[Marie, Amanda] Love all, trust a few...

[x-rogue.livejournal.com]

Marie runs into Amanda (literally) outside Angelo's party, and things begin to mend.


If Amanda hoped to leave before anyone other than Angelo saw her, she saw to be disappointed. As she passed the kitchen, she nearly collided with Marie who was bustling out.

Marie put out a hand to balance them both, holding a plate of brownies in the other out so that it wouldn't spill. "Amanda." She sounded happy to see the younger girl and kept her hand on Amanda's arm once they were both steady as though she were afraid Amanda would bolt as soon as she let go. "Look, I..." She looked at the plate of brownies in her hand and then at Amanda. "Don't move," she ordered. She grabbed two and took a step away to put the plate on the counter. "They can get them themselves. Here." She held a brownie out to Amanda.

The Brit hesitated, but the lure of food was too much - she hadn't been eating the past week, initially feeling too awful and then being too afraid of encountering someone in the kitchen. The only reason she'd even dared come up to the second floor tonight was because of Samson's advice, and she was mentally cursing out the psychiatrist now. She knew she'd run into one of the people she'd hurt.

"Um, ta," she said awkwardly, taking the brownie. It smelled beyond good, and she had to restrain herself from shoving the whole thing in her mouth at once.

"I'm glad to see you." Marie looked at the one in her hand as thought it might have sinister intentions and then broke off a piece and put it in her mouth. "I... maybe that sounds stupid to you, but I am."

"No, it's not stupid. It's..." Amanda looked down at her hands. "It's sorts nice, actually," she added quietly, so quietly it might have been missed over the noise of people being happy down the hall. "I... I missed talkin' t' you."

Marie reached out and put her arms around Amanda impulsively, pulling her close. "Are you okay?" Her voice was shaky like she was trying not to cry.

The emotion in Marie's voice stabbed at Amanda, resurrecting still-raw guilt and self-loathing. She wanted nothing more that to run away again, somewhere, anywhere, to get away from the consequences of her ill-conceived prank, but Samson had been right, running didn't solve anything and she was so very tired of running. And Marie deserved more than that.

"Not really, but that don't matter," she said, at last. "An' I should be askin' you that."

"'Course I'm not," Marie said with a little laugh. "But it's not much different than last week, is it? Just less okay than the usual not-okay, and it comes and goes. I just... I know this isn't easy for you either. And... well, I don't know. I /hate/ being avoided. The worst thing I can imagine out of anything is losing people I care about..."

"Oh fuck, I didn't mean t'..." Amanda closed her hands into fists and struck her legs. "It doesn't matter what I do, I still manage t' fuck everyone over. Jamie's right, I am twisted." She took a deep breath to calm herself and looked at Marie. "I wasn't avoidin' you, not after that email I sent you. Well, a bit. I thought it'd be easier on you if you didn't have t' deal with me, on top of everythin' else. An'... it was easier for me," she admitted at last.

"Jamie... was angry," Marie said. "And he doesn't know from twisted. I know twisted, and it's not you, okay? And I know you were kind of avoiding me, but you didn't run away at least, right? If you want to go, I'll understand just... know that I know that people fuck up, okay? And it passes."

"No, I' okay. I... I want t' talk. Besides, Samson says I need t' start facin' things, 'stead of runnin' away from 'em. But it's hard. I've never given a rat's 'bout what I done, an' now I do an' I feel like shite. An' nothin's gunna fix it." The words tumbled out in a rush, having been pent-up for so long. "I've been tryin' t' think how t' say sorry, an' givin' up me magic was the best way I could think of, but it's awful. You have no idea." She twisted her hands into the hem of her t-shirt - the same shirt she'd been wearing for a week - shaking a little. The cravings for power had eased somewhat with the small amounts of mystic energy she'd been able to wrangle, but they were still there. "I... I've got a problem with it," she managed.

"That's why I was avoidin' you, really. There was this huge power source on the campus an' now it's gone an' I'm havin' trouble adjustin' to it bein' gone. An' I didn't want t' see you when I was that way an' say or do somethin'."

"Time fixes a lot of things," Marie said quietly, reaching out to cover Amanda's hands with one of her own. "So does just riding it out and having faith. I have so much practice at that, you wouldn't believe. I might have some more being mad to do later, but the worst is over and right now, you look like you could use some taking care of, honey. You want to come have a shower and let me make you some dinner?"

"But... the party..." More than anything, Amanda wanted to be taken care of, to stop hiding, to rest, but she didn't want to add to Marie's problems. Super-strength or not, she could see Marie was carrying a full load.

"I made my appearance," Marie said with a shrug. "Alison's got her brownies for ice cream. They can take care of themselves. Angelo will understand, I know him enough to say that. Come on." Marie backed toward her room, giving Amanda a little tug in that direction.

Amanda let herself be led down the hall, giving Marie's gloved hands a small squeeze. "I, um, well... thanks," she managed.

"Well, might as well get through the shit together, right?" Marie opened the door to her room. "It goes faster that way, I find. Shower first and I'll cook you up something, okay?" She pointed Amanda toward the bathroom.

"Shower. You have no bloody idea how good that sounds," Amanda said. She plunked at the grimy t-shirt she was wearing, pulling it away from her skin. "Um, you wouldn't have somethin' I could...?"

"Yeah, I'll get you some clothes too. Go on." Marie gave her a little tap on the bottom on the way to the kitchen. "Just throw those in the laundry."

With a sigh of relief, Amanda closed the bathroom door behind her and pulled off her clothes. She'd been wearing the same jeans and shirt all week, and while that wasn't new - she'd worn the same clothes for months on the streets - she'd gotten used to being clean at the mansion. Another way she'd gone soft, she thought wryly, but the thought didn't anger her as it might have a couple of days ago. Hard was useful, but it meant you damaged people with the edges. She turned the water on as hot as she could stand and stepped in, letting the water soothe her.

Marie pulled a pair of black satin pyjamas out of her closet and stood in the dark and cool of her room for a moment, gathering herself. Tears burned in her eyes and she felt incredibly sad. She wiped her eyes on the back of one gloved hand and took a deep breath. It would pass. Months from now none of this would matter and this was the best way to heal. She knocked on the bathroom door.

"Amanda? I've got some pyjamas for you."

"Um, just leave 'em by the door, I'll grab 'em in a sec," came the muffled reply. There was a pause, and then a cautious: "You sure this is all right? I don't want t' be a bother. T' you, or... anyone else."

"It's fine." Marie opened the door a crack and dropped the pyjamas inside, then closed it again. She stayed at the door, though, her voice raised enough to be heard. "Look, I have that extra bed in the empty room. How about I make that up for you? No one's using it and no one's going to say anything if you'd rather stay there than wherever you've been holed up."

"One of the rooms in that wing that isn't bein' used," Amanda said, towelling herself off. She felt human again, better able to think. "An' that'd be brilliant, if it was okay. I... haven't been sleepin' that much." Dry, she turned to her attention to the pyjamas. The silk was cool and soft under her fingers, and she shivered at the thought of it on her skin, only... she bit her lip. Only the top buttoned up to a point that would be just below Marie's collarbone. And Marie was taller than Amanda. If she wore this, there would be more skin exposed than she wanted. But she couldn't say anything - she'd heard the raw emotion in Marie's voice and knew the other girl was holding on by the merest of threads. And after what she'd done, Amanda's secrets were mere neuroses. Making a decision, she put the pyjamas on and opened the door, hesitantly.

"It's fine." Marie stepped back, hands in her pockets. Her eyes skimmed over Amanda and her attention caught briefly on the scars exposed on the girl's chest. -Pretty,- she thought, and wondered at them, feeling a little envious. -I wonder where she got them.- Now wasn't the time to ask, though. "I'll get you set up. Go watch some TV or check your mail or something while I make dinner, okay? Grilled cheese and soup sound good? I'm too tired for anything fancy."

"That sounds brilliant. 'M not fussy 'bout food, 's long as there's lots of it." Amanda glanced at the computer and shied away from it, choosing instead to curl up in a corner of the couch, hugging her knees to her chest. Marie's reaction, or lack thereof, confused her. Maybe Remy was right, the scars didn't matter here... "Um, yer bloke... He's not gunna walk in an' find me here an' be pissed off, is he? Not that I don't deserve it, I just... well, I've got t' admit he's a bit scary." She ducked her head, afraid she'd upset the older girl again, but needing to know if a quick exit was going to be required. She'd read the journals and knew something had happened with Doug. And he hadn't even _done_ anything, as far as she could tell.

Marie was in the kitchen, getting things out of the fridge and she laughed a little at Amanda's terms. "My bloke, eh?" She was definitely amused. "For one thing, he'll probably know you're here before he gets in the room whether I tell him or no, which I plan to do as soon as dinner's cooking. And yes, he is scary sometimes. But not to me. If he wants to be a grump, he can take himself back upstairs and do it in his own room. How about that?" She put two sandwiches in the pan to cook and opened up the soup while she was talking.

Amanda nodded. "Fair enough. I... I trust you."

Marie stopped and turned to look across the room at her. "That means a lot to me," she said seriously. "You did when we were flying. I could have dropped you, I could have made a mistake, and you could have died, and you trusted me anyway. If it weren't for that, we wouldn't be here right now, but... you did. I'm returning the favour and trying to trust you right now. And here we are."

Tears glimmered in the punk's eyes for a moment, but she refused to let them fall. "Here we are," she agreed.