Backdated to 2/12/11 | Lex and Jean followed by Lex and Monet

[x-lexington.livejournal.com]

The morning after Vanessa breaks up with Lex he finds himself talking to the person who had to deal with the fallout the night before.


Jean squinted at a picture of a painted, bright orange flower, trying to decide if it might look good in her office. She'd had the same pictures up in there for awhile, even before she left, and put them back up when she returned. Perhaps a change of color was in order.

Lex needed a change of scenery. The Mansion was depressing him, District X was depressing him, even the woods were depressing to him. So he had gone in to the Salem center because it was the last place he would expect himself to go. What type of soldier would be caught dead in a store that had both lace doilies and pink foot baths. He shivered to think what someone would say to them if they knew he was there. Even so, it was better to worry about that then everything else in his life.

A few aspirin and a lot of water helped with Jean's hangover. She didn't regret the night if it made Vanessa feel better, but she didn't exactly love the results afterward, even if she tried to prepare herself as best she could.

She slowly looked up as the faint flutter of a familiar mind entering the store caught her attention. And the owner of that mind just...totally set the tone for how the day was going to go.

If she had a few more days to prepare it might've been easier but as it stood, literally hours after consoling the other half of this love lost equation, she knew where that phrase 'between a rock and a hard place came from.'

Perhaps if she moved fast enough she could hide out over in the potted plants section....

Absorbed in his own thoughts, Lex walked right past a fiery redhead that he thought familiar. He didn't turn to look at her but rather kept his head down and marched towards the far end of the store. Stupid flowers, he thought, loathing how they reminded him of her. It seemed like everything reminded him of her, and he had to try very hard to think of the things that were in front of him as merely things, with no intrinsic value or memories associated with them. "Why the fuck did I choose to come here," he rasped, picking up a candle and rolling it between his hands. He gently played electricity along it until he could feel the wax becoming extremely pliable.

The warmed wax released the faint smell of gardenia into the air. Sadness and despair. Just like yesterday. Seemingly in the clear, Jean now found herself debating whether or not she should go through with her idea and just take off. But Lex was using his powers, in public.

Emotions made people do crazy things. And in his case, crazy things that might've gotten his ass kicked, or worse.

Biting back a regretful sigh, Jean took a step forward, putting on a surprised smile.

"Oh, hey, Lex. Didn't see you."

"Hey Jean," Lex sighed, not really paying attention to her. He was too absorbed in his thoughts. "What are you doing here?" He wanted to turn to her, but he found that he couldn't look at her. He hadn't looked at anyone since the night before. He could still feel the after effects of his night alone, the whiskey mixed almost too well with his comfort soup and he'd passed out on the balcony.

"I occasionally have a White Chocolate Caramel Latte at CoffeeQuake on Saturday mornings. Now that Hank's coffee maker knows my name I've become a more frequent visitor," she said with a soft smile. She studied him.

"I think you might need one too right about now, hmmm?" she suggested, her eyes flickering down to the candle in his hands before looking back to him pointedly.

"Sure," he said quietly, putting the candle back. The thing was warped, twisted into a hideous lump. "I guess I shouldn't be around nice things." He looked at her briefly, and tried very hard to keep the tears from spilling out. There was something in her eyes that almost made him crack. He walked past her, towards the Coffee Quake.

There were many ways to deal with crisis, personal or otherwise. Anger, sadness, and numbness (both the attempt at through various means and actual succession of) were three popular coping mechanisms. But in the end they were all expressions of the pain of a wounded heart.

Jean hadn't anticipated being the shoulder to both sides. Though it was her nature to want to ease pain, whichever pain that may be, there were times when there was a distinct possibility of making things worse. She didn't know Lex as well as she did Vanessa, not to mention being in the middle, between two former lovers was not really a place she wanted to be, for a multitude of reasons.

But to see him suffering, and potentially becoming a physical danger to himself in his actions, was something she couldn't ignore.

"I wouldn't say that. Now it's surrealistic art," she said with a gentle smile as she followed close behind him, making sure no one else saw who'd left the remnant there. Luckily there weren't any cameras.

It was a short walk to the coffee shop. The morning was bright, cold and crisp against the snow lined streets and sidewalks, a direct contrast to the general mood.

She stayed quiet, just being there as his shadow, and for the moment his guardian angel from the looks of it. It was often best sometimes to wait for the other person to speak. It gave them time.

Lex didn't speak either, he didn't know what to say. She could read his thoughts anyway so he thought that simply projecting his feelings might be enough to communicate the heartbreak he felt. He loved Vee, and he'd lost her. The way she had left it made it very clear to him that she didn't want him anymore and their "timeout" was likely to be permanent. However, he had a tiny sliver of hope deep inside him which sustained his life. She might realize that their relationship was meaningful if she went a time without it, and if she did then they might be able to find some sort of compromise to rekindle and protect it. He laughed slightly at his own arrogance and naivety and then turned to Jean. "So, what do you make of my current state of being?" He didn't care if she answered, he simply posed the question because he didn't know what else to do.

Jean slipped her hands into her pockets as closed the distance to walk beside him, her shoes crunching under the snow. She fell silent for few moments as she watched the people pass by.

"You're grieving," she said simply. Though both of them lived, they still lost the love they once had. It was pure observation, not for or against what happened. Just a word to describe the feeling. It was not a word entirely devoted to death.

This was a new chapter for both Vanessa and Lex, for better or worse. But for now, it felt like worse.

"No shit," Lex said before could think. "I just lost the one person I'm truly close to and you tell me I'm grieving. For a damn Telepath you really don't know what to say to people." He kept walking for a few moments and then stopped suddenly, turning on her. His face was full of fire. "You..."

As suddenly as he'd started to explode he stopped and stared at her. "I'm sorry, I truly am. I should not have said that." He looked broken and he sad, "I wouldn't blame you for wanting to leave. I'm not good company at the moment."

Jean said nothing as his face twisted into rage and she let him lash out. Once he'd calmed down for the most part, she spoke.

"It's okay. I'm used to it. Shall we?" she said as they stopped in front of the coffeeshop. She opened the door.

Being a telepath meant you should either know everything but not be too nosy because you were a telepath and therefore it was a violation of privacy to read someone's thoughts. It was a fine line, one she walked every moment of everyday.

"Do you feel a little better?" she said. Anger sometimes acted as catharsis. She didn't feel comfortable leaving him at the moment, not while he was still in public. She hoped her distracting skills might also help like they did with Vanessa.

"Feeling better? Don't antagonize me." He purposely kept his thoughts as abstract as possible, he did not want her to know that he was feeling completely lost and incapable of knowing what to do next. Lex just wanted to hold Vee in his arms and erase the last week. However, there were some things that simply could not be undone.

As he walked past Jean he nodded, the closest thing to a thank you he was going to be able to give her. He would pay for the coffee, but that was just because he felt bad for snapping at her. She didn't deserve to have his rage aimed at her. It was his fault, after all.

"I'm sorry, that had not been my intention," she said. Usually when she was feeling bad and let out her emotions, she often felt somewhat better, if for a brief second.

She walked into the coffee shop, the heavy smell of java becoming apparent almost immediately.

The warmth reached Lex's extremities, but did not penetrate inside. He felt tired and cold, beaten. Jean's company wasn't unpleasant but he knew that she was acting more tense than was called for so she probably already knew what was going on. He couldn't tell by her reactions if it was by reading his mind or talking to Vee, and frankly he didn't care. "I know, but you are. If you're going to be tense at least you can tell me why rather than skirting around my every move."

Jean lowered her head as they both stepped in line.

"Vanessa...came to me last night. We went out for drinks. She didn't say what happened but I figured it out. And then I see you this morning..." she shook her head.

"I hadn't really been prepared to run into both of you, right after the other. So I'm...trying to take things as they come."

And apparently not as well as she'd hoped.

"I'm sorry if I'm coming off as uncertain, but I am. I don't have all the answers, I'm sorry. I don't know any magical fix to help. I'm just...trying to be here for you. So if you want to be angry, or cry, or be numb, I won't fault you for it."

"Oh, I didn't know that." He said, then went silent. If she had talked to Vanessa then he probably wasn't in a good position to be talking to her. He didn't want to piss Vanessa off any more than he already had. "I'm sorry." It was all too quick for him to understand how to feel towards what she said. Vanessa had torn his heart from his chest and he was still hoping that she would put it back where it belonged. How do I talk to the confidante of the woman I love, who has left me because she doesn't want me anymore, he thought, his stomach lurching at the thought.

High emotions, loud thoughts. Jean's eyes held his, and she shook her head.

"It's alright. Doesn't mean we can't drink coffee," she said with a faint smile. Yes, this was a precarious situation, but both sides were hurting. While she was friends with Vanessa, and didn't know Lex that well, she couldn't ignore him just because she wanted to avoid a bad situation. The alternative could've been a big problem if it grew.

"Have you tried their Cinnamon Dolce Latte? I'm fairly certain they add enough caffeine in there to make you unable to sleep for a week. Precisely the reason why I buy it before a medlab shift." Between that and the White Chocolate Caramel Lattee it was the reason why the human baristas knew her by name.

"No, I haven't. I take mine black, as I find flavoring to be a luxury neither needed nor desired. However, I'm willing to try something new if you think it might be good." Lex listened to her words and knew that she meant that she owed him nothing. She was a kind person, but there truly was little reason for her to be trying to console him. That is, unless Vee was so intent on her course that hope was completely lost. "Thanks for taking the time to try to console me. I think after this coffee I'm going to monopolize the Danger Room for the rest of the day. I have a program that will stop me from venting my frustration at an inappropriate time."

"In that case it may be too sweet for your liking," Jean said with a soft laugh.

The amount of sugar in there could've probably given a dentist nightmares. But it was that combination of sugar and caffeine that she liked to grab for the occasional pick me up. The crash could be spectacular, however, so she usually supplemented her levels with a couple of more cups throughout the night to create an even plateau.

She fell silent for a few moments. "I'm sorry. I know it may seem like hollow words, but I am sorry. I don't like seeing anyone in any kind of pain. It makes my healer sense tingle," she said quietly with a faint smile.

You couldn't put a bandaid on emotion pain, much to her chagrin. And she didn't know what Vanessa was going to do. She didn't know the future. She was just acting on her own behalf, reacting to the situation in front of her. She wasn't trying to speak on Vanessa's part or on anyone else's but her own.

"And...you're welcome. If you need someone to be in the control room I can call someone."

Generally it was advised that someone be on duty in the control room in case of problems. She could tell with her previous news about Vanessa that he was pretty much on eggshells around her now too so she didn't want to make him more wary than he already was.

"I'll be fine. I think I can find someone; thank you for the offer though. I may not seem appreciative, but I am. This cant' be easy for you." He didn't really feel grateful, but he knew that she was trying very hard. Too much pain to put into words, there's nothing that can be so fierce as a wounded heart, he closed his eyes and rubbed his temples. His plans for the Danger Room involved intense training, and probably a great deal of physical exertion. His plan was to make himself so tired that he couldn't think of Vanessa, of his loss for the next week. If he succeeded then maybe he would have a better handle on how to get a better grip on what happened.

"It's okay, I'm okay," Jean said with a soft smile. This wasn't about her. It wasn't an event that would make anyone feel good afterward from. She didn't expect anything.

The line started to thin, until there was only one customer between them and their caffeine pick me up.

When they finally made it to the counter Lex took the drinks and offered Jean hers. He tried to remain calm, and he hoped the hot liquid would help soothe him. His pain was raw and he wanted nothing more than to call the lightning back into him so that he could feel its energy coursing through him. As they sat at a booth in the back he lost his restraint, "You know what sucks the most about this - besides not being able to be near Vee," he paused for the briefest of moments searching her face for the answer, "I don't understand why we aren't together. I mean, I get that she apparently wasn't happy... but she didn't say anything to me. Everything seemed fine until she misinterpreted what I said when she asked me what I thought about her having an orgy as Angelo. Then suddenly she decides that we've grown apart and that she doesn't want to be with me anymore. What in the hell is that? I mean, seriously, what am I supposed to do with that?"

After the brief release he went back to sipping his coffee, his face a mask of utter serenity. Inside he had completely collapsed.

It was as if he had asked the meaning of life. Though she and Vanessa were friends Jean had never made it a habit of reading her mind purposefully. She tried to avoid that in general with everyone. It was hard for people to trust her if they thought she were doing it and there were things she didn't want to know. She believed in privacy, for the most part. And Vanessa wasn't a talker about herself in the first place so it was a topic she knew very little about..

"I don't know," she said softly, truthfully.

There were different stages of friendship, and she hadn't quite gotten to the 'soul bearing' part yet. Vanessa coming to her afterward was a big step for the both of them.

She shook her head, lowering it with a sigh.

"I'm sorry, I'm not much help."

And it bugged the hell out of her.

"Not your fault," he said with simple frustration. He knew she couldn't help him, but he couldn't stop hoping that she would provide him some simple insight to help him understand why Vanessa no longer wanted him. It was baffling him and making him question his self-worth, again. "Thank you for taking the time to sit with me. I am sure you have more entertaining things to do with your Saturday than babysit me." He wanted to ask so many questions but decided against it.

Jean shook her head. "You're welcome. My itinerary had been to sleep off a small hangover, get coffee, and then grade," she said. He could ask but she didn't know if she'd be able to answer.

"So I don't mind."

She didn't know what else to say.

Lex, in an unusually sensitive mood, didn't bother to make a joke about the hangover being the result of partying too hard. Instead he smiled weakly and drank the rest of his coffee. He could tell something was off, but he was too self-absorbed to see that it could be anything beyond his own problems. "Good luck with grading, I've never been able to do anything productive after having a hangover. I find it's better just to spend the day relaxing. It seems to help me recover so much faster."

Jean glanced up, then smiled. "Good advice. I might have to try it some time," she mused.

She didn't know what to say, but she could've said many things. Still, none of them would make it right, or ease his pain. And some might've poured salt into the wound. So she left it at nothing and put things in the hands of time to let the scar heal over.

****
Lex runs into Monet and asks her to man the booth while he tries out an experimental program; the program turns out to be far more than he anticipated...



Lex moved through the mansion with one purpose, to find someone to run the control booth for the danger room. With everything that had happened over the course of the previous week he needed to do something drastic to break out of what looked like it was heading towards a severe bout of depression. He passed several students, barely acknowledging them, and then hopped into the elevator downstairs. Hopefully someone will be down there, he thought, not wanting to cause trouble. If he couldn't find anyone who was already around for training then he'd have to call in a favor or ask one of the X-men for their help. He was bound to find someone.

As he walked out of the elevator he was filled with the desire to check in the lab for Hank. He had left his copy of the new program in the lab and he wanted to make sure to run final diagnostics on it before he put himself at its mercy.

Monet herself was just leaving the room, having run both a 'don't break the regular folks' eggshell drill and an evasive flight drill: one of the ones that involved dozens of tight corners and precision turns, rather than the outdoor ones that often just focused on building speed and pulling out of dives before she hit the ground. She'd pulled the jacket to her leathers off, leaving her in just a tank top and was nursing a large bottle of water. "Hey, dude. What's up?" she asked. "Need a danger room buddy?" Because she could totally go another round at something more interesting than flying a three dimensional maze at high speed..

Lex wasn't in the mood for many words. "Yes, let me grab the program." His eyes sparkled with a devilish glee. He hadn't expected it to be so easy to find someone willing to join him, then again she didn't know what the program was so he couldn't blame her. He stretched as he strolled towards the lab. "I have to grab something I left with Hank."

He turned back to her when he got to the door, "Are you sure you're up for this?"

"Course. How bad can it be?" Monet asked, pulling her jacket back on. "You want me in the room with you or in the control booth monitoring things?"

"Up to you, I recommend you go into the booth though. I haven't worked out all of the kinks in this particular program." He slid in and out of the lab in a moment, coming back with a thin silver flash drive. "This is going to be very interesting."

"All right. You know I'll shut it down if you hit something you can't handle, though, right?" She planned to keep a telepathic feeler on him whenever he was in the part of the room inside her range. "You panic and I'm hitting the kill switch, okay?"

"Panic? Me? Not today, not with this power coursing through me." He had control of his powers again, and he felt like he could take on any comers. He was the perfect test candidate for the new program. "You're going to love this," he said slyly, handing her the disc and then stripping down to put on his suit.

"The activation code is catch22, not original but proper for what's about to come."

Monet took a moment to enjoy the view before turning and heading into the control booth to boot up the program and hit the 2 way microphones. "Catch 22, huh? I don't like the sound of that..."

"Well, I said this was supposed to be a no-win situation, didn't I." He moved to the center of the room and stood there, waiting for her to activate the program. "Whenever you are ready."

"On three, mate. One... two... three!" and Monet hit the switch, settling back to watch.

Lex dropped to a crouch and prepared for the first round. The setting changed to a sterile pattern of white with black accent walls, each a different shape and height. He started to build a charge and prepared for the impending assault. There would be 21 standard drones in increasing waves of six, seven, and eight. "This is going to be fun." His smile was wicked and his eyes wide with anticipation.

****

Half an hour later, Lex was feeling rather exhausted. Battling several groups of assailants at a time was exhausting work, even if he could take them out two or three at a time with well placed arcs of lightning. However, this round was different than the preceding ones: there were mutants. They were randomly chosen from 75 archetypes that Lex had pieced together with research through the mission logs and personnel files. He had a selection of mutants hand picked for his final level, but if he couldn't defeat this first one he wouldn't even get to see them.

They came at him as one, the computer linking their actions together as though they had a telepathic connection with one another. There were two with physical mutations--one with chitinous armor plating for skin and the other with quills, the faux telepath, a man with fire powers and a mutant with extreme speed. Lex traced a line in front of him in the ground with his foot, a half moon that covered his right flank. He planned to use it as a way to gauge where his attackers were coming from.

Monet raised an eyebrow at the grouped attackers and she hit the comms. "Are you okay in there, mate?" she asked, one hand hovering over the kill switch. He was looking to get his arse kicked in there with that group of opponents. "You're losing."

"That's the point, keep it going. If I pass out kill it, don't stop me before then." He jumped forward at the mutant with chitinous skin and launched a wave electricity to his right to throw off the one with enhanced speed. "I've got to see just how much I can handle." In truth he felt himself fading, and if he couldn't take these five out in quick order he would go down in an agonizing fashion.

"Fine. Be a moron then," Monet muttered, finger off the mike.

The chitinous mutant moved to the side with alarming speed, and hit Lex in the chest with a heavy shoulder. Lex went flying across the room, he had not expected it to have enhanced strength as well. "Well, fuck, I wasn't expecting that." He rolled to his left and shot another wave out to defend himself. Recovery was going to be difficult, if not impossible.

Monet swore and pulled up the simulation's display, looking at the next three projected moves. The 'telepath' was going to swarm Lex with the speedster and the chitinous mutant, herding him just far enough to the right to throw the fire projector and the one with quills to attack from behind. And Lex was already struggling and clearly tiring. Which was what, strangely, tended to happen when you got kicked for half an hour. She began slapping switches, killing the scenario one piece at a time, even as she flicked the mike back on. "I'm calling it, Hamster. That's it, okay?"

Monet's voice didn't register, but when she said Hamster he became acutely aware of the fact that the drones were shutting down and the scenario was ending. "No, damnit," he grunted, trying to call out her to keep it going. His physical exhaustion was at it's peak and, though he kept himself in peak physical form, it did take a lot of strength to keep going in continuous conflict. When the scenario finally shut down, he fell to one knee and looked up at the booth. No need to say anything cocky, it would only further embarrass him. "Thanks, M, I think I might have over extended myself there. I should probably build in a rest between levels."

"You think? Dude, that program of yours is completely stupid," Monet said, and followed it with "Hold on, I'm coming down," before clicking the mike off again and leaving the control booth.

Back in the danger room, she blinked at Lex. "What the hell are you trying to prove with that program, mate?"

"The first iteration of the program," he paused to take a breath, "is designed to test the limits of the user's ability to survive against progressively stronger opponents, overwhelming odds if you will." Lex twisted his neck so that he could stretch the tense muscles in his shoulders. There were too many problems with the program at the moment, but he would continue to test it over the next couple of weeks.

"I take it you have a problem with the program?"

"The bit where you set it up to kick the crap out of you? Yeah. Just a bit. What's that supposed to teach you?"

"It's supposed to show you that you cannot win every situation, that and it allows me to see what my limits are. I'll admit that it's a bit rough at the moment, but that's why I'm testing it." He wheezed out a wretched laugh and then looked at Monet, thanks for turning it off. I wouldn't be able to continue later if you let them kick my ass in there.

"You used to be a professional soldier. Why do you need this to teach you that shit happens?" Monet asked, and tossed him a bottle of water. "And surely you can hit your limits without doing this. Besides, you know this isn't real and that you've always got an out. Do you really think you'll hit your limits as thoroughly here as you would in the field?"

"Honestly, because I don't know what my limits are anymore. For a while I couldn't control my powers. Now I can, but only in the last few days - once," Lex didn't finish the statement. He wasn't about to admit that Vee's actions had caused him to go into a self-destructive search for his powers and limitations. There were too many other factors to truly know if that was what he was even doing. "And yes, it is quite possible to be out-manned, out-maneuvered, and completely alone. That's why I'm trying to create and mold this monstrosity into a useable program. The more each trainee knows about his or herself the better prepared they will be in the field."

"Fine," Monet said and then, more quietly, "You know what's more helpful than running yourself into the ground to prove some kind of point to yourself, and that's working on this shit in a steady, rational, concentrated way. And maybe one day if you're curious, you can go look up why I do eggshell drills in here every single fucking day and why I don't use telepathy in the field unless I have to," because having the mission's tank going all catatonic on people, that was a liability, you know? "Or you can keep on beating yourself into a pulp in here doing this. It's up to you."

With that, she turned and began to walk out of the room.

Lex watched her for a moment and then slowly followed, he was beaten. It took one woman telling him that he was being a self-destructive idiot for him to realize that he was doing it to himself. He realized in that moment that whatever happened between him and Vanessa, whatever caused her to lose interest with him, taking it out on himself by driving himself back to the limits of his powers was not the way to handle it. He decided to revamp the program to be more scenario based, to draw out the flaws in each users powers and mindset. He'd start with his own, stubborn and self-destructive and see if he could start building profiles off mission reports for other potential test candidates.

He raced up to M and fell into step beside her. "M, thanks." His tone was light and somewhat cheerful, as though she had just reaffirmed something in him that he couldn't see otherwise. He ran past her, "if you need me I'll be in the control booth."

"You do that. I'm going to go have a cup of tea, myself." Monet nodded briefly and left.