Shiro & Professor X, Thursday morning

[x-sanfuaiyaa.livejournal.com]

Following his rescue from Japan, Shiro meets with Xavier, who thinks he has pinpointed the cause of Shiro's problems and offers a difficult solution.


It had been a week of terror after terror. The hallucinations disguised as prophetic visions, his abduction by The Hand and subsequent pursuits by them and the Yakuza, his destruction of two historical shrines, his loss of sanity in front of his teammates . . . None of that compared to his meeting with Charles. While he knew that he'd get nothing but sympathy and real help, the thought of facing what he did do and what he'd almost done was enough to induce a heart attack. Still clad in his uniform, the power indicator almost fully illuminated, Shiro took a seat across from Charles and kept his gaze anywhere but at the old man.

Charles watched him, his gaze steady but compassionate. "How are you feeling, Shiro?"

A popular Engrish t-shirt popped into his head, bright red and decorated with stars and rainbows proclaiming "I hate myself and I want to die." His face reddened at the thought. "Less crazy than I did before."

"It's been a difficult few days. I think it would be best to focus on moving forward, at this point," Charles said, folding his hands together. "I have been doing some reading since you left, attempting to determine what might have caused your hallucinations."

"You had to read up on me? So my insanity is something that you have not encountered before?" Great. Getting well again would be so much easier with a mystery ailment.

"The mind is a very complex thing," Charles said, almost soothingly. "The challenges posed by our mutations, and the... circumstances in which we so often find ourselves only deepen that complexity. I wanted to explore the possibilities."

"So what did you discover?" Shiro rubbed his chest to soothe his heart and keep it from beating so hard in nervousness.

"You have been making a regular habit of meditation, yes?"

"Of course. It has been the only thing that kept me in control of myself. Why do you ask?"

"I believe that may be the root of your problems," Charles said seriously, leaning forward slightly in his chair. "Meditation is a very powerful tool. It affects the mind on many levels. When done unguided, by someone already affected by feelings of loss and solitude...in very rare circumstances it can lead to a form of psychosis."

Shiro blinked once. Then again. "What? Can you please repeat that?" The words were English and they did not make sense. "Meditating made me crazy?"

"When complicated by additional factors, it can have a negative effect on your well-being, yes," Charles said gravely. "I think it would be best if you stopped using the word 'crazy', Shiro. These are difficulties that can be overcome, given proper treatment."

"But I do have a psychosis, correct? That would mean that I am crazy. Fine." Shiro cracked his knuckles, ignoring the now completely illuminated rising sun on his glove, and took a deep breath to study himself. "What sort of treatment is prescribed?"

Charles's tone and expression didn't change for an instant as he answered. "Therapy - there are various options. Typically, drug therapy could potentially be useful in this sort of case, but given the nature of your metabolism as an energy-projector, I don't feel that's a feasible option."

"So what alternative does that leave? I already have counseling."

"It will need to be somewhat more intensive than that." Charles sighed, a pained look briefly crossing his face. "As loathe as I am to suggest it, given that it would mean distancing yourself from the support that you could find here, I think perhaps Muir Island would be the best location for this therapy to take place. They're best-equipped to deal with any powers problems that may arise in the process."

Shiro picked up his dropped jaw from the ground. "You want me to stay at Muir? For how long?" Of course, he was sure he already knew the answer.

"Until your therapy has progressed to a point where the environment Muir provides is no longer necessary. Shiro," and there was the hint of a plea in Charles's tone as he went on, "if nothing else, you have always been a young man with a highly developed sense of responsibility. It has been at the heart of some of the difficulties you've faced, these last few years. I would appeal to you to apply that same... rigor, to your own well-being for now. You need help, and you need it in a place where you can focus on therapy and your own health in a way that would never be possible here."

"And if I lose control any further, then I can be more easily locked up there than here and not give anyone cancer." Though it was the truth, there was some bitterness in his tone. "Sorry," he followed, ashamed at the little outburst, "It is not like I want to hurt anyone."

"I know you don't, Shiro," Charles said evenly, although there was true compassion in his eyes. "But as you respect honesty, I will concede that Muir's ability to safely contain your mutation is a factor. The course of treatment can be unpredictable. And you are, fundamentally, a responsible man."

"If you say that one more time then I may actually believe it." Shiro couldn't help the small wry smile that grew on his lips. "Have you spoken with Doctor MacTaggart yet? Is she expecting me?"

Charles nodded. "I think you will find Muir less of an exile than you might assume," he said, more kindly. "It may be far quieter than the mansion, but the people are kind, and quite respectful of one's privacy."

That was certainly something Shiro could get used to, but all the same, his eyes belied his true anxiety. Not to mention his mind. "I suppose that I ought to begin packing, then, and making my goodbyes. I will arrange for my sister's tuition to be paid if I become unavailable. She must stay here now. I do not want her to befall the same fate as I have."

"We will do all that we can for her, in your absence," Charles said. "And ensure that she has the opportunity to visit you regularly. The support of family and friends is very important at times like this, Shiro. We will all make sure that you have as much of it as we can give."