Amanda and Adrienne - Saturday evening
Nov. 19th, 2011 05:35 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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xp_logsFollowing her actions of the night before and her panic of the morning and email request for help, Adrienne goes to someone who understands intimately what she's feeling.
Parking the borrowed mansion car on the next block, Adrienne grabbed the bag from Baked out of it and trotted over to the Brownstone and up to Amanda's apartment. "I come bearing pastry," she called out as she knocked on the door.
"And I've got tea on," came the reply. "Door's open, come on in."
Adrienne entered the apartment and closed the door behind herself, heading to the kitchen. "Thanks again for, y'know, making the time," she said to Amanda with a wry smile. "I'm trying this new thing where I don't hide out alone when I'm having trouble with something and instead I ask for help, but it still feels odd to expect support from people when I fuck up."
"Some things you make time for," Amanda replied, busy pouring hot water from the kettle into her teapot. It had been a novelty gift from Jubilee and was shaped like a fat man in a diaper, in reference to the fat-a-gram Jubilee had once pestered the witch with. "And the fuck up could have been a lot worse."
"Hell yes," Adrienne agreed sincerely, though she still sounded self-depricating. "I mean, don't get me wrong, even the fact that I bought the shit is something I consider a massive fuck up, but if I'd actually started using again..." she shook her head, busying herself by getting a plate to put the pastries out on, "I can't even begin to think about what would happen to me. I don't want to think about it. It's too... terrifying."
"None of us want to think about using again," Amanda agreed. "But it's good to - at least then you have in mind the utter shite you can get into." She handed Adrienne a couple of mugs and the sugar bowl, saving the teapot and the milk carton for herself. "Have a pew. This is probably going to be a comfy seat sort of talk. Especially if we have pastry to go with it."
Adrienne led the way obligingly, sitting down on the couch and laying out the tea things and pastries on the coffee table. "You're right, it's good to keep those things in mind. That's where my powers actually have come in handy for fifteen years- seeing the things I saw in rehab with my powers scared me straight for all this time because I could never forget them... seeing how I might end up..."
Clearing a spot on the coffee table for the pot, Amanda sat. "So what made you backslide this time?" she asked, more for Adrienne to think about it herself than because she had no clue - there had been plenty of stressors to prompt a relapse.
"My feelings for Garrison, I guess," the brunette admitted. "I was drinking a lot because things are so awkward between us, but booze wasn't making things any easier for me, so apparently in my drunken haze I thought that coke would. But, I mean, I'm an addict, I don't really need a reason, right?" she smiled wanly. She knew that as a fellow addict Amanda wasn't asking to try and get her to assign any blame or anything like that, just to get a better grasp on the situation.
"True enough. My cravings tend to pop up whenever I'm doing recovery time from an injury, so guess who has to be monitored with the pain pills?" Amanda made a face and poured the tea. "Still, you have to remember, you stopped yourself, even when you were drunk."
"See, you just have to stop getting injured, clearly," Adrienne told her with a smirk. "I did, yeah. I had a couple opportunities to buy and use and I didn't," she said as she fixed her tea and took a sip. "I Read my clothes from that club to confirm it. And from what I can remember, I bought it as a 'just in case' when we were going back to his place to sleep together, and didn't use it. And then I passed out when he had to go down to the respond to the alarm and woke up in my room."
"'Just in case' of what? Sounds like the two of you were doing pretty well if you went home together," Amanda observed, but with a certain glint in her eye that said she didn't entirely believe that.
"Not exactly," Adrienne shrugged. "It was... weird. Very tense. Awkward. We both admitted it. We don't really know how to be friends anymore, not after everything that's happened. So someone got the brilliant idea that sleeping together might allow us both to put that part of our relationship to bed, so to speak, get it out of our systems so we could move forward as friends. But even after we decided that, it still felt a little off. Thankfully, he got the call about the alarm that he had to go check out and I was asleep by the time he got back so nothing happened."
"If it's weird to the point you're tempted to use again..." Amanda let it hang - she wasn't sure what to advise there. "Does he know? That you're an addict?"
Adrienne shook her head as she took a bite of a Hellabun. "I never told him. I've alluded to how models sometimes end up in rehab, and I mean, he knows how I used to be, life of the party, but I never came out and told him I'm an addict. And aside from Emma, and now Jean-Paul, you're the only person in my life now who knows, so it's not like he would have heard it from anyone."
"Maybe you should tell him. At least then he'd understand how hard it is for you at the moment with all the drama since you got back," Amanda suggested, although she didn't sound exactly confident. Garrison's reaction to Adrienne being back had been more violently negative than anyone could have thought it might be - she wasn't sure how he'd react to this. Then again, he knew about her own past, especially in the wake of the Halloween party.
"I can do that, yeah," Adrienne replied, sipping her tea. "I never had anything against telling him, persay, I mean I'm not ashamed or anything. It's not something I go around telling everyone I meet but it's not like I'm trying to hide it from my... friends... either. It just, y'know... never came up between us. Does he know about you?" she asked conversationally.
Her mouth full of Hellabun, Amanda nodded. "After Halloween, everyone on the journals who didn't already know, knows," she said once her mouth was empty. "Nothing like to remind you of your sordid past when you have someone accusing you of deliberately putting people in danger with your habit. Of course, Monet wasn't exactly wrong either. I should have done a better job of clearing up after myself."
"You may be overestimating the force of the journal system," Adrienne chuckled. "I didn't see it, so chances are, not everyone knows. And piss on Monet, it's not like she could ever understand what it's like when you're an addict, how you get to be totally out of your own mind. There's no way you could be expected to remember everything you were hoarding for a score back then. Don't beat yourself up about it."
Pulling a face, Amanda shrugged. "I'm not beating myself up, but I do hate getting the kids involved in my shite - 's one of the reasons I did everything I could to keep Meg out of the magic business when she was little. Still, no harm done and all."
"Exactly, no harm done," the psychometrist agreed, saluting Amanda with her tea cup. "I do understand not wanting to get the kids involved though," she admitted. "I was so worried one of the kids was gonna find out about the cocaine... I mean, what if I'd stashed eight-balls all over the mansion and Matt had found one... or Molly... Christ, I don't know what I'd do. But, like you say, no harm done."
"Except to our pride," Amanda joked. "But seriously, you know better than to do that and if you get the itch to try using again, call me. I can 'port to anywhere in New York now, so I can literally be there in a flash to smack some sense into you."
Adrienne polished off her Hellabun and gave Amanda a grateful smile. "I appreciate that, thanks. It's nice to know I have people around who would do that for me. Especially someone who knows exactly what it's like. It'll be like having a second sponsor in addition to my Narcotics Anonymous one," she grinned.
"Or a fairy godmother," Amanda replied with a chuckle. "One who baps you with her wand instead of granting wishes with it."
"No no no, you can't pull the wool over my eyes. Fairy godmothers and witches are not the same thing, I know this!" Adrienne laughed. "Besides, you don't even have a wand, do you?"
"I have a wych?" Amanda offered, getting up and heading over to her 'Charlie' shelf. She picked up a slender rod of elm wood, about a foot in length. "My friend Charlie gave me this," she explained, coming back. "Wyches were where the whole idea of a wand came from. Originally they were just sticks animal herders used to keep their sheep or whatever in line, but over time they got associated with magic and witchcraft." Her smile was sad, but fond. "Elm's good for channelling and storing energy. Of course, my powers don't work the same way any more, but I keep it 'cause it reminds me of him."
Adrienne stared at the wych thoughtfully as Amanda explained its origins. "I wonder if that's where the word 'switch' comes from, as in a willow switch or something like that, that schoolteachers used to use back in the day?" Etymology really wasn't her strong suit, but it intrigued her nonetheless. "Please don't 'bap' me with a wych or a switch, though," she added with a grin. She didn't bring up the question of who Charlie was after seeing the sad smile.
"Don't give me a reason to and we're all good." Amanda got up to put the wych away and curled back onto the couch. "And if you tell anyone I actually do have a magic wand, there will definitely be bapping."
"I'm going to try my damnedest," Adrienne assured her. "To not give you a reason, I mean. And I'm going to try my damnedest to not tell anyone about the magic wand." She went back to her tea. "I know it's supposed to get worse as you get older... addiction, I mean, but I'm hoping I can counter that by actually having a support network to help me deal with it from here on out so I don't end up giving you a reason."
"Easier and harder at the same time," Amanda replied. "Easier 'cause the good habits stick. Harder because you forget the bad part and tend to think 'one slip wouldn't be so bad' and before you know it, you're back on the junk."
"Or you get drunk and don't even remember the bad part," Adrienne added wryly. "No more alcohol for me for the foreseeable future. After drinking with Kane, I had a horrible flashback to that morning I woke up with Manuel with no memory of what we'd done. Just like with Garrison. So I am off the sauce for the time being," she stated vehemently.
"So no inviting you to Friday work drinks at Finnegan's, got it," Amanda replied with a nod. "Looks like we'll have to stick to tea and buns. And go jogging afterwards to burn the buns off our buns." She looked amused at her own pun.
Adrienne chuckled at the pun. "Although giving up alcohol will mean I'll actually be in better shape, hopefully? But... I don't want to stop getting invites to things," she amended. "I don't want to drink at Finnegan's, but I don't want to hide in someone's apartment eating tea and buns while everyone else is off socializing, either. I just have to be strong enough to go to Finnegan's and have coffee or soda or something. I don't want to stop living my life."
"We'll find a compromise. And I can have Remy watch you and smack you with his stick if you drink."
"You mean his staff?" Adrienne asked incredulously. "No thank you! I know Emma wiped the memories of what I saw on it, but knowing that I asked her to and she actually did it means it must have been something truly awful, something I have no desire to see again! If ever there was an incentive to stay clean and sober, that would be it!"
Amanda nodded. "Yeah, it really is."
Parking the borrowed mansion car on the next block, Adrienne grabbed the bag from Baked out of it and trotted over to the Brownstone and up to Amanda's apartment. "I come bearing pastry," she called out as she knocked on the door.
"And I've got tea on," came the reply. "Door's open, come on in."
Adrienne entered the apartment and closed the door behind herself, heading to the kitchen. "Thanks again for, y'know, making the time," she said to Amanda with a wry smile. "I'm trying this new thing where I don't hide out alone when I'm having trouble with something and instead I ask for help, but it still feels odd to expect support from people when I fuck up."
"Some things you make time for," Amanda replied, busy pouring hot water from the kettle into her teapot. It had been a novelty gift from Jubilee and was shaped like a fat man in a diaper, in reference to the fat-a-gram Jubilee had once pestered the witch with. "And the fuck up could have been a lot worse."
"Hell yes," Adrienne agreed sincerely, though she still sounded self-depricating. "I mean, don't get me wrong, even the fact that I bought the shit is something I consider a massive fuck up, but if I'd actually started using again..." she shook her head, busying herself by getting a plate to put the pastries out on, "I can't even begin to think about what would happen to me. I don't want to think about it. It's too... terrifying."
"None of us want to think about using again," Amanda agreed. "But it's good to - at least then you have in mind the utter shite you can get into." She handed Adrienne a couple of mugs and the sugar bowl, saving the teapot and the milk carton for herself. "Have a pew. This is probably going to be a comfy seat sort of talk. Especially if we have pastry to go with it."
Adrienne led the way obligingly, sitting down on the couch and laying out the tea things and pastries on the coffee table. "You're right, it's good to keep those things in mind. That's where my powers actually have come in handy for fifteen years- seeing the things I saw in rehab with my powers scared me straight for all this time because I could never forget them... seeing how I might end up..."
Clearing a spot on the coffee table for the pot, Amanda sat. "So what made you backslide this time?" she asked, more for Adrienne to think about it herself than because she had no clue - there had been plenty of stressors to prompt a relapse.
"My feelings for Garrison, I guess," the brunette admitted. "I was drinking a lot because things are so awkward between us, but booze wasn't making things any easier for me, so apparently in my drunken haze I thought that coke would. But, I mean, I'm an addict, I don't really need a reason, right?" she smiled wanly. She knew that as a fellow addict Amanda wasn't asking to try and get her to assign any blame or anything like that, just to get a better grasp on the situation.
"True enough. My cravings tend to pop up whenever I'm doing recovery time from an injury, so guess who has to be monitored with the pain pills?" Amanda made a face and poured the tea. "Still, you have to remember, you stopped yourself, even when you were drunk."
"See, you just have to stop getting injured, clearly," Adrienne told her with a smirk. "I did, yeah. I had a couple opportunities to buy and use and I didn't," she said as she fixed her tea and took a sip. "I Read my clothes from that club to confirm it. And from what I can remember, I bought it as a 'just in case' when we were going back to his place to sleep together, and didn't use it. And then I passed out when he had to go down to the respond to the alarm and woke up in my room."
"'Just in case' of what? Sounds like the two of you were doing pretty well if you went home together," Amanda observed, but with a certain glint in her eye that said she didn't entirely believe that.
"Not exactly," Adrienne shrugged. "It was... weird. Very tense. Awkward. We both admitted it. We don't really know how to be friends anymore, not after everything that's happened. So someone got the brilliant idea that sleeping together might allow us both to put that part of our relationship to bed, so to speak, get it out of our systems so we could move forward as friends. But even after we decided that, it still felt a little off. Thankfully, he got the call about the alarm that he had to go check out and I was asleep by the time he got back so nothing happened."
"If it's weird to the point you're tempted to use again..." Amanda let it hang - she wasn't sure what to advise there. "Does he know? That you're an addict?"
Adrienne shook her head as she took a bite of a Hellabun. "I never told him. I've alluded to how models sometimes end up in rehab, and I mean, he knows how I used to be, life of the party, but I never came out and told him I'm an addict. And aside from Emma, and now Jean-Paul, you're the only person in my life now who knows, so it's not like he would have heard it from anyone."
"Maybe you should tell him. At least then he'd understand how hard it is for you at the moment with all the drama since you got back," Amanda suggested, although she didn't sound exactly confident. Garrison's reaction to Adrienne being back had been more violently negative than anyone could have thought it might be - she wasn't sure how he'd react to this. Then again, he knew about her own past, especially in the wake of the Halloween party.
"I can do that, yeah," Adrienne replied, sipping her tea. "I never had anything against telling him, persay, I mean I'm not ashamed or anything. It's not something I go around telling everyone I meet but it's not like I'm trying to hide it from my... friends... either. It just, y'know... never came up between us. Does he know about you?" she asked conversationally.
Her mouth full of Hellabun, Amanda nodded. "After Halloween, everyone on the journals who didn't already know, knows," she said once her mouth was empty. "Nothing like to remind you of your sordid past when you have someone accusing you of deliberately putting people in danger with your habit. Of course, Monet wasn't exactly wrong either. I should have done a better job of clearing up after myself."
"You may be overestimating the force of the journal system," Adrienne chuckled. "I didn't see it, so chances are, not everyone knows. And piss on Monet, it's not like she could ever understand what it's like when you're an addict, how you get to be totally out of your own mind. There's no way you could be expected to remember everything you were hoarding for a score back then. Don't beat yourself up about it."
Pulling a face, Amanda shrugged. "I'm not beating myself up, but I do hate getting the kids involved in my shite - 's one of the reasons I did everything I could to keep Meg out of the magic business when she was little. Still, no harm done and all."
"Exactly, no harm done," the psychometrist agreed, saluting Amanda with her tea cup. "I do understand not wanting to get the kids involved though," she admitted. "I was so worried one of the kids was gonna find out about the cocaine... I mean, what if I'd stashed eight-balls all over the mansion and Matt had found one... or Molly... Christ, I don't know what I'd do. But, like you say, no harm done."
"Except to our pride," Amanda joked. "But seriously, you know better than to do that and if you get the itch to try using again, call me. I can 'port to anywhere in New York now, so I can literally be there in a flash to smack some sense into you."
Adrienne polished off her Hellabun and gave Amanda a grateful smile. "I appreciate that, thanks. It's nice to know I have people around who would do that for me. Especially someone who knows exactly what it's like. It'll be like having a second sponsor in addition to my Narcotics Anonymous one," she grinned.
"Or a fairy godmother," Amanda replied with a chuckle. "One who baps you with her wand instead of granting wishes with it."
"No no no, you can't pull the wool over my eyes. Fairy godmothers and witches are not the same thing, I know this!" Adrienne laughed. "Besides, you don't even have a wand, do you?"
"I have a wych?" Amanda offered, getting up and heading over to her 'Charlie' shelf. She picked up a slender rod of elm wood, about a foot in length. "My friend Charlie gave me this," she explained, coming back. "Wyches were where the whole idea of a wand came from. Originally they were just sticks animal herders used to keep their sheep or whatever in line, but over time they got associated with magic and witchcraft." Her smile was sad, but fond. "Elm's good for channelling and storing energy. Of course, my powers don't work the same way any more, but I keep it 'cause it reminds me of him."
Adrienne stared at the wych thoughtfully as Amanda explained its origins. "I wonder if that's where the word 'switch' comes from, as in a willow switch or something like that, that schoolteachers used to use back in the day?" Etymology really wasn't her strong suit, but it intrigued her nonetheless. "Please don't 'bap' me with a wych or a switch, though," she added with a grin. She didn't bring up the question of who Charlie was after seeing the sad smile.
"Don't give me a reason to and we're all good." Amanda got up to put the wych away and curled back onto the couch. "And if you tell anyone I actually do have a magic wand, there will definitely be bapping."
"I'm going to try my damnedest," Adrienne assured her. "To not give you a reason, I mean. And I'm going to try my damnedest to not tell anyone about the magic wand." She went back to her tea. "I know it's supposed to get worse as you get older... addiction, I mean, but I'm hoping I can counter that by actually having a support network to help me deal with it from here on out so I don't end up giving you a reason."
"Easier and harder at the same time," Amanda replied. "Easier 'cause the good habits stick. Harder because you forget the bad part and tend to think 'one slip wouldn't be so bad' and before you know it, you're back on the junk."
"Or you get drunk and don't even remember the bad part," Adrienne added wryly. "No more alcohol for me for the foreseeable future. After drinking with Kane, I had a horrible flashback to that morning I woke up with Manuel with no memory of what we'd done. Just like with Garrison. So I am off the sauce for the time being," she stated vehemently.
"So no inviting you to Friday work drinks at Finnegan's, got it," Amanda replied with a nod. "Looks like we'll have to stick to tea and buns. And go jogging afterwards to burn the buns off our buns." She looked amused at her own pun.
Adrienne chuckled at the pun. "Although giving up alcohol will mean I'll actually be in better shape, hopefully? But... I don't want to stop getting invites to things," she amended. "I don't want to drink at Finnegan's, but I don't want to hide in someone's apartment eating tea and buns while everyone else is off socializing, either. I just have to be strong enough to go to Finnegan's and have coffee or soda or something. I don't want to stop living my life."
"We'll find a compromise. And I can have Remy watch you and smack you with his stick if you drink."
"You mean his staff?" Adrienne asked incredulously. "No thank you! I know Emma wiped the memories of what I saw on it, but knowing that I asked her to and she actually did it means it must have been something truly awful, something I have no desire to see again! If ever there was an incentive to stay clean and sober, that would be it!"
Amanda nodded. "Yeah, it really is."
