xp_logs | Doug and Amanda (backdated)

After the events of Fianchetto, Amanda comes over to Doug's apartment for the talk she suggested they have, and they take steps towards beginning to patch their friendship back up.

Doug blew out a sigh and pitched his keys underhand onto his end table, and peeled his messenger bag that he used to carry the various necessities of his job onto a chair next to it. The quiet emptiness of the apartment pressed in on him a bit. At least working the late hours he'd been pushing himself too the past week or so meant that he didn't just rattle around like a pea in a cup looking for something to do.

The quiet was broken almost immediately by a soft, almost tentative knocking at his door. For her part, Amanda had been keeping to herself too, not out of guilt or shame, but because she had a lot of thinking to do. Thinking which had culminated in setting up a small ward on Doug's door that evening, to tell her when he got home. Biting her lip, she knocked again, almost hoping that her spell had misfired and he wasn't home after all.

Doug cocked his head, and weighed the benefits and drawbacks of simply not answering the door. The downside of living with your coworkers was that you were always available to them, even when you might not have wanted to be. After a brief struggle, he turned back to the door and opened it to see Amanda. He paused, unsure of what to say. Finally he settled for a quiet, weak "Hi."

Her answering "Hey," was about as awkward as his. For a moment she hesitated, one hand twisting the hem of her shirt, before she seemed to find her courage. "Can I come in? There's some... stuff I need to say."

"Sure." Doug moved aside, letting Amanda come into the apartment. It fairly clearly showed the way recent events had worn on Doug, as he clearly hadn't had the energy to clean or do much of anything. Dishes stacked precariously in the sink, and a pillow and blanket on the couch spoke to his inability to sleep comfortably, as if actually being in the bedroom he'd shared with Marie-Ange was too much for him.

The witch took in the disorder almost automatically, their shared training kicking in. Obviously Doug wasn't doing so well, but it didn't take a genius to know having to distance himself from his family, particularly given his current 'exile' among his coworkers, would hit him hard. It didn't make things easier for her - if anything, she felt even more awkward about what she needed to talk about. So after he let her in, she stood in the untidy living room, scuffling her bare feet. "So..." she started. "Working late again?"

Doug was simultaneously struck with a shame at how messy his apartment was, and how it must appear to Amanda, and a deep lack of energy to actually do anything about it. He tentatively picked up a plate from a table and carried it into the kitchen, feeling as though he needed to do something besides just stand there, or he would fall apart completely. "Yeah. Trying to stay busy." It was clearly not whatever stuff Amanda had to say, but at the same time, the small talk was welcome.

"'S what we do," she replied with a touch of her old humour. The moment was short-lived - unfortunately for Doug's hopes, Amanda was still terrible at small talk, preferring to 'get to the point' as it were. Even if the point was a difficult one. Then again, she was the type to rip a bandaid off quickly, rather than slowly and carefully. "I've been thinking," she said abruptly. "'Bout this whole thing with you and me."

"Yeah?" Doug's voice was startlingly calm and level in reply, though his white knuckles against the edge of the counter spoke to his level of tension. He honestly had no idea what Amanda wanted to say, and like most of the members of X-Force in each of their ways, he did not like not knowing something very much at all.

"You were a plonker, with the whole Hellfire thing and all," she continued, but before Doug could react to the insult, she went on. "But I've been a bigger one, for letting it drag out as long as I did. I'm... sorry."

Doug blinked, rather taken aback by the simple apology. "I..." He cleared his throat. "I guess this is what you felt like when I just asked for your help?" he asked. "I don't know what to say."

She flushed red. "Yeah, well, the fact you were scared to ask for help kind of made me realise I'd been a total brat about things. We're team, right? Who else do we go to when we need help?" Then she wrinkled her nose. "'M still not a fan of the whole Hellfire thing, but then again, I wasn't when Manuel was White Knight and I didn't give him half as much grief. Of course, I was fucking him at the time."

The mention of 'fucking' Manuel caused Doug to indirectly remember just how he'd tried to get over the shock of Marie-Ange leaving, and how little it had actually helped. And how hungry he was for something more emotionally satisfying than a booty call right then. He trudged into the living room area and sat down on the couch, trying to find something to say that wasn't completely self-pitying. "Thank you," he finally said. "For helping. It means a lot to me."

It was hard not to pull at face or throw something at him, but Amanda reminded herself this was an apology. "You helped me, when it was Nico," she pointed out, following him in and taking a perch on the arm of a chair, still not entirely comfortable about this whole thing. "And I would have been a pretty shitty human being if I'd told you to stick it and left your sister to be sold off."

Doug saw the effort, and made a similar effort to not simply lay around and be mopey. "Doesn't mean I can't be grateful, though," he pointed out reasonably, and in a more animated tone. "Speaking of Nico, how's things with her?" he asked curiously.

Amanda sighed. "Up and down," she replied. "I mean, she's just discovered her mutant power is to be, well, Selene, so she's taking it pretty hard. I seem to be partly immune to her for some reason, so I try and get her out to feed regular, learn some control."

"That can't be easy on you, either," Doug said, a bit of concern in his voice. After all, the memories of the things Selene had done to Amanda had been part and parcel of the whole mess with the Hellfire Club that stood between them.

"It's not." The words were clipped, Amanda's expression and body language shutting down. "I figure it's my karma, for what I did back in the day." She got up from the chair, suddenly restless and prowling around Doug's apartment. "But I guess you know about paying the price for choices as well, yeah?"

"Just a little." Between the attempted assassination, and then Porter's grab for power, Doug had had that particular lesson hammered into him fairly well in the recent months. He wished he knew how to reach out to Amanda, seeing the way she closed in on herself, but there was a gap between them now, one that he could talk to her over, but not really come across.

"It's hard, losing your family. I've lost mine twice before, so I kind of get it, even if I wasn't ever close to Margali the way you are with your mum." Amanda found herself at Doug's bookshelf, looking over the titles, or seeming to, at least. "Look, Doug, I know you've had it hard already, but this whole thing... it's not over. Someone in the Hellfire Club decided to use someone close to you for leverage. Doesn't mean it can't happen again. Not just to your family... we're all targets now, everyone you work with."

"How is that different from, well, any of the bastards we go after?" Doug rejoined. "Zemo? Apocalypse? You think they wouldn't take any opportunity like that?" He shook his head sharply. "And hell, even some of the people who are more or less on the side of the 'angels' are more than willing to use whatever lever they have. I mean, how long did Vazhin hold that stuff with 'Yana over all of our heads?" He looked down at his hands. "Besides, Porter wasn't part of the Club. Never will be, either." Because if Doug even heard of him sniffing around the Hellfire Club again, he'd make sure the flesh peddler didn't walk away a second time.

"He knows who you are, Doug!" Amanda replied. "Zemo, Apocalypse, even bloody Magneto... they don't know shite about who any of us are. The Hellfire Club, they know you. They know you work here, for Emma. They know you have friends here." She reached into her pocket and pulled out her wallet, digging out one of her own business cards. "See this? 'Amanda Seaton'. Not exactly the most difficult fake identity to break, but it makes sense, considering I'm known in a few different places, not to mention the whole getting arrested in England thing. There's a reason Remy and Pete and Jubes don't show up on any of the official paperwork for Snow Valley. Emma gets away with it because she owns half a dozen different businesses, but unless you start covering your tracks a bit more, you could wind up getting us all into shite." She paused, breathing a little heavily from the passion she'd been putting into her words. "Do you get it? It's not about hating the Hellfire people. It's about trying to keep the people I care about safe. Including you."

Doug's head spun at the last. "What?" he asked, not sure he'd heard her correctly. She'd come and apologized, but he still was having a hard time wrapping his head around people not going out of their way to avoid him because they were angry at him.

This time she did roll her eyes at him. "You are such a dope. Why do you think I was so fucking pissed off at you? Because I care, and when someone I care about does something stupid, I get pissed off."

Doug shook his head. In some ways, it felt like the love potion all over again, the way he'd been flagellating himself with everyone else's anger. The only difference was how he'd coped (or failed to) with casual flings. He wasn't entirely sure how to break out of it, what to say, what to do. "Sorry," he said finally. "For being a plonker. I could have done things better myself."

"Yeah, well, it's live and learn both of us," Amanda said wryly. "One day I'll learn that people leaving doesn't mean they don't care, and you'll learn people can be angry at you and not hate you." She tilted her head slightly, giving him an appraising look. "How about a deal? I'll stop bugging you about security stuff if you agree to talk to Emma about ways of reducing your profile at the office."

"Deal." Doug leaned back against the sofa, breathing out the tension he'd only marginally been aware of. That had been exhausting.

A plushie DnD dice promptly hit him in the face. "No rest for the wicked," Amanda said, grinning. "C'mon, let's go get a drink. I need one, after all that."