Jay & Jean-Paul
May. 11th, 2009 02:51 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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xp_logsDistraught, Jay flies half way back before he text the one person who can meet him half way and the older mutant gives Jay advice that he's more intent on listening to now than ever before.
Shame was far from where he was at this point, blindly cutting through the skies at a reckless pace. He dodged things, things he couldn't even see through his blurred vision and hours were spent until he exhausted himself and was forced to land at a lake, later in the evening. He only then noticed half of his hand was decayed off, some of his forearm too. With a shaky hand, he text Jean-Paul, guessing his location, needing bandages, needing something, but he couldn't really say why he text the man, or why he didn't text Forge or anyone for that matter. Who he really wanted was Logan but Jay didn't know his number.
He sat on a rock for a long time, unable to move, unable to stop shaking and at some point, dropped his phone, trying to separate himself from his driving instincts to gut someone he cared for too much. Nothing would mend this, nothing would fix what happened now and Kevin's ignorance only burned him more. He needed to exhaust this, to stop it and another two hours was spent in the trees until he was crouched at the foot of the lake, wings out, dipping his hand in the cool water. He tried to ignore the glaring disaster he'd made of the trees behind him.
A slim figure dropped out of the sky, touching down on the flat, worn rocks on the opposite side of the lake. He caught sight of the savaged trees before he saw Jay and flitted over the water, coming to a stop a few feet away -- just out of reach of Jay's wingspan -- before coming closer at a quick walk.
"Jay. Are you all right?" He had a backpack over one shoulder and concern was plain on his face.
"Yeah, Ah'm okay now," he said evenly, detached. He didn't turn to Jean-Paul right away, settling one knee down on the rocks and dipping his hand again. With his back to Jean-Paul, Jay lingered there, still except for the dipping of his hand and arm into the water and the faint rise and fall of his wings. His breathing was steady, slowed but with another presence there, he felt as though he might spill over and vomit. Adrenaline had worn off and all was left was the person Kevin knew, the one everyone knew but himself.
He stood abruptly, smooth in his movements and he looked down at his hand, trying to ignore the pain that came from losing tissue. His fingers were half gone, the palm decayed away completely, leaving nearly bone bare. Odd how it never hurt when it was coming off, but much like a burn, the pain set in shortly afterwards. Turning around, he walked over to Jean-Paul, conscious to keep red rimmed, yellow eyes down. "You bring some gloves or bandage or somethin?" he asked.
"I brought first aid..." He caught sight of Jay's right hand and his eyes widened at the sight of the denuded bone bordered by necrotic flesh. "Callisse!" He'd crossed the distance between them in a flash, bandages and antiseptic at the ready. "What the hell happened?" he demanded, reaching for Jay's arm, for the healthy flesh above the elbow.
Jay's arm snapped back and his wings thrusted out in a warning, before he took in a shaky sharp breath. Exhaling slowly, his wings lowered slowly, though on their own accord, they bristled, rippling with a faint warning despite the host. It could be almost said that they were announcing their annoyance at having to back off.
"Don't tell no one okay?" he asked and ran a hand down his face before running the base of his good palm over the length of his eyebrow. "Ah need to sit down. Can we sit down?" he asked, his head spinning slightly. Over exertion minus water was not doing him any favours. He offered his hand once he was seated on a large rock, leaning on his elbow and resting his head in his hand.
"Are you out of your mind? You are missing half of your hand and you have flesh putrefying in the wounds. This is not something I can fix with bandages. And you are about to fall over." Jean-Paul passed the backpack to Jay as he knelt to do what he could for his arm with what he had at his disposal. "There is bottled water and some protein bars in the pack if you want either. Probably a couple of apples as well. 'Do not tell anyone', he says. Calvaire! I am going to try and clean some of this off and it will probably hurt like fuck. Be still and do not let your wings eat me."
He knew it would hurt, it already hurt like hell and when Jean-Paul started, Jay's gritted his teeth and tears spilled down the sides of his cheeks, running freely. All he could feel was the pain laced up his arm and he cried out, bending to Jean-Paul and the points of his wings slammed into the ground. "Stop--" he grabbed Jean-Paul's wrist, stilling the hands that were helping him. "Forget it. It'll grow back," he said breathlessly in a rush. "Just wrap it please," he choked and his head swam, dizzying. He had no pain tolerance, none at all and he couldn't take this.
It never dawned on him that he had taken a lot more from Garrison, but that he was emotionally broken of his own accord. "Just don't tell no one. Ah'll wear mah hoodie," he said, looking from side to side, but couldn't recall where he had put it. As though that would cover it, that it would hide what he did.
Jean-Paul paused as he found Jay's face pressed to his shoulder and blades as long as his body gouging the earth to either side of him.
"You do not know that it will grow back," he insisted even as Jay sat up, leaving a damp patch of tears on Jean-Paul's shoulder and the scents of blood and rotting flesh clinging to his hands and clothes. "Even if your new healing factor can take care of the possibility of infection on its own and healthy tissue begins forming, that does not mean it extends to regrowing limbs. Jay..." Jean-Paul began dressing the wounds. "Go to medlab when we get back. Let Jean have a look. If she thinks it will get better on its own, then there is no reason not to keep this from the rest of the school while you heal. If you are missing those fingers permanently, then it will come out sooner or later anyway. There is no reason to risk doing yourself more harm."
He had a feeling it would grow back, was convinced it would but didn't have the mind or energy to argue that. Instead, he nodded. "Ah'll see Jean n' check. But Ah don't want it to get out." He leaned back on his elbows, staring down at his hand that Jean-Paul finished and let his head hang. "Godamn. Wha' Ah wouldn't give for a bed right now." He was more than spent, exhausted and if Jean-Paul wasn't crouched there, watching him intently, he would have curled up under a tree and slept off his exhaustion.
"If you cannot make it back to the school, I imagine we can find a hotel somewhere within our flight range." And the Xavier's sweats at the bottom of the pack would make interacting with the general population a lot easier than if he walked up to a check-in desk in his Alpha Flight skinfit. He stood and moved to take a seat on the opposite side of Jay's rock. "Did you touch him, or did he touch you?"
"He touched me first. Ah just finished it off," he said. "He was threatenin'. Ah just made it legit." He was mad, blinding anger had made him impulsive, irrationally aggressive and he knew he couldn't be around Kevin anymore. There was too much unpredictability around his ex, things he couldn't' control. "Ever been around someone that's strips ya down to your raw soul? That's what Kevin does to me. Like Ah don't think, Ah just react." And react he did. Badly.
No wonder Jay didn't want this getting out. Given the Ford boy's past encounters with the legal system, the news that he'd attacked someone in a heated moment, even someone with a healing factor, would not go over well back at the school.
"Not in the sense you seem to mean," Jean-Paul said. He could certainly agree that Jay hadn't been thinking. "Does he know where you are?"
"He knows Ah live at the school, but if yer hintin' that he's gonna come after me, he won't. Ah'm more likely to go out to him." He ran his good hand through his hair, feeling the weight of his flights now. Slowly, his wings folded up, fatigue doing him in. "Ah just wanted him to go to prom. Yanno? Even if it wasn't with me. Ah just wanted to be friends. He don't want it. Then Ah said somethin' - Ah wasn't really thinkin', he took it the wrong way."
"I was more that he might be worried after you flew off missing half of your forearm." Retracting his wings all but banished the hunter, leaving Jean-Paul sitting next to a wilted and heartsick young man. "But what could you possibly have said to justify that?" He gestured at the injured limb held protectively in Jay's lap.
He leaned over, picking at his shoe lace, still vaguely in the dark about how it went so bad so fast. "Ah told 'em..." his cheeks puffed up, blowing out slowly between his lips. "Ah didn't know what's different from being a boyfriend n' a friend with him. Ah can't touch 'em anyways an' it was like we was just friends before. He basically told me to fuck off. It kinda went downhill from there." He ran a hand through his hair again, resting it on the back of his neck. "He wouldn't listen to me, like he took it the wrong way, like Ah didn't care 'bout anything that went on between us." But Kevin was so wrong. So very very wrong.
Jean-Paul's gaze darkened as Jay spoke. Not a good enough reason. Not by half.
"However upset he was, that is no excuse for attacking you." He knew that Jay was upset, that he should have been trying to address that, but he was having a hard time even thinking of getting past that injury.
'Not that you have any bad past concerning people with an uncontrollable death touch, that could not be it at all...'
"Jay..." Jean-Paul sighed quietly. "I cannot say that I know how you are feeling, but I have been in the same place, in relationships that were self-destructive, sometimes for one, sometimes for both. Acknowledging this is not enough. Sometimes a step back is not enough and just being friends is still too close. If Kevin is not listening, if he has reached this point..." He gestured at the bandaged arm. "...then it is best to let him go. For both of you."
"Yeah, Ah know. But just know that he didn't attack me." Jay was quick to come to Kevin's defense, knowing he was at fault for even seeing Kevin. Kevin had control of his powers or some level of control and that in itself had been amazing if he had half a brain to lookat it that way. The destruction between them was something he couldn't ignore now, too easily unpredictable and unable to control anything when it came to his ex, even in a friendship, he couldn't help but agree with Jean-Paul's reasoning. "Ah ain't gonna see him again. This is kinda it." And it sucked.
"Ah gotta lay down. Can we just go?" he asked, wanting to just stop talking about it. He was so tired now, he was fighting sleep and his healing factor was working overtime to compensate. "Ah'll just go to a motel. You don't have to come," he said, pushing to his feet. He didn't want to be a burden like the one he already was.
"We can go." Slight emphasis on the first word. "It should not take us too long to find a place." Unspoken: Do not be an idiot, of course I am not leaving you alone. "I hope you do not mind getting up early. I still have classes tomorrow."
He didn't have anything else that he could say and got up, giving a brief nod to Jean-Paul as his wings shifted out again. Arching them back, Jay staggered two steps back, catching his heel on the rock before taking flight. Movements were slow, flight was slow, emotional strain taking it's toll.
Shame was far from where he was at this point, blindly cutting through the skies at a reckless pace. He dodged things, things he couldn't even see through his blurred vision and hours were spent until he exhausted himself and was forced to land at a lake, later in the evening. He only then noticed half of his hand was decayed off, some of his forearm too. With a shaky hand, he text Jean-Paul, guessing his location, needing bandages, needing something, but he couldn't really say why he text the man, or why he didn't text Forge or anyone for that matter. Who he really wanted was Logan but Jay didn't know his number.
He sat on a rock for a long time, unable to move, unable to stop shaking and at some point, dropped his phone, trying to separate himself from his driving instincts to gut someone he cared for too much. Nothing would mend this, nothing would fix what happened now and Kevin's ignorance only burned him more. He needed to exhaust this, to stop it and another two hours was spent in the trees until he was crouched at the foot of the lake, wings out, dipping his hand in the cool water. He tried to ignore the glaring disaster he'd made of the trees behind him.
A slim figure dropped out of the sky, touching down on the flat, worn rocks on the opposite side of the lake. He caught sight of the savaged trees before he saw Jay and flitted over the water, coming to a stop a few feet away -- just out of reach of Jay's wingspan -- before coming closer at a quick walk.
"Jay. Are you all right?" He had a backpack over one shoulder and concern was plain on his face.
"Yeah, Ah'm okay now," he said evenly, detached. He didn't turn to Jean-Paul right away, settling one knee down on the rocks and dipping his hand again. With his back to Jean-Paul, Jay lingered there, still except for the dipping of his hand and arm into the water and the faint rise and fall of his wings. His breathing was steady, slowed but with another presence there, he felt as though he might spill over and vomit. Adrenaline had worn off and all was left was the person Kevin knew, the one everyone knew but himself.
He stood abruptly, smooth in his movements and he looked down at his hand, trying to ignore the pain that came from losing tissue. His fingers were half gone, the palm decayed away completely, leaving nearly bone bare. Odd how it never hurt when it was coming off, but much like a burn, the pain set in shortly afterwards. Turning around, he walked over to Jean-Paul, conscious to keep red rimmed, yellow eyes down. "You bring some gloves or bandage or somethin?" he asked.
"I brought first aid..." He caught sight of Jay's right hand and his eyes widened at the sight of the denuded bone bordered by necrotic flesh. "Callisse!" He'd crossed the distance between them in a flash, bandages and antiseptic at the ready. "What the hell happened?" he demanded, reaching for Jay's arm, for the healthy flesh above the elbow.
Jay's arm snapped back and his wings thrusted out in a warning, before he took in a shaky sharp breath. Exhaling slowly, his wings lowered slowly, though on their own accord, they bristled, rippling with a faint warning despite the host. It could be almost said that they were announcing their annoyance at having to back off.
"Don't tell no one okay?" he asked and ran a hand down his face before running the base of his good palm over the length of his eyebrow. "Ah need to sit down. Can we sit down?" he asked, his head spinning slightly. Over exertion minus water was not doing him any favours. He offered his hand once he was seated on a large rock, leaning on his elbow and resting his head in his hand.
"Are you out of your mind? You are missing half of your hand and you have flesh putrefying in the wounds. This is not something I can fix with bandages. And you are about to fall over." Jean-Paul passed the backpack to Jay as he knelt to do what he could for his arm with what he had at his disposal. "There is bottled water and some protein bars in the pack if you want either. Probably a couple of apples as well. 'Do not tell anyone', he says. Calvaire! I am going to try and clean some of this off and it will probably hurt like fuck. Be still and do not let your wings eat me."
He knew it would hurt, it already hurt like hell and when Jean-Paul started, Jay's gritted his teeth and tears spilled down the sides of his cheeks, running freely. All he could feel was the pain laced up his arm and he cried out, bending to Jean-Paul and the points of his wings slammed into the ground. "Stop--" he grabbed Jean-Paul's wrist, stilling the hands that were helping him. "Forget it. It'll grow back," he said breathlessly in a rush. "Just wrap it please," he choked and his head swam, dizzying. He had no pain tolerance, none at all and he couldn't take this.
It never dawned on him that he had taken a lot more from Garrison, but that he was emotionally broken of his own accord. "Just don't tell no one. Ah'll wear mah hoodie," he said, looking from side to side, but couldn't recall where he had put it. As though that would cover it, that it would hide what he did.
Jean-Paul paused as he found Jay's face pressed to his shoulder and blades as long as his body gouging the earth to either side of him.
"You do not know that it will grow back," he insisted even as Jay sat up, leaving a damp patch of tears on Jean-Paul's shoulder and the scents of blood and rotting flesh clinging to his hands and clothes. "Even if your new healing factor can take care of the possibility of infection on its own and healthy tissue begins forming, that does not mean it extends to regrowing limbs. Jay..." Jean-Paul began dressing the wounds. "Go to medlab when we get back. Let Jean have a look. If she thinks it will get better on its own, then there is no reason not to keep this from the rest of the school while you heal. If you are missing those fingers permanently, then it will come out sooner or later anyway. There is no reason to risk doing yourself more harm."
He had a feeling it would grow back, was convinced it would but didn't have the mind or energy to argue that. Instead, he nodded. "Ah'll see Jean n' check. But Ah don't want it to get out." He leaned back on his elbows, staring down at his hand that Jean-Paul finished and let his head hang. "Godamn. Wha' Ah wouldn't give for a bed right now." He was more than spent, exhausted and if Jean-Paul wasn't crouched there, watching him intently, he would have curled up under a tree and slept off his exhaustion.
"If you cannot make it back to the school, I imagine we can find a hotel somewhere within our flight range." And the Xavier's sweats at the bottom of the pack would make interacting with the general population a lot easier than if he walked up to a check-in desk in his Alpha Flight skinfit. He stood and moved to take a seat on the opposite side of Jay's rock. "Did you touch him, or did he touch you?"
"He touched me first. Ah just finished it off," he said. "He was threatenin'. Ah just made it legit." He was mad, blinding anger had made him impulsive, irrationally aggressive and he knew he couldn't be around Kevin anymore. There was too much unpredictability around his ex, things he couldn't' control. "Ever been around someone that's strips ya down to your raw soul? That's what Kevin does to me. Like Ah don't think, Ah just react." And react he did. Badly.
No wonder Jay didn't want this getting out. Given the Ford boy's past encounters with the legal system, the news that he'd attacked someone in a heated moment, even someone with a healing factor, would not go over well back at the school.
"Not in the sense you seem to mean," Jean-Paul said. He could certainly agree that Jay hadn't been thinking. "Does he know where you are?"
"He knows Ah live at the school, but if yer hintin' that he's gonna come after me, he won't. Ah'm more likely to go out to him." He ran his good hand through his hair, feeling the weight of his flights now. Slowly, his wings folded up, fatigue doing him in. "Ah just wanted him to go to prom. Yanno? Even if it wasn't with me. Ah just wanted to be friends. He don't want it. Then Ah said somethin' - Ah wasn't really thinkin', he took it the wrong way."
"I was more that he might be worried after you flew off missing half of your forearm." Retracting his wings all but banished the hunter, leaving Jean-Paul sitting next to a wilted and heartsick young man. "But what could you possibly have said to justify that?" He gestured at the injured limb held protectively in Jay's lap.
He leaned over, picking at his shoe lace, still vaguely in the dark about how it went so bad so fast. "Ah told 'em..." his cheeks puffed up, blowing out slowly between his lips. "Ah didn't know what's different from being a boyfriend n' a friend with him. Ah can't touch 'em anyways an' it was like we was just friends before. He basically told me to fuck off. It kinda went downhill from there." He ran a hand through his hair again, resting it on the back of his neck. "He wouldn't listen to me, like he took it the wrong way, like Ah didn't care 'bout anything that went on between us." But Kevin was so wrong. So very very wrong.
Jean-Paul's gaze darkened as Jay spoke. Not a good enough reason. Not by half.
"However upset he was, that is no excuse for attacking you." He knew that Jay was upset, that he should have been trying to address that, but he was having a hard time even thinking of getting past that injury.
'Not that you have any bad past concerning people with an uncontrollable death touch, that could not be it at all...'
"Jay..." Jean-Paul sighed quietly. "I cannot say that I know how you are feeling, but I have been in the same place, in relationships that were self-destructive, sometimes for one, sometimes for both. Acknowledging this is not enough. Sometimes a step back is not enough and just being friends is still too close. If Kevin is not listening, if he has reached this point..." He gestured at the bandaged arm. "...then it is best to let him go. For both of you."
"Yeah, Ah know. But just know that he didn't attack me." Jay was quick to come to Kevin's defense, knowing he was at fault for even seeing Kevin. Kevin had control of his powers or some level of control and that in itself had been amazing if he had half a brain to lookat it that way. The destruction between them was something he couldn't ignore now, too easily unpredictable and unable to control anything when it came to his ex, even in a friendship, he couldn't help but agree with Jean-Paul's reasoning. "Ah ain't gonna see him again. This is kinda it." And it sucked.
"Ah gotta lay down. Can we just go?" he asked, wanting to just stop talking about it. He was so tired now, he was fighting sleep and his healing factor was working overtime to compensate. "Ah'll just go to a motel. You don't have to come," he said, pushing to his feet. He didn't want to be a burden like the one he already was.
"We can go." Slight emphasis on the first word. "It should not take us too long to find a place." Unspoken: Do not be an idiot, of course I am not leaving you alone. "I hope you do not mind getting up early. I still have classes tomorrow."
He didn't have anything else that he could say and got up, giving a brief nod to Jean-Paul as his wings shifted out again. Arching them back, Jay staggered two steps back, catching his heel on the rock before taking flight. Movements were slow, flight was slow, emotional strain taking it's toll.
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