xp_logs | [Kurt, Marie] There is a kind of confession in your looks

Marie hunts Kurt down to talk to him, briefly, about why they've never talked before.

"Hey."

Kurt looked around in some surprise. It wasn't a big school but it was possible to miss people in the halls, even for almost a year, he supposed, trying to be charitable. Marie had hardly spoken to him except in passing in the teachers' lounge and team practices. She was civil, yes, but it was obvious that he made her uncomfortable. And yet here she was, hands in the pockets of her hoodie, looking nervous, standing between the locker rooms and the lift to the main floor.

"Good day, Marie," he said when he'd recovered from the brief puzzle of realizing she was talking to him.

"Are you..." Marie started, then changed tacks. She was nervous and hating it, feeling like a coward for leaving this so long. "Do you have time to talk?" she asked. She bit her lip and watched Kurt's brow furrow more with her request.

"Of course." He shouldered his bag of workout gear and nodded. "We could speak in there." He pointed down to the team meeting room, a large room with a central table and a wall of plexiglass windows dividing it from the hall.

In the room, Kurt dropped his bag by the door and perched on a chair, watching Marie, who followed him and sat on the table near him, swinging her feet like a child, eyes downcast. He felt nervous all of a sudden, wondering what reason the girl could have for addressing him after all this time.

"I wanted to apologize," she began.

Startled, Kurt blinked and then frowned. -Apologize? Whatever for?- He tried not to frown, though his tail kept twitching in spite of his efforts to calm himself, and instead he attempted to look reassuring as Marie looked up at him, obviously as discomforted by their conversation as he was.

"For avoiding you," Marie continued. "All this time." She pulled her legs up and wrapped her arms around her shins. "I... do you know what day it is?"

This was getting more and more baffling. Kurt wracked his brain, completely uncertain of all the various American holidays and rememberances. Finally, he conceded defeat and shook his head. "No, I am sorry. I do not know, I am still unfamiliar with dates here and... what day is it? I know it is a Monday, and it is March the first, but..." He trailed off, at a loss.

Marie steeled herself and inhaled slowly, then forced herself to look up into Kurt's worried, sweetly inhuman face. "Today is Self-Injury Awareness Day," she said carefully, as though she were addressing her class.

-Ah,- Kurt thought, as his stomach threatened to drop through the floor. -The little girl is going to give me a talk about my scars.- She wouldn't be the first to do so, or to suggest that he seek counselling. He stifled a surge of irritation and reminded himself to be charitable, especially when someone was concerned about him. Still, he had to consciously unclench his jaw to speak. "I see," he said carefully.

"Yours... your scars," Marie said hesitatingly, and then plunged on in the face of Kurt's obvious unhappiness with the direction of the conversation. "Yours are so beautiful, and I was trying to stop making mine, but when I saw you, I'd be so envious. I'd want to go add more to mine and..." she trailed off in the face of his expression.

Kurt was staring at her in disbelief, eyes narrowed. "You /liked/ my scars, so you stayed away?" This was getting further and further into the realm of the surreal and he was ready to take offense at being mocked until he saw the tears.

"I was trying to stop," Marie said, hugging herself tightly, ignoring the tears on her cheeks. "And I'd see you and... it was really hard. I don't know what to say. I'm sorry. It wasn't very brave of me."

Stunned and deflated, Kurt shifted so that he was sitting on the brushed-steel table beside Marie. "So you couldn't stop hurting yourself and... seeing me made it harder to quit?" He tried to piece together what she was saying through the haze of his confusion.

Marie nodded, then closed her eyes and dropped her forehead to her knees. "I'm sorry," she said again, her voice muffled. "I... what I was doing, it wasn't good for me and... it's hard. It makes things better but I had to quit. I know my reasons aren't your reasons, I don't want to compare. I just wanted you to know that's why I was avoiding you and I figured today was..." she let the words fade, swallowing hard to regain her composure and steady her voice.

"...a good day to tell me." Kurt finished her sentence for her and put a hand on her shoulder. "Yes, I can see that. Did you stop now and so you can talk to me and it doesn't bother you to see me?"

Marie shook her head. "I don't do it anymore, no. It's hard sometimes. I want to, but then again, I'm pretty stubborn." She lifted her chin and wiped her cheeks with the back of her gloved hand. "It's not that there's even anything wrong with it in general, it was my reasons that were wrong, you know?" She looked over at him, hoping he understood that she wasn't judging him.

"I think I understand," Kurt said slowly. "It's a personal thing, yes? Different for each of us."

"Exactly," Marie said firmly. "It wasn't you." She turned to face him. "It was me, my problem. And I think I'm okay with it now so I wanted to explain. It always bothered me so much. I owe you my life and I couldn't even look at you properly. I'm so sorry, Kurt."

"I admit, it did bother me," Kurt said, selecting his words carefully. "But I am used to people avoiding me. I am sorry that I thought it was because you found me difficult to look at... for the usual reasons."

"You didn't have reason to think otherwise," Marie pointed out. "It's not like you knew me or anything. I didn't give you a chance to."

"You'd give me a chance now, though?" he asked her seriously.

"You'd want me to?" It was Marie's turn to be surprised.

"Forgive, and ye shall be forgiven," Kurt said with a little smile. "Luke is more succinct than the others, yes? Of course I would want the chance to know you. God did not put me in a time and place to save you just so that I could reject you later. He does not take kindly to man slamming doors He has opened."

"Oh." Marie was quiet for a moment and then gave Kurt a smile of her own. "Far be it from me to close any doors myself, then."

"Indeed. If you wanted to talk about your physical education class sometime," he offered. "We could discuss some introductory tumbling for them. I understand it is on the agenda."

"Yeah, it is." Marie's smile brightened. "Thanks for understanding, Kurt."

"Ye fools, be ye of an understanding heart." Kurt squeezed Marie's shoulder gently. "Proverbs," he said as he got to his feet. "I am learning everything again in English, it's been good for me. It reminds me of what really matters. Thank you for speaking to me, Marie."

"Thanks for listening." Marie hopped down from the table and shook the tension out of her shoulders. "I'll get in touch with you later this week about the classes, okay?"

Kurt picked up his bag at the door and nodded. "I look forward to hearing from you. I must go prepare for my Latin class now."

"Take care." Marie gave him a little wave. "I'll talk to you later." She watched the agile mutant lope out of the room and down the hall, feeling greatly relieved. Her skin nagged at her a little and she pushed up her sleeve to scratch between her cuff and the top of her glove, soothing it unconsciously.

[warning: mention of SI]