Cammie & Tabitha: Poison, Time Bombs and Craig's List

[x-scorpion.livejournal.com]

Cammie visits Tabitha with the nearly forgotten offer to put Tabitha up for grabs on Craig's List. Camera included.

Cammie was grinning evilly when she knocked on Tabitha's door, a digital camera in hand a long with a full intention to use it. Her shirt proudly read 'Bad Samaritan' and indeed that was just what she was here to do. Help, but in a bad way.

"Open up, will you?" Cammie said, with another knock, "I got a surprise for you."

Tabitha clutched the door, eying Cammie with wide, nearly frightened eyes. "Why do I have a bad feeling about this?"

"I have no idea," Cammie said, working her way in, "I mean, I really am a fountain of absolute genius sometimes. So let's get this going. Trust me, the camera's important. Have you thought about what you want it to say?"

Eyes still wide, Tabs closed the door behind Cammie. "What I want to say where?"

"The add," Cammie said, "For Craig's List. About you."

"You were serious?" The librarian's voice rose two and a half octaves. "I thought you knew somebody or something."

"Oh, I know lots of people, but look at it this way: we do it like this, you can screen everyone personally. Only middle man is a website. Look, I promise you, you aren't the only girl to have an advert up there," Cammie explained, waving off Tabitha's growing fear over the whole thing. "We'll just make yours the best. Oh, and you have to figure out whether you want to say you're a mutant or not. It's a turn on for some guys, but not so much for others."

"I think I'd want to be upfront about that. I mean, what if I blow up a bomb on orgasm or something?" She mused weakly. "People really do that?"

"And yep, people really do it. You see ads up there all the time, we'll just have to make yours stand out," Cammie said, grinning, "Now come on, you should strip down to your bra and stuff for the picture."

There was a high probability that Tabitha's voice would never work in normal octaves again. "You want me to WHAT?" Her white-knuckled hands clung to the buttons of her shirt.

"Hey, calm down. You don't want to do it, that's cool. We could photoshop something. I'd say we'd just take pictures of my tits, but our coloring is different and I have this totally nasty ass scar now," Cammie said with a shrug. "'Sides, everyone puts up pictures."

"If there are going to be tits in the ad, they're going to be my tits." Tabitha slapped a hand over her mouth in mortification, eyes bugged. "Besides, nobody would believe those were mine."

She bit her lip and relaxed her hands. "Cleavage only. Not topless."

"Fair enough," Cammie said, grinning, "Let's get this started then. Oooh, put on a tank top or something that will really show them off. This could work out good, most guys are suckers for what they think they can't have. You'll have 'em all eating off your proverbial plate." This was going to be too much fun.

"What are we going to put in this thing, anyhow? 'Desperate 20-something virgin needs a discreet cherry-popper?'" Tabs asked as she went to her closet to find suitable clothing.

"Pretty much. I mean, it can say what you want. If you want a certain type of guy feel free to spell it out. If you don't want guys sending you pictures of their junk you better spell that out too," Cammie warned. "It's a crazy ass world out there, but we should be able to get you some."

"Penis pictures?" Tabs asked, eyes crinkled in the first stages of trouble-making. She held up a spaghetti-strapped top that she used for painting and yard-work for Cammie's opinion.

"Yeah, you know, guys. But you should say you don't want that," Cammie said, toying with the settings on the camera, "And then we can just laugh at the guys who do."

"I say we put them up on a web-site and advertise them on Craig's List. They apparently WANT pictures of their junk out for all to see," Tabitha rolled her eyes and turned her back to change into the tank.

"See?" Cammie said happily, "Now you're thinking," she stated as Tabitha changed, "And if things fall through, at least you'll have a bunch of email we can look back on and laugh our asses off, right?"

Tabitha turned around, poking at her breasts. "Okay, I don't see a difference. It's not like they're going to stand up on their own without the aid of some silicon."

"Look, it's fine," Cammie held up the camera, "Face in the picture or not? And how are we going to word this? Twenty-something blonde virgin lookin' for love? Must have a thing for hot, hot, hot mutants?"

"No face!" All the color drained from the blonde woman. "Could you even IMAGINE if someone here or at the Brownstone got a hold of that? I'd have to con Garrison into putting me into Witness Protection!"

"You're overreacting," Cammie said, shaking her head, "It wouldn't be that bad. But I got'cha. No face. Now let's take some pictures. Then we need to write us an add."

"Please avoid the word 'discreet.' That always sounds like I'm looking for a cheater and that's just not on." Tabitha sat at the table, head cradled in her arms as she mumbled at Cammie.

"Alright, uh, what could we use in place of it? Tact? Secretive? That one is almost worse. We could put in 'no married men' and see how many guys go through great pains to hide their rings and/or status to get at you," Cammie said, "You know, I'd consider this a challenge. How many guys we can net for you."

Tabitha continued through the red spectrum. "I like the 'no married men' part. What's a word for guys who want in-the-sack bragging rights?"

"Dead meat?" Cammie suggested with a grin, "Because that's what they'll be."

She reached out for a pen and piece of paper. "Blonde mutant in search of booty call, no trophy hunters or married men," she wrote on the paper before handing it back to Cammie.

"And I think we're good to go. What do you want for contact? Cell phone or email?" Cammie asked.

"EMAIL! Dear god, email! And I want to make up a temp email just for this, preferably one I can check from an internet cafe or library, because I don't want to do it from a mansion computer AT ALL." She might be overreacting, but she really didn't think so.

She very seriously considered tossing the entire idea.

"Okay, then we'll just have to set that up," Cammie said, chuckling, "I can honestly get not wanting to use your phone. Most of these guys are going to be twits."