xp_logs | Topaz and Haller: Monday Morning

Topaz's walk of solitude is interrupted when she runs into Haller. Things are learned.

Topaz shoved her hands into her jacket pockets, keeping her head down as she made her way outside. It was cold. She hated the cold. But a walk would be good, and wandering around the mansion halls aimlessly was a fine way to catch someone's attention, as she'd already discovered. At least outside it was less likely she would run into anybody - far too cold for that.

The lakeside was by far the safest place to do fire exercises, but the downside was that the weather had a disproportionate effect on the result. Cyndi curled her lip at the pile of branches she had collected so obediently in an attempt to avoid more landscaping mishaps. Frost had dampened the wood; she was making more smoke than fire. She scooted forward on the log and held her hands to either side of the heap, trying to warm the air around the sticks and speed their drying.

"Next time I just set the bed on fire," she grumbled, punctuated by an irritated blossom of flame.

The presence of smoke was hardly ever a good thing. Topaz turned in the direction of the foggy spiral making its way into the sky. Should she check it out? Smoke usually meant fire... Better make sure nothing's burning down, she finally decided, changing direction. She'd feel bad if it turned out there was actually something wrong and she didn't do anything and someone got hurt.

Though as she came closer to the source of the smoke, she saw that there was a person already there. Was that Mr. Haller...?

Cyndi sensed the approach a few moments before she actually heard footsteps, and a quick glance over her shoulder identified the newcomer as someone she shouldn't be out around. Crap, student. Hurriedly, the telekinetic coaxed a tendril of water from the lake to douse the meager fire. When the psi turned next it was Jim who looked out.

"Oh, hello, Topaz," the counselor said, noting the caution in the girl's stance. He gestured to the smoking branches. "Sorry, I was practicing."

Topaz was just close enough to Mr. Haller to feel something very wrong - namely the sudden switch from annoyance to calm. With nothing in between. That should not have been possible. It jarred her enough that she actually took a step back, wincing just a bit as she said, "Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt."

"It's all right. It's a public space." Jim frowned, noting her reaction and body language. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Topaz replied without much conviction. "I just thought I felt..." Her voice drifted off as she realized she couldn't quite describe what she had felt. A sudden shift in emotions with no visible cause or discernible transition? He'd probably think she was mad. "Nothing."

Jim paused, heeding his long experience when dealing with teenagers. Much of it had involved interpretation of meaningful silences and incomplete sentences.

She hadn't been close enough to feel heat, and he doubted anything mystical was at work. There was one other aspect of her powers he knew of, and given the timing of her reaction he made a shot in the dark. Jim raised an eyebrow.

"Did you feel something from me?" he ventured.

Okay, maybe he wouldn't think she was mad. "Yeah," she admitted uncertainly. "Mighta just been imagining things, though."

"Not necessarily." Okay, how was he going to go about this? He didn't want to unnecessarily disclose personal information, but he also didn't want to alarm any of the students. While he'd anticipated Maddie would sense his shifts it hadn't occurred to him that Topaz might as well. He decided to try the oblique approach.

"I don't know a lot about how your powers work," Jim said, "so this is as good an excuse as any to ask. Could you tell me what you sensed? We can work backwards from that."

If there was one thing Topaz didn't enjoy, it was talking about herself or her powers. But she swallowed that discomfort, realizing that she was at least partially responsible for the fact that this conversation had started in the first place. "It was just...a sudden shift," she said uncertainly, focusing on a spot just above Mr. Haller's head. "From one emotion to something completely different without any transition or middle stage."

"Hm." That was interesting. Meggan had never commented on his shifts striking her as jarring, though in truth he'd never asked her about an ability to sense them, either. She was either used to it, polite, or . . . different.

Jim set the thought aside for later consideration and returned his attention to Topaz. "It's not your imagination. I have a . . . I guess you could call it a very sharp delineation between my emotional states. It's particularly tied to my telekinesis. Sensitives usually pick up on it." The smile he gave her was apologetic. "I'm sorry, I should have thought to warn you -- it's been a while since we had a new empath around."

"S'all right," Topaz replied quietly, shoving her hands deeper into her jacket pockets. "I just wasn't expecting it." Really, it hadn't been that bad - initially unsettling and unexpected, yes, but not bad. "Didn't think I'd see anyone out here, really."

"It's okay. It's never wrong to check when you see something on fire." She was avoiding eye-contact. It was just the latest in a long line of unobtrusive Just Waiting For This Conversation To End signals, but this was the first time he'd spoken to her for longer than two minutes. Since Topaz was not known for her sociability even under normal circumstances he might as well press the point while he had her. There were certainly things to be concerned about.

"If I can ask you something -- you seem very . . . raw." Jim raised his hands in a conciliatory gesture. "I don't mean to intrude. I had a run-in with something similar to those things you encountered that scoured my telepathy. I was just wondering if this degree of sensitivity is normal, or if you're experiencing something similar."

Next time she was just going to let whatever was on fire burn, Topaz decided, sucking in a deep breath and holding it for a moment. "Normal," she said finally. "Mostly normal. My shielding isn't always that great." Going from spending all her time with one person to being surrounded by people twenty-four/seven wasn't helping matters much.

Jim nodded. He'd had little contact with Manuel, but he knew blocking had always been a problem for the man. "Does it get worse when there's more people around?" he asked. "Or does that diffuse the impressions you get?"

"Worse," Topaz mumbled after another breath, then realized how that sounded. "Not that I can't handle it," she added quickly. "It's not that bad." She was used to dealing with other people's emotions, after all.

Which probably meant it could be. Well, the Downplaying Game was fine. He had a lot of experience with that.

"The background noise can be irritating," Jim said without emphasis or accusation, "especially when you're tired or sick, though. This is just a suggestion, but have you ever heard of exposure therapy?"

"I...what?" She forgot her denial halfway through in favor of confusion. The word 'therapy' put her a bit on edge. "What's exposure therapy?"

"Essentially, being around stuff that bothers you until you get used to it. Mostly it's used for the treatment of phobias." Jim gave her a half-smile. "That's not what I was going to suggest, though. It's an exercise based on the same principle. For you, it's to build up your tolerance in case you're not on top of your game with your shields. Basically, spend some time around other people."

Off her expression Jim elaborated. "The idea is that you get just enough exposure that you can acclimate to the emotions without having so many people around that it becomes a chore. I would start small, maybe with two or three others. It wouldn't be necessary to talk if you didn't want to -- it's the proximity that matters. A small study group might work well. But," he added, "space it out so you have time to recharge in between. Short and controlled. If you find it helps, you can step up the number of people and the duration of the exposure."

"Don't I do that already?" Topaz asked, tilting her head a bit. "I go to classes every day, that has to count for something."

"Classes may not work for shielding tolerance," Jim replied. "Too many people to make it a controlled environment, and your attention is on the lesson anyway. This exercise is more for everyday convenience -- passive powers-training. I suspect it will work just as well even if you just bring a book and park yourself in a corner while the others talk. Half an hour is probably long enough to start, just to see how things go."

Somehow, the idea of it made Topaz's skin crawl a bit. She didn't let the discomfort show, however. "It's really not that bad," she said after a second. "Yeah, the background noise is annoying, but it could be a lot worse." It had been a lot worse. Compared to when she'd first manifested, what she dealt with now was practically paradise.

Jim smiled. "It's up to you. If you're fine, you're fine. It's just something to consider." She probably wasn't fine, at least not consistently so, but the noncommittal noises led him to suspect that pushing might do more harm than good. Unless an acute issue arose, maybe it was best to leave the seeds there to germinate.

"Anyway," the counselor continued, standing, "I'll let you go. It's a little too damp to practice out here anyway. For future reference, if you see me using telekinesis -- moving water, objects, or working with fire -- you can expect to feel one of those shifts. I usually see people coming but if you're feeling particularly tired just stand out of range and let me know you're there. I'll move further away so you don't get such a direct hit."

Freedom. The fact rang loud in Topaz's head. That had been far too much talking about herself for one day, but she didn't want to just bolt. That wouldn't help her case much. "Alright, I'll keep that in mind. Sorry again for bothering you."

"It was no bother," Jim replied, watching the girl depart.

Not for me, at least.