Kevin & Wade | Friday Evening

[x-deadpool.livejournal.com]

Kevin arrives outside the garage as per Wade's orders and... gets something of a surprise.


Wade was waiting for Kevin outside the garage at the mansion, head tipped to the side as he contemplated the many cars at his disposal. One of the doors was open, revealing the rows of available vehicles, and as he's waited for his minion he'd made his decision about which of them they were going to practice on today. Now all he needed was his minion so they could get to work.

The text to meet Wade in the garage asap was a little confusing. Kevin wasn't a mechanic and he doubted Wade knew Kevin had a key to the metal shop which left very few reasons the guy could require Kevin's presence. He came into the garage from an inside door and found the man standing outside. He really hoped Wade wasn't enlisting him to repaint all the cars different colors of plaid and paisley or something.

Kevin gave the man a casual nod as he strolled up along a car toward Wade. "Hey, what's up?"

Grinning, Wade nodded toward the car Kevin had just passed. "What do you think of Betsy here?" Chrysler wasn't his favorite manufacturer, but he figured they'd start small and work their way up to the more interesting things - cause God knew hotwiring a Hum-V was just awesome.

Eyebrow raising, Kevin gave the car a once over. "Uh...she's an automatic so she's got a disadvantage off the bat there. Shifts fine for one, though, alright mileage. She's clean, guess that puts her next to godliness or whatever."

"Fair points, all," Wade said, nodding. He waggled his eyebrows, then showed Kevin the unbent coat hanger he held in his right hand. "I have a surprise for you, minion. Today, you get your first lesson in hotwiring."

Now both eyebrows darted upward. "Uh...come again?"

"You," Wade said, waggling his eyebrows, "Are gonna pop Betsy's hotwiring cherry. With instruction, of course. This is the sort of useful information Benevolent Overlords need to pass on to their minions. You never know when it might come in handy."

"Oh, my first cherry," Kevin said with wide eyes and an approximation of a look of eagerness. "But, y'know, Ah've got a thing 'bout respectin' a lady's wishes so Ah'm not sure we should go hotwirin' her without her consent. It wouldn't be polite, y'know?"

"I've got manners," Wade said, lifting his nose a little. "I got her permission already. She's ripe for the popping." Grinning, he handed the coat hanger to Kevin. "Now open her up."

Kevin took the hanger but mostly looked confused. "Well, Ah'm glad you got her permission. It just wouldn't be right otherwise." He looked from Wade to the hanger to the car then back to Wade and back to the car. Taking his cue from the movies, Kevin walked around to the driver's side door, then tried to figure out where the hell he was supposed to slide the hooked end of the wire in. "Uh...pop her how? Ah never had a life as a delinquent. You need to adopt Cammie if you're after that."

Holding up one finger, Wade moved over beside Kevin and pointed at the section of the rubber sealing they needed. "Shove the coat hanger down there and wiggle it around a bit, shift forward until it catches, then lift up - not jerking, necessarily, but you'll have to pull up firmly."

The Southerner's expression involved a thoughtful, wrinkled nose and a bit of a frown. But he did precisely what Wade told him. It was sort of funny considering Kevin wasn't exactly in favor of hot wiring vehicles. He didn't have much of an inclination toward illegal activities, likely a disposition brought up by his ever so enjoyable encounter with the FBI and American justice system. Somehow, though, he was simply too curious and strangely amused to say no to Wade's little lesson here.

With the hooked end of the hanger down between the window and the rubber he started to wiggle it a bit to find something for it to catch on. He thought he had something but then it slipped off. "There's nothing for it to catch on other than what it's supposed to catch on, right? Like, Ah'm not gonna wind up just breaking the power windows or something, right?"

"Right," Wade said, pausing for a moment to look at the angle Kevin was using on the coat hanger. He stepped up beside the younger man and said, "Try shifting it up a little." He reached over and moved the hanger upward, "Then shift it to a steeper angle," he did so, "And move it down again. You should hook something when you pull it to the left now."

One eye squinted at the hanger, though he kept his hands on it as Wade repositioned it for him so that he would have the feel of it in mind. He wasn't going to be reusing this skill likely but Kevin liked learning to do things the right way. And if art failed him he could always be a car thief this way! Kevin smirked to himself a little and pulled the hanger a little to the left until it hooked something. "Ah think Ah got it." He waited for Wade to let go and then pulled upward on the hanger. Kevin was careful to not jerk it but he hadn't pulled up firmly enough because the lock never budged. He tried again. It was on the fourth attempt that Kevin figured out how hard he had to pull up. The click of the lock popping to an unlocked position was his reward. With a glance over to Wade Kevin tried the handle. The door opened for him and a somewhat smug expression found its way to Kevin's face.

Wade grinned. He was positively proud of his minion. "Sweet - okay, so what you're gonna do now - check the steering column to see if there's a little panel." He walked around to the other side of the car and tapped the window. "Also, unlock the door over here."

Kevin slid into the driver's seat and reached over to unlock the passenger side door. "The panel's underneath somewhere, right?" Movies had taught him that much. With the other door unlocked Kevin got out so he could peer under the steering column. "Ah...think there's a panel?"

"Is it attached with screws?" Wade had a handy screwdriver, just in case. The other option was a set of little clips that were really freaking hard to see. Either way, the access cover needed to come off.

Gloved fingers traced the edge of the panel. "Y'know what woulda been handy? A mini flashlight." Once his eyes adjusted to the dimmer light under the steering wheel Kevin spotted the screws which were painted to match the panel. "Yeah, Ah got screws." Kevin held his hand out blindly and felt the screwdriver handle hit his palm. A moment later he was working to remove the screws. "Does the Professor know you're teachin' residents how to do illegal stuff like hot wire a car?"

"You know, the Professor will probably thank me for increasing the diversity of courses taught here at his fine institution if he ever does find out," Wade said, tone thoughtful. "Otherwise, this'll be really convenient if you're stuck in, say, Frankfurt and you need to make a quick escape. Just remember - German cars are no different from American cars. It's the British and the French that're backward."

"Backward how? And why'm Ah in Frankfurt?" Kevin eyed Wade from under the edge of the steering wheel. He was guessing there was an actual instance of Wade needing to make a hasty escape in Frankfurt in there. The guy had been in the military but who had to hot wire a car to flee while in the military? That left visiting there as a civilian but what the hell was in Frankfurt?

"It's just an example, minion - when you finish with those screws, tell me if you see a wiring harness connector. It's just a thing that holds all the wires together so they don't make a mess behind the panel." Wade wasn't about to explain his reasoning for using Frankfurt, since that involved a particularly messy job going all kinds of pear-shaped. And he wasn't going to tell his minion about his job.

"Uh-huh. Pull Frankfurt outta your ass because you really want a hot dog?" The screwdriver and screws all get set down on the driver's seat once Kevin was done with that. He pulled the panel off with more care than he needed to given that there wasn't much in there. There was a metal cylinder which Kevin guess was the actual steering column and then there were wires all bundled up together. "Yeah, Ah see the wires."

"You got some red wires?"

Kevin actually pulled his cell out so he could use the light from the screen to see better. "Yep."

Shaking his head at the youth of today, Wade said, "Good - pull the two red ones free, strip around an inch off the end of each one, and twist those bits together specifically. Make sure they're twisted tight."

"Don't people usually have wire strippers or a knife for that sorta thing?" He supposed it had to be possible to do it without a tool, though. Then again, what did he have on him? Kevin patted down his pockets and found the small swiss army knife in his cargo pocket. He kept the damn thing on him all the time just in case but he was so used to not needing it that he'd forgotten about it. The swiss army knife got pulled out after he managed to free the two red wires from the bundle. "Are they always red," he asked, cutting very carefully into the rubber housing of the wire. Kevin was used to precision work with small, dangerous tools from doing smaller metal sculptures so cutting just deep enough to get through the rubber but not nick the wire was easy for the artist.

"Usually," Wade said, answering both questions at once. He realized that wouldn't be of much use to Kevin, though, and so he clarified. "If you hadn't had the Swiss army knife, I was gonna give you one of mine to use. Some people just pinch and pull, though." He laid a roll of electrical tape on the center console for Kevin. "And the wires are red in most cars, yeah. There should also be a brown one in that bundle of wires - you'll want to note it, but don't do anything with it just yet. Once you get the wires twisted together real tight, you'll want to bind them with the electrical tape, but leave a bit of the metal showing so you can tap it when necessary."

"If they aren't red in a car then what color will they be? Or if they aren't always the same colors how do Ah know which ones Ah'm supposed to pull?" With an inch of each red wire stripped Kevin twisted them together with a mental image of a barber's pole spinning in his mind, then went over and twisted it further like a corkscrew to be sure it was tight. He grabbed the electrical tape and measured out a piece no more than an inch in length. Kevin wrapped the twisted wires more neatly than a lot of people likely would have with only the frayed ends of the wires exposed.

"Depends on the car," Wade answered honestly. "I've only ever run into red and blue - this is not like disabling a bomb, obviously. The blue ones operate just like the red ones, only y'know. Different color. Nicely done on that twist there. Strip the brown wire and then tap it against the bit you left exposed - also, make sure that bit doesn't touch any of the metal in the car down there. Otherwise it'll short out and we'll have to do this again." He found it vaguely amusing that the most challenging part of this exercise for Kevin had been getting into the car with the coat hanger.

"One day Ah will need to make a hasty escape from Frankfurt and the wires'll be green and Ah'll be all confused and cursin' your name 'cause you only told me 'bout red and blue," Kevin told him as he gently pulled the brown wire out. There had to be some other way of identifying which wires. Maybe it was specific to the make of the car, like all Mercedes had blue but all Chevy had red and only Porsche liked purple or something. Kevin figured the internet would know these things so looking it up would probably answer the question. As long as it didn't get him investigated as a possible criminal or something.

Once the brown wire was stripped, this time Kevin only exposed about a half inch of the wire since it would be just hanging there, he leaned back. Wires usually sparked, right? A singed eyeball was so not the way to go. The wires were more or less at arm's length when he touched the metal ends together and the engine tried to turn over but didn't quite make it. It only took another couple attempts before the Chrysler came to life. Kevin had quite the proud grin on his face at the sound of the engine.

Grinning, Wade waggled his eyebrows a bit. "Cool, huh? Wanna take her for a spin?"

"We wouldn't really be able to stop anyw'ere." It seemed like a valid point to make. "People look at you funny when you unlock your door with a hanger and if we leave the doors unlocked Ah've done gone and done all the work for someone else to take her." Yet Kevin checked the fuel gauge to see if she was fit for a joyride anyway.

"We can just drive around for a bit, take her for a spin. Christen her. When you pop a lady's cherry... you have to be very thorough."

Kevin was making that correlation to a real lady a bit too much. "Thorough cherry poppin'. Gotcha." They really needed a different phrasing there. after clearing everything off it, he slid into the driver's seat and shut the car door. "How do you know this is her cherry popping anyway? Ladies sometimes lie 'bout that sorta thing," Kevin said as he pulled out. "This could be her fourth go 'round for all you know."

"Never doubt a lady's word unless she's given you good cause. And Betsy here's only ever been nice and honest to me, so I don't see any reason to call her reputation into question," Wade said, fastening his seat belt as Kevin pulled out. "I figure you'll need to keep in practice, so we should do this a couple more times. And then I have this plan for what we can hotwire as like... the finale. It'll be awesome."

"Yes, sir." The words came complete with a little nod and salute. "Ah'll work on not questionin' a lady's word. And, uh, do any of these lessons ever address alarms? Or at least how to figure out if a car's got one? 'Cause Ah'm thinkin' if Ah need to make that darling escape from Frankfurt it'd be good to know how to avoid setting off alarms and gettin' my ass thrown in jail right quick."

"When you look in the car, check for a blinking red light on the dash," Wade said. "If it has one, that's usually the alarm. Also, sometimes there's a sticker on the back window, but the blinking red light's usually the main clue. There's a wire you can pull if you can get into the car fast enough and get the cover beneath the steering wheel off. If you pull it within, say, twenty seconds, people just assume somebody hit the wrong button on their little key fob thing and you can go about your hotwiring business undisturbed."

"Duly noted." And with that they were clear of the mansion's gate and on their way for a keyless joy ride.