xp_logs | Kurt and Julian, Monday afternoon

Julian tries to apologise for what he perceives as his fault in the loss of Nick. Kurt does his best to reassure him.

He'd been standing at the oaken door for a solid five minutes before actually knocking. His nerves were shot and the stress of the past few nights had been too much to bear. Sleep had come fitfully and usually with nightmares of the attack at the graduation hall. There had been no word on what happened to Nick and rumors were ranging from everything from space aliens to an X-men cover-up. All Julian knew was it could have, no, should have been him that took the hit from Pierce. It should have been him bleeding out on the hardwood of the stage. He knew what he had to do now, though it was likely to be the hardest thing he ever had done in his life.

With a sharp intake of breath, Julian knocked on the door to Kurt's suite.

"Who is it?" Kurt asked dully from the couch, knowing it could be almost anyone in the mansion and not really wanting to see any of them. But some people... some people, he'd have to let in.

From the other side of the door came the crackly voice of someone who hadn't slept in days and who had been in tears during much of that time. "Um, it's Julian Keller, Mister Wagner."

Kurt didn't correct him on the name, didn't say anything for a minute or two, in fact, before the door opened and he stepped aside to clear the way. "Come in, Julian."

Slowly, Julian ambled into the room and stood there, his hands nervously clasped in front of himself. "Um, I know this isn't the best time, but I needed to tell you something." He paused, "If that's okay." The two of them didn't have the best relationship, but what can one expect when you don't get along with the man's adopted son. "I mean, if you don't have time or something, I could come back later."

"I am not working today", he said quietly. "And you were in that fight at Nick's side. I have time."

"Yeah, about that actually," Julian looked down and sniffled slightly, unable to look at Kurt anymore than he already had. "I just wanted to- to say that...I'm sorry." He paused, but not long enough to let Kurt speak, "It should have been me."

"It should not have been anyone", Kurt said instantly, fiercely. "If Nick blocked a blow aimed for you, it is because he chose to."

"But he shouldn't have," Julian looked up with bloodshot eyes, standing his ground. "Come on, Kurt. You and I both know that Nick was a better guy than I'll ever be and that things would have been better off it he was the one standing here today." He paused again and shook his head, "Twice. He saved my life twice and now, there's no way I can repay him that." He was on the verge of breaking down, but his willpower kept him together, if only just barely.

"Julian, come here." He had never been able to watch a student try not to cry without doing something to offer comfort. "You are not a bad person, Julian, and if my son saved your life, it is because he felt it was worth saving. You know what to do to repay him - prove him right."

With the same slow steps he'd taken when he had entered the room, Julian closed the short distance between them and hugged the older mutant, finally breaking down and unable to say anything aside from the occasional, "I'm sorry."

"Sssh, Julian, sssh", he said as soothingly as he could, though he was staring into the space above the boy's head and blinking hard himself. "It was not your fault. Please believe that - the only ones to blame are Risman, Pierce and their men."

He didn't agree, and part of him still felt like he should have crushed Pierce like the insignificant gnat that he was compared to the superiority of the mutant race. But words failed him and for a long while he simply found comfort in the arms of someone he once found himself strongly disliking...perhaps even hating at times. After a short time had passed, Julian was able to pull himself together and took a step back. "If there is...anything I can do, anything at all. Please let me know."

"Of course I will", Kurt assured him. "And perhaps, after all, perhaps... there is still hope. Catseye certainly believes there is, and Nick was not confirmed dead by a doctor..."

Julian didn't believe it, but nodded his head and smiled weakly, "I hope you're right." He sighed, softly and nodded, moving toward the door, completely exhausted. Keller paused as he touched the handle, "I really do hope you're right, Kurt."

Kurt smiled faintly in return, and said very softly as the door closed behind Julian, "So do I."