xp_logs | Korvus and Sooraya (backdated)

Korvus and Sooraya speak about the nature of forgiveness...

Trigger warning: mention of the death of a child

Sooraya rubbed her eyes tiredly and she frowned at the tiny letters in the book before her. Once again she read through the hadith before her.

Allah the Almighty has said: “O son of Adam, so long as you call upon Me and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O son of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky and were you then to ask forgiveness of Me, I would forgive you. O son of Adam, were you to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth and were you then to face Me, ascribing no partner to Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great as its.”

She had been taught the hadith before, when she was studying in the mosque in Attilan and they had also discussed what asking Allah for forgiveness entailed. She silently reviewed the demands for herself.

Recognizing the offense before those against whom offense was committed and before God.
Committing oneself not to repeat the offense.
Doing whatever needs to be done to rectify the offense (within reason) and asking pardon of the offended party.
Asking God for forgiveness.

But a tiny voice inside her kept yelling at her. Was it really a offense she had committed? She had been defending Maddie and if she had not acted, the girl would have been killed. With a deep sigh, Sooraya pushed the book away and rubbed her temples.

"It may be best to read religious material in short sections to allow for reflection." Korvus offered helpfully, eReader in hand. He had just entered and had been looking for a well lighted spot to sit but Sooraya seemed distressed.

"Sometimes not even that helps much to make sense of religious material in certain contexts." Sooraya replied without looking to see who it really was. She looked up at him then and gave a small smile when she saw who it was. "But thank you anyway for the advice. Maybe it is a good idea to let everything sink in."

Korvus moved into a chair across from Sooraya, sinking in smoothly while crossing his legs under him. "Distressed by the aforementioned context?"

The Afghan woman blinked at him. "Huh? I am sorry, Korvus, but you lost me there?"

"Is there a particular situation you're reflecting upon?" Korvus clarified.

Sooraya let out a deep breath. The sinking in she had already done had not helped much and maybe talking about it with someone would help. And even though Korvus was not exactly Muslim, she thought he might understand things at least somewhat. "I was reflecting about the circumstances when Allah would forgive a person." She explained a briefly. "I was reading one of the hadith that speaks about the topic and thinking about what I was taught about it in the mosque in Attilan. What does your faith teach about forgiveness, Korvus?"

"I am not religious." Korvus smiled and shrugged. "I can only speak of philosophy. I would say that you will only harm yourself by not forgiving someone. Life is very short, confusing, and difficult. We should focus on enjoying that which we experience and realize that people who hurt others have themselves been hurt. The only way to stop the shock waves of maliciousness is to allow yourself to be free from anger and the desire for retribution."

"I would agree with you in theory. I can see how anger and hate can hurt you just as much... My faith does allow for revenge in in a few very specific cases, but people who manage to forgive others, even when they kill a loved one for example, are highly praised." Sooraya let out another deep sigh. "I just wish it was easier to put into practice..."

Korvus nodded in agreement. "I do as well."

"How do you do it, Korvus? You seem so calm under all that happened?" Sooraya had to fight the tremble in her voice.

Korvus leaned forward a bit and rested his right hand on Sooraya's left wrist, offering her comfort through contact. "The only problem with the world is that it does not meet our expectations. There are only two ways to address this problem. We may attempt to change the entire world or we can change our expectations. Once you accept that you should not expect and do not deserve anything, you can learn to appreciate what you have."

"The world does not meet our expectations..." Sooraya mused, choosing to draw comfort from Korvus' hand on her wrist and ignoring the feelings of inappropriateness it raised. "I like to think I have learned to handle that fact for myself at least somewhat. But to handle the same fact for the innocents who do deserve this... That is much much harder..." She was quiet for a few moments. "Have you ever heard of Pasthunwali, Korvus?"

"I have heard of it. I am not familiar with what it prescribes, specifically." Korvus leaned back into his chair again to listen.

"It's THE code of the people I grew up with, the Pashtuns. It governs our culture. I never studied it extensively, but two of the concepts I have been thinking a lot about. One is badal. It can loosely be translated as revenge... One is supposed to avenge attacks on ones honor, much like an eye for an eye. An insult for an insult, an life for a life. I try not wish for vengeance, but after Genosha I do understand the desire for it a lot more." Her mind flashed back Rachel before she firmly suppressed the memories.

"The second one is nanewatei. You are supposed to forgive your enemies if they come to you to ask forgiveness and peaceful relations must be resumed. I can see the use in that, but I find it a difficult principle to put into practice... Yet I feel more drawn to it then to badal."

"Upon whom would you exact revenge?" Korvus asked curiously.

"No one." Sooraya shook her head. "I do not wish actively to take revenge. I just think I just understand the desire for it a lot more. My faith teaches forgiveness and that is what I attempt to. Even if it doesn't quite work yet."

"People understand revenge more when they don't see how we are interconnected." Korvus offered. "If we accept that we are all part of the same system, and that the system is interconnected so that if one thing is effected, we are all effected, then we can understand that inflicting violence upon anyone is inflicting violence upon everyone. Revenge damages the self by damaging us all."

"What people might know in theory, often does not match what they feel in their hearts, Korvus. I might know that forgiveness is the right path to walk here, but a part of my heart tells me differently. I think there are many people who feel the same way about many things." Sooraya explained.

Korvus shook his head. "I do not subscribe to a dualist belief. There is only one thing. We are only that one thing and exist only in relation to ourself. We share maya because we are experiencing ourself in a way too complex to be comprehensible." He smiled a little, getting himself back on track. "I believe it is difficult not to know what to but to act upon that knowledge because the mind is cluttered with rubbish that obscures the fragment of Truth we all carry."

"So when you know you should forgive someone, you immediately have forgiven someone?" Sooraya asked somewhat incredulously. "You tell yourself: 'I need to forgive that person' and immediately you have forgiven him?" She shook her head. "Sorry Korvus, I cannot believe that."

"My imperfections would not effect the truth of the matter." Korvus replied with a shrug and offered a smile. "I do not claim to be enlightened but I have spent most of my life studying. Perhaps I will be... some day."

"I think you are setting an unreachable goal for many people..." Sooraya shook her head. "How many people do you think that truly will be able to do what you described? The rest of them would continue to fail and fail and fail again..."

Korvus nodded. "Sometimes life isn't about succeeding."

"Can I ask you something, Korvus? The people in Genosha... have you forgiven them?" Sooraya met his eyes squarely. "Have managed to put into practice what you talked about?"

"I did not blame them." Korvus offered very honestly. "American studies have found that most people will shock someone, even if they believe it is to death, if told to do so by someone with authority. It is a part of the human psyche that all people believe they are immune to but none are. Moreau was psychotic and dangerous. He used those traits to institute a system of authority that forced those subjected to it to act in a vile way but it was solved."

Korvus gave Sooraya a short smile. He didn't know what else to say. "I am sorry that does not sound possible to you."

"That is not what I asked." Sooraya shook her head. "You said you don't blame them. But that is not the same thing as forgiving. Angel told me you were there when they mur... killed Rachel..."

"I was." Korvus confirmed with a nod.

"How do you forgive someone for murdering an innocent, little girl?" Sooraya asked, keeping her voice low and soft in an attempt to keep it from trembling. "Or... how do you forgive someone for trying to shoot a defenseless teen? Even if it is the right thing to do..."

"You only have to forgive someone if you blame them." Korvus replied somberly. "I reject the entire paradigm. I believe they should be incarcerated, for everyone's safety, but I do not blame them; it would have no practical effect. Whether I blame them or not, nothing changes."

Not blaming them... That was a new one... "Again one that is easier said then done, Korvus. And they do deserve blame in my opinion. They cooperated willfully with this." Sooraya had to take a deep breath, the same anger that she felt when she tried to think to deeply about forgiving them flaring up again.

"The idea of deserving comes from expectations of the world. They are what you are angry with. Once you accept that you should not expect and do not deserve anything, you can learn to appreciate what you have." He repeated softly, clearly the translation of a mantra he had to repeat often. "I understand it is very foreign in comparison to the standard paradigm of evolutionary psychology but I believe it may offer you benefit. We meditate in the mornings. I could spend some time talking about these concepts if you would like to join us."

"I usually have my own morning routine... but I will think about it... It's just... my faith teaches me very differently... Forgiveness is important and blame does exists in the eyes of many people..." Sooraya explained.

"Forgiveness is admirable if you accept the practice." Korvus said with a nod. "My suggestion is simply that, if a way of thinking is causing you distress and does not provide a practical benefit, you should recognize the option that you can abandon it entirely. There is a parable on this topic often told in India, if you believe that could help my explanation."

"I would be interested in hearing that..." Sooraya accepted the offer. Maybe it would make things a little more concrete, real for her... What he was trying to explain was academically interesting, but she still didn't see it working in real life...

"In India it is common for very large elephants to be held in place by one very small chain around a single ankle. One of my teachers would take me to see the elephants and she would ask me if I thought the elephant could break the chain." Korvus explained. "I would tell her that I was sure it could. She would then as me if I knew why it did not. I initially guessed that it did not want to be free, then I assumed the cuff had spikes on the interior to inflict pain for compliance. I even guessed that the elephant had been well trained or abused into submission. I was not correct. Would you like to guess the correct answer?" He checked before finishing. Some people liked to try to figure out the riddle themselves.

Sooraya thought for a few moments: "He doesn't see himself as being held captive? You cannot escape what you don't experience." She suggested a little unsure. She had no idea where that came from. "I don't know, Korvus."

"Very good guess." Korvus said sincerely. He had guessed for years, after all. "They do not escape because the chain is first applied when they are very small. At that time, they do test it and it is strong enough to hold them. As the elephants mature, they believe in the reality they have previously experienced and never again attempt to escape. We establish a paradigm of thought in which we accept previous experience as necessary experience." He smiled. "The moral of those story is that we can cast off the shackle of the past. Our preconceived notions are that shackle."

"I think I understand what you mean... at least a little." Sooraya sighed. "I need to think about all of this, Korvus. The idea's are so new to me..."

Korvus nodded and stood. "I hope something helps you find peace."

"Thank you for taking the time to talk through all of this..." She managed to drag a sincere smile from deep within her.

"It was my pleasure." Korvus returned the sincere smile then continued on to find a window frame to sit in, leaving Sooraya to her thoughts.