xp_logs | Jay & Sam midday

Jay and Sam run into each other at the pool. While opinions collide, Jay tries to get to the bottom of things and Sam ends the conversation, much to the younger Guthrie's frustrations.

Sam hadn't been seen in a few days. He seemed to be caught up in his own mind and he didn't have any plans to pull himself out of it at the moment. More than anything he was disappointed in himself and not for the reasons one would expect. He did the usual things; eating, some sleeping, lots of work and flying, but all in all he wasn't really active in his own life at the moment. There wasn't any reason to hide it, either. He was acutely aware of what people thought about him and how they were whispering it into his girlfriend's ear. It was all very hypocritical, too. All these thoughts raced through his mind as he made his way down to the pool, ready to just lay back and dull out everything he could.

Jay wasn't really swimming per say. More like, using the pool's wide open space to see what sort of variations in sound he could pull out from his guitar. It'd been sometime since he'd picked it up and he toyed with the strings, trying out different chords. Music came harder now because he couldn't sing. Where he use to be able to carry a pitch and match it with some chords, now he could only strum the chords - the lyrics hanging in his head but refused to even whisper them for how they sounded when he did. Now he had to stop playing, write what he could down on paper as fast as he could before he forgot and it easily became a reason why he wanted to throw his guitar through a window and toss the music sheets in the water.

When he saw his brother, Sam almost turned around and walked out. It wasn't that it was Jay but he didn't want to see anyone. He resisted, however; if he was going to see someone (other than Morgan) then Jay was the person to see. They were family, after all. So, with a wave to his brother, the eldest Guthrie began to walk into the water from the shallow end. A conversation was sure to come and Sam wasn't great with hiding how he was feeling.

Neither was Jay who couldn't resist that urge to throw his music sheets in the water and with his brother as an audience, he did it for Sam's amusement and his own satisfaction. The guitar was set aside before he followed through with his other urge. One look at his brother and he knew something was up. "What's wrong with you?"

Sam laughed softly when Jay put on the show but it faded quickly. "Nothing too important. I was just coming out to clear my mind." He made his way out to waist height. He was going to lay back but he stayed up right in favor of the conversation. "Caught a little case of the blues is all."

"Oh, you're funny." Jay crumpled up another sheet of music, the remainder one and threw it into the pool at Sam to join the others. He was not laughing.

"I've always talked like that, Jay. Wouldn't it be worse to change how I talk to you?" To be honest with himself, he hadn't even thought about it. His brother was always his brother to him, no matter what. He probably should have been more sensitive but he never could seem to get the hang of how to deal with Jay right.

"Whatever." Jay shook his head and rolled his eyes to the ceiling. "Tried that one on your blue girlfriend?" he asked. Obviously he didn't think Sam just 'talked like that' even though deep down, he knew his brother didn't mean anything by it.

"She'd say I probably caught it from her. But she ain't much like the women back in Cumberland." Sam actually liked that about Morgan. He always thought he'd want a very feminine, timid woman for him to take care of. Turns out he was very happy with a strong woman that took care of herself and him sometimes too. They always said men wanted a woman like their mother.

"Whatever you like," he shrugged. Jay didn't have much of an opinion about her, if one at all. He tried to stay out of that whole area of his brother's life, mostly because he seemed like he just needed to settle down and get married. "She keepin' you happy?"

"More a question if I'm keeping her happy. She's a strong woman and I seem to be everyone's favorite Kentucky puppy dog." Sam wasn't even good at keeping away from the topic that was on his mind, tearing him up. That was why he stayed away from people when he felt bad, he reminded himself. At least it was Jay, though.

"What, they givin' you shit?" he asked, leaning back and taking whatever break he could from his frustrations.

"Never been considered one of the tough types, Jay. Now we're just around everyone that is and everyone else is becoming but seems I got left behind and that makes me stand out in a very bad way; like the weak link of a chain. I can't imagine she doesn't see me like that most times." Sam sighed, being insecure was just another sign that he was exactly what people said and he was afraid of.

"So? Why do you care? Compassion's a strength too," he remarked, crossing his legs and leaning his elbows on his knees. He looked down, picking at his finger nail, but then glanced up behind the veil of his bangs before they were tossed out of his eyes. "So you ain't blood thirsty, it makes you smart, not stupid."

"Less it goes so far as to me being a coward. I think that's what people see when they see me. Least that's what they're telling my girl, I'm sure." In truth, he picked it up by how people treated him. There was a seriousness some people could get when they wanted it. He couldn't.

"Yeah and if she's listenin, then she's stupid too," came Jay's heated reply. "Yanno, they can talk shit all they want but at the end of the day, who's goin' to the therapist and who's got it together better then the rest to make a smart decision. Digest that sometime an' you'll stop seein' it like some kinda fault."

"Maybe... but if I don't have it in me then it ain't being smarter or stronger, is it? It's just being and there's nothing to praise or blame about that. If there was then we wouldn't be having the problem we're having being mutants in the first place." If you shouldn't blame one for being born one way over another then how could you praise them for it? That was Sam's true worry, that he didn't have the strength in him like people said.

"Strength comes from the heart Sam. What are you so worried about? That everyone think's you're a coward or that you're gonna lose Morgan cause she's got bigger muscle than you? Nobody who ever made a difference went with the majority, yanno? Sometimes you gotta go against the grain, even if everyone thinks you're weaker for it. Sometimes what they're doin' ain't a hundred percent valor."

"Probably isn't. I'm not sure thinking I'm right all the time would be the best trait either." Sam had learned that from Jay, actually. "I really appreciate you talking with me, though, little brother." And he sounded sincere like only a Southern gentleman could.

Jay threw up his hands. "Godamnit, don't use that Leave it to Beaver bullshit on me Sam. For fucksakes. It ain't better being on the other side, it ain't even better being on the fence 'bout it. Killin people's numbin'. You want that?"

"I killed people when that mine collapsed Jay. Maybe it's the same and maybe it isn't but I want to know that when I fought Sabertooth after you went missing I chose not to kill him, not that I was too weak to kill the man who went right ahead and tried to do the same to my brother." Sam popped himself up onto the side of the pool, legs still in the water. "Otherwise it's just another example of me not doing right by you."

"Oh, don't make me apart of your excuses. Just cause you dont' kill someone don't make you weak." Jay's legs uncrossed and he set his feet down on the foor. "It makes you stronger cause you can control it. You don't want that urge Sam, you don't wanna live with wantin' to make someone bleed till they stop movin', Sam." Sam's arguement racked up on Jay's earlier frustrations and he raked his fingers through his hair.

"I don't want to kill anyone. But if there's nothing to control then there isn't any strength there." Sam stood up on the edge of the pool. He felt the conversation was just going to get more and more tense. It always seemed to be that way with them. Maybe it was because they didn't ever talk about anything mundane.

"Then what're you talkin' about? If there ain't anything there then Ah reckon you've already got the control, you just don't recognize it cause it comes natural. Not everyone's the same."

"Then maybe I need to know my blessings so I can count them." Sam tried to put his hand on Jay's shoulder for a second. "I think I'm going to take a bath and hit the hay early. You wear me down." He said it as teasingly as he could.

Jay 's hand caught Sam's wrist instinctively before it touched him. "Don't." He moved Sam's hand away from him and let it go, stepping around his brother. "You're always like this. Everythin's perfect, everythin's fine and when it ain't, you run. You're runnin' now, again and you brought it up!"

"Nothing's ever exactly how we want it; that is things being perfect. You dwell on that Jay and that's why we're always butting heads. I probably don't think of it enough and that's changed right now. I don't want to spiral my little brother down with me. I choose to be happy when I can and that's how it is. That's how I like to be." Sam did stop for Jay and faced him.

"You ain't listening Sam. You're never listenin'! You hear me but goddamn if you hear me!" He hissed mid screech and drew himself up, setting his jaw. "Now Ah know who Ah learned it from - the Guthrie trait - smile and make everyone think everythin's just fine." His glare blazed and his nostrills flared.

"Not doing this right now Jay. We do this every time but not right now." Sam stood firm, still facing his brother, jaw set and tone firm. He didn't need this on top of his own thoughts and Jay didn't need to hear everything that was rolling around in his head again.

"Right, Right," Jay snatched up his guitar, leaving his music sheets in the pool. "Right, cause everythin's just fine, right? Yeah, that's it. You're an idiot. You wanna be like them, you wanna care what they think, then you're already half way there to being one of 'em."

Jay stalked past Sam and turned, strumming his guitar with a merry ol' tune. "Here, Ah'll do you a favour. Ah'll leave first so it don't seem like you're runnin again."