Jubilee, Doc Samson: Monday
Mar. 8th, 2004 11:45 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Following this incident with Cain, Jubilee has a much-overdue visit with Doc Samson.
Jubilee's fingers ran over the collar surrounding her throat, worrying at it as she glanced out the window at the old oak tree standing just outside. When she'd first come to the school, she'd spent time climbing a lot of the trees on the grounds. Not for any particular reason, just because she hadn't really had a chance to climb trees when she was younger.
She was meant to see Doctor Samson for the first time today and she wasn't particularly looking forward to it. Moira and Hank had insisted that she see him, after Cain had come in with her there hadn't been any further excuses she could make to hold it off, so she had accepted it.
They'd fitted her with a power dampener, which would stop her from using her powers until such a time as she could get them under control again. It had been decided it would be best, at least until they could figure out why her memories were connecting to her power in such a way.
She hadn't mentioned how blind she'd felt after they'd closed the collar around her neck and turned it on, it hadn't seemed right to complain when they were only trying to help. Still, her fingers reached for the collar, fluttering over the small dials and buttons, wondering when they'd let her go back to the safe room so she could take it off.
Samson was running over the notes Moira had given him regarding his newest patient when there was a knock on the door. Well, more of a tap - the person doing the knocking wasn't at all happy to be doing so. 'Must be Ms Lee,' he thought to himself with a wry smile. She'd done a very good job of avoiding help so far.
"Come in," he said, laying the papers beside the armchair he was sitting in and picking up his notepad.
Jubilee opened the door, glancing around the room nervously as she entered. She tugged at the collar one more time and then thrust her hands into her jean pockets, looking at Samson suspiciously.
"You the quack?" she asked.
"Indeed I am," he replied with a smile, standing up. "Doctor Samson. You would be Jubilation Lee?"
Jubilee nodded, closing the door behind her. She noticed the comfy looking chair sitting beside one of the windows, a beam of sunlight illuminating it.
'If I have to do this, might as well be comfortable', she thought, heading toward it.
"So, like, how's this gonna work? I'm not too into the whole "Tell me about your mother" bullshit that some of the psychs in Social made me go through."
"Not exactly," Samson said, waiting until the girl had sat before taking shifting his own chair slightly so he was facing her and taking a seat. "Freudian theory - which is where the whole 'tell me about your mother' cliche comes from - is considerably outdated now. No, the way I work is we talk, about whatever it is you feel like talking about. I'll ask questions if I feel it's necessary, and I do take notes during our conversations, purely as an aid for myself. They will be entirely confidential - in fact, I sincerely doubt anyone else could read them. However, if that makes you uncomfortable, I won't." He smiled. "First of all, though, what should I call you? Jubilation?"
Jubilee shook her head, leaning back against the chair's back. "Nah, just call me Jubilee. Only Chuck and Frosty ever call me Jubilation. So, like, what's your angle? I mean, like, you say I can talk about whatever I want but what if I chose not to talk at all? You can't tell me you'd just sit there for the next hour."
"Obviously not - we both have far better things to do with our time than to sit here like statues." Samson leaned forward, looking at her earnestly. "I'll be straight with you, Jubilee. From what I've been told by Doctor McTaggart and Doctor McCoy, you have some issues that could probably use talking about to settle. That's what I'm here for. But I can't make you talk, and if you choose not to trust me with whatever is bothering you, that's your choice."
Jubilee grinned suddenly at Samson, winking at him. She liked him, even if she'd been scared to death that she'd get someone like the head shrinkers she'd known from social services. People more interested in what her co-operation, or lack there of said about them, rather then what it said about her.
"Good, wanted to make sure you weren't some idiot who'd give me weird ink blots to look at and then try and tell me I was simply playing up and that I was like, lucky to have foster parents that cared for me. Stupid morons didn't know what they were talkin' about, and they'd like, look at you as if you were some kinda criminal. So, did Mac and Big Blue explain anything, or do I have to play story time?"
"They've given me a rough outline, yes, but I'd prefer to hear it from you, Jubilee. It would help me to get an idea of what concerns you yourself have."
Jubilee nodded, the thumb of her right hand rubbing against the skin of her neck just under the collar, her foot tapping against the ground unconsciously.
"Don't know how much help I'm gonna be. I mean, I don't remember any problems but they're telling me I've got them. Moira showed me the video footage of when Cain brought me to Medlab, so I gotta believe that's real. Only, I don't remember any of it."
Jubilee looked out the window, staring at the flawless blue sky, noticing Artie and Leech playing a game that seemed to consist of a lot of running and laughing but not much actual purpose.
"I know I'm missing pieces, I know there's stuff that I just can't remember and they tell me when I try and remember, I end up blowing shit up. Sometimes, I wonder why I need to remember at all, none of it could be good, right? Not when it's so bad I freak out."
"I can understand why you'd think that way. The attack on the school was a traumatic experience, for a number of people, and there are a lot of things that people wish they didn't remember. But the effect it's having on you, on your powers... I think you would agree with me that these memories are having a negative effect on your life, yes?"
Jubilee shrugged, not looking at Samson.
"Maybe but what if remembering makes it even worse? Right now, I feel fine. I mean, okay, the shielded room and the collar really suck. But like, what if when I remember it fucks up my power completely? What then? You got any idea what it's like to feel so blind and yet to everyone else you look exactly the same as you always looked? Only, there's a piece of you missing. And the memories feel like I'm blind but maybe that blindness is only the dark without the light, and maybe if remembering fucks up my powers and I can't ever use them again, maybe that blindness will be the true one."
Jubilee pulled at the collar around her neck, pushing it this way and that before giving up in frustration and letting her hands dangle against her knees.
"I fuckin' hate this collar so much."
"And maybe remembering will give you your control back. Life is a risk, Jubilee, and sometimes we have to take chances - you of all people should know that things cannot always be safe and simple." Samson's voice was still kind and sympathetic, but there was a firmness to it. "And it's not a complete leap in the dark - past experience has showed that exposing and dealing with buried trauma gives the individual control over other parts of their lives. The choice is up to you, Jubilee - accept the current situation, possibly have to wear that collar and use the power dampening room for the rest of your life, or take that first step into the dark. I can't make that choice for you, but I will be taking that step with you."
Jubilee eyed the professional in front of her, wondering if he really meant that. It'd been a long time since she'd really trusted anyone in authority. It'd always seemed like they were fine until you didn't want to do what they said. Then she'd come here and while the adults here fucked up sometimes, they at least were genuine. She was learning to trust people again, maybe it was time to trust this person as well.
Jubilee nodded her head, locking eyes with the doctor.
"Well, much as I love the fashion statement this collar makes, I think I can do without it. I'll try but I don't think it's gonna be pretty."
Following this incident with Cain, Jubilee has a much-overdue visit with Doc Samson.
Jubilee's fingers ran over the collar surrounding her throat, worrying at it as she glanced out the window at the old oak tree standing just outside. When she'd first come to the school, she'd spent time climbing a lot of the trees on the grounds. Not for any particular reason, just because she hadn't really had a chance to climb trees when she was younger.
She was meant to see Doctor Samson for the first time today and she wasn't particularly looking forward to it. Moira and Hank had insisted that she see him, after Cain had come in with her there hadn't been any further excuses she could make to hold it off, so she had accepted it.
They'd fitted her with a power dampener, which would stop her from using her powers until such a time as she could get them under control again. It had been decided it would be best, at least until they could figure out why her memories were connecting to her power in such a way.
She hadn't mentioned how blind she'd felt after they'd closed the collar around her neck and turned it on, it hadn't seemed right to complain when they were only trying to help. Still, her fingers reached for the collar, fluttering over the small dials and buttons, wondering when they'd let her go back to the safe room so she could take it off.
Samson was running over the notes Moira had given him regarding his newest patient when there was a knock on the door. Well, more of a tap - the person doing the knocking wasn't at all happy to be doing so. 'Must be Ms Lee,' he thought to himself with a wry smile. She'd done a very good job of avoiding help so far.
"Come in," he said, laying the papers beside the armchair he was sitting in and picking up his notepad.
Jubilee opened the door, glancing around the room nervously as she entered. She tugged at the collar one more time and then thrust her hands into her jean pockets, looking at Samson suspiciously.
"You the quack?" she asked.
"Indeed I am," he replied with a smile, standing up. "Doctor Samson. You would be Jubilation Lee?"
Jubilee nodded, closing the door behind her. She noticed the comfy looking chair sitting beside one of the windows, a beam of sunlight illuminating it.
'If I have to do this, might as well be comfortable', she thought, heading toward it.
"So, like, how's this gonna work? I'm not too into the whole "Tell me about your mother" bullshit that some of the psychs in Social made me go through."
"Not exactly," Samson said, waiting until the girl had sat before taking shifting his own chair slightly so he was facing her and taking a seat. "Freudian theory - which is where the whole 'tell me about your mother' cliche comes from - is considerably outdated now. No, the way I work is we talk, about whatever it is you feel like talking about. I'll ask questions if I feel it's necessary, and I do take notes during our conversations, purely as an aid for myself. They will be entirely confidential - in fact, I sincerely doubt anyone else could read them. However, if that makes you uncomfortable, I won't." He smiled. "First of all, though, what should I call you? Jubilation?"
Jubilee shook her head, leaning back against the chair's back. "Nah, just call me Jubilee. Only Chuck and Frosty ever call me Jubilation. So, like, what's your angle? I mean, like, you say I can talk about whatever I want but what if I chose not to talk at all? You can't tell me you'd just sit there for the next hour."
"Obviously not - we both have far better things to do with our time than to sit here like statues." Samson leaned forward, looking at her earnestly. "I'll be straight with you, Jubilee. From what I've been told by Doctor McTaggart and Doctor McCoy, you have some issues that could probably use talking about to settle. That's what I'm here for. But I can't make you talk, and if you choose not to trust me with whatever is bothering you, that's your choice."
Jubilee grinned suddenly at Samson, winking at him. She liked him, even if she'd been scared to death that she'd get someone like the head shrinkers she'd known from social services. People more interested in what her co-operation, or lack there of said about them, rather then what it said about her.
"Good, wanted to make sure you weren't some idiot who'd give me weird ink blots to look at and then try and tell me I was simply playing up and that I was like, lucky to have foster parents that cared for me. Stupid morons didn't know what they were talkin' about, and they'd like, look at you as if you were some kinda criminal. So, did Mac and Big Blue explain anything, or do I have to play story time?"
"They've given me a rough outline, yes, but I'd prefer to hear it from you, Jubilee. It would help me to get an idea of what concerns you yourself have."
Jubilee nodded, the thumb of her right hand rubbing against the skin of her neck just under the collar, her foot tapping against the ground unconsciously.
"Don't know how much help I'm gonna be. I mean, I don't remember any problems but they're telling me I've got them. Moira showed me the video footage of when Cain brought me to Medlab, so I gotta believe that's real. Only, I don't remember any of it."
Jubilee looked out the window, staring at the flawless blue sky, noticing Artie and Leech playing a game that seemed to consist of a lot of running and laughing but not much actual purpose.
"I know I'm missing pieces, I know there's stuff that I just can't remember and they tell me when I try and remember, I end up blowing shit up. Sometimes, I wonder why I need to remember at all, none of it could be good, right? Not when it's so bad I freak out."
"I can understand why you'd think that way. The attack on the school was a traumatic experience, for a number of people, and there are a lot of things that people wish they didn't remember. But the effect it's having on you, on your powers... I think you would agree with me that these memories are having a negative effect on your life, yes?"
Jubilee shrugged, not looking at Samson.
"Maybe but what if remembering makes it even worse? Right now, I feel fine. I mean, okay, the shielded room and the collar really suck. But like, what if when I remember it fucks up my power completely? What then? You got any idea what it's like to feel so blind and yet to everyone else you look exactly the same as you always looked? Only, there's a piece of you missing. And the memories feel like I'm blind but maybe that blindness is only the dark without the light, and maybe if remembering fucks up my powers and I can't ever use them again, maybe that blindness will be the true one."
Jubilee pulled at the collar around her neck, pushing it this way and that before giving up in frustration and letting her hands dangle against her knees.
"I fuckin' hate this collar so much."
"And maybe remembering will give you your control back. Life is a risk, Jubilee, and sometimes we have to take chances - you of all people should know that things cannot always be safe and simple." Samson's voice was still kind and sympathetic, but there was a firmness to it. "And it's not a complete leap in the dark - past experience has showed that exposing and dealing with buried trauma gives the individual control over other parts of their lives. The choice is up to you, Jubilee - accept the current situation, possibly have to wear that collar and use the power dampening room for the rest of your life, or take that first step into the dark. I can't make that choice for you, but I will be taking that step with you."
Jubilee eyed the professional in front of her, wondering if he really meant that. It'd been a long time since she'd really trusted anyone in authority. It'd always seemed like they were fine until you didn't want to do what they said. Then she'd come here and while the adults here fucked up sometimes, they at least were genuine. She was learning to trust people again, maybe it was time to trust this person as well.
Jubilee nodded her head, locking eyes with the doctor.
"Well, much as I love the fashion statement this collar makes, I think I can do without it. I'll try but I don't think it's gonna be pretty."
