Log: Matt & Scott

[x-daredevil.livejournal.com]

Sunday afternoon, Scott takes Matt to church. Confession is only partially good for the soul.



The church was cool and dark. Well, it was cool and Matt assumed dark since he couldn't feel the sunlight on his face and how cool the wood was to touch when he knelt by a pew to pay respect before slipping in it and kneeling on the prieu dieu. It unfolded from the pew in front with an echoing thunk that hurt his ears. Pulling is rosary from his pocket, Matt began to pray.

He wasn't the only person there praying, there were a few scattered heartbeats throughout the sanctuary, but none of them bothered him and he did not bother them. Confession started in a bit and he wanted to go, though he had no idea what to say to the priest. 'Forgive me father, for I have sinned, it has been a month since my last confession. I was kidnapped by a radical anti-mutant government and had impure thoughts of killing everyone as I was nearly tortured and had to fight my way out, hurting many. I cursed. I doubted my faith in God. I lied and stole. I did not kill, but aided others to do so.' Yeah...something told him that that confession would not go over so well.

Sighing, he let the beads shift between his fingers, trying to pray for guidance.

Scott quietly closed the door behind him as he slipped into the church, taking a moment to wait at the back of the hall as he let him eye get acclimatized to the dim lighting. He took a deep breath, relishing the silence and cool air of the hall after the noise of the city outside. Catching sight of Matt he walked carefully down the aisle between the pews before slipping in to sit next to his student. "Matt," he said softly, unwilling to disturb the younger mutant while he was praying.

"Mr. Summers," Matt replied, not turning towards him. What was the point when he was blind and knew his teacher was there? He didn't mind that he had been interrupted, he wasn't entirely praying so much as trying to get his thoughts in better order so that he could pray. His head still hurt too, though it was marginally better. "Something happen?" he asked, though the other man was calm.

"What? Ah no," Scott replied quietly as he cast his eye around the church to make sure that disturbing any of the other churchgoers as they talked. "Everything's fine, I just wanted to check on you after...well everything." He glanced down at Matt, "How're you holding up?"

Matt shrugged, "Confession is in a bit," he still didn't have a watch to know what time exactly. It had been lost in Genosha and he hadn't replaced it yet, "I...have a lot to confess, but I'm not really sure what to tell the priest," priests were sworn to confidentiality, so Matt trusted that nothing he said would go any farther. It was just that there was so much.

Scott looked sadly at Matt, "Just talk," he advised. "Whatever you're thinking, whatever you're feeling. Just get it off your chest." His minds shied away from examining his own sins, that he had been willing to sacrifice his entire team rather than give in to the Genoshans. "Take your time with it, neither you nor he is going anywhere. But it'd be good for you to get it out." Way not to take your own advice Summers, Scott admonished himself. "You know, you don't need to go to a priest to confess, or talk right Matt? We're all here for you if you need us."

"You're gonna forgive my sins, Father Summers?" Matt asked, teasing slightly. He disagreed with the church sometimes, but when it came right down to it, Matt was Catholic and even when he disagreed with it, he still lived as he was taught. It was one constant in his life that he appreciated. "I know I could go to you or Wade or plenty of others if I wanted, but...you're all dealing with it too. I don't want to add to that. Confession isn't some magical cure-all though. Just because I'm forgiven doesn't mean it will stop hurting," stop the nightmares.

"You'd never be adding to our worries if you come to talk to us Matt," Scott replied as he leaned back in his seat. "Knowing what you're going through and that you still trust us enough to come to us with your problems", especially after everything we let happen. The last part of his speech remained unspoken but hung in the air between the two of them. You know you have nothing to be ashamed of right? Nothing you have to be forgiven for."

Matt didn't think that the school or anyone at the school had let anything happen. It just had because bad people did some bad things. He snorted lightly though at the comment about not needing forgiveness, "I grew up in a pretty bad neighborhood, Mr. Summers. Violence, people doing bad things, it's not new to me," he'd gone to juvie as a violent offender after all, "but what they did was horrific. I'm not ashamed of surviving or what I did to do so. Ever. But the end doesn't justify the means all the time."

"Don't they?" Scott asked, his voice momentarily revealing the signs of stress and indecision which had been plaguing the man since they had arrived back from Genosha. "I don't know whether being used to violence and bad people at your age is necessarily a good thing Matt." Scott admitted sadly.

"No," Matt shook his head, "Two wrongs don't make a right," his father had said that and it had driven him nuts. He understood it now though, "Those people, right or wrong, they have families who are hurting too. And letting them drag us down to their level doesn't make us better. It makes them, because they were able to do it. I can't ask their forgiveness, but I can forgive them....in time. And I can ask God to forgive me and to help me forgive." But not forget. Never forget.

"Your father sounds like a good man," Scott told Matt with a small smile. "That's one of the hardest things for anyone to realize; Even harder to keep to. Forgiveness is tough for everyone." A touch of pride colored Scott's voice now, "You've got a good grip on this Matt, whatever happens in the future, remember how to forgive. It'll stand you in good stead no matter what life throws at you, just don't let forgiveness blind you or let someone hurt you twice."

"My father was a high school drop out who drank too much and hit people for a living," both in an out of the ring. Matt fingered his rosary some more, "He did bad stuff to put food on the table and a roof over our heads. He made sure I went to school and did better than he did and stayed out of trouble. I didn't really do that so well, but..." he trailed off for a moment, "He didn't let the past keep him down. And he didn't care that I was blind or that he was over the hill or that his boxing matches were rigged by the mob. He knew I could succeed where he hadn't and that he could still do the right thing," it was sometimes daunting trying to live up to that, "but if I can do that in the face of those odds, then the least I can do is try to make him proud."

"It sounds like he cared for you a lot," Scott replied. "Everyone has events in their past that they're ashamed of Matt, but the good memories they never go away. And it sounds like he left you with more than good memories too, that;'s a fine legacy to live up to." Scott stared down at his hands opening them and staring at his palms. "My dad is...well he's a pirate. I had this image of him before the crash, the loyal air force major. Strong, untouchable, the perfect dad; and then I found out that he was still alive and living in Madripoor.I was devastated," he admitted, "for the longest time I couldn't handle it. This wasn't the father I remembered at all. It took me a while but I realized that I didn't have to live up to this image I had of him in my head. I just had to live my life the best way I could and be happy, that's all it would take to make him proud. And that he loved me." Scott rested a hand on Matt's shoulder, "It sounds like your dad really loved you Matt, and he'd be proud of the man you're becoming."

"He's a pirate?" Matt perked up at that thought, but then his brain caught up to him. Not a pirate on the water going 'Arr avast ye mateys' but a modern pirate. Those were less interesting and a lot more deadly. "I guess...the difference is that you had to reconcile who you remembered as your dad with who he is now. And my dad...I don't know how yours died, but I heard mine die. I was around the corner. I couldn't stop it, but...I touched him. I was at the funeral. He's not coming back," and Matt was so insanely jealous of Mr. Summers right now, he couldn't help it. He'd gotten his dad back. Matt knew he never would.

Scott looked sadly at Matt, he was trying to help but his words weren't having the effect that he had been hoping for. "Our plane was shot down," he admitted, "he and my mum pushed us out of the plane just before the plane blew up." He fell silent as he remembered the terror of falling through the air and the first activation of his powers. "I know it's not the same Matt and I can't imagine what is must have been like for you, but you still have people who care for you." He slipped out of the pew and knelt next to Matt as he continued quietly, "He may not be coming back, but I'm serious Matt, he would be so proud of you right now."

Matt understood what Mr. Summers was attempting, he did, he just...didn't want it, if that made any sense? "I know that," Matt replied in a tone that indicated that he didn't quite believe it. Wade cared. Molly did too, though she was younger than he was. Beyond that...? He wasn't too sure. "I'm trying to make him proud," Matt agreed. "He's watching me. I know it," because he knew his dad had gone to heaven. He'd been forgiven, he was sure of it.

Hearing people getting up and going towards one of the side doors, Matt crossed himself and stood. "Confession's starting."

Scott stood up and stepped aside to let Matt out of the pew, he didn't think that he had made Matt feel that much better during their talk, "Do you want me to wait? Give you a ride back to the mansion?" he asked as the young man started down the aisle towards the confessionals.

Scott stood up and stepped aside to let Matt out of the pew, he didn't think that he had made Matt feel that much better during their talk, "I'll be waiting out here when you get done," he told Matt as the young man started down the aisle towards the confessionals. Somehow Scott felt, as he watching the confessional box, all the confessions in the world wouldn't help his state of mind right now.