Sooraya and Yvette - backdated to January 11, evening

[x-penance.livejournal.com]

Following the training accident with Haller, Yvette does her best to help out her roomie.



Sooraya had not really been in the mood to do much after her training with David Haller. After crying her eyes out and a little bit of talking afterwards, she had gone back to the suite she and Yvette shared. Luckily the Albanian girl had not been around and Sooraya had quickly withdrawn to her own room.

Unfortunately her rumbling stomach did force her to leave the room. She knew there were some sandwich fixings in the small refrigerator and she figured she could quickly make that with some tea and withdraw again.

Quickly she made her way to the kitchenette, not seeing the other occupant of the suite in the small sitting room they shared.

If she sat still in the shadows long enough and slitted her eyes, Yvette was very hard to see. And after Mr. Haller's email, she had been worried about her roomie, but not sure if she should knock on Sooraya's door when she obviously wanted privacy. So she'd waited to see if Sooraya would come out instead.

When it was obvious Sooraya hadn't seen her, she slowly moved, speaking in a gentle voice to try and avoid startling her: "Sooraya? Are you all right?"

Unfortunately Sooraya had been so lost in thought that she did startle. She sharply turned around, her hand pressed to her chest, only to relax slightly when she saw Yvette. “I didn’t see you…” She pulled at her scarf she was still wearing a little, trying to camouflage the signs of this afternoon that were still visible on her face. “And I am fine.” Her voice still had a faint tremble to it.

"Mr. Haller emailed me, he said there was an incident at training...?" Yvette left it open for Sooraya to take up the thread. "Let me make you some tea, yes?"

Sooraya let out a slow breath… remembering her teacher had told her that he would email her. “Tea would be nice.” She said, as she headed over to the couch and curled up upon it. She pulled her scarf from her head, shaking loose a long, dark braid. Finally she pulled an Afghan from the back of the couch, wrapping it around her and snuggling into it. She had been cold ever since she got back. “Yes… training didn’t go very well…”

"Sit. I will take care of the things. Are you hungry?" Yvette got up and began bustling around the kitchenette, glad to be able to help. "And if you are wanting to talk about it, I can listen."

“Is there something like a salad or a sandwich? I am hungry, but I don’t think I could eat very much.” Sooraya hesitated for a moment before continuing. Mr. Haller had urged her to talk about it and not hide away anymore what had happened. “I hurt Mr. Haller while we were training. I scoured him arm, destroying his shirt and making him bleed…”

"A sandwich it is." While she quickly put together Sooraya's snack, Yvette considered what her friend had confessed. "It happens, the accidents in training. But it is never easy to see, is it?"

“No… it isn’t.” Sooraya was quiet for a bit. “How do you it, Yvette? How do you live with the knowledge that you can hurt someone terribly if you are not careful? Does it not terrify you sometimes?” She suddenly blurted out.

The kettle was still boiling, but the sandwich was done. Yvette brought it over to the coffee table, setting it gently before Sooraya before sitting in the chair designated as 'hers' - easy to tell from the battered state her skin and hair had left it in. "It is not easy," she admitted to Sooraya. "Sometimes I just wish to hide away from people to take away the risk. But that is no life for anyone." She smiled comfortingly at her friend. "The best we can do is be careful and understand that sometimes things happen we cannot stop."

“It’s like my mind knows that hiding isn’t a solution… Or in my case… to stop using my powers… But sometimes, deep inside… I just want throw away the key, so that I can’t hurt anyone like I did to Mahad in Attilan…” Sooraya spoke hesitantly, trying to find the right words to what she was feeling. She soldiered on though, knowing that pushing it away again wasn’t gonna work.

"That is because you are a caring person, Sooraya," came Yvette's reply, with another gentle smile. "But it is more important to learn to control your powers better so the accidents happen less, yes?"

Sooraya was quiet for a long time, considering what Yvette had said, taking a few bites from her sandwich in the meantime. “And what if you do have to fight? To defend yourself or the people you love?” She finally said, her voice low. “How do reconcile the possibility you might need to hurt people with that… I want to be able to defend those I love… but do I deal with that fear?”

The kettle had boiled in the silence and Yvette quietly got up and made two cups of tea, bringing them back before responding. "That is the difficult part, yes. It is something I have had to deal with, being the X-Man, although my mutation perhaps makes it a little easier. A form such as this is made for fighting, after all." She placed one mug in front of Sooraya and took her seat again. "In the end, it is the choice you have to make. To take the risk. But again, with the more training there is the more control, and the less need to be hurting someone. With your powers, there are other ways of making sure an attacker cannot hurt you or someone else."

“That is what I have been learning… And that is a part of why I asked Mr. Summers if I could train again.” Sooraya gratefully accepted one of the cups and sipped from the hot flavorful liquid. After taking a few more sips, she started slowly: “When I… in Attilan… when they attacked Leyu and me… there was one of the men… Mahad…” She wiped furiously at the tears that were once more flowing down her cheeks en muttered softly under her breath about her lack of self control.

Immediately Yvette slipped off her chair and took a careful seat by Sooraya, hooking the box of Kleenex they kept on the coffee table closer with one long finger. "You hurt him," she said softly, trying to make it easier.

Sooraya nodded, angrily fighting the sobs that were threatening to overwhelm her once more. “I just reacted when they appeared and tried to grab me… I shifted and scoured part of him arm almost to the bone, trying to force him away.” She grabbed one of the Kleenex out of the box on the table. “I never thought I could do that to person. I have had to defend myself before, but I was always able to manage by blinding them or confusing them and then running or at least staying out of their way. But I couldn’t do that this time… Not with Leyu there also…”

"Cry if you need to." Yvette laid a gloved hand carefully on her friend's shoulder. "It is natural, to be upset about hurting someone, even if they mean to hurt you first."

“The scouring was an accident… But the forcing away wasn’t…” She tried to continue, but at Yvette’s words she let the tears flow free for the second time that day. An small, inner voice was scolding her for her lack of self control and the fact that… maybe… she was overreacting a bit. But she firmly shoved that one down, letting the tears go and accepting the comfort her Albanian roommate offered.

When the sobs had subsided to occasional sniffles, she mopped her face with a Kleenex and spoke very softly: “Yvette, there is one more thing…”

While Sooraya had cried, Yvette's hand had shifted to her back, patting her soothingly. "What is it?"

“After I got back… And I was sitting in my room thinking… I realized something… It terrifies the hell out of me…” A small part of Sooraya marveled at the strong language that just came out of her mouth, but she ignored and continued. “But I realized that there is part of me…” She paused here to collect her courage.

“There is a part of me that I could do it again… if it meant saving the life of someone I love.” Sooraya admitted very softly. “What kind of person does that make… that I might be capable of hurting some so badly…”

"Oh, Sooraya," Yvette said softly, feeling her friend's pain. It was something she'd had to deal with herself, even before she'd joined the X-Men. Life in the mansion tended to test one's ethics and personal morality very quickly. "It makes you human. It makes you someone who cares about her loved ones and who would protect them, no matter what. I would be more worried if you were not upset about causing someone pain."

Sooraya chuckled darkly through the few remaining tears. “You know, I don’t think I could even stay put if someone I didn’t know was threatened in front of me... I think I have had to many role models who would do the same and it got ingrained somehow.” She sighed. “I understand what you mean, Yvette… And I really wonder sometimes how you or the other X-men do it without worrying yourself crazy about this all the time… I just want to be able to defend myself and others if necessary without hurting them more then needed. That is why I asked Mr. Summers for training, even though I am scared….”

"Oh, I worry. All the time. I remember the look on my mother's face when she saw me fight once, how she would not talk to me again, and I wonder perhaps if I have chosen the right thing." Yvette sighed a little. "But then I look at what we have done, the people we have saved... It is a balance, yes? And if one day the balance is not there, then I will stop. Because I will not be able to live with myself." She patted Sooraya's back again. "You must decide also. If this is important enough for you to continue, even if you are scared. But if it helps, it does get easier as you learn more control. There are less chances for hurting people, the more you learn."

Sooraya’s face became resolute, even through the tear tracks on her cheeks. “For now it is important enough. I decided that when I got back… Sayyid and Achmed are still out there and I know they are not going to leave me alone if they have the chance.” Her whole body finally relaxed a little and she snuggled in the afghan, suddenly yawning a little. “And training and working on how to take out people without hurting them was helping… Until this afternoon happened… So I think it would be a good idea to continue with that… I think I will get only more afraid if I don’t.” There was still some unease with the idea in her eyes though.

"Would it help if I was there?" Yvette suggested. "For you to practice on? After all..." And she tapped her cheek with her forefinger, making a slight noise as if she had been tapping a table top. "I am not so thin-skinned, yes? That way, you would not have to worry about hurting someone until you get used to what you are doing."

“Would you?” Sooraya’s eyes widened a little at the idea. “I think it might help… I don’t know how or when though… But are you really sure you want to do that?”

"Of course!" Yvette replied immediately. "You are my friend, and friends help each other, yes?" She grinned then, almost mischievous. "After all, Jean-Phillipe should not have all the fun; we train together for the team, and he uses his electricity on me all the time. It tickles."

Sooraya had to giggle at the image that suddenly popped in her mind of Yvette rolling around on the ground trying to escape the tickles, laughing all the time, while a slightly crazed looking Jean-Phillipe aimed electricity at her. “Sorry… I think my mind is being a little silly…” She said when she recovered her breath, most of the tension finally having left her body. “But I would really appreciate it… I don’t have any idea of how or when yet though…” Sooraya’s voice trailed off in a yawn.

"We can work it out later," Yvette suggested. "You look tired - perhaps the early night for you?"

“I am tired…” Sooraya replied after a few seconds of consideration, fighting back another yawn. “I think you have a good idea. Probably not too weird after today.” She reached towards the last sandwich so she could at least finish her meal. “Thanks for everything, Yvette.” She said sincerely before taking a bite from the sandwich.

"Any time, Sooraya. We are roomies, after all, yes?" Yvette gave her another friendly pat on the shoulder. "I will be here whenever you need me."

Sooraya smiled at her, shifted the sandwich to her other hand and carefully rested her hand on Yvette’s forearm, giving it a little pat. “I really appreciate it… And I am glad you are my friend.”