Angelo and Amanda, Thursday afternoon

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Moira had been most specific about her not seeing anyone if she didn't want to, but when Amanda had been told that Angelo was wanting to see her, there hadn't been much of a decision to make. Her memories of that night had been made fuzzy by the drugs Moira was giving her, but she remembered it had been Angelo who had stopped her. So when there was a cautious tap at the door, she straightened the hated hospital gown and said, "Come in," hating the weak sound of her voice.

Angelo pushed the door open and walked in, not smiling but not overtly hostile either. Sitting down without preamble, he said, "Hey. How're you doin'?"

She nodded, accepting the distance between them as her responsibility. "Hard t' say. Doc's keepin' me doped up 'til she's sure I ain't about t' go for a walk off the roof again." She shifted uncomfortably. "'M sort of embarrassed 'bout the whole thing."

Angelo glanced at her, vaguely surprised. "Embarrassed? Why?"

"'S so fucking melodramatic, tryin' t' toss meself off the roof." A faintly wry expression crossed her pale, pinched face. "Yer'd think I was a teenage girl or somethin'."

Angelo shrugged. "You had your reasons, I figure", he said flatly.

"I s'pose so." She rubbed her eyes tiredly. "Most of 'em were about what a shitty human being I was. An' then Lorna, seein' me with Manny after what he done t' her... brought it home t' me, what I was."

"An' what did you decide you were?" Angelo asked, deliberately neutrally.

"Nothin' I wanted t' be. Only I couldn't stop... I tried, but I kept goin' back, kept needin' something' t' get me through stuff. Manny, the link... he was just another fix, an' I didn't care what I did, or what he'd done, as long as I had it." She looked him in the eyes. "'M a junkie, Ange. You seen it enough t' know what it's like."

Angelo nodded reluctantly, understanding what she meant and beginning to - unwillingly - sympathise. "Yeah. I have. Guess that explains a few things..."

Shame flooded her face and she dropped her gaze. "Fuck, mate, I'm so sorry. I didn't want you t' get hurt on my account, so I tried t' make you go away, get clear. Not much of an excuse, I know." She picked at the blanket. "I didn't want you t' end up like those fuckers in town. You might have seen it in the papers, the two college prats? That was me."

Angelo shrugged, feigning indifference. "So what'd they do to deserve that?"

"They jumped me. Thought they'd have some fun with the skank. If I'd had me head on straight, I wouldn't have fucking been there in the first place. If I hadn't been hopped up on the stuff I'd got from Patches, I wouldn't have been able t' bloody well just about fry one's hands off." She shuddered. "I dunno which is worse, havin' the magic an' bein' able t' do that, or not havin' it an' needin' it all the time."

Angelo's head snapped up, a flash of real anger in his eyes, but not directed at her. "They - " He got it back under control, forcing his voice to flat neutrality again. "If you mean what I think you do, they deserved what they got. I'd've done worse, if I'd been there."

"You weren't - an' I'm glad for it. I shouldn't have been there meself." She shook her head. "Should've let 'em have their fun an' be done with it. No less 'n I deserved."

Angelo shook his head firmly. "Nobody deserves that", he said, the shadows back in his eyes, thinking of Bobby, and of other things.

"Maybe I do deserve it. I dunno - everythin's mixed up an' I got no clue how t' go about fixin' it. The worst part is I knew I was doin' wrong, hurtin' people, an' I still did it." Her voice shook. "You should've let me jump."

Angelo raised his head again, almost glaring at her. "No", he said simply. "I stand by what I said up there - I am not lettin' you take the easy way out if I have anythin' to do with it. The rest of us fuck up an' do wrong an' hurt people, an' we have to live with it an' make it better. So do you." His voice was blunt, with only the faintest shred of sympathy, if any.

Tears slid down Amanda's face as she nodded. "I want to," she said. "You see t' think I'm worth it an' I want t' be. But it's just so hard, Ange. It feels like I'm sinkin' an' I'm too scared t' take anyone's hand in case I pull 'em down with me."

Angelo glanced away, both to avoid seeing her cry and to hide his own expression. "Been there", he muttered. "More than once. You get through it. You hold on, an' you get through it. Never said it'd be easy."

Wiping her face almost roughly with her sleeve, Amanda nodded again. "I know that. I do. 'M sorry." She let out a long, shaky breath. "I'll try."

"All any of us can do", he told her, relenting very slightly. "Do your best."

"You sound like Pete," she said, with a wan smile.

Angelo blinked. "Should I take that as a compliment, or not?"

"Definitely yes. Pete...he's always stood by me, even when he was givin' me a bollockin' for fuckign up. I should have listened to him, let him help more. Should have done that with a lot of people." She looked down at her hands again, where they were twisting the blanket. "'M not used t' havin' people want t' help. Didn't know how t' handle it."

Angelo glanced up at her, face blank. "I tried to tell you", he reminded her quietly. "Tried the best I knew how."

"Accordin' t' most people, I'm a stubborn bitch," she replied, making a face. "Me own worst enemy. It's just... I had t' cope on me own for so long, with Rack an' the stuff he'd do, the foster homes, the streets... I got used t' doin' things for meself. Was proud of it, in a way." She smiled, faintly, and then the expression was gone. "Stupid. Just like everythin' else I do."

Angelo shook his head. "Not stupid", he contradicted. "Or if you are, then I am too. I've been there - still am there, sometimes. But sometimes, you just gotta let it go, or you'll go crazy."

"More 'n I have already?" Again, that wry smile flitted across her face. As awful as everything was, as bad as she had been feeling, there was a sense of relief that she'd finally bottomed out. Gone as far as she could. And that people were still willing to help, now she was at a stage she could ask for it. "'M tryin', now. Somethin' 'bout nearly topping yerself that makes you think, right? An' I doubt anyone's gunna let me out of their sight for a bit."

Angelo nodded. "The doctors won't, no." He paused, then asked, "There anyone you want me to tell about what happened? Anyone you want to see?"

"Shinobi an' Sarah," she said immediately. "An' maybe Marie-Ange - I owe her a reason for not bein' there t' help with the pre-cog stuff. An' Paige should probably know why her roomie went insane, that it's not her fault." Amanda bit her lip. She had noticed Angelo hadn't included himself in the people who would keep an eye on her, and another pang of regret stabbed at her. Of all the things she'd done, hurting Angelo was what she felt the worst about.

Angelo nodded, making a list in his head. "Okay. I'll e-mail them later, let them know to come see you."

"Ta. I'd do it meself, only... I dunno how t' say it. Somethin' will have t' be said eventually t' everyone, but I'm not ready for that yet. Maybe from this place Rom's takin' me to, if they believe in modern tech." Amanda rubbed her eyes tiredly again, tried not to yawn. "Fucking dope Moira's got me on... I've been sleepin' all day, it feel like, an' I'm still tired."

"Do it when you're ready", Angelo told her quietly. "Wouldn't want you takin' any steps you can't face yet. An' I'd say you could do with all the sleep you can get - you've not been gettin' much these last few weeks, have you?"

"Not really. Got a bit after Marie picked me comin' back from town last week, but most of the time I've been gettin' a couple of hours, tops. Too much goin' on. 'S one of the reason I kept goin' t' Manny - I could sleep, after..." A faint tinge of pink coloured her cheeks. "I can feel him, y'know. In the back of me head. Not all the time, 'less I can see him, but when it's somethin' big..." Her voice grew drowsy - obviously Moira's sedatives were kicking in again. "He's scared, right now."

Angelo scowled briefly at the mention of Manny. "Can you tell what of?" he asked curiously.

"Himself." Eyes fluttering closed, Amanda drifted off to sleep again. Against the white of the medlab pillow, she looked very young, and very vulnerable.

Seeing that she was asleep, Angelo got up quietly and left the room, pausing to let Dr. Bartlet know on the way out.