Jennie and Jean - Tuesday Afternoon

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Jean finds out just how hard it's been for Jennie to keep her secret.



The nice thing about working in the medlab was that it was where they kept all the painkillers. The not-so-nice thing about working in the medlab was that Jean had to keep at least a semblance of coherency about her. Which meant that her arm hurt. Not a lot, not so much that she couldn't focus, but just enough that she couldn't forget that there was a hole where there oughtn't be a hole. Gritting her teeth, Jean tried to concentrate around the pain. At least it was her left arm in the sling - writing with a pen held by TK was not fun.

"Um, Jean?" Jennie said from the doorway. The usual stack of files that accompanied Jennie in the medlab was no where to be seen. It was Jennie who took care of the majority of the filing and ordering for the medlab, an outgrowth of her time as a volunteer while still a teenager. All the clerical work that most doctors abhored Jennie did with relish, enjoying the neat orderly way things could be put in their place. Today, however, Jennie was there not to do her normal job. She was there as a patient. "Can, um. Can you give me a checkup? I-I ..." Jennie sighed and ran a hand through her bangs.

"A couple of weeks ago I noticed that my period was late. Very late. So I took a pregnancy test. And, um, it was positive."

That Jean didn't look up with her normal bright smile at Jennie could possibly have been put down to the pain in her arm, but the unreadable look in her eyes that first greeted the girl faded away to be replaced by real concern as Jennie began to speak. Nate hadn't told her, but given how tired they'd both been at the end of the mission, Jean had learned what he knew anyways. Not that she would have hunted Jennie down; she respected the younger woman enough to wait for her to come in on her own, a trust that had clearly been well placed. But she didn't exactly look surprised when she nodded towards one of the private rooms. "Come on in, let's see what we can find."

The fact that Jean wasn't surprised was a relief to Jennie. She couldn't take anymore shock. She desperately wanted someone who knew what they were doing, and who could talk to her.

"Take a seat," Jean said as she shut the door behind the two of them and then pulled out a sterile needle and syringe. "We'll start with the definite, if slow, option, and then I'd like to talk to you while the blood tests run. Arm, please."

Jennie dutifully offered the inside of her arm, studiously looking away as the needle bit into skin. Jennie chewed her lower lip as she had her blood drawn. She still couldn't stand the sight or smell of it, even after all these years.

The blood drawing was done in a matter of seconds and then Jean excused herself to go get the tests running, promising she'd be back in less than five minutes. When she opened the door again Jean wasn't particularly surprised to see that Jennie didn't seem to even have shifted in her chair - tense wasn't even the word.

"So. Tell me how you're feeling, Jennie."

Jennie barked a laugh. "Well, shitty would be an understatement. Between the barfing, peeing all the time and feeling like my entire world has just exploded, I'm doing remarkably well," the girl sighed. She looked absolutely exhausted. "Keeping this secret has been killing me. I just didn't know what to do."

"Hmmm..." Jean revised her estimate of 'a couple of weeks ago' upwards a bit. "Well, that's understandable. Why were you keeping it a secret? From whom? Just us, or does the father know?" She couldn't quite help but remember Bobby's panicked proposal, or any of what that fiasco had led to, but she kept her face calm.

"I-- I didn't know what I would do with it. Whether I would keep it or not. I'm really not cut out to be anyone's mother. I mean, honestly, look at me!" Jennie gestured to herself. "As for ...my ex, no. If he would bother to return any of my phonecalls I might tell him. But he's doing his best pretend we never happened and I'm not about to go pounding down his door like a psycho." Jennie did have her pride, after all. What little of it remained, anyway.

"Fair enough. I can definitely appreciate not wanting to chasing after somebody who was so horrible to you." Jean definitely had sympathy on that score. "Although don't think I didn't pick up on the past tense there. You didn't know what you were going to do... and now you do?"

"No," Jennie said honestly. "I still don't."

"But you're not convinced you'd be able to be a good mother?"

Jennie shook her head. "Look at me ...look at my family. My mother was 28 when she had me, and she still sucked at it. A kid deserves way better than me as it's Mom. I know I can't take care of it. And with school, and hell, my powers, I don't even think I'm in a position to carry one. I'm a walking jinx. What if something goes wrong?"

"Definitely a valid point, given how accident prone your powers make you. From a health standpoint, truthfully, I don't know whether it would or wouldn't be safe for you to attempt to carry to term - you're too unpredictable." And there was a touch of a smile at that, although Jean was definitely serious. "Which leaves the question, do you want an abortion? Are you comfortable with something like that?"

"I..." Jennie was silent for a long time. The option was available to her, yet every time it came up her mind shied away from it. She knew it was probably the best choice, and the smartest choice, especially because of her powers, but she didn't know if she could walk through that door when it came right down to it. "I don't honestly know," Jennie said finally. "I-I need to think. You know?"

"I do, yes. And you still have time to make a decision. I don't know if it would help, but you also might consider talking to Dani about Billy and Hank..."

Jennie's heart dropped into her stomach. "I don't... I don't think I could stomach someone else raising my child," her voice cracked and for the first time tears threatened to spill over. "I don't know what to do, I really really don't," she said, voice shaking.

"Oh, sweetie..." Jean moved across the room to sit next to Jennie on the exam bed, pulling the younger woman into a hug. "Whatever you end up deciding, we will absolutely support and help you, I swear." She didn't say 'it'll be all right', because, for all that it would be, eventually, she knew there was no way Jennie could believe that now.

"I'm supposed to be smart," Jennie choked out. "I'm supposed to have it all figured out. I fucked up. I fucked up so bad," she said, her voice thick with tears. It was such a tremendous relief to say all of this. Ever since those two little pink lines Jennie had felt like there was something sharp lodged in her chest. Worst yet, she couldn't tell a soul, because then they would know just how truly, awfully she'd screwed up.

"Oh, Jennie, no. These things happen. And, I'm afraid to say, they happen regardless of how smart you are, or how old, or how well you have things together. It's life, in the most literal sense of the word."

Jennie made a sound that was somewhere between a laugh and a sob. "I can't do this, Jean. I'd be a horrible mother. I wouldn't wish my childhood on anyone."

"I don't believe for one second it would come to that," Jean said firmly. "You're caring and you're thoughtful and intelligent. But I also know that it's not what I think that counts." And she was so very young...

"I'm running out of time," Jennie said quietly, leaning into Jean and drawing comfort from the older woman's presence. "I-I need options. I need to know all of my options, everything, including a-abortion. Everything."

Jean glanced up at the clock on the wall, not really that surprised to see how much time had passed - emotionally fraught conversations had a way of doing that. "The bloodwork should be done. First we get you a solid answer one way or the other, and then I have a colleague who works in a family planning clinic in town. She can help."

Jennie sniffed loudly, getting herself back under control. She wiped her eyes with the sleeve of the thermal she had worn to protect her from the medlab's chill. "Thank you," Jennie said thickly. "I'm sorry it took me so long to get here. I was just scared, you know?"

"Yes, I know, and I do understand. Which, I'm sorry to say, doesn't mean I'm not going to inform your COs that you're being benched on medical grounds for a while. Up to you to tell them why, though. If you want to."

"Already talked to your husband," said Jennie. "He knows. I'm off-roster until I figure things out. He also gave me extra comms duty," she added dryly.

"That sounds very like him," Jean said, letting Jennie go in order to stand up. And saying Nothing At All about her suspicions on why her husband had failed to mention that he knew. "Do you want to go with me to the lab or do you want to stay here while I get your results and come back?"

"I'll stay, I know what it's going to say anyway," Jennie swung her legs out in slow circles. "Thank you Jean. I really do appreciate this. Can, um, can we keep this on the down low for the time being? I don't think I could deal with everyone finding out."

"Of course, Jennie," Jean said, moving to the door. "I'll be right back."

Jennie sniffed and nodded, leaning back in the chair as Jean exited. She sighed heavily and rubbed her eyes with her sleeve.

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