Kevin & Jay | Monday Afterrnoon
May. 11th, 2009 01:40 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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xp_logsJay decides to fly across the country for reasons that don't add up to Kevin. The dissolution of whatever remained of their connection results.
Jay had to come. Of course he did. Kevin would never hear him out over the phone and though it was an easy flight over the course of a few hours, Jay was still fairly awake to come all this way when his feet touched down on a layout that was very familiar. Just like Xaviers. Almost. It wasn't really what he was expecting but then, he wasn't entirely sure what he had been expecting. Maybe a loft? An apartment? Somewhere it was busy, with lots of traffic, just like New York. Instead, it was serene and enjoyable, bringing up memories and a specific fondness for the fresh scents that tickled his senses.
Now it was just a matter of finding Kevin before Kevin spotted him.
Kevin had spent most of his morning running and tackling the military-style obstacle course that was on the grounds. There was more stuff like that here than at the mansion in Westchester, Kevin assumed because they didn't have a Danger Room at the annex. He'd showered afterward and had headed out to the small, wooden shed that he'd claimed as his own months ago. The various metal sculptures around it gave its purpose away, as did the pile or scrap and sheet metal leaning against one side of it. There were a few completed sculptures off to one side, all in excess of five feet in height. The others were in various stages of completion, not that Kevin thought anyone would ever figure that out.
He was far enough from the main house that the music streaming out of the shed was loud enough to drown his thoughts too. The repetitive, pulsing beat of Rotersand carried through the air to where Kevin was at an anvil, hammer hitting the metal he was shaping in time with the music. Working on metal was always when Kevin was likely to have his gloves off, but at the annex he'd gotten used to use a level of privacy and space from the few others in residence that he didn't worry about stripping down to the ribbed tank that no one ever saw under his layers, or stripping down entirely from the waist up. The sun and the heat made it too tempting to shed the layers that kept him insulated and sweating the rest of the time.
He needed to find his bearings before he went in search of Kevin. The flight had taken a lot out of him physically and an hour rest would have been better, but excitement of his surprise visit coursed through his veins. He was anxious to see Kevin, knowing that that, in itself, was probably a bad thing. He could hear the music some ways away and it drew him to go investigate, just to see what was the appeal of being here as opposed to the mansion. Not that he knew exactly why Kevin left and stayed gone while he had come back, but it had put a strain on them as a whole. He knew Kevin wouldn't be happy to see him and he wasn't expecting a grand welcome but he was hoping for some reaction, a false sense of hope to see that he still cared.
Walking out the tingling feeling in his legs, just to get the circulation going again, he bypassed a group of trees, taking in the fact that they were in full flower. It was late in the day and he shielded his eyes, rounding the property to hear the familiar clang of someone working metal.
He should have known it was Kevin. Should have known.
He knew the movements, the strain in the muscles that he had longed to trail his hands over and bask in the familiar musky scent of his ex's sweat. Sweat he would have very much liked to lick off and followed up with a kiss. His stomach stirred at the thought and he should have pushed it out of his mind but it was hard to, approaching his ex from behind. He was very uncomfortable physically and it was startling what sort of impact Kevin still had on him. Still. Even in their separation, Jay's feelings for him were strong as before, if not stronger and his wings stirred in his spine. That was a weird feeling.
But he couldn't. He could not do this again and squelched the thought, running a hand over his face. It only resulted in him chewing his bottom lip.
Yelling wasn't his thing at this point and he rounded in front of Kevin, waiting to be seen and running a hand through his hair.
Kevin had spotted the motion out in the periphery of his vision and at first hadn't reacted. Sometimes someone came wandering past and went on their way without a word. Sometimes a Jamie came to say hi and hang out and check up on Kevin, or at least that's how he'd always interpreted it. But when the body attached to the movement stopped in front of the anvil and remained silent Kevin got curious. His hammer struck and then paused as his eyes rolled up to see who it was. He didn't stand up straight, fully intending to go right back to work, but then the blue filled his field of vision and Kevin shot up abruptly.
No, his eyes weren't lying to him. Blue skin, red hair and those eyes. It was always the eyes that got the attention. Kevin was torn between reactions, not really sure how he felt about Jay suddenly being there in California standing in front of him. Mostly he just didn't know. Jay wanted to be his friend, he'd told Jay he couldn't be Jay's friend. Was this Jay just pushing the friendship issue? If it wasn't then he really had no idea what the guy was doing there. Realizing he was standing there staring with his jaw slack and mouth hanging open, Kevin snapped his mouth shut and cleared his throat. "What're you doin' here?"
Jay stood there, awkwardly and ran a hand through his hair, tucking his hands under the armpits of his black hoodie, conscious of the habit. "Ah came to see you," he replied simply. He had deeper reasons for coming but that one as a whole seemed to be the right way to answer this, like he was sidelining the question with an obvious answer.
It was criminal to look at Kevin, those piercing blue eyes staring back at him, obviously over analyzing what he was doing there, with a hint of suspicion as though Jay was going to push the issue of them. "Yeah, Ah just uh.. was in the area..." he cleared his throat, placing a hand on his lower back and brushing his free hand through his hair again. "Yanno, checking stuff out and uh, Ah uh, thought Ah'd just come and see ya. See how yer doing. Maybe you want some help with that uh... Thing-er.. there." He gestured to the anvil and the current piece of metal Kevin was working on.
At this point, Jay was very happy he wasn't a normal colour anymore because his cheeks would have been turning red. Under the sun, it was difficult to tell other than the fact that his cheeks turned a dark blue.
"Goddamn it's hot." Now that he was standing still under the beating rays of the sun, he was sweltering in his sweater and didn't want to take it off but he couldn't help it. He had to. At least he had a black concert t-shirt on and it effectively hid what he did not want others to see.
"You were in the area? What, you go to Mexico?" Kevin had known it was just some stupid, throwaway excuse but Kevin wasn't under any obligation to let Jay get away with it. When they were dating he'd have let it slip. When they were doing that stupid together but not thing he'd have just pretended it made sense. But, really, fuck that. Kevin did not want to be Jay's friend. He was pretty damn sure he wasn't even capable of it. Part of his internal reaction to Jay's presence was almost violent. He remembered the last time they'd broken up. The last time Jay wanted to be friends. The last time he'd told Jay they couldn't be. And the last time he'd nearly withered Jay's face off in his frustration and addiction to his powers. It was a totally different situation now. Now Kevin had something resembling control of his powers even if he couldn't turn them off. But that was still the association in Kevin's mind and on some level it made him recoil from Jay entirely. It overrode that part of him that still wanted Jay.
"Course it's hot, Jay, we're near the equator. It gets hot. If you were in the area for long you'da known that." He shook his head and reminded himself to be calm. Games, it was always games between them and Kevin was sick of it. He tried to get the bite out of his tone when he spoke again. "So why're you really here, Jay? We're not friends and I told you we weren't gonna be. We're not anything. But you're in the area three thousand miles from where you're livin'? Why you come here? The real reason this time."
Kevin's tone threw Jay, immediately setting a frustration that laced through him at the sharp tone. He'd nearly took it as a condescending one but rationally knew that Kevin wasn't like that. At first as was habit, he nearly bent to it, his will being much weaker than Kevin's but instead, he righted himself and frowned. "Look, don't talk to me like that," he bit back. "Ah ain't flyin' this many miles to get mah ass chewed out." He didn't know exactly how many miles he had flown but he had half a mind to fly back by plane if he could afford it. Maybe he'd just ask Jean-Paul to meet him half way.
"Ah came to see you," he said, crumpling his hoodie and tossing it to a nearby lounge chair. Rolling his shoulders in irritation, his spine stirred again like it was restless. He blamed the flight and lack of sleep though he had taken breaks, it hadn't been nearly enough. He wanted to know if this was how it was always going to be between them, that Kevin reached for a harsher tone instead of his normal soft spoken ways.
Dropping himself in the chair, Jay obviously wasn't going anywhere for the moment and he picked at the threaded bracelets that lined his left and right arm, bracelets that he had received from his sisters in the mail--the latest thing in popularity over there. Melody even went so far as to send him a colour array of elastics, telling him that it went with his red wings. Of course his mama wouldn't tell the girls, he never expected her to drop the news on someone so young, but it still made him sore to think that they didn't know him. His own fault. Everything seemed to be his own fault lately, Kevin included.
"Ah think you should go to prom," he said finally.
"So why did you fly this many miles? You just can't stand to let the wound heal? Gotta rip it open and pour salt on it? Rub it in just to make sure it burns? We said all we got to say to each other last month, Jay. You gotta get your stuff straight and Ah ain't part of that. Ah won't be your friend so what's left for you to fly here for? Nothin' less you just can't be bothered to let me get on with life." His voice had softened even though his words hadn't. Kevin was obviously frustrated with Jay, with his presence, with the way everything fluctuated between there and not with them. They weren't anything, they certainly weren't anything worth flapping your wings for three thousand miles or so.
None of it made any sense to Kevin He kept trying to make it make sense and he failed every time. Somehow despite his words, despite the clipped, short tone he'd begun with Jay was settling in. He was staying. Getting comfortable. Kevin had gotten a great distraction with Yvette coming here for her spring break and even a little beyond it. He'd been able to refocus and accept things. He and Jay were not going to be together. They had been starting to achieve a sort of level of normalcy with their dynamic, their relationship. But it was over and it was going to remain so. He'd started to be okay with that. Kevin could point out the chronology of the sculptures currently erected about them by looking at the shapes of the metal and the way they'd bent and come together. He could tell you that the ones with the jagged edges he made when he first had returned from Westchester in April and that the one with the flowing, organic lines to it was put together most recently. The progression of his emotions showed in his art. He felt like jagged edges again.
Kevin ignored the comment about prom, remembering all too vividly what the last year's prom had brought. A load of annoyance and frustration and fighting between himself and Jay because Kevin had agreed to be a friend's date.
"Stop actin' like a butterfly with a broken wing. Ah flew here cause Ah think you should go to prom," he said, ignoring Kevin's persistence with them not being friends. He was Kevin's friend whether he liked it or not. Whether they liked it or not, they had to weather this and Jay was trying to be ready for it, to move forward and to do that, he knew he had to take a few steps back, even if it meant a great deal of opening wounds. "Ah ain't meanin' to hurt you Kev. Ah just know if Ah called, you'd hang up on me." He raised his brows, sliding a converse under the seat as he leaned back and crossing his arms. The metal spine bit into his flesh and he did his best to ignore it, shifting slightly even though the agitation grew. "You ain't gonna run from me. Ah won't let you. We been through too much," he said, rubbing the toe of his converse in the dirt, letting the silence stretch between them.
"If ya can't fix it, ya gotta stand it." It was an all too familiar quote from one of his favourite movies and it rang truth between them. With Jay's changes, he felt he could never put himself back together and Kevin didn't need that. They didn't need that. He'd only lean on Kevin harder because of it. "You know Ah love you, so don't treat me bad cause Ah'm doin' what Ah think is right for us - for you too." It was difficult to admit that he wanted Kevin still, but this was him picking up the pieces in the best way he knew how.
"Ah've got no reason to go to a prom's not mine," Kevin pointed out with a tone that made it all too apparent he thought this should be obvious and common sense. "We been through enough. And it's over. So accept it already because Ah'm sick of repeatin' myself. Go see Jamie or Kitty or someone. They might like a visitor. Ah don't want one, don't need one and Ah'm already sick of you playin' games with me again." They'd done this entire dance about this time last year or so. Kevin didn't understand why Jay was surprised how it was going. There were only so many potential outcomes of the same situation under similar circumstances. What was Jay expecting?
Kevin went back to hammering away at his metal, dismissing Jay from his focus. Before he'd been making his strikes light so that he could create a gentle curve, but now each strike came down with force and he began to completely obliterate the soft sweep he had been working on. The metal became a channel for the torrent of emotions inside of him and Kevin let it go. That was something he'd been learning with his therapist here, how to let the metal take things out of him, how to let them flow into the hammer and the saw and every other tool he used. He had learned to not let things build up but to use art as a true catharsis so he wasn't funneling the same things into every piece he made.
He and Kyle had always got on well. It had been a little rough to begin with but with time, Jay had let go and Kyle had moved forward. But he knew this was different. One hadn't cheated and hurt the other. The separation was what hurt them and he felt he could only tell Kevin what he knew. That he needed Kevin in his life, he needed him but he couldn't explain why. He had disappeared, should have been dead and all the things that had went unsaid between them, well, Jay wasn't so stupid to let it happen again. But he didn't want to cause Kevin pain like this. Not like this and he would never leave like this.
"Ah don't get why you're so mad. We wasn't nuttin' when Ah..." When he died? Disappeared? "It ain't like Ah can touch you now Kev." His stomach turned and the hole in his heart carved a deeper hole. "We was always like good friends. Nuttin' with benefits, 'cept... well, 'cept contact through clothes." He sighed, annoyed that the hammering was drowning out his words and resolved to sit back and watch his ex. No, he wasn't going anywhere yet. He hadn't just flown this far to be pushed away like this.
Kevin stopped short in his hammering and stared at Jay, shock on his face. Did he really just say that? Was Jay really stupid enough to just say that to Kevin? "No, we weren't anything," Kevin repeated, tone harsh and low. "Not when you were attacked and went missing, not that whole summer before and definitely not when we held that 'relationship' title over us. Go away, Jay. I don't wanna see you. I don't wanna talk to you. I don't want nothin' to do with you. Maybe this time you'll listen." Kevin pulled up the partially worked metal up and went inside the shed to lay it down. He was done here.
The tank top he wore was stripped off so that Jay would have less area to touch him as he was left bare from his low slung pants and up. His gloves were shoved into a cargo pocket on his left leg and his two shirts he'd been wearing that day were in his hand when he emerged again. Kevin ignored Jay and went about locking up the shed.
"Godamnit Kev, that wasn't what Ah meant and you know it." He knew he said it wrong, explained it wrong but also Kevin should have known that wasn't what he meant. But then again, Kevin was grabbing for anything to get mad at Jay and that was the perfect thing. This wasn't going as well as he thought. He expected Kevin to be mad but not this mad, but then, he hadn't said the most intelligent thing right there. "Can't you just stop for a second and stop makin' me feel like Ah'm some bad guy? Ah didn't even come here to wreck you or mess you up. Ah ain't playing games goddamnit. Ah'm just wantin' you to come to prom cause it would make Yvette happy." He didn't add that he wanted to see Kevin too, even if it was just from afar.
He pushed out of his chair and stood up, snatching up Kevin's tank top and whipping it around his hand before he grabbed Kevin by the bicep, forcefully turning him around. The strength in the pull was balanced by the wings that suddenly shifted out, aggressive despite Jay trying not to be so. "Kev stop it," Jay snapped, his eyes glistening. His hand shifted to Kevin's collarbone, trying to steady him, trying to ground them and bring them back to some semblance of normalcy. He was very aware of how close he was to his ex, but then, Jay was also aware of keeping his skin off Kevin. "Ah didn't mean it," he said in a tighter tone, one that was pained by Kevin turning away from him. "Ah didn't mean it," he repeated.
"Then you shouldn't have said it," Kevin said in a growl. He glared at the hand on him and made a snap decision. He wasn't playing this anymore. He laid a bare hand against the center of Jay's chest and focused on spreading. He watched the decay the move over Jay's shirt, eating away the top layer of fibers but spreading to cover the entirety of the shirt rather than moving through the material to what lay beneath. When Kevin pulled his hand away there was a threadbare semblance of a shirt, barely more thin in any place than a single thread. The decay had been uniform and controlled, but he hoped he'd made his point.
"Now get off me or it ain't your shirt Ah touch next. You want a reminder? There it was. Now fuck off." Kevin almost never swore. He could only remember a handful of times since he was maybe fifteen or so when he had. Most of those times involved Jay.
Jay inhaled sharply when Kevin placed his hand over his shirt and stripped him completely of his shirt, leaving very little in remains. His entire body drew up and Jay straightened, his bare hand gripping Kevin's wrist hard and his eyes narrowed dangerously, a forceful shove with Jay's forearm clothes lining Kevin. It was enough to force Kevin to stumble back and Jay's entire demeanor darkened like it never had before.
"Don't ever fuckin' touch me." His wings bristled, following the threat and he turned around so abruptly that it could have been an entirely different person that left that shed and took flight.
Kevin didn't stumble much, only a step or two. He looked otherwise unfazed despite the abrupt and complete change in Jay. Kevin hadn't bothered to control where his powers went when Jay had grabbed his wrist or when he'd shoved him back. So far as he was concerned Jay touched him at his own risk and the layers of skin that he knew would be gone were Jay's own doing. He wouldn't be surprised if the palm of Jay's hand was mummified and layers down to the muscle had decayed and blown off in the breeze. Jay would heal, he knew that.
Jay flew off and Kevin watched his form grow smaller in the sky. Maybe this time he'd stay gone, Kevin thought. Maybe he'd finally get the point that Kevin didn't want him around, not as anything. Not anymore.
Jay had to come. Of course he did. Kevin would never hear him out over the phone and though it was an easy flight over the course of a few hours, Jay was still fairly awake to come all this way when his feet touched down on a layout that was very familiar. Just like Xaviers. Almost. It wasn't really what he was expecting but then, he wasn't entirely sure what he had been expecting. Maybe a loft? An apartment? Somewhere it was busy, with lots of traffic, just like New York. Instead, it was serene and enjoyable, bringing up memories and a specific fondness for the fresh scents that tickled his senses.
Now it was just a matter of finding Kevin before Kevin spotted him.
Kevin had spent most of his morning running and tackling the military-style obstacle course that was on the grounds. There was more stuff like that here than at the mansion in Westchester, Kevin assumed because they didn't have a Danger Room at the annex. He'd showered afterward and had headed out to the small, wooden shed that he'd claimed as his own months ago. The various metal sculptures around it gave its purpose away, as did the pile or scrap and sheet metal leaning against one side of it. There were a few completed sculptures off to one side, all in excess of five feet in height. The others were in various stages of completion, not that Kevin thought anyone would ever figure that out.
He was far enough from the main house that the music streaming out of the shed was loud enough to drown his thoughts too. The repetitive, pulsing beat of Rotersand carried through the air to where Kevin was at an anvil, hammer hitting the metal he was shaping in time with the music. Working on metal was always when Kevin was likely to have his gloves off, but at the annex he'd gotten used to use a level of privacy and space from the few others in residence that he didn't worry about stripping down to the ribbed tank that no one ever saw under his layers, or stripping down entirely from the waist up. The sun and the heat made it too tempting to shed the layers that kept him insulated and sweating the rest of the time.
He needed to find his bearings before he went in search of Kevin. The flight had taken a lot out of him physically and an hour rest would have been better, but excitement of his surprise visit coursed through his veins. He was anxious to see Kevin, knowing that that, in itself, was probably a bad thing. He could hear the music some ways away and it drew him to go investigate, just to see what was the appeal of being here as opposed to the mansion. Not that he knew exactly why Kevin left and stayed gone while he had come back, but it had put a strain on them as a whole. He knew Kevin wouldn't be happy to see him and he wasn't expecting a grand welcome but he was hoping for some reaction, a false sense of hope to see that he still cared.
Walking out the tingling feeling in his legs, just to get the circulation going again, he bypassed a group of trees, taking in the fact that they were in full flower. It was late in the day and he shielded his eyes, rounding the property to hear the familiar clang of someone working metal.
He should have known it was Kevin. Should have known.
He knew the movements, the strain in the muscles that he had longed to trail his hands over and bask in the familiar musky scent of his ex's sweat. Sweat he would have very much liked to lick off and followed up with a kiss. His stomach stirred at the thought and he should have pushed it out of his mind but it was hard to, approaching his ex from behind. He was very uncomfortable physically and it was startling what sort of impact Kevin still had on him. Still. Even in their separation, Jay's feelings for him were strong as before, if not stronger and his wings stirred in his spine. That was a weird feeling.
But he couldn't. He could not do this again and squelched the thought, running a hand over his face. It only resulted in him chewing his bottom lip.
Yelling wasn't his thing at this point and he rounded in front of Kevin, waiting to be seen and running a hand through his hair.
Kevin had spotted the motion out in the periphery of his vision and at first hadn't reacted. Sometimes someone came wandering past and went on their way without a word. Sometimes a Jamie came to say hi and hang out and check up on Kevin, or at least that's how he'd always interpreted it. But when the body attached to the movement stopped in front of the anvil and remained silent Kevin got curious. His hammer struck and then paused as his eyes rolled up to see who it was. He didn't stand up straight, fully intending to go right back to work, but then the blue filled his field of vision and Kevin shot up abruptly.
No, his eyes weren't lying to him. Blue skin, red hair and those eyes. It was always the eyes that got the attention. Kevin was torn between reactions, not really sure how he felt about Jay suddenly being there in California standing in front of him. Mostly he just didn't know. Jay wanted to be his friend, he'd told Jay he couldn't be Jay's friend. Was this Jay just pushing the friendship issue? If it wasn't then he really had no idea what the guy was doing there. Realizing he was standing there staring with his jaw slack and mouth hanging open, Kevin snapped his mouth shut and cleared his throat. "What're you doin' here?"
Jay stood there, awkwardly and ran a hand through his hair, tucking his hands under the armpits of his black hoodie, conscious of the habit. "Ah came to see you," he replied simply. He had deeper reasons for coming but that one as a whole seemed to be the right way to answer this, like he was sidelining the question with an obvious answer.
It was criminal to look at Kevin, those piercing blue eyes staring back at him, obviously over analyzing what he was doing there, with a hint of suspicion as though Jay was going to push the issue of them. "Yeah, Ah just uh.. was in the area..." he cleared his throat, placing a hand on his lower back and brushing his free hand through his hair again. "Yanno, checking stuff out and uh, Ah uh, thought Ah'd just come and see ya. See how yer doing. Maybe you want some help with that uh... Thing-er.. there." He gestured to the anvil and the current piece of metal Kevin was working on.
At this point, Jay was very happy he wasn't a normal colour anymore because his cheeks would have been turning red. Under the sun, it was difficult to tell other than the fact that his cheeks turned a dark blue.
"Goddamn it's hot." Now that he was standing still under the beating rays of the sun, he was sweltering in his sweater and didn't want to take it off but he couldn't help it. He had to. At least he had a black concert t-shirt on and it effectively hid what he did not want others to see.
"You were in the area? What, you go to Mexico?" Kevin had known it was just some stupid, throwaway excuse but Kevin wasn't under any obligation to let Jay get away with it. When they were dating he'd have let it slip. When they were doing that stupid together but not thing he'd have just pretended it made sense. But, really, fuck that. Kevin did not want to be Jay's friend. He was pretty damn sure he wasn't even capable of it. Part of his internal reaction to Jay's presence was almost violent. He remembered the last time they'd broken up. The last time Jay wanted to be friends. The last time he'd told Jay they couldn't be. And the last time he'd nearly withered Jay's face off in his frustration and addiction to his powers. It was a totally different situation now. Now Kevin had something resembling control of his powers even if he couldn't turn them off. But that was still the association in Kevin's mind and on some level it made him recoil from Jay entirely. It overrode that part of him that still wanted Jay.
"Course it's hot, Jay, we're near the equator. It gets hot. If you were in the area for long you'da known that." He shook his head and reminded himself to be calm. Games, it was always games between them and Kevin was sick of it. He tried to get the bite out of his tone when he spoke again. "So why're you really here, Jay? We're not friends and I told you we weren't gonna be. We're not anything. But you're in the area three thousand miles from where you're livin'? Why you come here? The real reason this time."
Kevin's tone threw Jay, immediately setting a frustration that laced through him at the sharp tone. He'd nearly took it as a condescending one but rationally knew that Kevin wasn't like that. At first as was habit, he nearly bent to it, his will being much weaker than Kevin's but instead, he righted himself and frowned. "Look, don't talk to me like that," he bit back. "Ah ain't flyin' this many miles to get mah ass chewed out." He didn't know exactly how many miles he had flown but he had half a mind to fly back by plane if he could afford it. Maybe he'd just ask Jean-Paul to meet him half way.
"Ah came to see you," he said, crumpling his hoodie and tossing it to a nearby lounge chair. Rolling his shoulders in irritation, his spine stirred again like it was restless. He blamed the flight and lack of sleep though he had taken breaks, it hadn't been nearly enough. He wanted to know if this was how it was always going to be between them, that Kevin reached for a harsher tone instead of his normal soft spoken ways.
Dropping himself in the chair, Jay obviously wasn't going anywhere for the moment and he picked at the threaded bracelets that lined his left and right arm, bracelets that he had received from his sisters in the mail--the latest thing in popularity over there. Melody even went so far as to send him a colour array of elastics, telling him that it went with his red wings. Of course his mama wouldn't tell the girls, he never expected her to drop the news on someone so young, but it still made him sore to think that they didn't know him. His own fault. Everything seemed to be his own fault lately, Kevin included.
"Ah think you should go to prom," he said finally.
"So why did you fly this many miles? You just can't stand to let the wound heal? Gotta rip it open and pour salt on it? Rub it in just to make sure it burns? We said all we got to say to each other last month, Jay. You gotta get your stuff straight and Ah ain't part of that. Ah won't be your friend so what's left for you to fly here for? Nothin' less you just can't be bothered to let me get on with life." His voice had softened even though his words hadn't. Kevin was obviously frustrated with Jay, with his presence, with the way everything fluctuated between there and not with them. They weren't anything, they certainly weren't anything worth flapping your wings for three thousand miles or so.
None of it made any sense to Kevin He kept trying to make it make sense and he failed every time. Somehow despite his words, despite the clipped, short tone he'd begun with Jay was settling in. He was staying. Getting comfortable. Kevin had gotten a great distraction with Yvette coming here for her spring break and even a little beyond it. He'd been able to refocus and accept things. He and Jay were not going to be together. They had been starting to achieve a sort of level of normalcy with their dynamic, their relationship. But it was over and it was going to remain so. He'd started to be okay with that. Kevin could point out the chronology of the sculptures currently erected about them by looking at the shapes of the metal and the way they'd bent and come together. He could tell you that the ones with the jagged edges he made when he first had returned from Westchester in April and that the one with the flowing, organic lines to it was put together most recently. The progression of his emotions showed in his art. He felt like jagged edges again.
Kevin ignored the comment about prom, remembering all too vividly what the last year's prom had brought. A load of annoyance and frustration and fighting between himself and Jay because Kevin had agreed to be a friend's date.
"Stop actin' like a butterfly with a broken wing. Ah flew here cause Ah think you should go to prom," he said, ignoring Kevin's persistence with them not being friends. He was Kevin's friend whether he liked it or not. Whether they liked it or not, they had to weather this and Jay was trying to be ready for it, to move forward and to do that, he knew he had to take a few steps back, even if it meant a great deal of opening wounds. "Ah ain't meanin' to hurt you Kev. Ah just know if Ah called, you'd hang up on me." He raised his brows, sliding a converse under the seat as he leaned back and crossing his arms. The metal spine bit into his flesh and he did his best to ignore it, shifting slightly even though the agitation grew. "You ain't gonna run from me. Ah won't let you. We been through too much," he said, rubbing the toe of his converse in the dirt, letting the silence stretch between them.
"If ya can't fix it, ya gotta stand it." It was an all too familiar quote from one of his favourite movies and it rang truth between them. With Jay's changes, he felt he could never put himself back together and Kevin didn't need that. They didn't need that. He'd only lean on Kevin harder because of it. "You know Ah love you, so don't treat me bad cause Ah'm doin' what Ah think is right for us - for you too." It was difficult to admit that he wanted Kevin still, but this was him picking up the pieces in the best way he knew how.
"Ah've got no reason to go to a prom's not mine," Kevin pointed out with a tone that made it all too apparent he thought this should be obvious and common sense. "We been through enough. And it's over. So accept it already because Ah'm sick of repeatin' myself. Go see Jamie or Kitty or someone. They might like a visitor. Ah don't want one, don't need one and Ah'm already sick of you playin' games with me again." They'd done this entire dance about this time last year or so. Kevin didn't understand why Jay was surprised how it was going. There were only so many potential outcomes of the same situation under similar circumstances. What was Jay expecting?
Kevin went back to hammering away at his metal, dismissing Jay from his focus. Before he'd been making his strikes light so that he could create a gentle curve, but now each strike came down with force and he began to completely obliterate the soft sweep he had been working on. The metal became a channel for the torrent of emotions inside of him and Kevin let it go. That was something he'd been learning with his therapist here, how to let the metal take things out of him, how to let them flow into the hammer and the saw and every other tool he used. He had learned to not let things build up but to use art as a true catharsis so he wasn't funneling the same things into every piece he made.
He and Kyle had always got on well. It had been a little rough to begin with but with time, Jay had let go and Kyle had moved forward. But he knew this was different. One hadn't cheated and hurt the other. The separation was what hurt them and he felt he could only tell Kevin what he knew. That he needed Kevin in his life, he needed him but he couldn't explain why. He had disappeared, should have been dead and all the things that had went unsaid between them, well, Jay wasn't so stupid to let it happen again. But he didn't want to cause Kevin pain like this. Not like this and he would never leave like this.
"Ah don't get why you're so mad. We wasn't nuttin' when Ah..." When he died? Disappeared? "It ain't like Ah can touch you now Kev." His stomach turned and the hole in his heart carved a deeper hole. "We was always like good friends. Nuttin' with benefits, 'cept... well, 'cept contact through clothes." He sighed, annoyed that the hammering was drowning out his words and resolved to sit back and watch his ex. No, he wasn't going anywhere yet. He hadn't just flown this far to be pushed away like this.
Kevin stopped short in his hammering and stared at Jay, shock on his face. Did he really just say that? Was Jay really stupid enough to just say that to Kevin? "No, we weren't anything," Kevin repeated, tone harsh and low. "Not when you were attacked and went missing, not that whole summer before and definitely not when we held that 'relationship' title over us. Go away, Jay. I don't wanna see you. I don't wanna talk to you. I don't want nothin' to do with you. Maybe this time you'll listen." Kevin pulled up the partially worked metal up and went inside the shed to lay it down. He was done here.
The tank top he wore was stripped off so that Jay would have less area to touch him as he was left bare from his low slung pants and up. His gloves were shoved into a cargo pocket on his left leg and his two shirts he'd been wearing that day were in his hand when he emerged again. Kevin ignored Jay and went about locking up the shed.
"Godamnit Kev, that wasn't what Ah meant and you know it." He knew he said it wrong, explained it wrong but also Kevin should have known that wasn't what he meant. But then again, Kevin was grabbing for anything to get mad at Jay and that was the perfect thing. This wasn't going as well as he thought. He expected Kevin to be mad but not this mad, but then, he hadn't said the most intelligent thing right there. "Can't you just stop for a second and stop makin' me feel like Ah'm some bad guy? Ah didn't even come here to wreck you or mess you up. Ah ain't playing games goddamnit. Ah'm just wantin' you to come to prom cause it would make Yvette happy." He didn't add that he wanted to see Kevin too, even if it was just from afar.
He pushed out of his chair and stood up, snatching up Kevin's tank top and whipping it around his hand before he grabbed Kevin by the bicep, forcefully turning him around. The strength in the pull was balanced by the wings that suddenly shifted out, aggressive despite Jay trying not to be so. "Kev stop it," Jay snapped, his eyes glistening. His hand shifted to Kevin's collarbone, trying to steady him, trying to ground them and bring them back to some semblance of normalcy. He was very aware of how close he was to his ex, but then, Jay was also aware of keeping his skin off Kevin. "Ah didn't mean it," he said in a tighter tone, one that was pained by Kevin turning away from him. "Ah didn't mean it," he repeated.
"Then you shouldn't have said it," Kevin said in a growl. He glared at the hand on him and made a snap decision. He wasn't playing this anymore. He laid a bare hand against the center of Jay's chest and focused on spreading. He watched the decay the move over Jay's shirt, eating away the top layer of fibers but spreading to cover the entirety of the shirt rather than moving through the material to what lay beneath. When Kevin pulled his hand away there was a threadbare semblance of a shirt, barely more thin in any place than a single thread. The decay had been uniform and controlled, but he hoped he'd made his point.
"Now get off me or it ain't your shirt Ah touch next. You want a reminder? There it was. Now fuck off." Kevin almost never swore. He could only remember a handful of times since he was maybe fifteen or so when he had. Most of those times involved Jay.
Jay inhaled sharply when Kevin placed his hand over his shirt and stripped him completely of his shirt, leaving very little in remains. His entire body drew up and Jay straightened, his bare hand gripping Kevin's wrist hard and his eyes narrowed dangerously, a forceful shove with Jay's forearm clothes lining Kevin. It was enough to force Kevin to stumble back and Jay's entire demeanor darkened like it never had before.
"Don't ever fuckin' touch me." His wings bristled, following the threat and he turned around so abruptly that it could have been an entirely different person that left that shed and took flight.
Kevin didn't stumble much, only a step or two. He looked otherwise unfazed despite the abrupt and complete change in Jay. Kevin hadn't bothered to control where his powers went when Jay had grabbed his wrist or when he'd shoved him back. So far as he was concerned Jay touched him at his own risk and the layers of skin that he knew would be gone were Jay's own doing. He wouldn't be surprised if the palm of Jay's hand was mummified and layers down to the muscle had decayed and blown off in the breeze. Jay would heal, he knew that.
Jay flew off and Kevin watched his form grow smaller in the sky. Maybe this time he'd stay gone, Kevin thought. Maybe he'd finally get the point that Kevin didn't want him around, not as anything. Not anymore.
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