xp_logs | Doug and Adrienne (backdated)

Backdated to Saturday. Doug comes by to check in on a banged-up Adrienne. They wind up talking about a lot, including some of his personal issues.

A full dozen Hellabuns would probably have been overkill, Doug decided as he rapped on the door to Adrienne's room. He was glad he'd only gotten a few, as the paper bag was much less conspicuous and unwieldy than an entire box would have been. But he figured Adrienne could use some comfort food, and the Hellabun was pretty much the only one he knew of for her.

"It's open!" Adrienne called out in response to the knocking, sprawled out on the couch reading a magazine. "Unless you're a serial murderer or someone trying to sell me Bibles or something, then it's padlocked!"

"Well, you're in luck, I'm just here bringing Hellabuns," Doug told her as he opened the door and walked in. "But I would like to talk to you about the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Have -you- been touched by his noodly appendage?" He quirked a smile and crossed over to drop the bag in Adrienne's lap.

Adrienne shook her head. "I've been touched by some noodly appendages in my day, but not the Flying Spagetti Monster's. You should sit and tell me more about him." She gestured to the chair as she dug into the bag and pulled out a Hellabun, then offered the bag to Doug. "So this is what a girl has to do to get a visit from you these days? Injure herself?" she quipped with a smirk.

Doug attempted an earnest, Mormon-ish expression. "The Flying Spaghetti Monster is the made up internet deity of choice," he said before losing it and snickering. He flopped down into the chair and shrugged at the slight change of subject. "I...haven't been very good company for a while," he told her.

"Because of Genosha?" Adrienne inquired, eyebrows raised as she chewed on her Hellabun.

"Because of a lot of things," Doug corrected slightly. "But yeah, Genosha's part of it. And my tendency to blame myself for things that aren't my fault. And my abandonment complex. And, and, and..." He shook his head wryly and interlaced his fingers. But instead of a neat, orderly alternating, his fingers came together in a chaotic jumble suggestive of the Gordian Knot - a visual representation of how his brain was a mess of interrelated issues, impossible to tell where one ended and the next began.

"That whole 'blaming yourself for things that aren't your fault' thing is going around," Adrienne pointed out wryly. "At least you didn't have anything to do with those kids being at the protest to get kidnapped in the first place. No matter who tells me it's not my fault, I'm never going to believe otherwise." But then she realized he'd said Genosha and a tendency to blame himself for things that weren't his fault, and got confused. "Wait, what are you blaming yourself for?"

"Um." Well, he certainly wasn't going to tell her all the gritty details of what had happened to him in the Citadel. And remembering how her powers had 'read' him after Day Zero, he'd made sure to avoid physical contact with her. Better safe than sorry, as there was such a thing as -too- honest. But he could be honest with Adrienne about some things that he couldn't with others. Maybe because she wasn't his coworker, but still had an understanding of the things he did. He flopped backwards in his chair and sighed. "Like...is there something about me that drives people away? Jamie, Rogue, Marie-Ange, Jubilee, Terry..."

Adrienne frowned at him as she chewed on her hellabun. "In order to properly answer that question," she mumbled with her mouth full, "I need more details. Who's Jamie?"

"Former roommate. Former best friend." Doug snorted. "Stopped talking to me when I went to work for Remy and your sister. Moved out to the West Coast annex, where as far as I can tell they just ignore everything and everybody except for each other." Perhaps that was uncharitable, but the guy had hung up on him. Three times.

"Even if that's true," Adrienne piped up, "which, I dunno if I believe because sometimes you can be a drama queen about these things, that's one person on that list who you supposedly drove away. Rogue left because of Alpha Flight, not because of you. And as far as I know, Marie-Ange, Jubilee, and Terry are all still here... in the figurative sense."

"Marie-Ange went to New Orleans. Jubilee..." Doug didn't want to speak ill of her or Kurt, but... "She's already got someone new. And Terry..." He blew out a long breath. "They tried to use us as leverage against each other. Threatened her, made her watch while they..." He tailed off. "I mean, why else would she go back to Bobby?"

Adrienne was really confused now. She'd thought this was about the Trenchcoats, about what he had to do in order to do his job. How did Jubilee getting a new boyfriend and Terry going back to Bobby fit in there? "Okay, wait... I think I missed a step here... this is about... people you've hooked up with? Who you think have been 'driven' to hooking up with other people? Because this doesn't make sense anymore. How did we go from your former roommate who you supposedly drove away by joining the Trenchcoats, which may be a legitimate breaking off of contact due to a conflict of moral... whatevers, to Jubilee who got a new boyfriend, to Terry who went to go visit her husband? I mean, what? Is this you pouting because none of these people want to get into your pants anymore? You think you're driving people away... from your pants?"

And now Doug was back to feeling self-conscious and ridiculous. Because when you put it like Adrienne did...it did sound kind of ridiculous. But he couldn't help feeling like there was something about him. Something that drove people he cared about away. "Three times is a pattern," he said dully. "Four if you count Rogue. Five if you count you going to Boston. I mean..." Again, he felt at least a little bit responsible that he hadn't been able to help her when the Black Court had moved to use her against Emma. The same way that Porter had tried to use Katie against him.

"Wait... what?" Adrienne sat up on the couch, wincing as she did so. "You drove me away? From your pants? Okay, yeah, I think I'm starting to see how this works." She nodded thoughtfully and took a second hellabun. "There is not a pattern here, Ramsey," Adrienne tried to point out, as gently as possible. "People leave. They cut ties with people. Everyone does it, all the time. It's just life." She tore off a piece of pastry and put it in her mouth, giving Doug time to let that statement sink in before continuing. "I didn't leave because of you or your pants. I left because I couldn't ask for help. There was nothing you could have done to change that. So I'm pretty confident in also telling you that I'm sure there was nothing you could have done to get Terry or Rogue or this Jamie person to stay." She was trying to think of a nice way to tell him that not everything was about him, but there was really no nice way to say that to someone who was clearly having self-esteem issues, so she left it alone. "And in case you haven't noticed, Marie-Ange and I came back, which why would we do that if we'd left because of you? And I'm sure Terry will come back too. And Jubilee didn't even go anywhere. So you're not driving people away. People just... change sometimes, even people you thought you knew really well. It happens. But it's not your fault."

Doug blew out a sigh. "Yeah, that's what my therapist is trying to get me to believe, too. It's just...not always easy." Intellectual knowledge wasn't the same as gut-deep emotions.

"I can't imagine it would be. But it's good that you're getting help," Adrienne nodded. "And any time you need to be reminded that everything in the world isn't your fault, you lemme know, yeah? If you can't talk to your therapist, I mean. I don't charge by the hour. Like a therapist, I mean. I didn't mean like a hooker. Don't go to hookers to feel better. You'll just feel a burning sensation when you pee."