Log: Moira and Marie (Back dated to last night)

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Marie got up almost as soon as she'd sat down to read her email. The letter from Moira in her inbox had been uncharacteristically panicked. "Gotta go," she said with some regret, reaching for her shoulder bag.

Logan paused in the process of making hot chocolate and turned toward her. "Anythin' y'need me for?"

"No, just... Moira's upset. I'll call you if I need you." She came over to the kitchen to give him a quick kiss. "See ya later, cutie."

"'M /not/..." he let the sentence trail off as she gave him a Look as she was leaving. "I'll be here if y'need me."

Her laughter lingered a little after she closed the door. Moments later she was tapping lightly on Moira's door. "Moira? Honey, it's Marie."

Moira looked up from watching Nathan. They had just gotten him up from the MedLab and into her room. There was no way he'd be able to spend any amount of time in his room until everything was fixed and put back together. 'Marie...thank God.' She sighed and slipped out of the bedroom and quickly opened the door. "Come on in," she said, quietly.

Moira looked, plainly, terrible. Marie dropped her coat and bag and offered the other woman a hug the moment she was inside. "What happened?"

She leaned into the hug, grateful for the contact. "I'm still nay one hundred percent sure. Manuel an' Nate 'ad a run in an' Nate knocked 'imself out in order ta make sure Manuel didna get 'urt. I think. I only 'ave Manuel's side o' th' story an' currently 'e's content wit' callin' Nathan an assassin." Anger flared in her a little.

"Oh, Moira. I know how that feels." Marie hugged her warmly, rubbing Moira's tense back briefly. "Come on and let's get some tea, okay? Manuel is... he can be dramatic and very defensive." She shifted so that her arm was around Moira's shoulders, guiding her into the kitchen.

Moira sighed, tired from the entire week, and let herself be led. "I...I know Manuel's got control problems. I jus' 'ave a gut feelin' 'e -pushed- Nathan, wit' 'is power." She was worried more than words could say. The virus...God, he had lost control over it. "I'm nay sure 'ow 'e's goin' ta be when 'e wakes up."

"It was foolish of them to meet without a mediator, or outside of the damping room," Marie said with annoyance in her tones. She sat Moira down in a chair with a firm but gentle push. "Still. What can be done right now?"

"Waitin'. Watchin'. 'e's a wee bit bumped up but I think th' bein' knocked out is jus' a defensive thin' right now." She clenches her hands together. "I dinnae want ta think...I could 'ave lost 'im if'n 'e 'ad lost control fer longer," Moira whispered, closing her eyes.

Marie put the kettle on and came back over. Taking Moira's hands between her thin black-gloved hands, she rubbed them gently.

"Then don't think about it," she said quietly. "He didn't lose control for too long and he's too tough and too determined to fail now. He'll be okay, Moira. And so will you."

She shuddered and gripped Marie's hands tightly. "I'm tryin' nay ta. It's jus'..." Fear flashed in her eyes. "I -saw- what 'e see's in tha' dream o' 'is. 'Tis...oh God, battlefield, bodies everywhere...an' there's nay I can -do- 'bout tha'."

Marie nodded slowly. "Nothing he can do either about it, Moira. And it sounds like a terrible, terrible thing. I'm so sorry you had to see it but... it's a good thing in its way, right.?" She met Moira's eyes, her expression solemn. "He's not alone in it anymore, in that world in his head. Even if you never see it again, you saw it now. And he'll never be alone with it again. That's a gift beyond price, I think, to be able to give someone -- to be with them in or at least to see and know their inner hell." She shook her head. "No, you can't do a thing about what's going on there and you can't stop him having them. But Nathan himself, him you can do something about."

"Wha' if 'e won't let me?" She sighed. "If I push ta 'ard, 'e'll leave. If I dinnae push, nothin' 'appens." Moira took a deep breath and explained. "Every since I met 'im, 'tis always been at 'is pace wit' th' exception o' th' initial trainin' fer th' virus. But after tha'...contacts, friendship, 'im comin' fer 'elp...'tis 'ard tryin' to ignore th' voice tha' tells me I 'ave ta do it tha' way."

"He owes you," Marie said flatly. She tapped Moira's head with one finger. "And he can't just walk away, not if he's got any honour. It's not just him in it anymore and he can't deny that. And you should tell him the truth, Moira. You should tell him you love him."

"I...ack..." She stared at Marie in a mix of confusion, horror and embarrasment. "I dinnae think tis...love...yet...or...um...bloody 'ell....maybe?" Moira tried to start over. "I know I -like- 'im...a lot...an'...well, I think 'e's got a nice butt," she added, smiling a little. "I jus'...don't know..." She had the sudden impulse to bash her head against a wall. Maybe that would make the confusion go away.

"Friends love each other too. It's not all roses and butterflies. You and Nathan -- you seem to be what each other's got right now. And you do love each other, it shows, even if it's not the kind of love that people like to make a fuss over with red hearts and lace. And it's amazing how far that kind of love will get you in a hard time."

Moira's heart decided to stop trying to leap out of her chest. "Aye..." She closed her eyes. "I care for 'im but I've always pushed it away. -I- dinnae think I'm good fer 'im."

"Bullshit." Marie got up and pulled the kettle off the stove before it could whistle and started making tea. "No one's perfect for each other, Moira. But you are good for people. And you are good for Nathan. I'm sure of it."

"...I'm nay goin' ta win this argument wit' ye, am I?" Moira asked wryly, leaning her head back. "I used ta be able ta put everythin' behind a locked door an' ignore it. Times I wish I could still do tha'."

Marie stood in the kitchen, her arms crossed over her chest, and gave Moira a sad look. "Moira MacTaggart. You tell me that in your heart of hearts, there is not some little voice that says 'I'm right for him. Me. I can make it good for him and he can make it good for me and we deserve it.' Because if there's not, and you can't find anywhere in you that that statement rings true, then there's no argument for me to win, and I'll never mention it again. I swear. Because I'm not going to rock your boat for no reason."

Moira hesitated. "...there might be..." she admitted. And then she closed her eyes tightly. "But there was...someone else fer 'im an' -tha's- why 'tis 'is move." She looked at Marie. "I didna really love Joe, nay really. So I 'ave ta wait fer Nathan ta be...ready. I don't know what -this- is an' I'm scared o' it."

"You're both impossible," Marie said affectionately. "Telling him you love him doesn't mean anything but that you're saying the truth." She poured Moira a cup of tea and brought it to her. "However, why don't you tell me how you're doing right now with all that new stuff in your head. Anything I can help with?"

She cradled the tea in her hands and enjoyed the warmth. "I'm tryin' ta process it all. I've been involved in a few fights...'ere, fer one, but never like tha'. D' ye mind me askin' 'ow ye deal wit' it?"

Marie laughed and poured her own tea. "At first? Badly. Now, I sort of have... places... in my head where I put things. I have to keep things in perspective and I focus hard on the here and now when I have to. It's still not easy. Separating it from the reality you live in is probably the most important step." She came and sat down opposite Moira, looking at the other woman with some concern.

"I think tha's th' 'ard part...I didnae know what was real an' what wasn't, even after I woke up." She shuddered. "When...me...son died," she choked out, "I could smell...flesh." Another deep breathe. "In th' nightmare, vision, what 'ave ye, th' smell of burnin' flesh 'it me again." Her hands clenched around the cup tightly.

"Oh, Moira." Marie reached out to touch Moira's hands again. "I understand. That must have been beyond horrible." She tapped the back of one of Moira's hands lightly to get the woman to focus on her. "The ones with echoes, those are the worst. Is there anything I can do for you right now to make it better?"

Her eyes settled on Marie. "I jus'...I'm nay used ta askin' fer 'elp...I keep seein' th' images. Smells. Noise. 'Twasn't a lon' dream but I think since twas th' first fer me, 'tis lingerin'. 'ow do I focus around it?"

"Meditating helps if you can, but I think this is still too much in the middle of things." Marie looked around the room. "Go take a shower, something to wash the smell off, even if it's not the real smell. Use something scented. I'll watch Nathan. I don't think he'll wake if I put on some quiet music. Once the crisis is passed and you can relax knowing that Nathan's okay, relaxation and meditation exercises help a lot to get the thoughts out of the forefront. I used to cut myself sometimes," she said honestly. "Pain is a good way to focus. But let's try other ways instead. Hot bath or shower is a good start. Physical sensations help a lot."

"I...aye, a shower would be nice," she admitted, knowing her favorite scent was stashed in there. "There's some Frank Sinatra in th' CD player. 'Tis 'is favorite..." She took a deep breath. "Will ye get me if anythin' 'appens?" She doesn't want to leave but knows it'll be best for her to relax.

"Wild horses wouldn't keep me from it, Moira. I'll take care of him." Marie rose and offered Moira her hand to help her up. "If he so much as sighs oddly, I'll come let you know."

"Thank ye." She reached out and hugged the other woman, greatful beyond words.

"Go on, Mo." Marie rubbed her back gently. "And then we'll get you tucked in to try and sleep too, okay? I'll sit up with you both so you can sleep. I brought my notes."

"Thank ye...but I think I need some time alone wit' 'im." She sighed. "I dinnae know 'ow's 'e's goin' ta be when 'e wakes up. It may be 'ard even wit' jus' me. But I'd like some company tomorrow...?"

"As long as you promise to sleep while I'm gone," Marie said, and then her expression grew impish. "Or not-sleep in a constructive and helpful manner."

Moira felt a deep warmth spread from her face down and she nearly choked on her tongue. "Um...sleep..." She nodded heavily.

"You wanted to know what helped," Marie said dryly. "Go on and shower. I'll keep an eye out here."

She blinked at Marie and then fled towards the safety of the bathroom.