Moira/Amanda

[x-mactaggart.livejournal.com]

Amanda was both Pete and Moira wanted to speak to her, and was ignoring them. She couldn't avoid either person forever, but the longer it took, the better. So it was a nasty shock when Moira managed to track down her hidey hole in the unused section of the mansion, the same parlor she'd holed up in during the aftermath of the potion incident. Shinobi, the arselicker, must have grassed her up.

She stared coldly at the older woman as she stood in the doorway, and then took a long, deliberate swallow from the vodka bottle she was holding. "Want some, doc?" she offered.

Moira crossed her arms over her chest and met Amanda's glare with an even stare. "Vodka was always th' nastiest o' thin's I drank. More o' a whiskey fan." She'd heard the rumors and worrying's of everyone and just realized how dangerously close to the truth they were.

"What d' ye think yer doin'?"

"Followin' me doctor's orders," Amanda said, assuming a look of wide-eyed innocence. "Findin' somethin' t' satisfy the cravin's, like you said."

"I didna mean actin' like ye've gone insane an' engagin' in somethin' that'll get ye in trouble wit' th' rest of th' school," she snapped.

She was in for a world of hurt the next morning, Moira realized.

"I don't care 'bout the rest of the school. I don't care 'bout any of it." Amanda set the bottle down and got up, staggering a little. "Why the fuck should I? All this talk of helpin' me an' supportin' me, and all I get is the blame for stuff I never even done. You don't think I can change, so why should I? 'S not like I can." Her voice wobbled a little, and she clamped down on the hurt and guilt, letting the anger take free rein. "You talk 'bout trust, but it's all lies."

"If'n ye really believed tha', ye'd 'ave split bynow." Moira's voice was sharp. "An' I think ye can change. Blame? Nay, nay blame...I think yer bein' stupid right now. Ye needed 'elp, ye should 'ave talked ta someone, nay found th' bottle."

She walked over and picked up the bottle, easily moving out of Amanda's reach. The smell hit her strong and she nearly gagged. "Ugh, ye didna even get th' -good- kind."

And with that, she dropped the bottle to the floor.

"You bitch." Amanda's fists clenched by her sides. "No blame? Why don't you talk t' yer mate Marko, the one who started all this in the first fuckin' place with whatver the fuck it is that set me power off? He's convinced I set loose demons t' take 'Yana, that it's all my fault! Well, I'm sick of it! I'm sick of tryin' and gettin' me efforts kicked in me face, I'm sick of havin' this need in me all the time, without even askin' for it in the first place! I stayed clean on the streets, an' you have no fuckin' idea how hard that was, but I did. An' then I come here an' I get me this fuckin' addiction that makes me do things, horrible things, an' I just keep gettin' in deeper an' deeper." She swiped her arm roughly across her face, obliterating the tears that squeezed out despite her effort. "You can't help me. You couldn't even help yer son." The words burst out, fuelled by anger and alcohol and self-loathing, but as soon as Amanda said them she knew she'd gone too far.

Moira paused for a second, feeling like someone punched her in the stomach, but she didn't let it show. Instead, she took a step forward, broken glass crunching under her shoes. Her stomach rolled from the smell, but she ignored that as well.

"Aye, an' -tha's- why I'm fightin' ta save ye because I'll be damned if'n tha' happens again." She poked a finger towards Amanda, not hitting anything but making her point clear. "I understand -verra- well what yer tryin' ta do an' drivin' me away by makin' smart ass comments isna goin' ta work. I -invented- smart ass comments. An' what I'm doin'? I'm givin' ye a swift kick in th' ass...like ye told me ta. So, if'n I'm intrudin' on yer attempt ta make a bloody black 'ole out o' yerself, than excuse me but I'm nay 'bout ta g' way jus' because some pissy 'ell cat decides ta take a swin' at me trust."

"When will you people get it through yer fuckin' heads that maybe you can't help? This ain't like givin' up smokin', it's tied int' me power an' int' the magic, everythin' I am. I'm not a normal kid an' I never will be, but you lot keep expectin' me t' be with yer schoolin' an' yer expectin' me t' try me best an' makin' friends and shite. I started gon' wrong a long fuckin' time ago, an' there's sod all anyone can do about it now."

Moira straightened. "I'll regret th' thin's I failed ta do, but I'll be damned if'n I'll regret th' thin's I -didn't- do. Ye can bluster, curse, scream at me all ye want, but I'm nay goin' away." She looked at the younger girl. God, it was her years ago...angry, afraid, pushing everyone away until Nathan shook some sense into her. And she'd be damned if she'd let Amanda waste away. It would take a whole hell of a lot more to make Moira MacTaggart leave.

And Amanda knew it. Looking at the Scotswoman, the set of her jaw, the glint in her eyes, she knew there was no way she was getting out of this one short of physical violence, which was laughable, the state she was in. Jubilee was right - she couldn't fight off a day old kitten.

"Fine," she said, shoulders drooping wearily. "Rescue me. Save me from meself. Don't blame me when it all fucks up an' I send the house t' Hell or somethin'."

"I 'aven't yet, I will nay in th' future. We've 'ad our share o' problems 'round 'ere, we'll work thin's out." She paused. "I'll leave ye alone now...ye look like ye need some time ta yerself..." She made a face. "An' make sure ye dinnae smell like ye rolled inta a vat o' drink before ye run inta one o' th'...less understandin' teachers.

She turned to go, hands stuffed in her pockets. "I'll ask Cain ta clean up this mess before 'e goes ta bed."

Amanda nodded meekly, but inside she was relieved. Alone time? That was exactly what she'd been after all along. And since these people were too bloody persistent for their own good, she could go along and fake compliance reasonably well. Enough to get them off her back again, at any rate.

Moira threw a smile over her shoulder as she left, heading up towards her room. She passed by everyone without a word and was slightly relieved, for once, to see Nathan's door shut.

She shut her own door behind her and then walked slowly to the bathroom. Moira took one more deep breath before her stomach heaved and she found herself kneeling in front of the toilet, throwing up everything she had eaten that day.

The smell of vodka was still strong in her nose and her stomach heaved again. Her hands braced herself as her body shook violently.

When she was done, she leaned back against the cold bathroom wall and shuddered.

"At least I didna want any," she whispered to herself.