Lil and Jean-Paul

[x-cynosure.livejournal.com]

On the last night before she heads home, Lil shares dinner, drinks, and confidences with Jean-Paul.



"That's why I couldn't tell you until I got here," Lil sighed, still staring into her glass as she swirled the dark red wine around in it. "A fucking email to some woman in Washington and five people end up dead. I swear if I'd been alone in that room with Walter, Department H would have new, shag carpeting now."

She blew a frustrated breath out then turned her pout on her companion. Her last night in the mansion: full of delicious food, after dinner cocktails and the complete story of Alpha Flight's demise. "I hate computers."

Jean-Paul ran a hand through his hair, leaning back into the deep cushions of his sofa. There was a part of him that had a hard time believing even Langkowski would be so careless...and then there was the larger part of him that was willing to believe almost anything of the man. For such a supposedly intelligent person, Langkowski had been remarkably stupid in the past.

"Well, you see? If they had just let me skin him when I wanted to all those years ago..." The joke was leaden and bitter, and he didn't bother finishing it. "That is a hell of a thing, Lil. I am sorry."

"Yeah, me too." Her head dropped onto the back of the couch for a long moment before she lifted it and took another long sip from the glass. "What's really frustrating is that I talked to Gar and we're not any closer to figuring out who's behind it all. Just a coupla clues that have run us into brick walls. Madison doesn't remember a thing about the attack and Juddsie... It's been a long month spent mostly in hospital rooms."

"How is Madison otherwise? Any improvement since we last talked?" Their exchanges of letters had been less frequent than Jean-Paul would have liked, but they had both had their hands full dealing with their respective issues. He still felt badly that he had not managed to make it north for a visit despite that. He had less excuse than most -- given his power set, it was practically an afternoon trip.

Long blonde curls fell in front of her face as she shook her head. "Not much. He still won't let me near him, let alone touch him. Switches back and forth between staring into space and paranoid raving with little warning." Eyes squeezed shut, blinking back the frustrated tears that threatened. "Sometimes, there are moments when he's his old self and other times I look at him and all I can see is his brother, Lionel."

Jean-Paul set down his glass and lay a hand on Lil's shoulder, squeezing gently. "I know you are doing your best for him, ma mie, but have you considered asking the Professor if Madison could come here? Perhaps he and Jean could help him make sense of his mind."

"He doesn't want to come here and I don't want to put him through another move yet," Lil confided. She drew in a deep breath and inched closer to the speedster, drinking in the contact. "Who knows what will happen in the future but right now, we're staying put in Toronto. It's what's best for him." The last sip was swallowed down before she reached for the bottle to refill the glass.

Jean-Paul put an arm around her shoulders without hesitation. Yes, he would definitely need to make it a point to visit, just to be sure that Lil didn't get wrapped up in caring for Madison to the point of neglecting herself. It was hard to keep perspective with the ones you care for.

"Rotten fucking summer, hm?"

Giving into the temptation, Lil laid her head against his. It wasn't weakness... just being human. "So fucking rotten. Johnny's birthday was great though; probably the most fun I've had in a long time - and probably will have for even longer." The pout deepened. "I'm making the right choice, right? Going back home? I was so sure before but now... He's coming home and I don't know what the fuck is going to happen to me. Everyone I've talked to has asked me what I'm going to do and I just don't have a fucking clue. If he doesn't get better, when I have to go back work, I just don't know!"

"For the moment, I think you are doing what is right. If you were not there to care for Madison, to give him time to come back to himself, you would have a hard time living with yourself. There is time to think on later." He sighed into her hair. "I hope he does get better. Making the choice between what is right for you and what is right for someone you love is always hard. It never feels as if you have done the right thing, even when your mind knows you have."

"I don't know how to take care of someone else when I can barely take care of myself half the time," she replied, running the back of her palm under her nose. "I hate this, Jean-Paul. And I'm fucking scared that I'm gonna screw up royally. Again. He's coming home and I wasn't good at the wife shit before when he didn't need me to do the cleaning and the cooking and the laundry. Now, he doesn't eat unless I bring him food and continually remind him to take a bite. He flinches if I'm closer than a foot to him. The first time he called me his 'Diamond Girl' again, I felt like everything was gonna be okay and I'd get my fucking fairytale ending but I can't even let myself hope for that."

"I wish I could tell you that it will be all right, but the truth is, you are probably going to wind up with your heart broken on a daily basis." Jean-Paul fished in his pockets for a moment, then handed Lil his handkerchief. "If you do not let yourself hope, it will be worse."

Lil took his offering - both the handkerchief and the advice - with a small nod of gratitude. "I haven't felt this fucking lost since I left him last year. I don't think it's been any easier going back to him."

"I know," Jean-Paul said softly. "There are no easy options here -- running away or staying the course are equally difficult."

"Even more so when I can't even have a fucking cigarette to calm my nerves," she half growled, half sighed. "The smell makes him fussy. How in the world that was the first thing that came back to him, I don't know."

"Take it as a sign of improvement for the moment," Jean-Paul suggested, teasing lightly. "And make it one of the things to bitch him out about when he is back on his feet. I am sure you will have quite the list by then."

Lil shook her head after taking another long draw of the wine. "No lists. We're starting over when he's on his feet and I don't want that going the way things ended." She firmly believed a fresh beginning was what they needed once he'd recovered. A clean slate for them as a couple with no Boxbot to worry about in the middle. "I can give up smoking if that's gonna help smooth the road we got in fronta us."