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Mar. 3rd, 2004 12:25 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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xp_logsMonday just before this log
Lorna tries to build up enough courage to go see Alex. Remy talks her through it. Lorna just can't understand why some people don't like Remy.
Lorna was pacing restlessly through the medlab, her mind on Alex's closed door. She trailed a heavy down comforter like a cape and still shivered. Down the end of the long corridor of private rooms she went until finally her meanderings took her to the general room of the medlab. It was only when she looked up and realised where she was that she noticed she was being watched. She changed her direction and went to Remy's bedside. "Hi."
"Evening chere." Remy said. His bloodless face and deeply shadowed eyes were a shocking change from his normal vibrant features. He sipped a glass of water with a straw, mouth twisted wryly at the ridiculousness of the situation. "Guess dere nothing interesting on television tonight?" He joked weakly.
"Just the usual, lame sitcoms and formulaic cop shows." She tugged her comforter more tightly around her shoulders, "Can I sit down?" she inclined her head to indicate a nearby chair. She didn't look much better than Remy--too pale, too thin and too tired to give a damn.
"Course. Remy'd make room on de bed, but for de first time I remember, even de offer of sex makes me hurt." Remy said ruefully, pushing himself up further on the pillow. "Guess I'm not de only one living on too little sleep. Somet'ing de matter?"
A little flick of her head brought the chair near enough for her to curl onto. She fussed with her blanket for a bit, delaying her answer. Her movements were jerky and hesitant. "Other than everything? My boyfriend--ex-boyfriend--hates himself and me, my roommate is a traitor and people keep treating me like I'm going to break."
"You forgot de unfortunate sinking of California in dat tale of woe." Lorna looked at him confused. "Sorry, just a saying I heard. Means it can't be as bad as it could be. Your ex, dat Alex? How you know he hates you?"
"Cali won't sink. It'll just end up near Alaska," she replied with an eyeroll automatic to all Californians when confronted by people hoping the Golden State would fall into the Pacific. "Which is bad enough. And yeah, Alex. He thinks he's better off with the bitch who did this to him than here. He doesn't want to see me." She rubbed absently at the scars on her shoulder. "I can't really blame him."
"Dat don' mean he hate you, chere." Remy said gently. "You ever been on de street? Out on your own?"
She blinked at him, "No, of course not. I grew up in the Valley."
"Dat's where Remy came here from. Being out on your own does t'ings t' you. Makes you doubt what's real sometimes. Gets real easy t' hate yourself. Fact, most of de poor salaud out dere do." Remy's body looked weak, but his gaze was clear and strong. "Dats where your boy is coming back from. Going take time for him t' stop hating himself. When dat happens, only when dat happens, is he going t' be able t' love someone else again, chere. But Remy guess he saving all his hate for himself, not you."
Lorna curled into her enveloping blanket even more, finding utterly no comfort in Remy's explanation. "You don't understand," she said in a small voice, "I told him to leave. It's my fault he was out there. I told him to stay away from me."
"Chere, he blew you up. If dat not extenuating circumstances, Remy don' know what is." Remy said. "Now normally, I be all for de break up, cause dat means a pretty green-haired femme is available, but de blood loss is making me do dese crazy things. Past all de blame, all de guilt, and de crap dat you've got built up, do you still love de homme?"
"Yes." The reply was simple, straightforward and uttered with a bleakness that suggested it was a death sentence. "That's what hurts so much. I can't give him up."
"Den stop trying t' beat yourself up over it. Worst t'ing you could do is hurt yourself while he's trying t' come back from what he's done." Remy smiled. "Fact is dat in de end, all de t'ings dat happened only matter as much as you make dem matter."
"I just don't know if I can do this. I don't know if I can not hurt long enough to help him through." She slipped off the chair to sit on the floor and rested her head against the mattress of the bed, her eyes closed. "This would be so much easier if I couldn't feel it again."
"Dat's de second time Remy heard dat argument dis week." He muttered, wondering if it was something in the water. "Look, chere, dey hard means dat it worth it. But, it's your life. Your past wit' dis homme don't mean you got t' have a future, or your mistakes don' mean you don have t' have one. De only t'ing you have t' decide is what's right for you." His hand slipped down to stroke the top of his head with two fingers. "If you can do it, you will. If you can't, den you can't. But you can't blame yourself for not being able t' do de impossible."
"Of course, I can," she replied without opening her eyes, "I'm Catholic. It's our specialty." She sighed; she would have to go soon, back to waiting, back to hoping and praying. She didn't have the strength right now.
"Vrai. But eventually your hair falls out and you start tooling round in a wheelchair trying t' recruit people to wear tight leather for you." Remy joked. "Chere, you an intelligent girl. Eventually, you find your way with or without de homme. Just remember dat. Especially on top of all de other relationship advice de people here going t' give you."
"Everyone seems to think they know best what's going on in my head." Lorna sighed, "Especially my lovely roommate." The shouting match she and Alison had had the night before still stung. She still couldn't believe Alison would make such a horrible accusation.
"Dat Alison, huh?" Remy said. "She t'ink she got everyone figured out. Wish she'd done it before slugging me in de jaw. Look, chere, Remy not going t' tell you what you should do. No one knows dat. I'm just going t' tell you what I'd do. Not like I'm a great role-model." He finished, with a self-deprecating chuckle.
Lorna jerked her head up to stare at Remy, "She hit you? When? Why?"
"Remy was being charming. Guess not all de femmes see it equally." Remy said, and stole a glance at the scowling countenance of Bartlett behind the glass. "Like dat doctor. Remy going t' get better just t' get her 'way from me."
Lorna gave Madelyn a half-wave then looked back at Remy, "Your method of charming might get you slapped but not slugged." She shrugged, "I should go. I'm sure I'm holding up your recovery or something." She climbed to her feet then stood looking down at him, somberly, trying to figure out why he was there. Not injury-wise but acquiring of injury-wise, "You jumped into the portal. Why? I thought you didn't want to get involved?"
"Stupidity." Remy said, shrugging. "Plus, dere was nothing interesting on television. Chere, you t'ink Remy de type t' play hero?" He said.
"You jumped into a portal full of demons. You carried me to bed when I was half out of my mind." She shrugged again. "I don't know what to think of you. I was just wondering if you knew." She touched his hand lightly with her own. "Anyway, thanks for letting me hide out but I have to face him sometime.
"Anytime chere." Remy said. "If you ever decide dat Alex not de boy, Remy know dis devestatingly attractive Cajun." He grinned, and settled back into his pillow. "Bon chance, chere."
"Good night, Remy," she smiled and walked away, shaking her head, still quite convinced he was kidding and not serious. The smile faded soon enough and she continued with new resolve to see her Alex.
Lorna tries to build up enough courage to go see Alex. Remy talks her through it. Lorna just can't understand why some people don't like Remy.
Lorna was pacing restlessly through the medlab, her mind on Alex's closed door. She trailed a heavy down comforter like a cape and still shivered. Down the end of the long corridor of private rooms she went until finally her meanderings took her to the general room of the medlab. It was only when she looked up and realised where she was that she noticed she was being watched. She changed her direction and went to Remy's bedside. "Hi."
"Evening chere." Remy said. His bloodless face and deeply shadowed eyes were a shocking change from his normal vibrant features. He sipped a glass of water with a straw, mouth twisted wryly at the ridiculousness of the situation. "Guess dere nothing interesting on television tonight?" He joked weakly.
"Just the usual, lame sitcoms and formulaic cop shows." She tugged her comforter more tightly around her shoulders, "Can I sit down?" she inclined her head to indicate a nearby chair. She didn't look much better than Remy--too pale, too thin and too tired to give a damn.
"Course. Remy'd make room on de bed, but for de first time I remember, even de offer of sex makes me hurt." Remy said ruefully, pushing himself up further on the pillow. "Guess I'm not de only one living on too little sleep. Somet'ing de matter?"
A little flick of her head brought the chair near enough for her to curl onto. She fussed with her blanket for a bit, delaying her answer. Her movements were jerky and hesitant. "Other than everything? My boyfriend--ex-boyfriend--hates himself and me, my roommate is a traitor and people keep treating me like I'm going to break."
"You forgot de unfortunate sinking of California in dat tale of woe." Lorna looked at him confused. "Sorry, just a saying I heard. Means it can't be as bad as it could be. Your ex, dat Alex? How you know he hates you?"
"Cali won't sink. It'll just end up near Alaska," she replied with an eyeroll automatic to all Californians when confronted by people hoping the Golden State would fall into the Pacific. "Which is bad enough. And yeah, Alex. He thinks he's better off with the bitch who did this to him than here. He doesn't want to see me." She rubbed absently at the scars on her shoulder. "I can't really blame him."
"Dat don' mean he hate you, chere." Remy said gently. "You ever been on de street? Out on your own?"
She blinked at him, "No, of course not. I grew up in the Valley."
"Dat's where Remy came here from. Being out on your own does t'ings t' you. Makes you doubt what's real sometimes. Gets real easy t' hate yourself. Fact, most of de poor salaud out dere do." Remy's body looked weak, but his gaze was clear and strong. "Dats where your boy is coming back from. Going take time for him t' stop hating himself. When dat happens, only when dat happens, is he going t' be able t' love someone else again, chere. But Remy guess he saving all his hate for himself, not you."
Lorna curled into her enveloping blanket even more, finding utterly no comfort in Remy's explanation. "You don't understand," she said in a small voice, "I told him to leave. It's my fault he was out there. I told him to stay away from me."
"Chere, he blew you up. If dat not extenuating circumstances, Remy don' know what is." Remy said. "Now normally, I be all for de break up, cause dat means a pretty green-haired femme is available, but de blood loss is making me do dese crazy things. Past all de blame, all de guilt, and de crap dat you've got built up, do you still love de homme?"
"Yes." The reply was simple, straightforward and uttered with a bleakness that suggested it was a death sentence. "That's what hurts so much. I can't give him up."
"Den stop trying t' beat yourself up over it. Worst t'ing you could do is hurt yourself while he's trying t' come back from what he's done." Remy smiled. "Fact is dat in de end, all de t'ings dat happened only matter as much as you make dem matter."
"I just don't know if I can do this. I don't know if I can not hurt long enough to help him through." She slipped off the chair to sit on the floor and rested her head against the mattress of the bed, her eyes closed. "This would be so much easier if I couldn't feel it again."
"Dat's de second time Remy heard dat argument dis week." He muttered, wondering if it was something in the water. "Look, chere, dey hard means dat it worth it. But, it's your life. Your past wit' dis homme don't mean you got t' have a future, or your mistakes don' mean you don have t' have one. De only t'ing you have t' decide is what's right for you." His hand slipped down to stroke the top of his head with two fingers. "If you can do it, you will. If you can't, den you can't. But you can't blame yourself for not being able t' do de impossible."
"Of course, I can," she replied without opening her eyes, "I'm Catholic. It's our specialty." She sighed; she would have to go soon, back to waiting, back to hoping and praying. She didn't have the strength right now.
"Vrai. But eventually your hair falls out and you start tooling round in a wheelchair trying t' recruit people to wear tight leather for you." Remy joked. "Chere, you an intelligent girl. Eventually, you find your way with or without de homme. Just remember dat. Especially on top of all de other relationship advice de people here going t' give you."
"Everyone seems to think they know best what's going on in my head." Lorna sighed, "Especially my lovely roommate." The shouting match she and Alison had had the night before still stung. She still couldn't believe Alison would make such a horrible accusation.
"Dat Alison, huh?" Remy said. "She t'ink she got everyone figured out. Wish she'd done it before slugging me in de jaw. Look, chere, Remy not going t' tell you what you should do. No one knows dat. I'm just going t' tell you what I'd do. Not like I'm a great role-model." He finished, with a self-deprecating chuckle.
Lorna jerked her head up to stare at Remy, "She hit you? When? Why?"
"Remy was being charming. Guess not all de femmes see it equally." Remy said, and stole a glance at the scowling countenance of Bartlett behind the glass. "Like dat doctor. Remy going t' get better just t' get her 'way from me."
Lorna gave Madelyn a half-wave then looked back at Remy, "Your method of charming might get you slapped but not slugged." She shrugged, "I should go. I'm sure I'm holding up your recovery or something." She climbed to her feet then stood looking down at him, somberly, trying to figure out why he was there. Not injury-wise but acquiring of injury-wise, "You jumped into the portal. Why? I thought you didn't want to get involved?"
"Stupidity." Remy said, shrugging. "Plus, dere was nothing interesting on television. Chere, you t'ink Remy de type t' play hero?" He said.
"You jumped into a portal full of demons. You carried me to bed when I was half out of my mind." She shrugged again. "I don't know what to think of you. I was just wondering if you knew." She touched his hand lightly with her own. "Anyway, thanks for letting me hide out but I have to face him sometime.
"Anytime chere." Remy said. "If you ever decide dat Alex not de boy, Remy know dis devestatingly attractive Cajun." He grinned, and settled back into his pillow. "Bon chance, chere."
"Good night, Remy," she smiled and walked away, shaking her head, still quite convinced he was kidding and not serious. The smile faded soon enough and she continued with new resolve to see her Alex.
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no subject
Date: 2004-03-03 01:10 am (UTC)*pouts* Lorna gets a pep talk and Amanda gets shredded? No fair. ;)
no subject
Date: 2004-03-03 06:55 am (UTC)That's...
Date: 2004-03-03 02:32 pm (UTC)Peasant.
Re: That's...
Date: 2004-03-03 05:36 pm (UTC)Re: That's...
Date: 2004-03-03 06:33 pm (UTC)It hates you. Throw it away.
Mr. Spanish Antichrist
no subject
Date: 2004-03-03 05:35 pm (UTC)