xp_logs | [Marie, Logan] So cares and joys abound, as seasons fleet.

Marie speaks to Logan about his actions toward Doug. It's not a talking to, but it gets addressed, as does the somewhat uncomfortable nature of the house at present.

On her way back up from the medlab, Marie resolved that she was in a decent enough mood to talk to Logan about whatever had gone on between himself and Doug while she was out taking Manuel for a drive. She took a few deep breaths to center herself and then knocked once on Logan's door before letting herself into the room.

Logan put down the book he wasn't reading, turning toward the door. "Hey."

Marie put her hands in her pockets and bit her lip as she walked over to sit down in her chair so she could talk to him. "What were you thinking?" she asked quietly when she was seated. She looked across at him, thinking of all the conversations they'd had here. "Talking to Doug like that, I mean. I really want to know."

Logan's eyes flashed angrily. He hadn't expected this from her. But he took a breath, clenching his teeth for a moment, and reminded himself that she wasn't attacking him. "I did /not/ threaten t'kill 'im. He's not worth the effort an' y'/know/ I don't make idle threats."

"I know." Marie stayed calm and unafraid, looking steadily at Logan, her eyes on his. "I never thought you'd threaten to kill him, Logan. I just want to know why you thought you had to talk to him at all."

"He took away your control. He /hurt/ you," Logan growled, meeting her eyes. Doug had said he loved her. He'd also said he was innocent. Logan believed neither claim, now. "He's got no right t'go anywhere near you 'less y'tell 'im he can. I wanted t'make sure he understood that."

"Logan." Marie took a deep breath and thought over her words carefully. "I get frustrated a lot because people don't give you the benefit of the doubt. And what Doug did was stupid and possibly even wrong, but I don't know for sure yet what the truth is. It would be pure hypocrisy to look at the surface information and judge him on that."

Logan gave Marie a look of disbelief. "I know he said he didn't do it, but it don't much look like it coulda been anybody else." He shook his head. "It's your deal, Marie, an' you make your own choices. If y'wanna b'lieve 'im, I got no right t'say y'shouldn't."

"I'd kill him if I didn't believe him on some level I could hold on to," she said flatly and her eyes were cold. "Or I would have Monday. Don't think I wouldn't have. I don't know what I'd do right now, I don't know what I'll do if I find out it /was/ him. You tell me my choices here. If I don't give him the benefit of the doubt, if I don't live like people are as good as I hope they are, I'm going to burn every bridge I've ever crossed."

He frowned, sighing and looking away. "I don't know what t'tell you. If y'hadn't needed me on Monday night, he'd probably be in th'infirmary now."

"It's just not an option, being like that." Marie stood and paced to the kitchen, pulling off her gloves. "I can't live like that and neither can you, at least not if we're going to live here. And... I think that's a good thing."

Logan curls into the side of the chair, watching Marie. Some things didn't need to be said, not yet, he decided. "I'm not goin' after 'im again, if that's what you're worryin' about."

"I wasn't worried about that at all," she said quietly, knowing he could hear her even over the water running into the mug she'd taken from the cupboard. "I was thinking about leaving last night. And today." She put the mug in the microwave and watched it circle. "I've never thought about it this much before. I don't like it. Angelo says I'm doing the right thing by being here, but I don't know about that."

"Angelo's a smart ki--. Angelo's smart." Logan sighed. "I'm not gonna lie an' say this place is feelin' all that welcomin', these days. But it means a lot t'you, bein' here."

"I don't like how angry I am." Marie leaned on the counter, waiting for the microwave to stop. "I don't like how afraid and off-kilter I feel. I don't like who I am to protect myself. It's a fight. Because this place and who I am when I need to protect myself, they just don't match up. And I love this place, you're right. I don't know if I'm good for it since I killed Stanley, though. I'm trying, but I still have doubts and the place is less home every day."

"Times like this," Logan admits, "I feel guilty for leavin' y'here in the first place, tellin' y'this was a good place t'call home."

"You didn't have a lot of choice, did you?" Marie started to make herself a cup of tea. "What were you going to do? Keep me yourself?" There was no rancour in her tone, merely a tired amusement.

He shrugged, admitting she was right. "Doesn't make me feel less guilty," he said dryly. "...what can I do t'make it easier?"

"I don't know." Marie brought her tea over and curled up in her chair again, realizing once she got there that she'd actually made a cup of tea and not really paid any attention to the process of doing so. She looked at it in some surprise and then put it down. Autopilot was getting to be the norm for her these days. "Tell me you're happy... at least happy with me."

Logan looked at Marie in surprise, rolling in his chair to face her again. "I'm happy with you. Y'make me happy, Marie, y'always have." Even when she made him miserable, she made him happy. "What'd I do t'make y'doubt that?"

"Like you said, this isn't an easy place to be lately." She looked down at her hands. "And I know that staying in one place, it's not something you're good at really. And I know that ... so much of /us/ is out of character for you, or at least the you that I've seen most often. I don't want you to end up resenting me. Being with me hasn't brought you any good, really, when I think of it."

"Bein' with you..." He sighed. "You're th'most important thing in my life. Y'keep me calm, just bein' around me, y'help me bury the psychotic fuck that I am, most times." He watched her stare at her hands. "Y'love me. I believe that, 'cause you never lied t'me 'bout anythin' else. An' that's...y'bring me a lot of good."

Marie nodded slowly when he was done speaking and sighed a little, still looking down. "Okay." She finally looked up at him and gave him a small smile. "As long as I'm still good for you."

"You're a Very Good Thing," he said, unconsciously repeating his words from their first conversation on this topic.

She smiled a little more and, abandoning her chair, she crawled into his lap. The memory of the spell breaking was still fresh with her, the way losing him had crashed in on her, and she huddled against his chest for a moment so she could listen to his heart. "Just... be careful," she said quietly. What else could she say? Don't be yourself? Just be careful. "I'd emailed him to tell him not to go near you," she confessed.

He nodded. "Y'know me pretty good." He wrapped his arms around her and, after a moment, said, "He wanted me t'hurt 'im. Wanted it /bad/."

"I told him you didn't deserve it, to be pushed into hurting him." Marie reached out to touch his hand, rubbing her fingers over the places where his claws emerged. Does it hurt? ...Every time. Even that was more hurt than she wanted for him. "Next time... No next time, or let Scott do it or something. Please. I'll be okay as long as you are, forever, and that's all that matters."

Logan nodded, knowing how much it had hurt her to see him berated on the staff journal for his actions. "There won't be a next time," he promised, and hoped it was a promise he never had to think about keeping, that something like this never happened again.