xp_logs | Sooraya and Jean (backdated)

Sooraya wakes up in the Medlab...

The world felt strange to Sooraya when she slowly woke up. For one, it was clear she was not in her own bed and second, the light and the air around her smelled and felt... wrong... And the last thing she remembered was talking with Mr. Wil... no Wade... So she set to the task of opening up her eyes in the hope of figuring out where she was.

The answer to that arrived almost as soon had she had them open. The white ceiling and cold walls screamed Medlab to her. Attempting to sit up though brought on a wave of dizziness and shakiness and just as quickly she abandoned the attempt. "How did I end up here?" She wondered out loud.

There was an IV in Sooraya's arm, carefully placed, with a cocktail of fluids to help with the dehydration. The click clack of heels resonated from behind a door as Jean opened it, carrying a chart.

"Good evening. How are you feeling?" she said. She seemed polite enough but her hair was in a sloppy ponytail, strands of hair everywhere. There was a distracted look in her eyes as she checked the levels in the IV bags.

"Dr. Grey?" Sooraya's eyes moved from the IV in her hand to the bags hanging above her head. "What... I don't really remember what happened..." She paused for a moment, taking stock of her body. A faint blush covered her face as some things started to click, even if she could not quite remember. "I am feeling a little dizzy and shaky." She answered honestly.

Again she pushed herself up and this time she managed to lean up on her arms, but the world started spinning around her again and she closed her eyes in an attempt to shut it out.

Jean closed Sooraya's chart, then poured her a glass of water.

"Wade brought you in," she said, offering the glass to her. She studied her for a moment or two, folding her arms. Her expression flickered between concerned and displeased.

"Is there a reason why you have been barely eating or drinking?"

Sooraya had opened her eyes and accepted the glass from the red-haired doctor, but she almost dropped it as Dr. Grey asked he why she'd hardly eaten or drunk anything. "I... I don't know what... I don't know what you're talking about?" Sooraya's eyes dropped to her lap and she quickly sipped from the water to cover up her unease.

The comment was met with an unconvinced look from Jean. "Sooraya, please don't lie to me. I would like to think you do at least respect me enough to tell me the truth. How long has it been like this?"

Her eyes remained firmly in her lap as Sooraya sighed, as it dawned on her she probably could not push things away any longer. "The not eating? Since I came back from Muir... Even on Muir already a little... It... it just feels wrong..."

"You could've died, do you realize that?" Jean snapped. Too many. Too many people. They were supposed to be safe at home. The Genoshans had hurt them and they'd escaped but suddenly they were hurting themselves. Not an outside force but by their own hands.

She closed her eyes, letting out a breath, the weariness etched on her face.

"I'm sorry for my tone...I'm just....concerned," she said softly, opening her eyes. "Why does it feel wrong?"

One lonely tear fell on the sheets. "You were there that night, Dr. Grey. You know what I did to that Magistrate." Her voice became softer and softer as she continued. "I wish I could be forgiven... But I think I can't..."

Pulling up a chair beside Sooraya's bed, Jean fell silent for a long time. She wasn't quite sure what to say. She wanted to have the right words, say the right thing that would automatically make her feel better, but she knew that wasn't possible.

"It was a life or death situation. Maddie would've died."

"I know." Sooraya whispered softly. "And I know that I did it by accident, that I didn't intend to kill him. Yet his blood is on my hands and I wish so much I could ask Allah for forgiveness."

Jean studied the younger woman a moment thoughtfully.

"I wish I had the answers. If I did I could solve a lot of the world's problems," Jean said with a faint smile. She shook her head.

"But I don't. And you’re not eating, or sleeping, or drinking...The only thing it does is hurt yourself and the people who care about you by making them worry. It isn't wrong to live. It won't lessen the guilt or make it better. It's something you're going to have to work through on your own but we'll be here for you. All of us. You know that, right?"

"I know... I should have asked for help, but I could not... There were so many others who had suffered worse..." Sooraya continued softly. "But I cannot do it alone... I need help, Dr. Grey, but I don't know... I don't even know where to start..."

Jean reached out, clasping her hand in hers.

"Start here. This is the first step. Reaching out."

Sooraya looked at her hand clasped in Jean's, then for the first time met her eyes, tears tracking down Sooraya's face. "I don't even know where to start..." She explained softly... "It is all like a big jumble in my head. I think the not-sleeping hasn't helped that..."

"It's not going to be something miraculous of happen overnight, whatever happens," Jean said. "Things take time. Just like healing a wound, it takes time to heal a heart."

"That is true." Sooraya gave a small nod, having realized that for herself already. "Even while I wish it was not so..." Sooraya whipped a few of the tears away. "What is going to happen now?" She asked, a little hesitantly...

Jean squeezed Sooraya's hand, then rose from her chair.

"Now you rest and get some food back into you," she said, then paused.

"I'm going to have to recommend to Scott that you be temporarily be removed from active duty for the time being."

Sooraya was silent for a little while, considering it. "I am actually okay with that..." At Dr. Grey's slightly surprised look she elaborated: "I know both Angelo and Nathan were benched in the past, Dr Grey... It was meant to give them time to heal... And I know I need that now also..."

Jean had expected some resistance but she was glad Sooraya understood. "I'm glad," she said. She smiled softly, turning to head for the door.

"Good night."

"Dr. Grey..." Sooraya spoke up hesitantly from where she'd been wiggling around in attempt to get comfortable with the IV still in her hand. "Thank you. I am sorry for the trouble I am causing..."

Pausing, Jean glanced over her shoulder. For the second time she didn't know what to say.

"You're welcome. Just...promise you'll eat and sleep."

"I..." Sooraya hesitated for a moment, thinking back to all the trouble she had with both the last month. And she hated breaking her promises... "I promise I will do my best..."