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xp_logsYvette runs into Catseye in the woods (not completely accidently) and manages to snap Catseye out of her funk by relating her own past to the catgirl.
There was much to think about. Her friends were helping a lot, but Catseye still didn't feel ready to accept the fact that she wasn't a cat, that she had to keep working to be a girl, that she had to find a way to balance being herself with being enough like everyone else that she didn't upset people. It all still seemed so overwhelming.
BigCat didn't worry about fitting in or being unique. All BigCat worried about was hunting and sleeping. Catseye was in BigCat form a lot lately, so she didn't have to use her heightened intelligence to try and puzzle out being human. It was so easy not to think when she was a mountain cat. BigCat was peaceful. It was so easy to forget everything when she was BigCat.
Padding silently along one of the deer trails, Catseye picked up a familiar scent, a scent of NotPrey. She followed it to the outskirts of the area of the woods she recognized as Yvette's (although BigCat didn't think in terms of names) 'territory', where she knew the red-skinned girl had been coming a lot lately. BigCat stood at the edge of a clearing, in plain sight, silently watching the girl.
Catching a glimpse of lavender fur out of the corner of her eye, Yvette looked up from the chunk of wood she was carving. As was typical in the woods, she was just in her bodysuit, hands and feet bare. Seeing the purple mountain lion sitting and watching her, she gave her classmate a nod. “Hello, Catseye,” she said softly. “It is the lovely day, yes?”
Being asked a question had Catseye feeling obligated to respond, especially since it was Yvette, so she braced herself and shifted. Hunger pangs doubled her over and caused her to stumble on the trail, where she curled up into a ball. "Owowowowow. Catseye should learn the longer she stays BigCat the worse the stomach hurt is," she muttered grouchily. Still curled up, she turned her head towards Yvette. "Yes it is a lovely day. Yvette's lovely red skin looks especially lovely in the sunshine. What is Yvette making?" She wondered if Nick or Kyle had sent Yvette out here to check on her before remembering that she was in Yvette's territory. So maybe Yvette didn't know that she was hiding and moping. Catseye didn't want her to know. In front of the red-skinned girl, knowing she was hiding out because she couldn't accept that she was different and would never fit in with humans made her feel slightly embarrassed.
Yvette set the piece of carving aside on the stump she was perched on, indicating the bag sitting on the ground nearby. “There is the food in there,” she suggested. “The sandwiches and the apple. If you would like, you can eat those, yes?” She smiled a little. “The sandwiches might be having pastrami in them.” Which suggested that perhaps this meeting wasn’t completely unexpected – the small Albanian girl was much more observant than many people realised, sitting silently and taking everything around her in.
The catgirl raised an eyebrow and crawled over to the bag. "Catseye thinks Yvette is very sneakysmart," she announced, a small smile appearing on her face as she dug through the bag and devoured two sandwiches in ten seconds. Assuming Yvette knew why she was out here made the purple-haired girl meek with embarrassment, but the sandwiches seemed to imply that she was willing to talk about Catseye's hiding and moping, and knowing what she did of Yvette Catseye guessed that Yvette would try to help her. She let out a deep breath when the hunger pangs abated enough that she could concentrate on other things. "Does Yvette ever hate what she is?" she asked, poking at an apple with one of her claws, trying to decide if she was still hungry enough to eat it.
“Many times,” Yvette replied, seriously, shifting a little on her perch so there was room for Catseye should she wish to sit. “There are times I am wishing so much that I am like everyone else… if the inhibitor was not making me sick, I would not have let them take it off, I am sometimes thinking.” She tilted her head at Catseye. “You are not happy with being what you are?”
Leaving the apple in the bag, Catseye took a seat next to Yvette. "Catseye is not happy because Catseye is nothing. Kyle says Catseye is more than just a cat and more than just a girl but Catseye thinks she is not a cat or a girl. Catseye wishes she was like Yvette because Yvette knows how to be a human. Yvette understands and does not do wrong things the way Catseye does. Like kissing Nick because Catseye saw it in the movie and thought kissing was for saying thank you and when Nick said Catseye was special Catseye wanted to say thank you so she kissed him and that was wrong just like all the times she naps on peoples' beds as a cat and they do not know she is a human or when she calls them names that hurt. Yvette never does wrong things like Catseye."
"Catseye, you are not 'nothing'. You are you, and that is the very important thing to be." Yvette's tone was as gentle as before, but her eyes flared brightly at the thought of Catseye thinking she was 'nothing'. "And to be human, to be anyone, is to be making mistakes." She thought for a moment. "It is like... well, you are knowing I am from the different country, yes? And that things are not always the same? We do not speak the same language and many of the ways people are doing things here are not the same as there. So when I am coming here, I am very confused, and sometimes upset, because I do not understand the ways things are being done. For you, growing up with the cats is like me growing up in a different country. You are learning the different way of doing things, and must learn new ways. It does not mean you are the bad person, just that you are seeing things the different way, yes?"
"But..." Catseye frowned, unable to finish her protest. She picked up the piece of wood Yvette was carving and studied it, absorbed in thought. "Catseye never thought of that before," she admitted after a long silence; "that it is the same." She'd learned firsthand about different countries when she'd been to Morocco with Nathan, so she knew how true it was. "Yvette was confused too, and did not understand?" It made her feel a lot better to know that Yvette had felt the same way. "What was the most different?" she asked curiously. "What made Yvette most confused?"
"Very confused. I was asleep when I am coming here and did not wake up for a time, so I did not know where I was. Or even who I was - the face in the mirror was not the same one I was remembering." Yvette sighed a little and then went on. This was about Catseye, not her. "The food was very different, and the language. But I think the thing that was most confusing was how people were treating each other. In my home country, we are always being polite and respecting the teachers, yes? We do not call them by their first names or talk about the personal thing with them. But here it was very different. The students were seeming so rude, and the teachers were talking about the drinking and the sex and such things which did not seem polite to me. It was very hard to understand and sometimes I still am not comfortable with such things." Also because people talking about sex reminded her of what she would never have, but she didn't want to be the sort of person who reminded people of what they could do better than her all the time.
The catgirl wrinkled her nose. “Catseye does not understand why people want to talk about sex,” she pointed out. “It does not sound like fun at all and there are lots of rules. And drinking is IckyBad. Catseye thinks this is not polite at all. But,” she added with a tilt of her head, “Catseye thinks maybe it is not a verybadthing that students can talk about personal things with teachers, because Mister Beaubier always helps Catseye when she is upset.” She put the carving down and focused on Yvette, reaching out to pat her back. “Catseye knows it is veryveryconfusing not to know who is in the mirror,” she commiserated, “that is how Catseye feels. Like she does not know who is in the mirror. How did Yvette be okay again?” she asked, sounding a little desperate, hoping Yvette could reveal some secret that would put a stop to the tormenting thoughts she’d been experiencing. ”How did Yvette be okay with the language and the food and people not being polite and with not being the same in the mirror after she woke up?”
“Time,” the younger girl replied, carefully keeping her hands and hair away from Catseye, but not pulling away. The catgirl needed physical contact, she understood that. “And I try to learn as much as I can. When I am not understanding, I am talking to Kyle or to Angel, because they do not think I am silly to not understand something, like you with Mr. Beaubier, yes? And when it is being hard, I find somewhere quiet to read and to think.” She smiled. “My friends, they are helping a lot.”
Catseye's head tilted the other way. She'd expected a quick fix, some magic word, not to hear that she was already doing what Yvette recommended, for the most part. But it was sort of funny, because she realized now that she was feeling better. Maybe not completely okay, but better than she had been before Yvette had told her about being confused herself. And hearing that Yvette sometimes went somewhere quiet to read and think, the way Catseye was in the woods to think, had made a particular impression on her.
"Only SillyKittens do not understand time," she murmured, half to herself. "SillyKittens do not understand waiting. Catseye understands time, and being patient." It didn't mean she liked it, but she could recognize the necessity of it. "And Catseye likes learning, especially when she learns something that is not confusing. And Catseye's friends are helping a lot. Kevin, Kyle, Cammie, Yvette." Even Nick, though she left his name off the list since he'd managed to confuse her so much when he'd admitted that he wanted to be a couple with her. "Catseye is very happy to have her friends. And Catseye thinks if she has friends to help maybe she can be human because if Yvette can learn to fit in New York then Catseye should try to fit in and be human, right?" It was basically a rhetorical question, but she said it out loud anyway.
"Right." Yvette's eyes glowed softly, the girl pleased and relieved to hear the positive in her friend's voice. She smiled a little. "Are you ready to be learning to drive? You said we would go for the test together, yes?"
Catseye nearly leapt off the stump they'd been sitting on, spirits definitely lifted now that she knew Yvette had struggled with and was overcoming some of the same things that she was trying to deal with. It was encouraging just to know that she wasn't alone in her confusions and frustrations. "Yesyes! Catseye wants to go together with Yvette! Catseye knows everything in the driving book, and Catseye thinks if Yvette is ready then Catseye is ready too!"
Yvette laughed at the vigorous response, glad to see Catseye starting to regain her spirits. “Very well, let us find someone to take us into town and we can do the test, yes?” She looked down at the bodysuit. “After I am getting dressed.”
There was much to think about. Her friends were helping a lot, but Catseye still didn't feel ready to accept the fact that she wasn't a cat, that she had to keep working to be a girl, that she had to find a way to balance being herself with being enough like everyone else that she didn't upset people. It all still seemed so overwhelming.
BigCat didn't worry about fitting in or being unique. All BigCat worried about was hunting and sleeping. Catseye was in BigCat form a lot lately, so she didn't have to use her heightened intelligence to try and puzzle out being human. It was so easy not to think when she was a mountain cat. BigCat was peaceful. It was so easy to forget everything when she was BigCat.
Padding silently along one of the deer trails, Catseye picked up a familiar scent, a scent of NotPrey. She followed it to the outskirts of the area of the woods she recognized as Yvette's (although BigCat didn't think in terms of names) 'territory', where she knew the red-skinned girl had been coming a lot lately. BigCat stood at the edge of a clearing, in plain sight, silently watching the girl.
Catching a glimpse of lavender fur out of the corner of her eye, Yvette looked up from the chunk of wood she was carving. As was typical in the woods, she was just in her bodysuit, hands and feet bare. Seeing the purple mountain lion sitting and watching her, she gave her classmate a nod. “Hello, Catseye,” she said softly. “It is the lovely day, yes?”
Being asked a question had Catseye feeling obligated to respond, especially since it was Yvette, so she braced herself and shifted. Hunger pangs doubled her over and caused her to stumble on the trail, where she curled up into a ball. "Owowowowow. Catseye should learn the longer she stays BigCat the worse the stomach hurt is," she muttered grouchily. Still curled up, she turned her head towards Yvette. "Yes it is a lovely day. Yvette's lovely red skin looks especially lovely in the sunshine. What is Yvette making?" She wondered if Nick or Kyle had sent Yvette out here to check on her before remembering that she was in Yvette's territory. So maybe Yvette didn't know that she was hiding and moping. Catseye didn't want her to know. In front of the red-skinned girl, knowing she was hiding out because she couldn't accept that she was different and would never fit in with humans made her feel slightly embarrassed.
Yvette set the piece of carving aside on the stump she was perched on, indicating the bag sitting on the ground nearby. “There is the food in there,” she suggested. “The sandwiches and the apple. If you would like, you can eat those, yes?” She smiled a little. “The sandwiches might be having pastrami in them.” Which suggested that perhaps this meeting wasn’t completely unexpected – the small Albanian girl was much more observant than many people realised, sitting silently and taking everything around her in.
The catgirl raised an eyebrow and crawled over to the bag. "Catseye thinks Yvette is very sneakysmart," she announced, a small smile appearing on her face as she dug through the bag and devoured two sandwiches in ten seconds. Assuming Yvette knew why she was out here made the purple-haired girl meek with embarrassment, but the sandwiches seemed to imply that she was willing to talk about Catseye's hiding and moping, and knowing what she did of Yvette Catseye guessed that Yvette would try to help her. She let out a deep breath when the hunger pangs abated enough that she could concentrate on other things. "Does Yvette ever hate what she is?" she asked, poking at an apple with one of her claws, trying to decide if she was still hungry enough to eat it.
“Many times,” Yvette replied, seriously, shifting a little on her perch so there was room for Catseye should she wish to sit. “There are times I am wishing so much that I am like everyone else… if the inhibitor was not making me sick, I would not have let them take it off, I am sometimes thinking.” She tilted her head at Catseye. “You are not happy with being what you are?”
Leaving the apple in the bag, Catseye took a seat next to Yvette. "Catseye is not happy because Catseye is nothing. Kyle says Catseye is more than just a cat and more than just a girl but Catseye thinks she is not a cat or a girl. Catseye wishes she was like Yvette because Yvette knows how to be a human. Yvette understands and does not do wrong things the way Catseye does. Like kissing Nick because Catseye saw it in the movie and thought kissing was for saying thank you and when Nick said Catseye was special Catseye wanted to say thank you so she kissed him and that was wrong just like all the times she naps on peoples' beds as a cat and they do not know she is a human or when she calls them names that hurt. Yvette never does wrong things like Catseye."
"Catseye, you are not 'nothing'. You are you, and that is the very important thing to be." Yvette's tone was as gentle as before, but her eyes flared brightly at the thought of Catseye thinking she was 'nothing'. "And to be human, to be anyone, is to be making mistakes." She thought for a moment. "It is like... well, you are knowing I am from the different country, yes? And that things are not always the same? We do not speak the same language and many of the ways people are doing things here are not the same as there. So when I am coming here, I am very confused, and sometimes upset, because I do not understand the ways things are being done. For you, growing up with the cats is like me growing up in a different country. You are learning the different way of doing things, and must learn new ways. It does not mean you are the bad person, just that you are seeing things the different way, yes?"
"But..." Catseye frowned, unable to finish her protest. She picked up the piece of wood Yvette was carving and studied it, absorbed in thought. "Catseye never thought of that before," she admitted after a long silence; "that it is the same." She'd learned firsthand about different countries when she'd been to Morocco with Nathan, so she knew how true it was. "Yvette was confused too, and did not understand?" It made her feel a lot better to know that Yvette had felt the same way. "What was the most different?" she asked curiously. "What made Yvette most confused?"
"Very confused. I was asleep when I am coming here and did not wake up for a time, so I did not know where I was. Or even who I was - the face in the mirror was not the same one I was remembering." Yvette sighed a little and then went on. This was about Catseye, not her. "The food was very different, and the language. But I think the thing that was most confusing was how people were treating each other. In my home country, we are always being polite and respecting the teachers, yes? We do not call them by their first names or talk about the personal thing with them. But here it was very different. The students were seeming so rude, and the teachers were talking about the drinking and the sex and such things which did not seem polite to me. It was very hard to understand and sometimes I still am not comfortable with such things." Also because people talking about sex reminded her of what she would never have, but she didn't want to be the sort of person who reminded people of what they could do better than her all the time.
The catgirl wrinkled her nose. “Catseye does not understand why people want to talk about sex,” she pointed out. “It does not sound like fun at all and there are lots of rules. And drinking is IckyBad. Catseye thinks this is not polite at all. But,” she added with a tilt of her head, “Catseye thinks maybe it is not a verybadthing that students can talk about personal things with teachers, because Mister Beaubier always helps Catseye when she is upset.” She put the carving down and focused on Yvette, reaching out to pat her back. “Catseye knows it is veryveryconfusing not to know who is in the mirror,” she commiserated, “that is how Catseye feels. Like she does not know who is in the mirror. How did Yvette be okay again?” she asked, sounding a little desperate, hoping Yvette could reveal some secret that would put a stop to the tormenting thoughts she’d been experiencing. ”How did Yvette be okay with the language and the food and people not being polite and with not being the same in the mirror after she woke up?”
“Time,” the younger girl replied, carefully keeping her hands and hair away from Catseye, but not pulling away. The catgirl needed physical contact, she understood that. “And I try to learn as much as I can. When I am not understanding, I am talking to Kyle or to Angel, because they do not think I am silly to not understand something, like you with Mr. Beaubier, yes? And when it is being hard, I find somewhere quiet to read and to think.” She smiled. “My friends, they are helping a lot.”
Catseye's head tilted the other way. She'd expected a quick fix, some magic word, not to hear that she was already doing what Yvette recommended, for the most part. But it was sort of funny, because she realized now that she was feeling better. Maybe not completely okay, but better than she had been before Yvette had told her about being confused herself. And hearing that Yvette sometimes went somewhere quiet to read and think, the way Catseye was in the woods to think, had made a particular impression on her.
"Only SillyKittens do not understand time," she murmured, half to herself. "SillyKittens do not understand waiting. Catseye understands time, and being patient." It didn't mean she liked it, but she could recognize the necessity of it. "And Catseye likes learning, especially when she learns something that is not confusing. And Catseye's friends are helping a lot. Kevin, Kyle, Cammie, Yvette." Even Nick, though she left his name off the list since he'd managed to confuse her so much when he'd admitted that he wanted to be a couple with her. "Catseye is very happy to have her friends. And Catseye thinks if she has friends to help maybe she can be human because if Yvette can learn to fit in New York then Catseye should try to fit in and be human, right?" It was basically a rhetorical question, but she said it out loud anyway.
"Right." Yvette's eyes glowed softly, the girl pleased and relieved to hear the positive in her friend's voice. She smiled a little. "Are you ready to be learning to drive? You said we would go for the test together, yes?"
Catseye nearly leapt off the stump they'd been sitting on, spirits definitely lifted now that she knew Yvette had struggled with and was overcoming some of the same things that she was trying to deal with. It was encouraging just to know that she wasn't alone in her confusions and frustrations. "Yesyes! Catseye wants to go together with Yvette! Catseye knows everything in the driving book, and Catseye thinks if Yvette is ready then Catseye is ready too!"
Yvette laughed at the vigorous response, glad to see Catseye starting to regain her spirits. “Very well, let us find someone to take us into town and we can do the test, yes?” She looked down at the bodysuit. “After I am getting dressed.”
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