Log: "John" and Jean

[x-wolfcub.livejournal.com]

John gets a check-up and some advice from someone who knows a thing or two about identity problems.



"John" found himself in a not so comfortable position, lying on his back on top of an examining table. Although it brought up one of his few memories rattling around in his head, and a pretty difficult one to sit with at that, the boy still thought of this as a break. Walking around the huge mansion, he couldn't help but feel like he needed to be doing something, proving that he either was or wasn't this Nick that everyone thought he was. At least while he waited for the results of his most recent check-up, he was able to spend some time being truly away from the rest of the crowd.


Nick was back. Or at least, that was what most people seemed to think. His disappearance had been one of the reasons why she had come back. Despite all of Kurt's hopes, in the back of Jean's mind she wondered if the boy was dead.

But either way, to lose one of them, one of those she would come to call her family, made her realize she couldn't have stayed gone. She had to be there. And in being there, perhaps she could've stopped it from happening again.

These thoughts were ones she kept to herself, however. There was an entirely different matter to discuss, one she was very familiar with.

"Hello John, I'm sorry to have kept you waiting," she said as she walked into the room with a clipboard. She smiled.

"You can sit up now, if you'd like. I know those things are cold."

Thankful the boy popped up from the table. "So what's the word doc, am I going to make it?" The small jokes were enough to keep his mind focused away from the earliest memories still in his head. Waking up on a similar lab somewhere hidden in New York a few months ago.

Jean leaned against the wall propping the clipboard under one arm.

"You'll live," Jean said with a smile. "Everything seems normal physically."

She wanted to ask him a multitude of questions. But she knew that wasn't the best idea right now so she took it slow. She remembered her own experience, feeling overwhelmed by everyone. Being around those who cared for you was a good thing, but when you were trying to figure things out it could also be like being smothered.

"How are you sleeping?"

What the mind didn't know on the surface often came in the form of soft glimmers in dreams...or nightmares.

"So last night I had a dream about a crab wearing loafers chasing me down the beach that could shoot lightning bolts out of his eyes." He shrugged his shoulders. "Other than that, they've been pretty normal." He tried to hide his smile, but it popped out. It was hard to keep his content to himself over the past few days, but going from a homeless shelter to a giant mansion had some pretty nice advantages.

Jean grinned. "I take it you've seen Attack of the Crab Monsters? Or is this crab man sized?" she said.

"Otherwise...sounds like a pretty interesting dream," she mused.

The smile lingered a bit before she glanced up, letting out a breath. "I uh...didn't want to move to the inevitable elephant in the room but I figure we might go ahead and jump right in," she said.

"I'm sure everyone else has already asked you a barrage of questions so I'm not going to but if you ever needed to talk just about...what you're feeling, I have experience in what you're going through."

She tapped her pen against the clipboard staring down it for a couple of moments.

"After an...incident, I wound up losing my memory for over a year. I had no idea who I was or what had happened before. All I knew was that I was in the world and my life had just begun the moment I washed up on a beach."

She shook her head then smiled again, pressing her hand to her chest with a note of recognition.

"I was Jane Smith. Kind of felt wrong to make up some exotic name. Nothing felt right, you know? Since I knew I had a name, I just didn't know what it was."

She drew a few random loops in her notes. The memories were still there but seeing "John" and what he was going through made them feel fresh again.

The boy had to take that one in pausing for a second to scratch the side of his head. "Wow... that uh... wow..." He took a second to try and let his mind catch up with his own words. "When you're in a situation like mine, it's kind of hard not to just assume you're all alone, ya know." As he took a breath he realized that it certainly was easy to think that there were others who had amnesia. And it wasn't so hard to think to one of those people could have ended up at the same place he was. Especially with how hectic this place seemed. He swallowed for a second before answering. "I do have one question." His eyes fell to the ground. "How did you deal with the feeling of disappointing people that seem to be wanting to... you know... talk to someone else?"

"Just take it one day at a time. They see your face and they see their memories of that other person and sometimes it's hard for them to understand that you don't have the same ones. Even if they know you don't, even if you told them, it's hard for everyone to try to figure out a way to cope with what's going on at first. Be patient with them. They care about you and they just need time to get used to the idea," Jean said. She smiled.

"And don't try too hard to be someone you're not right now. The mind is amazingly resilient but it needs time to heal. Work at your own pace."

Her experience was a little different than his. She knew no one during that year, and coming back to the mansion had triggered her memory back. But "John" was different. Something had happened that was so traumatic that his mind had likely retreated so deeply into itself that it forgot the way back out.

John crossed his arms as he sat up on the table. "All of that seems to be good in principle, but when I look into the eyes of Mr. Sefton." He shook his head. "It's like he wants me so bad to be his son, but in the end, I just can't be Nick no matter how hard I try." His voice and eyeline both drifted downward at the same time. "I want to give him what he wants so badly."

Jean stepped away from the wall then walked toward him.

"Mind if I sit down?" she said, nodding to the place on the exam table beside him.

"Not at all." Living in a homeless shelter meant space was a premium, and John had no problem scooting over and sharing the table with Dr. Grey-Summers.

"Thanks," Jean said, taking a seat beside him. She let out a breath.

"Everyone was devastated when Nick disappeared. Kurt never stopped looking for him, despite the fear that he might've been dead. So to see you...yes, he sees his son. But the difference is...he's doesn't have to search for him anymore. You do. Or you think you do. And sometimes the easiest thing to do is to just let Nick find you," she said, smiling softly.

"Your memory will come back...or it won't. Either way, he still loves you. You're giving him what he wants just by being here. And its going to be awkward at first but it won't stay that way. We all just have to ride it out, and take things as they come."

"Well as long as there isn't too much pressure." The boy winked back at the doctor. "But can you do me one more favor? Maybe write to the people around here that this whole potential amnesia thing includes a lack of cooking skills?" He shrugged. "I figured if nothing else, I should get a few free meals out of this right?"

Jean chuckled. "I can't promise there won't be pressure. This group is anything if not tenacious without meaning to be. Like I said, just be patient with them. It's a learning process for all of us."

Standing up, she grinned. "And I'll let them know. Talk to Lorna. Give her the big puppy dog eyes. She'll take pity on you. That and she's the resident cook so she can't resist whipping up things."


"Well based on the interactions I've had so far, I've learned one thing." He smiled a bit wider. "At least I'm not going to starve while I'm at this place."

"And if you do, you're trying too hard at it," Jean said with a smirk.

"I think we're done here, by the way, if you want to get dressed."


She didn't have to tell John twice who already was hopping of the table and quickly hobbling over to his shirt and attempting to pull it over his head. "Hopefully..." He got out as he pulled the shirt down. "It won't be long and we'll be having a conversation of what it means to have your memory return."


Jean nodded, then smiled.

"I'd like that."

Though all of her smiles had been genuine, this one also brought with it hope.

She'd done well in holding her emotions in, but Nick's "death" had struck her rather hard, and to see him back, alive, it brought with it a sense of relief. But it was also one that she didn't quite know how to allow herself to accept completely. Until he had his memory back she still saw him as partially gone, though she'd never tell anyone that.

Still, she knew how important it was to give someone time to breathe and move at their own pace. Forcing the psyche to do something it didn't want to do too soon was often quite disastrous.

"If you have any problems please let me, Hank, or Amelia know immediately. Even though I suspect your amnesia to be primarily centered to a psychological occurrence, it never hurts to be safe rather than sorry in case anything else pops up."


John clicked his heels slightly as he hopped off of the table. "Will do doc." As he headed for the door, he was happy to be out of the medical wing for the moment, although he knew that it most likely would be just one of several in the near future.