Backdated: Scott and Kurt (Trigger Warning)

[x-cyclops.livejournal.com]

Kurt stops by the suite to check on Jean and end up having a heart to heart talk with Scott.

Word tended to spread in small communities, even when no one involved meant it to. Kurt didn't know exactly what was going on with Jean, but he had gathered that she'd been taken ill at the concert, and his intent was to check on her when he knocked on the door of her and Scott's suite, carrying a cold dessert.

Scott looked up from the desk where he was working on the latest training schedules, and glanced around the suite. He blinked in surprise at the state of his living area and the papers which were strewn all around the place. He walked over to the door and opened it a little more forcefully than he had intended, "Kurt, what're you doing here? Is everything ok?"

"I meant to ask you the same thing", Kurt told him, holding out the dish in his hands.  "And I brought this for Jean.  Is she all right?"

 Scott looked away from Kurt and swallowed nervously, "She...She isn't here Kurt."

"...ah."  Well, that was awkward, since Scott's demeanour was clearly saying more than 'she's just popped out'.  "Then perhaps this should be for you."

Scott smiled sadly, "Thanks Kurt." He glanced back into the suite before looking at Kurt, "Would you like to come in?" he asked, stepping away from the door, "It can't be comfortable standing in the hall."

"Of course."  He stepped inside and headed for the fridge, tucking his bowl away in it before turning back to Scott.  "Would you like to tell me?"

Scott collapsed into a chair, "I don't know" he admitted. "Jean collapsed at the concert, a panic attack, we got her out of there but when we got back," he took a deep breath. "She told me she'd been pregnant when she left California. A daughter Kurt, I almost had a daughter." Scott's voice broke down and he took a few moments to collect himself. "She lost the baby during the concert riot, while I was still at the WCA," He looked up at Kurt, "She never told me..."

"I see", Kurt said calmly, after a moment to take that in.  "These things tend to be harder to talk about the longer you leave it, whatever the reasons were at the beginning."

"I just wish she had told me" Scott said "instead of hiding it." He looked up at Kurt, "She's always hidden her problems and tried to deal with them alone, but fr something like this."

That got a sad nod.  "It may have been that early on, it was too much to talk about.  Something like that, such a loss, I have seen it... it is overwhelming."

"But to leave it this long?" Scott asked quietly, "I don't...I honestly on't know if she'd ever have told me unless the circumstances forced her to."

"When there is something you have not told someone", Kurt said just as quietly, "as I said, it becomes harder the longer you leave it, as if you finally do, you will have to explain why you did not before."

"It was too hard" Scott replied bitterly. "How do I get past this?" he asked, "Every time I see Jean, every time I think about her I just get so angry. How could she hide this from me all this time!"

Kurt looked at him sadly.  "You must not try to force the anger away, my friend, or it will only grow.  Work through it.  Hit the heavy bag, shout at someone - me, if you like - whatever you need to do."

"You're right," Scott admitted, "But I'm not sure if I'm ready to let it go just yet Kurt. At least this way I still feel something, I can think of something else, apart from the loss. I think maybe I don't want to let it go."

"And if you do not?" he asked.  "If you hold onto it, and continue to blame Jean for not telling you, what do you think that will do to you both?"

"And if I do, if I let it go then what?" Scott asked in despair, "Where do we go from here?" He shook his head, "I know you're right, but... I don't even know where to start."

"Having it out with Jean might be a good place", Kurt suggested mildly.  "Even if it does not go so well at first, at least you will each know how the other feels."

"We tried that," Scott said, "It didn't go so well." He sighed and stood up to walk to the window, "We both said some hurtful things and Jean stormed out...and then there was Warren's party."

"And yet the hurtful things must sometimes be said, if they are chewing at your mind and will not be put aside", Kurt told him.  "You can apologise for them later, but if they go never spoken at all, they bring bitterness."

"But once they're said" Scott replied, "the emotions are out there and you're vulnerable. I don't think either of us is happy feeling that." He turned away from the window, "For a moment...before I heard about the concert. I thought I was going to be a dad Kurt. My chance to get it right where my father got things wrong."

"And you still have that chance, yes?  It is not impossible for either you or Jean."

"It's not impossible" Scott replied, "Although who am I kidding, can we really bring a child into all this." He flung his arms out to encompass the mansion before collapsing into a chair. "I would really have liked to be a dad" he admitted softly.

"We bring children into it all the time, if not in that way", Kurt pointed out.  "Have you considered the other way to become a father, as I did?"

"Adoption?" Scott queried. "I ... hadn't even thought about it." He scrubbed his face with his hands, "How would I even go about it...I'd need to talk to Jean." Scott stopped and looked over at Kurt with a smile, "It always comes back to talking to Jean doesn't it."

"One way or another, I think you are going to have to", was the sympathetic response.  "And if you need an arbitrator..."

"Yeah..." Scott replied slowly. "When we do I'll call you, I honestly can't think of anyone better suited, if you're ok with listening to us spit venom at one another."

Kurt snorted.  "I was still at home when Jimaine turned teenager.  Who do you think mediated between her and Mother?"

Scott laughed briefly, "I guess you do have the experience."