Log: Matt & Tandy

[x-daredevil.livejournal.com]

While wandering the mansion with insomnia, Matt comes across Tandy and finds out what happened and comforts her the best he can

Warning: triggers of death/mourning



The insomnia wasn't as bad right now as it had been, which was good. That did not mean that it was completely gone and tonight found Matt wandering the mansion in the wee hours wearing nothing but his underwear. He hadn't bothered with anything more, though he probably should have put something else on. His usual insomnia partner, Rachel, had been gone for a while so he was surprised to find Tandy in the kitchen with the ice cream. "Hey," he grunted, heading straight for the fridge to see what juices they had to drink.

Tandy had been sleeping on Adrienne's couch since the early afternoon and only recently woke up. The blonde put the spoon in her mouth when an almost naked Matt walked into the kitchen. Thankful that he couldn't see her face, her eyes were red with tear stains and her make up was smudge from the sleeping and the crying. "Hi.." Not in her normal cheery self. Tandy looked down at the tube of ice cream and sniffled a bit and put another spoonful into her mouth.

It didn't take being able to see to realize that something was wrong. Closing the fridge, Matt crossed to the table where Tandy was and sat down, "What's wrong?" he asked without preamble. He'd help if he could. At least this was mildly constructive versus wandering and hoping to sleep eventually.

Putting the spoon down, Tandy wiped her tears from her cheeks. "When your dad died...did it feel like your heart was going to break?"

What? Where did that come from? "Tandy..." he trailed off, unsure just what to say, "Yeah," he finally agreed, "it was like my entire world just collapsed around me and would never get rebuilt," being taken by the police to wait on child protective services and his father being taken to the morgue, Sister Maggie and Father Flanagan from the church, the funeral and packing his things, it had all been a whirlwind where he'd felt life moving around him like a tornado while he stayed absolutely still.

"Like a sledgehammer to the chest..." Tandy sniffled again and bit her lower lip before picking up the napkin near by and wiped her eyes again. "...I don't think it is going to go away Matt. It hurts too much."

Ah, shit. Scooting closer, Matt wrapped his arms around Tandy, as if he could physically shield her from the pain in her heart. He would scoop her into his lap if she'd let him, "Yeah, it hurts," he agreed softly, letting her cry and not asking for details, "and it's gonna hurt for a long time, Tandy, but it's not gonna hurt forever. Pain's like a stone in a river...it's all sharp and jagged, but it eventually gets washed smooth, even if it never goes away."

Tandy allowed him to hug her and she moved her head to his shoulders. "My Uncle came this morning..." She said after a few moments of silence. "My housekeeper...she found them."

"I'm sorry," what else could he say? She had a home here regardless. "You're not alone, Tandy. Just remember that."

"I know...but it still hurts." Tandy raised her hand to her heart as if she could grab it to make it stop hurting. Her other hand covered her face as she broke down again.

"Yeah, it does," Matt agreed, holding her and rubbing her back. There wasn't much more he could do. "I wish I could make it hurt less, but...that's sort of an insult, right? Minimizing the pain is like minimizing your feelings, your love for them. And you do love them," just because they had passed away didn't mean that Tandy stopped loving them.

Tandy cried harder at Matt's last sentence. "That is the thing Matt...I don't know. I hadn't talk to my mother since I left for here. I don't know how she really felt about me. Did she really love me? Or did she really hate me?"

"Doesn't matter," Matt disagreed, "You love her and miss her. Doesn't matter what she thought. This isn't about her, it's about you," it sucked when someone died, but they were dead. There wasn't much more for them beyond the funeral. It was all about the living and that was Tandy.

Tandy knew what Matt was saying was true, but the blonde couldn't process that thought yet. "I also hated her though...but...never wanted her..." Her voice trailed off as she closed her eyes. "I keep thinking what they were doing, what would had happened if I was home for the holidays."

You couldn't choose your family no matter how much you wanted to. "What would happen?" he asked. Tandy seemed to want to talk, so he'd listen. There wasn't much more he could do to ease her pain, so this would have to be enough for now.

"If I was there when it happened." The teenager lowered her voice to a low whisper as she hiccuped.

"So you'd be dead, too," Matt replied, holding her tightly, "And you don't want to be dead, Tandy. Really." And he was so, so glad she was alive.

"Maybe. But I have daggers....could have done something." She hiccuped again and shook her head. "You just never think it would happen to you." Tandy knew that Matt probably understood that more than anyone.

He nodded, understanding. "Daggers are all well and good and maybe there'd be a different outcome," Matt acknowledged, "but maybe not. Your daggers aren't a match for guns and stuff," he kept stroking her hair, uncaring about his mostly undressed state. After a long moment, he whispered, "I heard my dad die. I had my powers and all that and I heard it and I ran and....it didn't matter. It's not a good idea to play the 'what if' game, because it's not what if. It's what is," he hadn't told anyone that he had heard his dad die, he'd been on the painkillers back then to suppress his powers and hadn't been able to use them.

Tandy had calmed down for the moment as her hair continued to be played with - it did have some kind of effect on Tandy as her hiccups disappeared. What was she to say to that? Biting her lip as she turned her head to face Matt. "What is? I didn't know that...about you hearing it."

"I don't really talk about it," Matt replied, this wasn't about him, "I was out front waiting for him and he was leaving from the side door from the match. My point is though...if I'd been there, I'd probably be dead too. Or more screwed up than I already am. You don't know how things would change if you were there. I'm glad you were here."

Tandy was silent for awhile, "I am glad you weren't there too." Moving away from him and picking up her spoon. "Can't believe I almost ate all this."

"A huge thing of ice cream?" Matt asked, reaching out to touch the container gingerly. "Ew, yeah," he got up and poured her a tall glass of water. "Drink this, it'll help."

"Um no. I haven't eaten anything since this morning. It was the first thing I grabbed." The blonde took the water and drowned the enter thing in a couple of seconds. "Thanks."

Oh. Not just stress-eating then, "Sit back down and let me make you something. It'll help. You like grilled cheese?" Matt could make more than that, but it was quick and easy and it was late in the evening. He doubted that she'd taste it, but it wasn't about the nuances of the gourmet food or whatever, it was about distracting her body from everything else and giving it some energy.

"Yes. I like grilled cheese." Putting the lid back on the ice cream and watched Matt. "Thanks Matt. You are a good friend."

"Say that again when you get my bill," he joked, puttering about the kitchen with ease, fingers reading the raised labels on the different ingredients and on the stove. Soon, he had a couple grilled cheese sandwiches cooking on the stove and a can of tomato soup warming. "I've been in your shoes and I wish you weren't going through all this now. So if I can help with a sandwich and listening, I will. Eating is important right now and easy to forget." Matt paused a moment to flip the sandwiches, "I'll go with you to the funeral if you want. Whenever it is."

"Pay for it? I think I already am. You do know you are only wearing boxers." Tandy smiled sadly, feeling slightly guilty that she found that funny even if she was still upset about her parents. "I don't know when it is. My uncle is taking care of that. He said he'll call. It will probably be in Ohio."

Okay, so bad joke. Blushing, Matt didn't bother to try to cover himself. He was wearing boxers after all, which was more than briefs! "It's what? 1:30am? Deal with it. I'm sure the school will send someone with you, so...you know. If you want, the offer's still open." Would they let him go? Maybe not, but that wasn't the point. It was the thought that mattered.

"Fair enough. Dinner and a show." Tandy leaned against the counter and watched him. "I'll let you know Matt. Smells good."