xp_logs | Manuel and Jennie

x-roulette.livejournal.com posting in

Jennie invites Manuel to breakfast, in the hopes of potentially finally clearing the air between them. Hard things get discussed, and they reach a mutual agreement.

*discussion of sensitive topics, viewer discretion is advised*

The place Jennie chose for breakfast was an upscale bistro where she occasionally met her father for his routine visits. Jennie herself preferred the local greasy spoon and it's sticky menus and delicious waffles, but this place also had some to die-for pastries and she'd had a bit of a craving for a while. Plus, it seemed like the kind of place Manuel would enjoy. Or. Would have enjoyed way back when.

It was after her ...trouble in the spring that Jennie had looked upon the smoking ruins of her life and discovered that being a hateful bitch was probably not conductive to an active and healthy lifestyle. Step one in Jennie's attempts to turn over a new leaf, attempt to repair the damage done to her interpersonal relationships. One of the ones she most definitely wanted to see repaired was her friendship with Manuel. Things would probably never be the way they were, but Jennie hoped that at the very least she could still be someone whom Manuel would count as a friend.

With very little faith in friendships over all, Manuel reluctantly agreed to the meeting with a pretense in his mind that distance was a key factor here as was his way with everyone else. Though Jennie's life was something he'd come to hold a protective hand over, he could no longer afford that concern over her, instead shifting it to his sister who was younger and needed that full attention. But with plans to meet Jennie for breakfast, he felt it was better with Valentia not there, unsure of how Jennie would be and he did not want to subject his sister to an attachment that would only grow sour.

He found her easily without the hostess whom was guiding him anyways and stopped short of the table, adjusting his tie and nodding his thanks to the girl. Dark eyes fell on Jennie as he took a seat and unfolded the menu immediately. "You surprise me," he said conversationally, formally.

"Predictability is the antithesis of fun, in my opinion," Jennie said primly, watching Manuel settling into the chair across from her. "Thank you for coming," she added sincerely. She was pleased that he had agreed to come, which meant that she hadn't completely destroyed everything.

Or she had and he was just humoring her. Either way, he was here, and she was happy to see him.

"Why would I not come?" he asked, his eyes locking onto hers from behind the menu. After a moment, they casually dropped down to the list of food selections. "You act as though you have not seen me for years." A technicality - it had nearly been a year.

"Weeeeell, maybe I haven't. Um, not really." Jennie signed and folded her hands in front of her. "I've been kind of shit friend. I wouldn't have taken offense if you had not come. In fact, I would have totally understood. I mean, I've not been in a good head place, not for a while, actually, but that's no excuse to be a crappy person to the people you care about." Ladies and gentleman, Jennie Stavros, blunt instrument.

He picked out what he wanted and set his menu on the side of the table, waiting to speak to the waitress first. She came as if on cue and he placed his order, waited for Jennie to place hers before he carried their conversation.

"I was once told that a person is defined by their actions, however I am not the person to give you that lecture."

"Yeah well, if you would define me by my actions, then the term 'heinous bitch' will probably spring to mind," Jennie took a sip of coffee. "I've been a bitch, and I'm sorry," and she was. She looked down and bit her lip. "I... I got real screwed up when Campbell got a hold of me, and I'm trying to get back a little bit of what I used to be. I mean, I can't be who I was before that, but I'd like to get the pieces of myself that I miss, does that make sense? One of the things I miss is talking to you."

He leaned back as the waitress came again, dropping off their drinks and took a moment to readjust where his cane was leaning so it would not clatter to the floor and draw attention. Once gone, he resumed his attention to Jennie. "I believe this is more groveling than I can take. What is Campbell doing now? I thought you were happy?"

"Nothing," Jennie shook her head. "As far as I know he's in some maximum security facility and he's gone completely loopy, so he's no danger anymore. No, um. I... kind of had a moment this spring," Jennie sighed and then looked over her shoulder. No one was paying them any attention anyway, but Jennie still felt the need for the extra reassurance. She turned back to Manuel, but couldn't make herself meet his eyes. "I was stupid and careless, and I got pregnant by the guy who broke my heart. And I ended up ...losing the pregnancy before I could figure out what to do. But in that time, I really had to think if I was capable of being someone's Mom. And the answer was no. In fact, I was pretty much unfit to be anything to anyone."

Manuel regarded this as somewhat of a surprise, even though he should have known with the cautious look she gave over her shoulder. Slowly, he exhaled, quietly setting his utensiles aside and out of the way. "I believe.... parenting is a work in progress. No one is ever fit to be a parent, it simply happens and you deal with it." He thought to point out that he was indeed somewhat of a parent to his sister without meaning to. He was not a very good one, he'd admit, but he tried where no one else would have and gave her a home as best as he could possibly manage. Though being pregnant was a different story and here, he wasn't entirely comfortable nor confident of the proper questions to ask.

"Perhaps it is for the best," he said and cringed inwardly. His father would have said that, polite, curt, disapproving.

Jennie just shrugged sadly, "Perhaps."

Even more damaging to her was the possibility that, with her powers, she would never be able to carry a pregnancy to term. Even Moira couldn't give her a straight answer with that. It had always been her hope that she would have the family she'd always wanted as a child. A husband, children, house in the country, the works. That part would be the hardest to let go. "But, I guess, you can see why I've done some re-assessing of my priorities," she added. "I mean, that's something I gotta deal with. And, I'm not, like, asking for help or anything with it. I just, you know. I need to quit driving away the people who matter."

Explaining that he was wary of friendships now was difficult to say. He couldn't even begin to explain how many people had dropped him as a friend, how those who claimed his friendship was important would always make him the last to pick. Amanda would always pick Angelo, Jennie to Marius, Marie-Ange to Doug, Wanda to Jake, Morgan, Adrienne, Emma, etc ,etc the list went on, but with Manuel, the only one was Valentia and even then, he knew separation. The only one around was Bishop but he had his own demons and Manuel could not always depend on that friend whom was not around as much.

"You would be right to be cautious," he said instead. "People are not always what they seem."

"Yeah well, not many people would throw you out of the way of a speeding truck," Jennie said simply.

The relationship between them strained him and her last statement did even more. "Understand something," he started quietlly, massaging the place inbetween his forfinger and thumb. "I do not want that to come up everytime I talk to you or whenever someone speaks to you about me. That is not be a defense, nor any excuse to be in contact with me. It is finished. You are alive and I am out of the coma, that is all that matters. I do not regret it, however I do not like to talk about it."

Jennie sighed, looking visibly defeated. "Right, sorry Manuel. I won't bring it up again." Whoever told her that honesty was always the best policy had been absolutely full of shit.

He hated that people reminded him of it, going one of two ways. Either they praised him for it or condemned him and both were unwelcomed, staking a discomfort in him that he did not know how to respond to. "We are not what we were," he said finally.

Jennie pinched the bridge of her nose. "I noticed," she said dryly.

Manuel rested his arm against the table, gesturing with it helplessly. "What did you expect?" he asked honestly. Because with Jennie, at least he could be honest.

"To be honest with you, pretty much this. But I figured I'd give it the old college try anyway," Jennie didn't feel hurt, exactly. She felt tired. Where did she get these guys? "Look-- Marius and I haven't really spoken in months. Neither have you and I. Since there is only one common denominator in both those relationships, I'd thought I'd try to-- not make things better. But at least re-establish the lines of communication. You dig?"

"I do not think Marius speaks to many lately. We have all been detatched and yes, I 'dig'." He didn't know how to deal with her, just as he never knew how to deal with her backwhen he returned. It was the same situation, grasping for some semblence of normalcy between them. He was quiet for a moment before pressing on. "I have read that those who go through traumatic experiences often struggle with a friendship afterwards. Perhaps this is one of those times? Where things will never be the same and we will never be the same - the three of us."

"That's what I keep saying. I don't want back what we had, we can't get that back, too much has changed. But I still want a relationship with you. I think it's worth having one. But not as the Jennie and Manuel we were, but who we are now. It-- I dunno. I've seen how you've changed yourself, and-- I'm happy you know? I see good changes. Positive ones. I liked you before and I like who you are now." Jennie shrugged and then leaned back in her chair. "But this works both ways. If you don't think that I'm worth it-- I mean, I haven't done anything to endear myself to anyone lately. Then I understand."

"I am not turning the notion away," he said for what he felt like the second time to a different woman in the last two weeks. " We can try, is that sufficient? I cannot commit to much, my time is limited between my own responsibilities and my sister's activities."

"And I have mine. But I'll take what I can get," Jennie said. And that, she knew, was enough.