[Logan, Marie] I cracked a piece of broken glass...

[x-rogue.livejournal.com]

Further fallout from Love Potion #9. She's not as strong as she'd like to be.


Logan reads Marie's post, then spends an hour convincing himself that it's her decision. He takes a long shower, realising it's going to be a long night without Marie, and dresses in sweats, then heads downstairs to see her.

Marie puts the last of the dry laundry into the basket. In one hand, she takes up a manual from her teaching certification package, in the other, the basket, which she sets on her hip. She isn't worried about leaving Amanda on her own, the girl has been alone all week, but she feels that she should get back and check on her. Reading the chapter on manditory physical education curriculum with a small frown, she makes her way back to her room at a slow pace.

He sees her walking down the hall, head bent over a book, as he reaches the bottom of the stairwell. Her hair is pulled down in braids with heart shaped bobbles. She'd worn those at their first training session, he remembers. She looks cute and young. He follows her down the hall, walking slightly faster than she, so he'll catch up eventually.

Engrossed in her book and more than a little tired, she doesn't hear him coming. "That's just silly," she murmurs, balancing the book on the basket so that she can turn the page. "This /No Child Left Behind/ thing is a disaster." She stops in front of her door, torn between putting down book or basket to open it.

Just as she reaches the door, he reaches her and leans quietly against the doorjamb, somewhat amused and waiting to see when she'll notice him.

"Get the door, would you, Logan?" Somehow his presence has imposed itself on her awareness, filtering through her thoughts on education and children and mutations and Amanda and Doug and... everything. She bites her lip and frowns at the page. "They're making no accomodations for mutations, of course," she says acidicly. "What?! Okay, including them under special needs for budget purposes is just... grr."

He laughs quietly at her casual response to his appearance and opens the door for her. "Y'can't expect 'em t'know what they're doin', bein' in gov'ment an' all," he reminds her sardonically.

"I can hope," she says stubbornly, then drops the book in the basket in disgust. The suite is dark and silent save for a few candles in the kitchen. Marie puts the basket down on the couch and turns around to kiss Logan as he's following her in. Her arms wind tightly around his neck as she does.

Logan murmurs his approval into her mouth. He reaches behind himself to close the door, then wraps his arms around her waist, pulling her close.

"I wasn't sure you'd come," she says tiredly, when she's content for the moment with having said hello. "I would have come up when the laundry was away. I didn't get to do it this afternoon." She feels so weary all of a sudden, like her strings have been cut now that Logan's holding her up and her throat gets tight with tears. She tries to smooth it all out with even breaths and attention to the comfort of leaning on him.

He leans down to scoop her up and sits down in a chair with her on his lap. "Of course I came. Didn't think you'd be comin' down my way, with comp'ny an' all." He holds her close, speaking into her hair.

"Thought you might be put out with me having Amanda stay here," she confesses, pulling her gloves off with some relief. She pushes up his sleeve above his wrist, brushing across his skin with her fingertips, making contact. The slight touch is grounding, comforting. "She's hurt too, even if it's her own actions. And it's not her fault she doesn't understand people."

He knows that feeling, knows it well. "Pete's takin' care of 'er," Logan says with a shrug. "She deserves whatever 'e gives 'er, but it ain't my place t'tell y'who can'n can't stay here." Nevermind that it had taken him an hour to get to the point where he didn't want to tell Marie what she could and couldn't do with her own suite of rooms.

She shifts to sit astride his lap, so she can face him, and rubs her cheek across his like a cat, then nuzzles in his hair. "I love you," she whispers in his ear.

"Love you, too," he purrs in response and rubs her back with the palms of his hands.

"I'm not okay." It's a small confession, given in an almost inaudible voice.

You think? He continues to stroke her back. "Wanna talk about it?" he offers quietly.

"I didn't teach my phys. ed. class." She puts her head on his shoulder, trying not to shake. "I just... I lost it when I found out Jamie'd read my mail to Doug and censored it. I'm tired of shutting up, or being shut up." Her voice breaks. "I'm tired of being strong. I'm tired of having to choose... I don't even know what. Why can't someone just hurt me and not leave? At least Amanda didn't run away from me."

"Madrox read your-- You wrote--" Logan takes a moment to figure out what he wants to say, then remembers one of the kids posting about letting Doug back on the journal system. Oh. "She's not a coward," Logan points out, thinking of Amanda's public admission of guilt and the fact that she hadn't run when she was caught.

"No," Marie says around the catch in her voice. "She's not. And she trusts me, she said so. And... yes. He did. I... I wish he hadn't. If it were even Alison it would be okay, but... 'sorry for the invasion of privacy, Em' is not really sufficient. I feel grimy because of it. I wrote it Tuesday morning and... it was really fucking personal. I... I'm tired of no one respecting me. Maybe I'm just tired. Maybe I'm just stupid." She crumples against him, feeling defeated and worn.

He respects her. He does. But that's not what she needs right now, because he's probably the least respected person in the mansion, he figures, after the firefight over his encounter with Doug. "Y'should tell 'im that," he says. It's all he can think of. "Tell 'im it was none of his fuckin' business what you wrote."

"And what? Get accused of being insensitive? What kind of monster do you think I am? Of course it's his business. It's probably my fault, all this. I mean, if I'd loved Doug back, none of this would have happened, right?" Her voice has a broken edge to it and she laughs at herself, pulling away from him and getting to her feet.

If she'd loved him back. She had, for a day. Logan pushes himself to his feet and follows her, grabbing her hand to stop her. He yanks, pulling her back toward him. "You /did/," he growls, and despite the anger in his tone, the kiss he presses to her lips is soft.

It takes a moment for what he's said to sink in and then she takes it all in and her knees go out from under her. "Oh god." She makes no effort to stop the fall, the weight of the week drives her down as the tears break loose again.

He slips his arm under her just before her knees hit the carpet and he lifts her, cradling her against his chest. "Shh, baby, it's okay. It's gonna be okay."

"I can't do this," she gasps between sobs, trying to keep her voice down. "It hurts too much. Why does it hurt so much? Make it stop. Please..."

He makes his way toward her bedroom, murmuring quietly, "Whaddya need, baby? Whaddya want? Anything. Shh. Anything you need." He closes the door softly behind them.