X-Men Mission: Roller Derby Queen

[x-dominion.livejournal.com]

The final match has one last surprise in it for the X-Men.



The crowd swelled in anticipation of the event as the two teams slowly made it into the track. As soon as they were inside the parameter, gates were shut and locked. No one would be leaving before the final match. Tiboldt was fiddling with some kind of remote, and as the teams reached the track, he reached up for the mic.

“Many have been tested! Many have fought and bled on the track trying to get this far, and all but two teams have failed. Now they stand before you, on the very brink of roller derby greatness. They are-“ Tiboldt spun and pointed.

“The Long Harm of the Law from New York City. A bevy of battling mutant babes from the Big Apple who think they can skate over their opponents and right on down Broadway for the win! Their captain, Cherry Bomb! Southern Hell! Dee Stroyer! Judy Boom! Half-Pint Havoc! Bitchrella! Tinkerhell!”

He turned to indicate the other team. “And in their way, from the streets of Dallas, the meanest, toughest battlers to come out of Texas since the Alamo – The Axles of Evil! Led by Lt Uhurta! TeqKillya! The Blast Unicorn! JK Rolling! Barbahella! The Mad Splatter!”

“But there’s one more challenge, ladies. I hold in my hand a button. Who wants me to press it? Anyone? Let me hear you!” The crowd roared as he depressed it. Both teams immediately sagged, several of the girls dropping to the ground as the manifestations of their powers melted away. There was a moment of angry chatter, which Tiboldt ignored. “In this final tournament, we have faced accusations of the most powerful mutant teams getting to bully their way to the finals. So tonight, with the help of an anonymous benefactor, both teams will face each other atop the power suppression system built under the track! Only the best roller derby team can win!”

With sickening realization, it became apparent what Tiboldt had said was true. Arcade knew how well trained the X-Men were with their abilities, so he slipped in an equalizer at the last minute. Garrison’s face paled as he heard the announcement.

“Ladies, it is time to put it all on the line in this final championship! Assume your positions, and I don’t mean to relax and cough! I mean that the mutant roller derby championship has now BEGUN!”



"There is blood in the air tonight! The Axles of Evil can smell it! Lt Uhurta is pushing from the outside and is now forming up with TeqKilla in their famous wall! The Long Harm of the Law is about to hit the meat grinder, powers or not!"

The Axles of Evil were shifting quickly, trying to mix up the blockers and force them out of position. Without their powers, everyone looked slightly shaky, as if trying to relearn how to move. But with every stride, they were becoming more confident, and more ready to mix it up for the final prize.

Yvette was skating fast and low, skimming around the corner with one hand brushing the floor. Not having her powers was strange, but the fact she'd had her powers removed several times in the past year meant she was actually getting used to it.

With a glance over her shoulder to confirm where her teammates were, she began inching ahead, trying to find a way to slip around the Axles. The Blast Unicorn nudged her from one side, skating aggressively to stay in synch with her. Any attempt to bolt for the front of the pack meant that she'd have a shot at her.

Paige wondered idly, in the tiny part of her brain not filled with fishnets and bruises at the moment, if she should be so excited at the future prospect of broken limbs. Glancing a flash of blonde, she caught her teammate’s eye and made a quick affirmative gesture.

Tabs zipped up to Paige, right behind JK Rolling. She flew forward at and angle. She slammed into her teammate, using the other woman as a cannonball, aiming her at the opposing team's jammer.

"And Southern Hell just got blasted off her feet into JK Rolling, who gets pasted into the boards! Hell and Rolling go down in a meat sandwich as the Blast Unicorn aims a Can Opener block on Half-Pint Havoc!"

Seeing Blast Unicorn crouching down low in front of her, Yvette had only a second or two to avoid the other woman jerking up into her body. She jinked around to the side, taking advantage of the fact the other skater's weight was centred too low to lash out at her and began speeding up to get out in front, hoping Tabitha would be able to block her persistent tail.

Her brain kept providing her with rolling puns. Tabitha let herself laugh as she sped up to ram Blast Unicorn away from their tiny jammer. The other blocker saw her coming and attempted to dodge. Tabs followed, launched herself. Blast Unicorn tumbled off the track. Tabitha barely kept her feet and fell behind.

“The Axles are down as Half-Pint Havoc comes through on the inside track and scores! They might be bleeding already, but it’s the Long Harm of the Law that has drawn first blood tonight!”



There was a pause in play, and they struggled off the track. All of them had bruises from the all out battle on the tracks and some moved stiffly as Bobby waved them together.

"Alright..." Bobby added as he looked over at the opposition. "...if they wanna try and play us dirty, we have plenty of tricks up our sleeves." He looked up at one of his blockers. "I'm gonna need you on this one Monet."

"Sure. What do you need me to do, Bob?" Monet asked with some wariness.

"Basically we're going with the old Switcharooni, or as it says in the playbook...." He pulls the book up to eye level. "Power Jam via the Misplayed Jam Sandwich." He threw the book back down to his knees. Basically, when Yvette's coming back to the line to score, I want you to let them form a diamond around you. When they try to hit you on the side, hit your brakes." He smiled again. The girl in back won't be able to stop, and should hit you. Giving them a penalty, and setting us up for an easy score."

Yvette nodded, although she looked apprehensive; this was a lot harder without powers. Getting hit hurt. "I will need someone to whip me forward," she said, pushing some hair that had escaped her braid out of her face. "since I will be stopping."



"It looks like the Axles of Evil are continuing to have their way with the Long Harm of the Law! They are down sixteen points at the half and already Half-Pint Havoc has run into the backside of their dynamic duo of Barbahella and the Mad Splatter! Diamonds aren't always a girl’s best friend!"

The Mad Splatter cut inside for the third time, with Barbahella on her heels, forcing Yvette back from the inner track and left to keep pace behind them. Each pass attempt had been crisply cut off, and the other Axles of Evil blockers were tying up the rest of her team, denying her support. Making a frustrated noise, Yvette looked over to Callisto. She'd already been caught in the Axle's Jam Sandwich move once and she really didn't want to repeat the performance.

Time to turn the tables. Callisto scowled, her already mean expression made that much nastier for the fact that she seemed to have lost one of her piercings, a nasty cut on her eyebrow leaving a dark stream of blood drying on the side of her face. She was suffering, though, cheeks flushed with exertion, her lean frame badly suited to the job of blocking without her powers. Still, she nodded, stepping up her pace to shadow the opposing blocker.

Monet moved up along the outside before slowing sharply to avoid a hit from one of the opposing blockers, only to take a hit on the back from the third blocker behind her. She grunted at the impact and kept going.

"Killswitch and Bitcherella are taking hits as they try and move the Axles of Evil's wall! But they can't shake Barbahella and they Mad Splatter, who are closing on Half-Pint Havoc! Looks like lunch time for her is going to include a big ol' Jam Sandwich!"

As the two other women suddenly moved inwards to wipe her out, Yvette jammed on her stops as hard as she could. It would have been easier with her powers - she would have just used her hands as brakes - but she still got the desired effect as Barbahella and the Mad Splatter collided together. The smallest X-Men had to brace herself as TeqKilla ran into her back, nearly knocking her off her feet - an illegal block.

The ref's whistle shrilled, and TeqKilla was forced to come off, putting the Axles of Evil down a blocker immediately. They scrambled to get themselves reorganized in the face of the loss.

"The Axles have just misplayed badly, and now they are spread all over the track as the Long Harm of the Law shoot forward. And back comes Killswitch! Are they trying to whip up Half-Pint Havoc?"

Gritting her teeth, Callisto aimed a sharp elbow at the blocker beside her, shooting Monet a questioning expression. Barbahella went sideways at the hit, pulled off the line and leaving a hole for Monet to shoot through.

Monet caught up Yvette and whipped her through the opening, mildly shocked that she didn't slip and fall as they managed the maneuver.

The small Albanian shot through the gap and took off as fast as she could skate, a wide grin on her face. All her focus was on crossing the line without stumbling or - heaven forbid after all that effort - falling over.

“The Long Harm of the Law strike again, but they are still down by ten and time is running out. As is my availability, ladies! All requests to the ring!”



"It is down to the final pass! The Axles of Evil are clinging to a three point lead over the Long Harm of the Law! They have deployed a wall in front as JK Rolling keeps needling for openings in the rear! The first jammer through the post is going to decide the winner!"

It was now bare knuckles and no mercy, as both teams ground down to the final seconds of the match. Kane had been clear that unless they won, the FBI bust would only sting the Kick trade, but if they won, they would set back the illegal trade by years or more. Lt Uhurta was leading the wall, teed up with TeqKilla and Barbahella as the Mad Splatter kept jinxing back and forth.

Jean looked to Monet and Callisto as their opponents set up shop and they themselves picked up speed. "Callisto, you and I are going to start pushing outside. Monet, I want you to block the inside. Make sure no one gets through. Paige you're on pivot," she said as quietly as she could over the roar of the crowd as she started to skate toward Monet, starting to used to the hollow feeling of having people's thoughts suddenly shut off the more times she encountered a power inhibitor.

There was subtle and then there was skating with your arms out, knowing it wasn't actually possible to get a wrenched shoulder if someone slammed into you and Monet went with that, still unsteady on her skates as she moved up the inside.

The Axles of Evil were dominating the outside lane, with the Mad Splatter darting back and forth on the inside, trying to clear a lane for JK Rolling to push through. If she could score, it would be impossible for the X-Men to come back. Even a partial score wouldn't do. They had to pick up full points, and with the Axle's wall, it was going to be nearly impossible for Angel to sneak past.

"The Axles have firmed up the lane and have the Long Harm of the Law locked up in maximum security! Unless they stage a jailbreak something quick, they are going to be sentenced to second place for life!"

A last second move prevented Angel from being flattened against the side of the wall like a pancake but she still earned a fist in her nose for her troubles. Grunting from the pain, she ducked low, almost stomach to knees, for a long moment to avoid at least one woman. Problem was, there were far too many of them on the outside and when one went away, another one always seemed to be willing to take her place.

Jean tried to maintain speed, ducking an elbow to the throat, and returning one with her own to a woman's ribs, hard, that sent the other woman tumbling.

Looking back behind her, she saw Angel hanging back, nearly doubled over on her skates, and Monet seemed to be holding her own despite some initial trouble keeping balanced. This left herself and Callisto to push forward to give Angel the room she needed to get set up to score, but Callisto was closer, so she worked on playing distraction, to allow Callisto to do what she needed to do to break through the gap. She looked to Paige to see where she was, and if she was ready for the final move.

Ahead of the pack, Paige slowed, skating lazy waves in between players as they either attempted to get in or out of her way. Eventually, she found herself next to Angel, trying to grab the attention of the opposing blockers.

"Lt Uhurta has cut back in on the pack and drives into Barbrahella, her own player! Barbrehella goes into Killswitch who goes into Cherry Bomb! The Long Harm of the Law's just got shoved up into the outside track and there goes Teqkilla! With the wall jammed, she's going after Dee Stroyer with murder in her eyes!"

That got Angel to straighten up in a hurry - if she didn't get moving in a hurry, she'd be toast. Again. Letting out some unusual - for her - curses, she floored it, trying to get as much speed as she physically could out of her bruised and battered body. With no ability to flare, she had to do it the old fashioned way. But even with her pouring all the speed she could into her movements, there was no way she could get away from Teqkilla. The other woman was hell on wheels heading directly towards her and the intent to was to harm or maim as much as possible.

Well. Okay. Time to change things up.

And that's when Angel came to an abrupt stop.

TeqKilla was bearing down, and there was no way Angel was going to be able to avoid the hit.

Quick fingers ripped the pantie off from where it had been stuck on her helmet and Angel tossed it over her shoulder towards Paige seconds before impact.

Snatching the ball of Spandex out of the air, Paige shot forward. Half the team piled on the rails, and the other half in the middle of the rink, left her at an advantage; she was already out of the way. The other pivot and her jammer swerved quickly to avoid TeqKilla and Angel, losing momentum, and giving her just enough time to make a gap between them.

“Oh my god, Southern Hell crosses the line ahead of the pack as time runs out! The Long Harm of the Law are the winners! Champions! Oh my God, if I hadn’t seen it, I wouldn’t have believed it as Dee Stroyer pulls her star at the last minute for a handoff to Southern Hell who takes it in for the win! Listen to that crowd!”

The X-Men took several victory laps, waving to the crowd before leaving the track as the gates were unlocked. Even Angel shakily came off under her own power, and the team headed back towards the dressing room. They had only just stepped in when the door opened, and suddenly Tiboldt stepped in. He smiled and smoothed down his jacket, and the psionics could easily feel the attempts with his weak empathetic abilities to turn up the charm.

“Ladies, you were amazing. The best. The best tonight, and the best they’ve ever seen. I can’t tell you what we’re going to be able to do in the future. I mean, seriously, with my talents as your manager, I’m going to-“ The door opened again, and Garrison stepped through, closing it tightly behind him. “er- as I was saying. I’m going-“

“Shut up, Tiboldt. You’re under arrest. FBI.” Kane said, holding up his badge. “In… three, two, one second-“ There was a sudden succession of small explosions – flash bangs going off, Kane later explained, and on the other side of the door, they could hear shouts of surprise and the bark of police and federal agents ordering people on the floor. Tiboldt’s face went white. “You are the proud organizer of the location for a major raid by federal authorities. My fellow agents and I will wait in this lovely reinforced concrete closet with the heavy metal door you so kindly provided until other agents give the all clear, and you’re going to face a lot of charges. Unless you’d like to tell some of our friends all you know.”

Kane smiled at the other X-Men. “Beats the hell out of getting a trophy, eh?”