Log: Lil and Charles

[x-diamondlil.livejournal.com]

On her sixth month anniversary at the mansion, Lil finally has a face to face with Charles Xavier.


What had she gotten herself into?

It was the first and only thought that continued to play through Lil's head as she made her way from her room to his office, feeling very much like a troubled student being sent to see the principal for starting a fight in the school yard, only without the satisfaction of getting to slug someone first. There wasn't even the comfort of wearing something familiar; instead the giantess had opted for a charcoal knee-length skirt and green blouse, paired with a pair of black kitten heels and a business-like bun, pinning the long golden curls to the back of her head. The outfit didn't help her nerves or the flock of butterflies in her stomach and when the blonde finally arrived at Charles' door, she was forced to take a long and steadying breath before being able to even raise her hand to knock.

"Come in," was the immediate answer. When Lil opened the door, Charles Xavier was sitting there beside the window, smiling at her. The chair opposite his was empty, and there was tea and a plate of cookies sitting on the delicate antique table between them. "Good afternoon, Lillian," Charles said, his eyes very kind as they met hers. "Or may I call you Lil?"

"Either is fine," the tall woman answered, hands folded politely in front of her as she continued standing just a little ways apart from him and the furniture, waiting to be asked to sit. "'Lil' is preferred, though." Her formal name had always been reserved for serious or intimate moments - or when she was in a shit load of trouble.

"Of course. Please, sit down, Lil," Charles invited, waving a hand at the chair. "Tea? Contrary to school gossip," he went on, the corner of his mouth curving upwards, "there's nothing untoward in it. Just your standard Earl Grey."

Lil managed a small but grateful nod before folding her long frame into the chair with ankles crossing daintily. "Yes, please. Thank you." Somewhere, her mother's ghost was either smiling or laughing hysterically at the awkward blonde girl. "I, uh, appreciate you taking the time to see me," she added with a weak smile.

"I'm only sorry we haven't had a chance to sit down and talk before this," Charles said, pouring them both a cup of tea. "There never seem to be quite enough hours in the day, does there? I have of course been following the progress of your training, as I do with all new team members."

"Oh?" came the small question as she accepted the tea, taking the time to carefully add milk without spilling a drop and then two lumps of sugar - though she desperately wished for more but refused to start dumping in shovelfuls of it. "I mean, I expected as much, seeing as Mac and Heather have probably been in contact."

"I've left those discussions to Scott and Ororo," Charles said, sipping at his own tea. "My concern has been for you, rather than your future relationship with Alpha Flight." He smiled warmly. "I suppose I've always felt rather... paternal towards those of you who make such sacrifices and take such risks as part of the team."

"Thank you, sir. I've enjoyed my stay here so far very much. Your generosity has been unimaginable," Lil said with a more genuine grin. She didn't consider her risk all that great given her powers but the sacrifices had been more of a wear than she'd admit to those she'd been living with these last six months.

"If you're thanking me, then I will do the same," Charles said. "You've made many contributions during your time here. Some you may not have realized, I think."

That made her blink. "I-I'm sorry?" she stuttered, eyes wide and truly disbelieving. "I'm not sure I follow, sir." Many contributions? The only ones that came to mind were the holes in the walls she'd had to patch on a couple of occasions.

"Where I feel you may not fully appreciate the impact you've had here is in your relationships with some of our younger residents," Charles said thoughtfully. "Then, of course, there is your work with the team. If I'm not mistaken, you recently took part in RedX work as well?"

Her mouth moved soundlessly and for a long moment it was all Lil could do to manage a nod before her voice came back to her. "Uh, yeah - I mean, yes. Yes, I did. The wreck. But that's the kinda stuff I did with Beta," she explained, still having not yet taken a sip of her tea. Instead, the Canadian focused on keeping her hands from shaking and the china from clinking. "My work on the team leads a lot to be desired as, I'm afraid, became quite clear on the last mission." The need for shielding, her issues with Nate in having to convince her to join the smaller team in the final attack.

Charles set his tea down, looking very thoughtful, and folded his hands. "I think perhaps you do yourself an injustice," he said gravely. "This last mission was a very difficult one. None of us could have anticipated the depth and complexity of the ambush into which you all walked. Yet," he said firmly, before Lil could respond to that, "despite the odds you faced, you went above and beyond the original purpose of the operation. You removed one great threat, and may very well have crippled another. And I am nothing," he said, eyes meeting her levelly, "nothing but proud, of each and every single one of you."

It wasn't a word she'd heard often in her life. Proud. Lil's eyes quickly broke contact, dropping back to her lap to stare at her hands at the naked place where her wedding ring should be sitting. Pride... in her. Despite all the failures she saw when she looked in the mirror but wouldn't allow any one else to see. The weaknesses. The cracks in her diamond-hard exterior... He was proud.

"Thank you," Lil finally replied in a voice just above a hush.

Charles just nodded. "Now," he said, his voice softening. "I understand that you had some difficulties on the mission - something that I may be able to help you with?"

A few moments passed in silence before Lil was able to lift her head again and meet his gaze without the threat of tears and she nodded once more. "Yes. With all of my physical invulnerability, I know there is one major weakness that I have to deal with. One that Tara Trask took advantage of and that I'd like very much to work on: my susceptibility to psi attacks."

Charles made a thoughtful noise. "Cookie?" he asked Lil, although his mind was clearly elsewhere for a moment. "I must be honest with you, Lil. Unfortunately, there is no way to make yourself invulnerable to psi attacks. Even a telepath can fall victim to another telepath. But there are ways to make yourself less susceptible. Certainly enough to buy yourself time to react to an attacking psi."

"I understand that," the Canadian replied as she took one of the offered treats and placed it on the saucer of her untouched tea. "Less susceptible is all I'm asking." A deep breath and Lil continued. "And I would like it very much if you would consider helping me. If your schedule permits."

"I make these sorts of matters a priority," Charles said, quite seriously. "Ororo and Scott may lead the team, but they still do so under my roof. If I were to withhold necessary help that was within my power to give... well, suffice to say that would not happen, under any circumstances. I will do whatever I can to make sure that members of the team are as well-equipped as they can be, to face whatever they may encounter in the field."

A weight lifted from Lil and her shoulders visibly relaxed out of the tense posture she'd been holding herself in since the beginning of the meeting. "Thank you," she said again, feeling like a broken record though there was no less honesty in her gratitude nor in the smile that was tugging at the corner of her lips. "I promise I'll do my best in that and in trying to continue to make you proud until my departure back to Canada."

"I have no doubt you will. Now," Charles said, "shall we talk a little more about how telepathy works? The best way to defend one's self against a force is to fully understand it. And strangely enough-" The smile that played on his lips was almost mischievous. "-I have made quite a study of the subject."

She took a small sip of the tea and after barely being able to hideher grimace from the too-cold-not-sweet-enough drink, set it aside with a small smile. "I didn't think to bring a notebook, Professor, but yeah, I think I can manage that."