Shiro & Jay, Monday evening

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Jay makes the greatest faux pas that one could imagine, and that spells the end.


Oh Kevin.

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He felt the body stiffen beneath him before he realized it and hesitated. The sheets were crunched up in between his fingers, legs tangled with each other and his bangs fell in his face, hiding his eyes from the pair that turned around and flashed angrily back at him."What? What's wrong?" he asked, his tone giving away nothing of his utter humiliation that he might have... just might have called the wrong name out in the heat of the moment.

Shiro pulled himself free of Jay, an act that normally would have been quite difficult to accomplish but made much easier by the three syllables uttered by his partner. "What did you just call me?" he asked coldly, rhetorically.

He caught himself on the bed frame at the accusation and sat down on his legs before he turned, sliding off the bed and looking hopelessly lost. "Ah--" Rule number one: When you say someone else's name, you never admit to it. "What?" he asked, confusion crossing his face.

"What did you just call me?" Shiro repeated. Images of Jay hastily pulling on his pants to leave in a huff when Shiro had revealed the existence of Kali replayed in his head. It was tempting to follow suit.

"Nothin', What are you talkin' about?" he asked helplessly gesturing with his palms up. He caught Shiro's wrist because he had a feeling Shiro was going to stalk out. "C'mon Shiro-- what?"

"Don't play dumb with me, Guthrie." Shiro wrenched his hand out of Jay's grasp and stood up, trying to look intimidating despite being several inches shorter. "You called me Kevin. Were you thinking about Ford?"

When Rule one failed, throw out the rules and wing it.

"What? No--" he brushed his hand through his hair, bracing the other on the bed. "Ah mean, yeah, okay but ... no, Ah wasn't thinkin' about him. Ah don't even like him."

"You have a funny way of showing that." The pants came on so quickly that Shiro tore a hole through cuff with his foot. "After all of the mistakes I have made, now you do this? What a waste."

Jay was on his feet in an instant. "Shiro no, c'mon," he pleaded. "Ah'm sorry. Seriously, please, don't leave okay? Ah'm really sorry. Ah didn't even realize -- Kevin was mah first boyfriend...Not Ford."

"Oh, that is so much better." Part of Shiro knew that his anger wasn't entirely rational, that in the grand scheme of things it was something they'd look back on and laugh. But on the other hand . . . "That sort of slip up does not happen unless you're disinterested in the person you are currently fucking."

"Aw Shiro, godamnit, you're being unfair. Everyone makes slip ups like that, it's just some names are more taboo than others. And if Ah called you Mike, you'd be wantin' to know who Mike was too. Kev's names an old habit to break. It don't mean that Ah was thinkin' about him." And he'd never admit that to Shiro, let alone himself, if he was.

"Ah'm sorry," he reached out to take Shiro's hand. "Ah'm sorry," he said, stepping a little closer. Stark nude to Shiro's half clothed posture, they'd done a complete role reversal. He cupped a cheek and slid his hand down Shiro's neck, leaning in with his breath hot, hoping to stir something inside Shiro to take away his doubts. "Why would Ah think about a dead guy and one Ah don't ever wanna touch again?" It was cruel to himself to put it that way, but he couldn't see any other way to sway Shiro from leaving. "Why, when Ah got you here?"

Shiro's skin was hot underneath Jay's fingertips, and it took Shiro a great deal of control to rein that in before Jay's skin would sizzle. As tempting as that would be. He grabbed Jay's hand to stop him from going any farther. "Dammit, Guthrie. You know how hard this is for me. Now I am some sort of joke to you."

Jay sighed irritably. "You ain't a joke to me Shiro. Ah dunno why you'd think that. Ah ain't ever made fun of you and Ah'm damn proud that you're with me and you actually wanna be with me in public. Ah don't wanna ruin that."

"You already did. You are clearly not over him. Them. Whoever." Shiro pushed Jay's hand off and let go. "Tell me the truth. Do you still think about Ford? Are you still in love with him?" he asked quietly.

He knew a losing battle when he saw on and that fully loaded question was nothing he could lie through, though if Jay was honest with himself, he was never a good liar and didn't know why he was starting now. He turned around and went searching for his clothes, not answering, not because he didn't want to but because he didn't really know. He found his jeans in the corner, hanging off the side of the dresser and when they were pulled on, that was when he decided to answer. "Ah dunno. It don't matter anyways. Ah don't wanna be with him - ever. He ain't done nuttin' good in mah life but screwed me up more."

That was that, then. Shiro sat back down on his bed and pulled on the discarded t-shirt lying at its foot. "I'm sorry, Jay. I do not think we should do this anymore." Two failed relationships in two weeks. Way to go.

Jay crouched down, the full of his spine exposed to Shiro while he leaned over and picked up two of his dirty socks, balling them up. Looking down at them, he stayed there because he didn't want to turn around and face what was a short run coming to an end. Sighing he inclined his head and threw the socks down, pushing himself to stand. "Yeah, Ah know."

Shiro wanted to say more, to soften this abrupt end, but he was at a loss. He buried his head in his hands to massage his temples, trying to relieve the sharp pain from a sudden headache.

Jay's cool hand touched the back of Shiro's neck and he crouched down, taking one of those hands and bringing it to his lips. A meaningful kiss was placed on his knuckles, one of apology, one of friendship and one of a deeper desire to be more than just an ex. "Ah really am sorry."

Blue and red streams swam through Shiro's vision, slowly resolving into Jay's face. Shiro rubbed his eyes tiredly. "I know. I am, too. I hope you find someone who is better for you."

He reached up, a finger along the temple and trailed down the cheek bone. "Ah think you will cause you know who you are now."

Shiro's held up his right hand in front of his chest, fingers extended and palm turned outward. The mudra lasted only a couple of seconds before his hands fell onto his lap as if in defeat. "I think that I am more confused than ever."

Moving, he sat down beside Shiro and leaned forward, elbows on knees. "Whaddya mean?"

"I am not like you. This is not easy to accept. I think about what I am and what I am supposed to be, and I can stop asking myself questions in the heat of the moment." As he had with Alex. No time to think, just do. And the revelation of what their relationship was made it all not real. "I cannot continue to avoid these questions, but I do not know how to respond."

"It's just another step in evolutionary chain, yanno? No different than acceptin' that you're a mutant - that you burn up or Ah--" or he what? Had metal wings? Blue skin? A predatory instinct he never had before? "--Well, you know. But you don't have to be like me, gay, proud n' loud. Maybe you're more private? So don't avoid the questions. Just choose what you wanna answer."

"It would be much easier if someone could simply answer the questions for me." It was meant to be a joke, but there was truth to it. "I am sorry, Jay, I do not need to burden you. These are my faults, and I will deal with them."

"It ain't faults," Jay said with conviction. "It. Ain't. Faults. All right? Ah know Ah don't got the answers for you but Ah'm still here. Just hit me a couple of times if Ah start sounding like Sam - he gets a little preachy now n' then."

"Your brother did save my life once, so I suppose that acting like him cannot be completely bad." Beating up Kyle would also be a nice perk. Shiro's lips quirked upward into a half-smile, part self-deprecating but also part gracious.

The half smile was met with a usual lopsided grin and he brushed the darker locks away from Shiro's eyes. The hair was pushed away from the temple where he planted a full affectionate kiss, quietly wishing away the stress. "Talk to Jean-Paul. He knows all about comin' out and probably could use the distraction of worryin' about someone else."

Shiro maintained the smile, although it wasn't easy. "Maybe. I do not think that I ought to worry him with such absurdity now. I think it is too inane for him." A lie, certainly, but easier to digest than the truth.

"Still friends then?" he asked and it was a genuine question, quietly asked and hanging onto any answer Shiro would give. "Ah know you won't but Ah'll put it out there that you can always ask me anything about it. Ah won't laugh or ever tease you."

His friendships with Clarice and Alex suffered after the relationships ended, and of course Kali was out of the picture entirely. But there's a first time for everything. "Still friends," Shiro nodded.

"Good," Jay stood abruptly and snagged a shirt with a new determination on his face. He grabbed Shiro's hand and tried pulling him to his feet. "Let me take you out. Somethin’ fun. Ah need to make it up to you anyways and rippin' your clothes off ain't an option anymore, is it?" He teased.

Shiro followed but then pulled back and sat down again. "I appreciate the offer, but I think I will pass for now. I could use some time alone. To think." If that incessant headache would just stop so he could see straight.

Of course Jay stopped in front of him and stood there for a second before he pulled his t-shirt on. "You okay?" he asked.

"I will be."