xp_logs | Amanda, Marie: early Friday morning

Marie comes across Amanda during her morning run, and takes charge. And Amanda lets her. Sometimes there's no fight left. Follows this post

"Are you sure you're okay, kid? You don't want me to take you somewhere like a hospital?"

Amanda shook her head. "Nah, this is fine. Thanks for the lift." Before there could be any more well-meaning protest, she closed the car door and set off down the road towards the school, hugging herself for warmth. The man had been one of the cleaners who had found her at dawn when he arrived to clean the rest stop washrooms. She supposed she'd looked pretty bad - rather than tossing her out on her ear, he'd offered her a lift. And because she didn't know what else to do, she'd asked him to drive her back to as close to the school as he could.

Marie rounded the corner, her sneakers crunching on the cinder shoulder, and she saw a car stop and let a small figure out. It didn't take her more than a moment to figure out who it was by the ragged hair and hunched shoulders. -Amanda?- The girl trudged toward the school, oblivious. Marie picked up the pace and shifted to the road itself, lengthening her stride into an all-out run marked only by the soft sound of her shoes impacting the asphalt and the rhythmic sigh of her breathing. She didn't want to startle the other girl yet, just catch up.

Cold seeped in under her coat, licking at skin left bare by Randy's knife. She'd tried to tie the ripped ends of her sweater together, but the makeshift repair did little against the bitter cold of an early morning in March. So intent in her misery was she, she didn't notice the figure running towards her until it was far too late to escape, or hide the fading bruises and cuts - her healing spell had only done so much.

Marie took the picture in out of the corner of her eye as she drew even with Amanda and stifled her shock and concern, fast. Instead she slowed to a walk, shaking out her arms and shoulders. "You're up early," she noted casually, ready to give chase if the other girl bolted.

"More like up late," Amanda replied shortly, trying to think of an excuse for her condition. She couldn't tell the truth - Randy's screams still filled her head, and even if it had been self-defence, she'd end up in jail any way. It was the way things worked. Who'd take her word over theirs? And everyone would say she'd gotten what she deserved any way. "Went out," she settled for at last. "Needed t' get away."

Marie pulled her fleece running jacket off and wrapped it around Amanda's shoulders. "Let's get you cleaned up," she said gently. "Anything need taking care of right now? Loose ends we should know about?" She tilted her head townward.

The truth hovered on the tip of her tongue. Marie could help, might be able to fix things. The need to tell, to let someone help, was almost unbearable. "Got into a fight," she said. "No real harm done." The truth would come out eventually, but hopefully after she'd left the country.

"Honey." Marie stopped her, hands on Amanda's shoulders, firm but gentle, slipping into full adult mode. "We run a school of mutants here. Next to a town of humans. Angelo and I already had an incident recently, you know that. No judgement, no questions asked, nothing at all. Just let me know so we can clean it up, okay? This is important."

"There were... a couple of college guys. They... things got a bit rough. I might've hurt 'em." She tried to shrug off Marie's hands. "I didn't mean to, told you I was dangerous, didn't I?"

"We're all dangerous, Amanda." Marie wasn't perturbed, though her mind ticked over the possibilities and didn't like the conclusions. "I'll make sure someone looks into it. Come on," she said calmly. "You look about to fall over. I'll give you a lift home. I think Maddy's on duty and she'll keep things quiet." She shifted to slide her arm around Amanda and, without asking permission, lifted them skyward.

Amanda stiffened at the contact, her bruised body protesting, but didn't protest. Marie was right, she was about to fall over - it had taken everything she had left to get this far. She let her head fall tiredly on the other girl's shoulder, despite herself, letting the sensation of flight soothe her. "No doctors," she murmured at last. "Just need t' sleep, is all."

"Just a checkup," Marie persisted. "And you're not going back to your room that way." She snuggled Amanda against her, moving her until the smaller girl was cradled in her arms. The witch was far, far too thin and wan, even for her, Marie noted. "We'll get you cleaned up, do a little damage control, and enough said. I'll take the lift down and no one's the wiser." The flight was swift and Marie landed on the roof next to the door.

"Don't... Yer makin' this too hard." Amanda's voice shook. There had been too much to keep up the front. "I don't deserve this, you bein' so nice t' me. Not after what I said... t' people."

Marie managed to open the door and get in without letting go of Amanda. "I have faith in you," Marie said stubbornly. "I know evil. That Magneto, Erik Lensherr? I have him in my head. I have one of his favourite students in my head. I know it and it isn't you. You may have shit wrong with you, Amanda, you may have done bad things, but I have faith in you anyway." She carried Amanda to the lift and inside. "See, I have someone else in my head that a lot of people don't think much of, and who's done many horrible things, and I have faith in him too. I have practice."

"How can you have faith in a junkie?" Everything she'd been holding in came perilously close to bursting out. "I don't have faith in myself, so why the fuck should you?" She struggled weakly to get down, but a wave of dizziness hit - she hadn't eaten since the previous morning.

"Because I choose to," Marie said simply. She leaned on the wall of the lift, slightly amused at Amanda's notion that she could break free. "It keeps me alive, having faith and hope. Dum spiro, spero, and all that. I don't have faith in a junkie, though. I have faith in /you/. You survived this long on next to nothing. You have so much around you now. All you have to do is reach out for it. That's the hardest thing of all, but I think you can do it."

"No matter what it does t' the people we... you care about?" Amanda closed her eyes wearily. "You talked t' Ange lately?"

"I did indeed, talked to him last night," Marie said. "Can't say I'm happy with you hurting him, but I know you were trying to protect him. He'll be okay. I have limits, yeah, Amanda, but I don't know if you have what it takes to break them and I'm asking you not to try."

"I'm trying t' tell you, I will. I don't want to, but I'll do it anyway. You ever seen someone on smack, Marie? When it's got 'em so bad they'll sell their soul or mug their own granny for a fix? This is worse. This is built into me, an' now I've had the taste of real power, I can't go back t' what I was dealin' with before. An' I'll fuck over anyone I have to t' get that. I'm tryin' t' warn you, but you won't fucking well listen!"

Marie dropped Amanda onto her bottom on a gurney in the hall of the medlab with a bit of a thump and glared at her. "I'm listening, girl," she said sharply. "You think I don't know what a junkie's like? You think all that time I was on the streets, no one tried to touch me? See, when someone grabs /me/ in an alley and tries to rape me, they end up dead and in my head, and yes, I know what a junkie is like, Amanda, from the inside out. So don't lecture me about what I don't know. Taste of power? I've tasted it, and I wake up every morning and tell myself why I can't have more. And if I can do it, so can you, and sorry for you I happen to think so and worse for you that you pissed me off and now I plan to make sure. So suffer. Get used to it. I'm not going away."

Amanda glared back at Marie, but she had no fight left in her. There was nothing but cold and emptiness and the ghostly sensation of remembered power, tugging at her mind. She looked away, tears slipping down her face, stinging in the healing graze on her cheekbone. "I'm so scared," she said, her voice small and almost childish. "I'm scared I can't stop."

"Me too sometimes," Marie said softly, tears filling her own eyes. She stroked Amanda's hair back gently with one hand and brushed the tear away with the other. Her gloves were black microfleece, ultrasoft. "It would be so easy just to let it all go. I get scared of myself a lot. But you can hold on. You're not alone, either. You can say, you know, when you think you're going to lose your grip. It's okay."

"I think... I have already," Amanda murmured, eyes drifting closed. Exhausted, emotionally wrung out, her body just didn't want to keep going any more. She slumped sideways onto the gurney.

Marie shook her head and pulled the thin blanket over Amanda. With a practiced move, she kicked the brakes free of the gurney and pulled it down to Madelyn's office where the doctor was making headway on a donut and a medical journal.

"Hey, Maddy," Marie said quietly. "Customer for you. Can I ask you to keep it down?"

Madelyn looked up with some surprise and then put the donut down.

"I can think about it," she said with a smile, getting up and coming to look at the fragile little witch. "Moira mentioned she was worried about this one," Madelyn continued. "What happened?"

Marie shook her head. "She mentioned a fight with a couple people, other than that, I don't know. She got dropped off by a car coming this way from town." She ran her hand over Amanda's hair and frowned darkly. "I'm pretty damn worried about her myself."

"Well, someone's roughed her up some, but this bruising, the graze... they look too healed to be so recent." Madelyn tilted Amanda's face towards the light to get a better look at the faint fingermarks along her jaw.

"Magic," Marie said, shaking her head. "She's not supposed to be using it but I think she would to cover up."

Carefully Madelyn felt along the girl's head, looking for bumps. "No head wounds. I think she's just plain exhausted. She hasn't been eating either, by the looks of it. Sometimes our bodies know better than we do and take a time out" She gently pulled the blanket down and unbuttoned the coat. "I'll just make sure there's..." She frowned, looking at the damage done to Amanda's clothing, and then sucked in a breath as she saw the scarring beneath. "Hank mentioned this, but I thought he was exaggerating, to tell the truth."

Marie nodded, fighting the surge of envy. "It's... extensive," she said calmly. "Look, I need to report the incident to Scott. I'll be right back, okay?" She backed away, pulling her phone out of her pocket.

"Of course," Madelyn murmured, continuing her examination. There was more bruising, but nothing serious; the girl needed rest, and a decent meal or two. And probably some kind of counselling - it was clear someone had done more than pick a fight. She made a mental note to tell Moira about the probable use of magic, and the possible assault.

Marie stepped out into the hall and paged Scott, knowing he'd be up

Madelyn was disinfecting the cut on Amanda's face when Marie came back in. "All taken care of?" She indicated the swab with a wry twist of her mouth. "She doesn't really need it, but hey, I've got to justify my existence somehow." As she returned to her task, Amanda's eyelids fluttered, and a small whimper escaped her. "Looks like she's coming 'round."

"It'll be dealt with," Marie said vaguely, coming to stand by Amanda's side and looking at her with some concern. "Looks like she is. Hey, honey..." She leaned over so Amanda could see her and took the girl's near hand in hers.

"I hate this place," Amanda mumbled. "Did I pass out?" She wrinkled her nose at the smell of disinfectant. "You bloody doctors can't help yerselves, can you?"

"We live to make your life hell," Madelyn replied cheerfully, putting away her supplies. "But I'll admit there are limits. Rest and food is what you need, young lady. And a bath wouldn't go astray, either."

"Everyone's a fuckin' critic," Amanda muttered. She looked down, realised her coat had been unbuttoned, although Madelyn had thoughtfully draped the blanket back over her. "Shit."

"I think I know where everything is down here, Maddy, I'll see she gets them," Marie said with a smile. "I think we should get you cleaned up before we let people get an eyeful, eh?" She looked back to Amanda.

Amanda sighed, struggling to sit up. He head spun, and she paused a moment to let it settle before pushing herself the rest of the way. "Told you things got a bit rough," she said, pulling the ripped halves of her clothes back together. "Fuck, I just bought this lot last week, too. Pete's going t' go spare if I have t' go shoppin' again."

"The internet is your friend," Marie said dryly. "And so am I. I'll get you something to wear. And you need to eat first, then wash, and then worry about clothing. These things are not negotiable. What flavour of protein shake would you fancy trying to keep down this morning, my lady?" She went over to a cupboard and poked through the tins there.

"Whatever comes. Ain't fussed." It was the truth - her appetite had dwindled to the point that eating made her feel ill. Amanda shivered in the medlab chill, and pulled her damp coat tighter around her shoulders.

"Chocolate, it's the best." Marie shook the tin and poured half of it into a plastic cup. "Here. Just half to start. I'm going to get you something dry, even if it is green." She held the cup out to Amanda.

The girl took it, using both hands to hold it still. The shakes were coming back, she noticed bleakly. Before Limbo, that altarstone would have kept her going for a couple of days at least - now she managed barely twelve hours. Under Marie's watchful eye, she sipped, trying not to make a face.

"Horrid shit, isn't it?" Marie put the tin down by the gurney and went to open a narrow closet. She obviously knew where everything was down here and she pulled out some hospital style jammies and a warm flannel robe. "Wouldn't believe how many of those I go through."

"But it's faster 'n real food, right?" Amanda forced some humour into her tone. The smell of the lab was bringing back memories of the attack on the school, and those brought back the incident last night. She pushed the thoughts away. Later, when she could be alone, she'd let herself crack, but not now. She had to hold it together enough to satisfy Marie.

"Mostly, yeah." Marie paused, looking pensive. "Look, you want to shower down here or upstairs? I think we can get you to my shower if we go now, throw this robe on and all, and then you could crash in my bed until whenever you're ready to slink back into your own room."

"Get me out of here," Amanda responded immediately. "Please. Place does me head in." And Remy was still down here, she realised with a shudder. "I don't want t' be a bother, but if yer determined t' do this..." She let the rest hang meaningfully.

Marie snorted derisively. "Bother? I should thank you for keeping me busy." She shook out the robe and started tucking Amanda into it. "Let's get you upstairs while everyone else is sleeping." She dressed Amanda with gentle efficiency and then tucked an arm around her waist, lifting the girl to her feet but supporting her almost completely as they left the examination room, returning to the lift. Marie's room was near the lift and it was only a few strides before they were safely inside the silent, dark suite.

"Home, sweet home," Marie said wryly. "Not that I'm here much at all," she added.

"Seems like I'm here more 'n you are," Amanda said wryly. She was shaking from the effort of moving, black spots swimming in front of her eyes, and she leaned heavily on Marie without realising it.

"So it does." Marie scooped her up. "Bath, bed, or breakfast, take your pick," she said briskly.

Amanda's stomach, already protesting against the protein shake, rolled at the thought of food. "Bath," she said meekly. "I want t' get clean 'fore I mess anythin' up."

Marie carried Amanda into the bathroom, flipped the toilet lid down with her foot, sat Amanda on it and then started the bathwater running. "Get yourself undressed. I'm not letting you get in alone, you'll fall over. I've got more bath stuff than anyone should rightly have, Moira just stocked me up again. Got a preference?"

"There's more 'n one?" Amanda look bemused. She pulled the bathrobe off, hesitated, then followed with the coat. Marie's tone brooked no crap of any kind, and she was too damn tired to try it any way. The sleeve of her shirt was stuck to her skin where Patches had cut her, and she grimaced as she tugged it free, feeling the wound reopen. "Whatever you want, I s'pose." She left her bra on and bent to undo the muddy laces of her boots, her vision greying out momentarily.

"Here." Marie took a blue and purple ball from a box on the counter and tossed it into the water where it immediately started to hiss and fizz. "Your own little cauldron there," she said dryly. The water was rising rapidly and the scent of mint and lavender was in the steam that was slowly filling the room. "Let's get you in." Marie turned to help Amanda out of the last of her things and into the tub.

There were more bruises on her legs, overlying the twisted lines of scarring on her thighs, as well as the ones on her back and side. Trying hard not to either fall over or jerk away from Marie's firm but gentle hands, Amanda let herself be helped into the bath, shivering at the blissful feel of hot water on her cold and clammy skin. It was difficult, restraining herself from covering herself up, and Marie's nonchalance about the scars was a little unnerving. At last, she said: "Never thought I'd say it, but these..." She ran her fingers along the ridge of writing just below her collarbone. "These helped me last night. When they saw 'em, they froze. Gave me enough time t' get away."

"About time they were good for something, then." Marie took a sponge and squeezed warm water over Amanda's back, trying not to focus overmuch on the scarring. "Whatever it takes, right?" She rubbed the slightly rough sponge over Amanda's shoulders, wiping away sweat and grime as though she were bathing a child.

"Yeah, I s'pose. Still, rather they weren't there in the first place. But I didn't get a choice 'bout it." Amanda closed her eyes, enjoying the highly strange feeling of someone scrubbing her back. "I was eleven. Rack, the man who bought me, he did it. There was some sort of ritual... I don't remember a lot. I have dreams, sometimes. 'Specially after what happened t' 'Yana. Reminded me, I s'pose." The warmth and the soothing smell of the bath bomb were making her sleepy, making her drop her guard.

"That would do it, yes." Marie took advantage of Amanda's relaxation to keep washing her, hands still in the thin, soft black gloves. Her sleeves, rolled down to meet the gloves, were quickly wet to the elbows. She was impersonal but gentle. "Head back, let's get your hair rinsed," she said calmly.

"That fucker Marko thought I did that t' her," Amanda murmured, closing her eyes as Marie tipped water over her tilted head. "I set him straight, but it hurt, y'know? All I wanted t' do was t' save her, stop her from bein' damaged the same way I was. Magic... it ain't like in the books. It does stuff t' you, changes you. Like it's doin' t' me." Her hair finished with, she turned to face Marie, eyes big and shadowed in her too-thin face.. "'S what I meant, 'bout the darkness. Rack weren't no Dumbledore - he was int' some nasty shite. An' that's what he taught me. I didn't realise 'til I stopped what kind of person I'm turnin' into."

"There's a lot that Cain doesn't seem to understand, or want to," Marie said, her jaw clenching a little at the mention of the man. She let it go, though, and brushed rivulets of water from Amanda's forehead. "I can't understand about what magic does to you. But I know what having other people in me does to me. And what it's like to be changed by it, and to have to fight it. Knowing... it's the first step. For me, I know who I want to be and I hang on to that with all I've got. As long as we get choices, even hard ones that feel like dying, it's not over. Even if it's just the choice to make it over. But that... that only comes when the rest fails."

"Seems all me life I've had someone tellin' me what t' do. Rack, those morons in Social Services, even Rom... T' tell the truth, choice scares the fuckin' crap out of me." Blood was dribbling a little from the cut Patches had made on her arm, and she sluiced water over it. "An' all you people seem t' think I'm better than I am."

"Do you want us to be wrong?"

"I don't know. I think you are, but I don't want you t' be." Amanda pulled her knees up, rested her chin on them, wrapping her arms around her legs. "'S the only reason I'm still here, I s'pose. You haven't given up on me. I need that, I think. I'm just hopin' you don't regret it, is all. I get me hands on the same sort of power I had in that demon dimension... there's no tellin' what I might do."

"No telling what any of us might do, if we slip," Marie said quietly. "I think most of us know the consequences, at least the people at the top do. And they haven't turfed any of us timebombs yet. I don't think I'm wrong, Amanda." She reached for a towel and held her other hand out to Amanda. "I don't think I'm wrong about any of us."

Amanda looked for a long time at the offered hand, and then took it. Through the glove, Marie was warm, and her grip was firm. Amanda wished she had the strength this girl did. "I hope yer right," she said, at last.

Marie wrapped Amanda in the towel, pulling another around her shoulders, and carried her to the bedroom. Amanda wasn't much bigger than the oldest of the children she'd babysat back home. In her room, she handed Amanda a warm tracksuit and tshirt to bundle up in and then changed her own shirt and gloves.

Weariness was descending again - Amanda could barely keep her eyes open as she put on the clothes Marie gave her. Marie noticed this, and bundled her into the bed without further ado.

"Sleep well," Marie said to the exhausted little witch. Then she padded out to find Shinobi and arrange for some afternoon company for Amanda while she had lunch with Logan and taught. She'd spend the morning watching Amanda herself and getting in yet more studying for her teaching certs. Keeping busy was an extremely good idea right now.