xp_logs | Doug, Amanda - a difference of views

Amanda finds out about Doug's alter-ego, the White Knight.

Amanda didn't drink alone as a rule, but some days it was nice to go down to the pub with a book, get a pint, and sit at the bar ignoring the world around her as best she could without opening herself to one of Remy's lectures on dropping her guard and getting shot in the back of the head. Finnegans might be a haven for the Trenchcoats, but that didn't mean their numerous enemies would respect it. However, there was a good spot where she could keep an eye on the door and where she was sitting facing a mirror and thus had a good view of behind her, and the witch was cozily ensconced, deep in a text on politics in the Pacific Rim with a pint half-drunk and a cigarette between her fingers, smoke drifting lazily up towards the ceiling.

As Doug wandered in to Finnegan's, he checked that particular spot. Given the institutionalized sort of paranoia that their line of work engendered, it was a natural spot for most of X-Force to pick because of the sightlines. He headed over, smiling when Amanda looked up to see who it was. "Quite the casual reading," he said with a nod towards the book as he approached the table.

"With everything that's going on in India and the rest, I thought I'd get acquainted," she explained, shutting the book and taking one last drag of her cigarette before stubbing it out - she respected her friends' rights to not breathe in her smoke. "So, what brings you here?" she asked, eyes flicking up and down and taking in the white suit he was wearing. "Fancy dress party? Don't tell me, you went as Mr. Clean."

"Not exactly." It was probably a good thing that Amanda was here by herself, Doug mused. This was a discussion that probably needed having, and the privacy would be a good thing. "Hellfire Club function," he said as he signaled the bartender for a pint of his own.
Her grin faded, along with the teasing glint in her eyes. "Hellfire Club?" she asked, a certain loathing in her voice. "What're you doing with those cunts? Undercover job?"

"No." He'd had a hunch that this conversation wasn't likely to go well, but the immediate tension in Amanda's body language made her opinion obvious even if you couldn't hear the harshness of her voice. "Emma nominated me as White Knight."

"And now - your first task as my Knight, Amanda. Do not disappoint me. What was given can be taken away, just as easily."

The witch shuddered, feeling the memory of cold fingers on her cheek.

"You accepted." Her voice had gone dead and flat.

The shudder was hard to miss. And it wasn't difficult to guess the memories that were behind Amanda's eyes. "Do you trust Emma?" Doug asked quietly.

"I trust her to look out for her interests. Right now, that includes us." It was raw truth. "Yes, she helped me put my shite back together after London, but I also know she was the one pushing Manuel to use his powers on other people back when we were in school so he'd be a proper Knight. Emma does what fits in with her plans, Doug. You'd be an idiot to think any different."

"I don't." Doug replied with a wry smile. "She was in my head, and I got to see her fears and some other things in the process. So I understand just how far I trust her, and how far she trusts me." He shook his head. "That's not the reason I accepted. Or at least that's not all of it. I think that the rest of the White Court," he obliquely referenced Manuel, "needs the occasional reminder to stay human, but mostly I want to keep my friends close, and my enemies closer." His eyes hardened. "As long as I am White Knight, I will do my best to see to it that the Black Court never does something like what Selene did to you." The statement was delivered in a factual but harsh tone.

"All very noble, Doug, but that place... it changes people. Chews 'em up and spits them out. You might have a plan in mind, but there's things you'll need to do, to prove you're one of them. And you'll do it, 'cause there's the greater goal in mind, right? But little by little, it'll wear you down, until you're like them. Seeing people as tools, things to be used to get what you want." She looked away, struggling to control herself again.

"And how is that any different from the rest of our lives?" Doug asked quietly while Amanda's face was still turned. "How far do you trust Remy? Or Pete? Or Betsy?" Doug knew precisely how far he trusted any of the Trenchcoats, and whether any of them would sacrifice him for what they perceived as the greater good. "Do you trust me?" he asked in the same quiet voice.

"Because we aren't doing it for ourselves, or to get power over someone else. We're doing it to take down people like the Hellfire Club." She looked back at him, suddenly angry. "You don't get it, Doug. When we go into somewhere and take some bastards down, we don't hang around and set ourselves up in their place. Your new mates do. White Court, Black Court, it's all the bloody same, just the methods are different. And I'll trust you as long as I know you're still one of us - the minute you pick the Club over the Trenchcoats, you're in Emma's camp and I'll trust you as much as I trust her."

Doug wasn't sure how to react to Amanda's anger. For that matter, he wasn't sure there was a right thing to say that would make her understand what he was doing. Too much baggage, too many wrongs done to her. He thought she was being disingenuous about Pete and Remy, but she probably felt the same about him and Emma. Sometimes the best that could be hoped for was to agree to disagree, as cliche as that was, and not let it affect how much you cared for the other person. He said nothing, taking another sip from his pint and watching Amanda, a tinge of sadness tempered by resolve in his eyes.

She wasn't getting through to him. Amanda sighed, gathered up her book and her cigarettes and pulled out her wallet to pay her tab. "When I signed up for this job, I knew what I was getting into. That I'd have to do things I'd always thought were wrong, that I was expendable. The people the Hellfire Club fucks over, they're just ordinary people. They didn't sign into anything, they're just steps on the ladder. Something to think about every time you pull on that shiny white suit." Tossing a few bills down on the bar, she gave Doug a nod. "I'll see you at work."