xp_logs | Logs - both about healing, in different ways

Samson's parts written by Ande, who rocks :)

Angelo was sitting in the medlab, waiting for Dr. Samson to show up. They were due to meet right about now, and Hank had already been in to bring a small table and two chairs, so the doctor should arrive any minute.

Dr Samson rapped lightly on Angelo's door when he arrived. He was well dressed in something a little more than business casual. Based on his brief discussion with Hank regarding the young man he was here to see, he'd even decided to wear a tie and hope no one took it as an invitation to use it for improper purposes.

Angelo glanced up on hearing the knock at the door, and called, "Come in!" knowing who it must be.

Samson entered, briefcase in hand. He loomed in the doorway, his impressive stature made slightly less intimidating by his pleasant smile. "Mr Espinosa, I presume?" He closed the door behind him and crossed the small room in two strides to set his briefcase down beside the larger chair. "I'm Dr Samson." He offered his hand to Angelo in greeting.

Angelo stretched out a hand to shake the doctor's. "Angelo."

"Good to meet you, Angelo. If you don't mind, I'll run down a few formalities with you about how I like to conduct sessions and then you can ask me any questions you like." Samson sat down and put his briefcase on his knees, flipping it open. "If all goes well, then, we can get down to business."

Angelo nodded. "Works for me."

"First." Samson brought out a pad of paper and a pen, placed them on the table, and then closed his briefcase and set it aside. "What you share with me remains confidential at all times. I would ask that if you have questions about your ability to trust me that you say so and we can try and clear them up. Second, I take rather cryptic notes for my own reference in session. I hope you'll be comfortable with this, as it will allow me to keep track of where we're going in our conversation." He looked up at Angelo expectantly.

Angelo shrugged. "Don't mind you taking notes, 's fine." He didn't say anything about the trust issues - while he did have some, there was nothing more the doctor could say to address them than he'd already said.

"Excellent." Samson noted the young man's avoidance of the trust issue, it was to be expected. He picked up his pen, crossed one knee over the other, put the pad in his lap, and was ready to begin. "What can I do for you, Angelo?"

Angelo sighed, then figured he might as well start with his most immediate problem, especially since he'd promised Marie he would. "Been havin' nightmares. I want them gone."

Samson's pen scratched on the page. "What do you feel is the source of your nightmares?"

"The fire", Angelo said simply. "Guess they told you somethin' about that?"

"I'm aware of the source of your recent injuries, yes. And while you've been fortunate to have assistance in healing your body, I'm afraid I'm no magician. Your mind will take work to heal, and time. Your nightmares are completely natural, Angelo. The best thing that you can do is deal directly with this trauma while awake and your mind will be less and less likely to pull the issue up for review while you sleep. I can see that your hands are scarred and I assume that this is not your first such traumatic incident. Will you tell me about the other?"

"The other", Angelo started hesitantly. "The other was... back in LA. When I manifested." He stopped short, trying to get the words out to this stranger.

Samson studied Angelo, chin in his hand, brow furrowed. He was silent, patient. The young man would find the words in time.

"My... friends... an' I didn't like mutants", Angelo continued slowly, hesitating. "So when I manifested, I wasn't any friend of theirs anymore. An' they tried to kill me."

"That must have been, must still be, extremely difficult for you." Samson's voice was quiet and his pen was still, all his attention on Angelo.

Angelo's eyes were distant, as he remembered. "They made me beg. With a gun to my head. An' then they knocked me out anyway and took one hell of a lot of trouble over the tryin'." He looked down at his scarred hands. "Fire, again."

"Are you planning to stay at the school, even after this?"

Angelo nodded, head down. "Got nowhere else to go. An' I've got ties here."

"I can see why you'd be having nightmares, then," Samson said sympathetically. "On one level, you're contravening all your instincts, aren't you? Taking a real risk. Again."

Angelo looked up at that, taking in the words. "I wanted to run", he admitted softly. "But I've got nowhere to go but the streets again, and I'm not goin' back there unless I have to."

"Well, let's make sure you don't have to." Samson made a few notes on his pad. "You're a determined young man, from the sound of it, and I'm sure this will all be resolved in time. I think you're going to find in retrospect that this latest incident," he gestured at Angelo and the room around him, "will actually be a healing one, on many levels. I'd like to focus on past issues first, while they've been dredged up by this, and put them to rest over the next months. As horrible as your recent experience has been, my assessment is that it's the compounded past issues that are complicating the matter. Would I be at all correct in that?"

Angelo nodded reluctantly. "Yeah. The dreams... aren't all about the fire here. Sort of all mixed in."

"Would you be willing to keep a dream journal, Angelo?"

"If it'll help make them go away."

"A nightmare is just a nightmare until you get it into the daylight," Samson said, gesturing with his pen. "It's something to be avoided. When we can record it and look at it in the light of day, it becomes a tool." He pointed to Angelo with the pen. "It becomes your tool, your guide to yourself. Now, I'm going to ask Doctor McCoy to give you something to help you sleep, but you will still dream. We can't cure dreams with drugs. I will also prescribe something for you to use judiciously that will make your sleep too deep for dreams, but I am counting on you to be sparing with it. It's my professional experience that dreams recorded and unravelled cease in good time."

Angelo nodded - it all made sense. "Okay, I'll try it."

"I'm also going to leave you with some self-evaluation sheets." Samson reached for his briefcase. "Depression in cases such as yours is not uncommon, but completely treatable. You've suffered a significant blow and that inevitably results in eruptions of anger, helplessness, despair, and numerous other uncomfortable but understandable emotions. Do you feel confident in your ability to self-assess if I give you the tools?"

"Well, I'll try", Angelo repeated, not sounding completely confident, but willing to make an effort at this.

Samson gave him a smile as he handed over a few little charts to fill out and tally up. "That's all anyone expects of you, Angelo. The fact that you are willing to try, under the circumstances, is admirable. I believe you'll be astounded at the progress that you can make simply by putting in an effort. Would you be willing to see me again, then?"

Angelo simply nodded. "Think I need to."

"Is there anything else I can address for you right now?"

Angelo shrugged. He could think of any number of things, but wasn't sure he was ready to tell them to a stranger yet. "The dreams're what bothers me most", he answered honestly.

"We'll start with those then," Samson said. "I'll book an appointment for you and email you with the time, after Professor Xavier and I negotiate my hours here." He scribbled something on the back of a business card and then handed it to Angelo. "That's my number, with a secure answering service. Call me at any time and leave me a message, whatever you need to say, I'm the only one to hear it. On the back is the private number of a safe house in the city. If you feel like you have to leave here, call that number and tell them you're a client of mine. You'll be provided with a place to stay while we sort things out so you don't need to resort to the streets if you have to leave here."

Angelo looked down at the card, then back up at the doctor, with gratitude in his eyes. "Thank you", he said simply.

"You're very welcome, Angelo." Samson put his paper and pen away and snapped his briefcase closed. "Fill out those self-evaluation forms as often as you like, or get someone to help you with them, it doesn't have to be private if there's anyone you want to share them with. I'll talk to Dr McCoy about making sure you get some rest." He stood and offered Angelo his hand again. "I look forward to speaking with you next time."

Angelo shook the doctor's hand with a half-smile. "Oh, me too."

*********************

"Hey Ange." Tuesday afternoon, classes finally over, and Amanda had gone down to the medlab for the regular healing session. She'd been keeping as low a profile as she could, after the dramas of the previous week (and weekend) and looked forward to a couple of quiet hours away from the rest of the school.

Angelo looked up at her with a smile. "Hey, Amanda. How's it going?"

"Better now school's done. Long division? Fuck it." She dumped her books on the chair and took a seat on the bed, as had become her habit. "Got good news for you."

Angelo brightened. "Yeah? Tell!"

"Doc agreed with me - provided you check out okay after this an' after some physical therapy, you got yer ticket of freedom." Amanda beamed at him - she couldn't help it. "Yer gettin' out soon, mate."

Angelo sat up straighter, beaming in return. "For real? Oh, I so owe you."

She tried to brush the thanks off, but a pleased blush came into her pale face. "You already done a lot. An' if I'm useful around the place, they won't toss me out."

"They wouldn't toss you out anyway", Angelo told her quietly. "You know that, right?"

"Well, you keep tellin' me that, so I s'pose it might be true." She gave him a lopsided grin. "I figured I'd be out after breaking Rasputin, but hey, still here."

"You didn't break him", Angelo retorted. "Not by yourself - everybody's been all stressed out lately, an' not without reason."

"Hey, let me keep me delusions of grandeur here," she said, chuckling. "I like bein' the Big Bad Teacher Slayer.."

Angelo laughed. "Fine, fine, you broke him. But there's those here as have done worse."

"Well, wouldn't want t' steal too many more titles. That Shiro was whingin' enough." Amanda shrugged.

Angelo simply nodded, and changed the subject. "How've you been doin' since you were last here, anyway?"

"Well, as long as you don't count the pillow fight with Paige after I left her, me normal grumpy self," she said with a laugh. "Rasputin apologised, by the way."

Another nod. "Good. I don't care if you've been called worse or not - he was out of line."

"Well, it's sorted. An' the best part is I don't have t' drop Art. Which is good, since it's the only bloody class I like." Amanda scowled at the math book on the chair.

Angelo grinned. "I hear ya. Although you should try not bein' allowed to go to class and havin' to work anyway." He pulled an expressive face.

"Yeah. No distractions when you want 'em," Amanda agreed.

"Exactly", Angelo replied with a sigh. "Can't wait to get out of here."

"Well, how about we make a move on that?" Amanda settled herself into a more comfortable position, sitting cross-legged opposite Angelo. "Can't do much about the worst of the scarring, but - some of it's too deep."

Angelo nodded, having figured as much. "Guess I'll just have another souvenir, then. Whatever you can do is more than fine."

"Which is all I can do, so it's good we agree, eh?" Amanda said with another grin. "Give me yer hands - I'll need skin contact for the fine detail."

Angelo held out his hands obligingly, palm up.

Amanda closed her eyes and incanted the spell - fortunately at this level she didn't need to go into full trance. Without opening her eyes, she said: "I know I seemed sorta out of it the other day, but I remember pretty much everythin' that was said."

Angelo tensed ever so slightly, so that she could hardly have noticed even if her eyes had been open. "Yeah?" he said, trying for a light tone and almost getting there.

"I just wanted t' let you know - since it's all about the communication 'round here at the moment - you want t' talk about anythin', I'll know what yer about." She opened her eyes to fix him with a steady look. "_Anythin'_."

Angelo nodded, knowing perfectly well what she was talking about and forcing himself not to look away. "It's... not easy. You've been there, you know how it is. Even with you."

She nodded, her fingers slipping around his hands and squeezing slightly. "'M not pushin'," she said. "I know how well that doesn't work. An' it's not exactly somethin' yer want t' remember." Her expression darkened slightly.

He nodded again, eyes shadowed, then managed a crooked half-grin. "Never told anybody even as much as I told you, before. Wouldn't've done if you hadn't said it first."

"An' I wouldn't have said anythin' if I hadn't been off me face," she said. "So I guess we're both keepin' each other's secrets again, eh?"

Angelo nodded. "They wouldn't get it", he said abruptly. "Not anyone who hasn't been there for themselves."

"I'd say there's a lot they wouldn't get," Amanda said with a slight sneer. "Like that Lee girl. Homeless in a mall, I ask yer. But yeah, sometimes it helps t' know there's someone else around who knows what the score is."

Angelo nodded again, squeezing her hands gently. "You ever find it creepin' up on you, you come find me. An' I'll do the same, yeah?"

She nodded. "Deal." She smiled, wryly. "'S weird - never had anythin' to do with a bloke who didn't want t' jump me. I'm not sure how t' think of you."

"A friend?" Angelo suggested teasingly. "You're safe with me, y'know - you got here a few months too late." He didn't say it, but the words were clear - Paige is it for me, now.

If her hands hadn't been occupied with the healing spell, she would have thwapped him. "'Safe', eh? Well, I'm not gunna do anythin' that would get Paige after me - she's got a mean left hook with a pillow."

Angelo nodded solemnly. "Don't take it the wrong way", he assured her, deadpan-teasing. "If things were different, who knows?"

"No offence taken - besides, yer a little too on the 'forever an' ever' side of things for me. Like me freedom, I do."

Angelo laughed. "I'd never have guessed. Well, to each their own. I'm not exactly in a position t'judge."

Amanda grinned. "Nup. Yer gone, hook, line an' sinker."

Angelo chuckled a little. "No arguments here."

"I'd make the usual threats about if she hurts you I'll do somethin' horrible t' her, but she's scary with a pillow so I'll settle for glarin' at her, okay?"

Angelo nodded, amused. "Okay. ...And thanks. I think."

"You ain't the only one who gets protective about his friends. Never really had friends before, but I'll willing t' give it a shot." Realising the spell was losing its focus, Amanda incanted again, pushing it to where she wanted it to go.

Angelo nodded. "See... I have. An' lost 'em - an' I don't just mean the day I manifested. Hell if I'll see that happen again."

"Is that why you offered t' teach people how t' defend 'emselves?" Amanda asked quietly.

"Yeah", he replied equally softly. "Can't be watchin' everybody's back at once."

"I'm still up for anythin' you can teach me," she said. "One less back for you to watch out for. An' magic only goes so far, even if I'm workin' on a few surprises for the next time."

Another nod. "Dunno if the gun thing's gonna fly - I'd take you to the range in town, but 'm not eighteen yet, an' if they know I've come from here, they might check. But I can teach you other stuff. Hand t'hand and so on."

She nodded. "It'll have t' do. I thought I knew what I was doin', but then again, I weren't exactly fightin' military before."

Angelo pulled a face. "Can't say I was expectin' it, either - not that I got much actual fightin' in that night..."

"Neither did I, if that helps. Worst damage I did was stabbin' him with a spork." Amanda shook her head with a humourless chuckle. "Real hardcore, I am."

Angelo looked at her, concerned. "Hey now - the guy was a trained soldier. Street fightin's all very well 'gainst other street fighters - not guys with big guns."

"Still, I'm glad none of me old mates were around t' watch." She shifted her shoulders, uncomfortable at the memory. Angelo wasn't the only one having bad dreams, but she'd been having those for as long as she could remember and dismissed the new ones.

"Right there with you", Angelo said quietly. "They'd've laughed like hell if they weren't "helpin'" me into the fire."

She nodded. "Arseholes, all of 'em. We're well shut of them, eh?"

Angelo nodded. "Agreed."