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Mar. 2nd, 2004 07:42 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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xp_logsMonday, late. Lorna takes her turn visiting Alex.
Two broken spirits try to make the pieces fit.
It was cold in the medlab. Not that that was anything unusual, it was always cold in the medlab and Lorna was always sensitive to it. Now more than ever. The combination of stress, her prolonged hospitalization and her...eating habits left her drastically underweight. She had piled on clothing in an attempt to ward off the chill and only succeeded in shivering beneath several layers of clothes too large for her. Currently, Lorna had no thoughts to spare for her chill. She’d woken from a nap to see Scott’s email and had bolted downstairs as fast as was possible. Then had dithered for quite some time, fretting over whether or not seeing her would do any good at all. Finally, following a pep talk of sorts from Remy, she’d crept back to Alex’s room and knocked on the door softly then let herself in.
Yawning softly, Alex woke up at the knock on his door, wondering if maybe Shiro had come back with food. He was hungry and ready to try eating again and hopefully hold it down to gain back some of the weight he'd lost. He sat up slowly, stretching his back lazily before looking over to see who had come in. Seeing Lorna he froze, in shock or fright...Alex wasn't sure.
Lorna held very still as Alex’s eyes met her own. She wanted to run and to run to him. She didn’t think he’d appreciate either. Taking a slow shaky breath, she swallowed hard past the sudden lump in her throat. “Hi,” the greeting came out as little more than a movement of her lips. She ducked her head and tried again, “Can I come in?”
Alex couldn't bare to look any longer and shifted his gaze to his lap. But he did nod slowly...not sure what else to really do at this point. She'd pushed him away once...she had every right to do it again. He closed his eyes and just waited.
Her shoulders sagged with relief. She walked slowly to the chair by his bed, mindful that turnabout was entirely fair play and he had every right to throw her out as she had him. Grateful that he hadn’t yet done so, she sat down and wrapped her arms around her waist. For a long terrible moment, she couldn’t think of anything to say. Finally she just began to talk, hoping the words would come to her. “The Professor brought in this head-shrinker, Samson. Because…well, it’s the school, you know? So, he asked some of us to talk to him. It was an open invite to the whole school. So I’ve talked to him a couple of times…three. Three times. And his big thing is that I should say how I feel and not just bottle it and everything. That I should be honest. He even had me write this letter to you.” She shook her head, staring fixedly at the far wall as though it would provide all the answers, “I won’t make you read it. It’s just a lot of…me, really. Hurting. But I thought that you should know part of it. And that’s that I missed you. And I’m sorry.” She closed her eyes against the tears that she couldn’t stop. In her head, a horrified part of herself demanded to know what the hell she thought she was doing, that this was not helping.
When he knew her gaze was not on him anymore, Alex chanced a glance over at Lorna, not sure what he wanted to see, or even expected. Tears were certainly not it and all of his guilt just came flooding back to him, thinking how it seemed everything he did caused her to hurt even more. In all truth, her reaction to him after the accident had not surprised him, but this Lorna in front of him...this Lorna who apparently had missed him just as much as he had missed her, this did surprise him, even more then being welcomed back by Shiro. And frankly, Alex had no idea what to do now. So he softly asked a simple question, trying to hold back tears of his own, "Why? Why did you miss me when all I've ever done is hurt you...even when I left, thinking I was doing what you wanted, I only ended up causing you pain it seems." He wiped away a single tear that fell down his cheek. "I...I'm so confused."
Lorna scrubbed at her eyes with the sleeve of her sweater, trying to pull herself together. “I… I actually don’t remember… I can’t remember most of what happened. I don’t know what I said. But whatever it was…I never thought you’d leave. I never imagined that. I didn’t even know you were gone. They didn’t tell me for a long time.” She bit her lip. “There was a lot wrong with me then, Alex. But loving you was never part of it. That never changed.”
Alex almost didn't, couldn't, believe what he was hearing. The months he had felt rejected, dangerous and unloved whilst in Selene's care had made him think none of what he was hearing was possible. But, it seemed like he was wrong and that thought was just overwhelming ever single cell in his body and he had no idea what to think. So instead, he just let the tears he had been holding back fall, whilst hugging his knees tightly to his chest. His thoughts were so confused..."I...I don't know what to do Lorna...I... don't know what to think..." He shook his head. "I only ran away because I couldn't stand to cause you anymore pain...because I love you, so..so very much." He looked away embarrassed and after everything, still afraid of her reaction.
Relief shuddered through her and she moved on the emotion, moving from her chair to perch on the edge of his bed. She didn’t touch him, though she wanted to. She didn’t want him to spook. “I never wanted to lose you. When I thought that I had…” the remembered bleakness, the anger and heartache swum over her again in a sudden rush, “it was like I’d lost the sun.” She stuck her hands in her coat’s pockets and her fingers met a smooth expanse of paper. She took out a silver envelope and turned it over and over in her hands. “This was for you.” She gestured with it. “I didn’t realize I still had it.”
It was a good thing Lorna hadn't tried to touch him for he felt as tense as a rubber band waiting to snap. Innocent curiosity, however, won out over everything else as he noticed the envelope in her hands. Alex reached out a hand slowly, tentatively, stretching out his legs as he did so. "What is it?" He asked, wiping away tears with the back of his other hand.
She handed it to him, "Your present. It's a bit late for either your birthday or Christmas and it's not actually good for anything anymore but..." Her hands clenched together in her lap, more nervous than she appeared. "they say it's the best surfing in the world." Please believe me, her eyes begged, Please know that I mean it when I tell you I love you. Please come back to me.
Alex opened the envelope slowly, not sure what to expect. When he pulled out two tickets to Cairns, Australia, which was legendary in the surfing circles to have the best waves in the entire world, he looked startled up at Lorna and was met with her begging gaze. He wanted to look away...to not believe what he saw or what was represented by what he held in hands...but the one small sane part in Alex's mind wouldn't let him. "I...I don't...know what to say...” He looked away for a moment, clearing his throat before he could look back at her and say quietly, "Lorna, I love you...more then I think I ever realized...and I'm sorry, for hurting you and most of all...for ever doubting you." Now it was his turn to beg. "I want to be with you again...if you'll let me..."
Lorna burst into tears, overwhelmed. After months of despair, unassisted joy was a strange and welcome visitor. She reached out to Alex blindly, trying to manage even a single sentence. In the end, she had to settle for a single word. “Yes. Oh, god, yes.”
Lorna's tears caused another flood of his own and Alex slowly reached out for her, taking her in his arms as they both cried for the love they had both thought they had almost lost. Once he could think slightly straight again, he kissed her gently. "I have missed you so much..." he muttered softly, touching his forehead to hers.
"I thought I'd lost you." She ran her hands through his hair, the gesture familiar still. "I thought you hated me."
"I could never do that...ever." Alex couldn't help but smile softly, resting his hands around her waist. "I thought you hated me."
"Never." She clung to him, still worried that this was somehow a dream. "I couldn't. You're the best thing in my life."
He couldn't help it, that brought more tears to come falling down his face. After months of thinking himself worthless, to hear her say that... "You have no idea how much that means to me..." Alex spoke through sobs, his eyes closed.
She kissed away his tears. “I love you,” she promised, “and I won’t leave you. We’re going to get through this one together.”
Alex could only nod slowly, too overcome with emotion to speak, but his grip around her waist had tightened slightly as if confirm what she had said.
Lorna rested her head on his shoulder, simultaneously comforted and protective. He was home and now, finally, so was she.
Two broken spirits try to make the pieces fit.
It was cold in the medlab. Not that that was anything unusual, it was always cold in the medlab and Lorna was always sensitive to it. Now more than ever. The combination of stress, her prolonged hospitalization and her...eating habits left her drastically underweight. She had piled on clothing in an attempt to ward off the chill and only succeeded in shivering beneath several layers of clothes too large for her. Currently, Lorna had no thoughts to spare for her chill. She’d woken from a nap to see Scott’s email and had bolted downstairs as fast as was possible. Then had dithered for quite some time, fretting over whether or not seeing her would do any good at all. Finally, following a pep talk of sorts from Remy, she’d crept back to Alex’s room and knocked on the door softly then let herself in.
Yawning softly, Alex woke up at the knock on his door, wondering if maybe Shiro had come back with food. He was hungry and ready to try eating again and hopefully hold it down to gain back some of the weight he'd lost. He sat up slowly, stretching his back lazily before looking over to see who had come in. Seeing Lorna he froze, in shock or fright...Alex wasn't sure.
Lorna held very still as Alex’s eyes met her own. She wanted to run and to run to him. She didn’t think he’d appreciate either. Taking a slow shaky breath, she swallowed hard past the sudden lump in her throat. “Hi,” the greeting came out as little more than a movement of her lips. She ducked her head and tried again, “Can I come in?”
Alex couldn't bare to look any longer and shifted his gaze to his lap. But he did nod slowly...not sure what else to really do at this point. She'd pushed him away once...she had every right to do it again. He closed his eyes and just waited.
Her shoulders sagged with relief. She walked slowly to the chair by his bed, mindful that turnabout was entirely fair play and he had every right to throw her out as she had him. Grateful that he hadn’t yet done so, she sat down and wrapped her arms around her waist. For a long terrible moment, she couldn’t think of anything to say. Finally she just began to talk, hoping the words would come to her. “The Professor brought in this head-shrinker, Samson. Because…well, it’s the school, you know? So, he asked some of us to talk to him. It was an open invite to the whole school. So I’ve talked to him a couple of times…three. Three times. And his big thing is that I should say how I feel and not just bottle it and everything. That I should be honest. He even had me write this letter to you.” She shook her head, staring fixedly at the far wall as though it would provide all the answers, “I won’t make you read it. It’s just a lot of…me, really. Hurting. But I thought that you should know part of it. And that’s that I missed you. And I’m sorry.” She closed her eyes against the tears that she couldn’t stop. In her head, a horrified part of herself demanded to know what the hell she thought she was doing, that this was not helping.
When he knew her gaze was not on him anymore, Alex chanced a glance over at Lorna, not sure what he wanted to see, or even expected. Tears were certainly not it and all of his guilt just came flooding back to him, thinking how it seemed everything he did caused her to hurt even more. In all truth, her reaction to him after the accident had not surprised him, but this Lorna in front of him...this Lorna who apparently had missed him just as much as he had missed her, this did surprise him, even more then being welcomed back by Shiro. And frankly, Alex had no idea what to do now. So he softly asked a simple question, trying to hold back tears of his own, "Why? Why did you miss me when all I've ever done is hurt you...even when I left, thinking I was doing what you wanted, I only ended up causing you pain it seems." He wiped away a single tear that fell down his cheek. "I...I'm so confused."
Lorna scrubbed at her eyes with the sleeve of her sweater, trying to pull herself together. “I… I actually don’t remember… I can’t remember most of what happened. I don’t know what I said. But whatever it was…I never thought you’d leave. I never imagined that. I didn’t even know you were gone. They didn’t tell me for a long time.” She bit her lip. “There was a lot wrong with me then, Alex. But loving you was never part of it. That never changed.”
Alex almost didn't, couldn't, believe what he was hearing. The months he had felt rejected, dangerous and unloved whilst in Selene's care had made him think none of what he was hearing was possible. But, it seemed like he was wrong and that thought was just overwhelming ever single cell in his body and he had no idea what to think. So instead, he just let the tears he had been holding back fall, whilst hugging his knees tightly to his chest. His thoughts were so confused..."I...I don't know what to do Lorna...I... don't know what to think..." He shook his head. "I only ran away because I couldn't stand to cause you anymore pain...because I love you, so..so very much." He looked away embarrassed and after everything, still afraid of her reaction.
Relief shuddered through her and she moved on the emotion, moving from her chair to perch on the edge of his bed. She didn’t touch him, though she wanted to. She didn’t want him to spook. “I never wanted to lose you. When I thought that I had…” the remembered bleakness, the anger and heartache swum over her again in a sudden rush, “it was like I’d lost the sun.” She stuck her hands in her coat’s pockets and her fingers met a smooth expanse of paper. She took out a silver envelope and turned it over and over in her hands. “This was for you.” She gestured with it. “I didn’t realize I still had it.”
It was a good thing Lorna hadn't tried to touch him for he felt as tense as a rubber band waiting to snap. Innocent curiosity, however, won out over everything else as he noticed the envelope in her hands. Alex reached out a hand slowly, tentatively, stretching out his legs as he did so. "What is it?" He asked, wiping away tears with the back of his other hand.
She handed it to him, "Your present. It's a bit late for either your birthday or Christmas and it's not actually good for anything anymore but..." Her hands clenched together in her lap, more nervous than she appeared. "they say it's the best surfing in the world." Please believe me, her eyes begged, Please know that I mean it when I tell you I love you. Please come back to me.
Alex opened the envelope slowly, not sure what to expect. When he pulled out two tickets to Cairns, Australia, which was legendary in the surfing circles to have the best waves in the entire world, he looked startled up at Lorna and was met with her begging gaze. He wanted to look away...to not believe what he saw or what was represented by what he held in hands...but the one small sane part in Alex's mind wouldn't let him. "I...I don't...know what to say...” He looked away for a moment, clearing his throat before he could look back at her and say quietly, "Lorna, I love you...more then I think I ever realized...and I'm sorry, for hurting you and most of all...for ever doubting you." Now it was his turn to beg. "I want to be with you again...if you'll let me..."
Lorna burst into tears, overwhelmed. After months of despair, unassisted joy was a strange and welcome visitor. She reached out to Alex blindly, trying to manage even a single sentence. In the end, she had to settle for a single word. “Yes. Oh, god, yes.”
Lorna's tears caused another flood of his own and Alex slowly reached out for her, taking her in his arms as they both cried for the love they had both thought they had almost lost. Once he could think slightly straight again, he kissed her gently. "I have missed you so much..." he muttered softly, touching his forehead to hers.
"I thought I'd lost you." She ran her hands through his hair, the gesture familiar still. "I thought you hated me."
"I could never do that...ever." Alex couldn't help but smile softly, resting his hands around her waist. "I thought you hated me."
"Never." She clung to him, still worried that this was somehow a dream. "I couldn't. You're the best thing in my life."
He couldn't help it, that brought more tears to come falling down his face. After months of thinking himself worthless, to hear her say that... "You have no idea how much that means to me..." Alex spoke through sobs, his eyes closed.
She kissed away his tears. “I love you,” she promised, “and I won’t leave you. We’re going to get through this one together.”
Alex could only nod slowly, too overcome with emotion to speak, but his grip around her waist had tightened slightly as if confirm what she had said.
Lorna rested her head on his shoulder, simultaneously comforted and protective. He was home and now, finally, so was she.
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Date: 2004-03-02 10:32 pm (UTC)whoreslutjunkielover...This was brilliant, you two. I <3 them both. It's so painful, but so beautiful. I want them to work it out so bad. Not to mention I want them both to have a lot of therapy to sort out the huge amount of baggage they each carry. Wah. :)
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Date: 2004-03-03 01:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-03-03 12:26 pm (UTC)On all accounts. Scott & me are very pleased by your log. It's a start to healing. w00t!