Shiro & Jay, backdated to Tuesday

[x-sanfuaiyaa.livejournal.com]

When Jay goes to check on Shiro after Nick voices his concerns, he finds Shiro troubled but as usual also unresponsive to help.


The knock was brief, if anything, not wanting to really be there because of his own selfish reasons.

Originally he wasn't going to go but it started to nag on him the way a wound festered but much faster, up into the point that he was mentally scratching at it so much, his only reprieve would be to actually check on Shiro and quite being stubborn.

One more knock, he told himself. One more and he'd leave.

But even as he lifted his knuckles to hit the door again, it gave as the doorknob turned.

Shiro had originally planned on spending the afternoon trying to find a job now that he'd been out of college for three months. With his suspension from the team, he needed to find a new purpose for himself. But as soon as he'd sat down in front of his computer, his room exploded and he found himself engulfed by raging fires that climbed up several stories and threatened to burn everything within their reach. Shiro looked around, trying to find a cause for the fires, but all he saw was the skyline of Tokyo consumed by a flaming torrent the likes of which he had never before seen.

As the fire came closer, opening its maws wide to consume him, too, a soft pounding sound penetrated the roars and crackles, and suddenly he was back on his seat in his fireproof room, unscathed. "Another dream," he said to no one in particular as he pulled himself to his feet and dragged himself over to his door. "Just a dream. It does not mean anything. My city is safe and I am here in New York. Just a dream. Hello, Jay."

"Hey," he said, unsure as he walked in. "You uh busy?" he asked, though it didn't really look that way. It was more of a question of 'am I intruding?'

Shiro grabbed Jay's wrist as he entered, and found himself reveling on the rough, sandpapery skin beneath his fingers. "You are real. That was fake. Good. If that were real and this fake then I . . . Sorry." He abruptly let go of Jay and stepped away, ashamed of the desperate move to reassure himself of his grip on reality.

Jay's hand replaced where Shiro had gripped just a little too hard and rubbed the spot, brows creasing together. "Don't be sorry. Are you alright?" he asked. It was nice to see Shiro, more than nice but not in this condition. He only felt concern and where Shiro stepped away, Jay was his shadow.

"Yes. No. Yes. I am fine. I am just . . . distracted." Shiro slipped by Jay to get to the kitchen where he poured himself a mug of water that, an instant later, was hot enough for tea. A tea fanatic to begin with, his meetings with Xavier lately only amplified his enjoyment.

"Well yer sure actin' funny arn'tcha?" Jay commented. He wasn't much of a tea drinker, more of a coffee fiend but he always liked how hot Shiro could get the drinks, way better than any kettle.

"I am not acting funny," Shiro shot back, perhaps too strongly. The first tea bag he took from the box incinerated in his hands, but thankfully the second one fared better. "I am the same as I always am."

"Yeah, sure ya are," Jay nodded to the bag that was in Shiro's hand. "Ah'll just pretend you didn't fry that like ya did and be all smiles, huh?"

"What do you want, Jay? I am just a little . . . testy. There is no need to express any concern. I will be . . . I am fine. Just bored." Shiro sipped his tea, savoring the scalding liquid. He'd have to drink quickly or else it would cool down too much and not be enjoyable anymore. Right below boiling is the only way.

"What Ah want," he started, accentuating his words as he walked towards Shiro and stopped short just inside his personal space. "What Ah need is for you to stop actin' like yer gonna implode or somethin'."

"Step. Back." The words came out slowly, harshly. "I am more liable to explode than implode, and you would best not be so close."

Jay didn't move and he shook his head. "Explode on me? We already know how that ends, so save yer threats Yoshida." Jay softened and his hand brushed Shiro's elbow. "C'mon Shiro--"

Shiro slapped away Jay's hand and moved to slam him to the ground, but stopped before he made contact. The air around him shimmered, the familiar sign that his temper was gone. "Just stay away from me, Guthrie!" he shouted as he stumbled back against the sink, just trying to get the hell away from Jay and everyone else.

Jay could do nothing as his wings shifted out from his back, fists balled aggressively. Feathers rippled in agitation and he shook them out, gritting his teeth with fierce control. "Don't pull this shit again --" Them in a face off, it was the last thing he needed. "Get a hold of yourself Shiro, Ah ain't yer enemy."

Geometric patterns swirled in Shiro's mind's eye. The mandalas with which he'd become all too familiar served to focus him and strengthen his control over himself. But they wavered and shriveled, as if drawn on paper and thrown into the fire. "Jay, I . . . I'm sorry. I didn't mean . . ."

His fists broke, shaken free as he was all too aware everything in his body had narrowed his focus on Shiro's reactions but he restrained. That in itself made it easier to let go, let his shoulders drop but no relief came from the tension in his shoulders.

Signing, his fingers forked through his hair as he closed the gap between them. "Jesus Christ, c'mere--"
"I just need something to occupy myself," Shiro said, slipping out of Jay's hold to get some space to breathe. "I keep thinking about my mistakes and it is making me crazy. If I had a job or something to do then I would be better off."

"What you need is people and not pennin' yerself up like this," he turned, though he let Shiro put space between them. "You can't always dwell on what you could or couldn't do. It ain't healthy."

Shiro crossed his arms over his chest and glared at Jay. "Pot. Kettle. Jay, I am done with this conversation. I do not owe you anything nor am I interested in your counseling. So please stop."

"Stop being a class A jerk n' Ah'll stop," he countered but then he got up. "You know what, fuck this." He headed for the door. It was like a lost cause trying to be friends with his exes because they always knew where to punch.

"Good bye," Shiro said to Jay's retreating form. "I would have thought that you of all people would to understand. You disappoint me with your obstinacy."

"Damnit, Ah do understand, more than you know," Jay turned at the door, hand on the knob. "How else am Ah suppose to react when you push me away?" He didn't want an answer to that and ran his hand over his face, arching his wing back as he turned.

"If you think Ah don't understand, then make me," he stepped away from the door. "You ain't alone all the time, yanno?"

Shiro wanted to say that he'd lost his direction. That his suspension from the team was unlikely to be reversed any time soon, if not because of the incident in the Danger Room then because of his murder of Alpha, and that left him without a place in life. That he'd wasted four years of his life on some stupid piece of paper that wasn't doing a thing to help him progress. That with all this, he had no future prospects.

"I have nothing further to add," he said instead.

Jay took two paces and shoved Shiro. "Is that what you want, huh? Reel me in then push me away? Do ya think Ah'm stupid Yoshida? Did you forget that Ah care?"

"If you push me again," Shiro spat, retaliating in kind, "Then we will see just how powerful your healing factor truly is. I will say this one more time, slowly so you can actually understand. I have no need for your help. Your concern is noted, but this is something that I need to do on my own. You simply cannot help. OK?"

He wasn't sure what made him originally push Shiro and doing it a second time, only to have it pointed out made him immediately feel bad for overstepping his boundaries.

"Okay," he replied, relenting when every part of him itched to push past that line. instead he stepped back, a forced submission that took a lot of care to move in that deliberate one step in front of the other, bringing him back to the door. It was better that he left.

"Ah'll be there when you need me," he murmured as he opened the door. "But not before then."