil asked with a dry chuckle.

"Not far enough to reach Canada, but if he was close enough..." Nathan gave her his best 'I'm a nosy telepath, don't hit me' look.

Wrinkling her nose, Lil shook her head, causing her ponytail to dance along her shoulders. "He's not coming here anytime soon, trust me. Dunno if I'd want him to, either." The blonde woman sighed and melted into the seat for a moment before leaning forward and fixing him with a serious gaze. "How do you do it? Balance your family and your work? I mean, we aren't much of a family right now but it's really possible Madison and I are gonna end up working in Alpha together and I... I don't even know where to begin with him when I go back home."

Nathan gave the question some serious consideration. It deserved it. "Well, to be fair," he finally said, "it helps that my wife is a workaholic, as well. She understands having a passion for your work. Part of the trick is to realize that what you want is quality time, not necessarily quantity time. Mind you," he conceded, "it's harder, with Rachel. Especially with her and Moira splitting their time between here and Scotland."

Eyes traveled to the place where her wedding band used to sit and Lil absently rubbed the place as she took in his answer. "Maddy and I don't have kids," the blonde said finally, working hard at keeping her expression neutral. "And we aren't going to be in other countries - knock on wood," Lil added quickly before continuing. "But how do you keep work from coming first?"

"Sometimes you don't," Nathan admitted. "But that's all right, too, so long as you don't make it a habit. There's no magical formula, Lil - it's more like juggling, trying to get a proper rhythm going. Sometimes you'll drop a ball or two. It's all right as long as you're willing to pick them back up and keep trying."

She wanted to ask what if Madison didn't but held back. He wasn't a shrink she was paying for therapy. Instead, the Canadian nodded her gratitude and pushed herself out of the chair. "Thanks for the advice. I appreciate it," she told him, chewing on her bottom lip again. "You probably have other things you need to do instead of listening to me whine, though and I should be getting back for dinner."

"I didn't hear any whining," Nathan said as she rose. "Just... questions that don't have easy answers. Which doesn't mean that you can't make it work." She seemed like she needed a little encouragement.

"If only it was that easy. S'hard to make things work when they're three people in your marriage and only one of them is trying to save it." Lil sighed and offered him another weak smile. "It's nice to know that it's possible though; to have see proof it could work even if I'm no more sure it's meant for me than when I arrived here."

"If it's any consolation," Nathan said more lightly, "it took Moira and I years to get our act together. Or wait, no - that's probably depressing."

"No, it's not," she assured him. "It's been years. Seven since we've been together with three married." Green eyes turned back to him and her brow drew into a tight line. "Can I ask a personal question? Rachel. She came along after you got your act together I'm guessing?"

"Shortly thereafter," Nathan said drolly. "She was a surprise. A pleasant one, mind you."

Lil nodded again, thoughts clearly spinning in her head. About what-ifs and maybes. About roads not taken and the paths trod that had lead to places unfathomed. "She's beautiful." the blonde said with another tiny smile. "Thank you, Nathan, again but I should be going."