Kurt and Topaz

[x-topaz.livejournal.com]

Kurt takes it upon himself to check on Topaz. It results in a rather strange conversation.



Topaz was...hiding.

Of course, ask her and she'd deny it. She was just sitting her room, finishing up her homework. But really, when it came right down to it, she was hiding. It was easier than dealing with consequences.

And she was getting a lot of work done.

There was a polite knock on the door.

"Topaz? May I come in?"

Topaz shifted her gaze up. The only person she knew who knocked was Amanda, and even then it was only a show - she came in anyways. She recognized the voice, albeit vaguely. Mr. Sefton. "Sure," she called back, resigned.

"I am not here to shout at you", he said as he came into the room. "I think you have probably had quite enough of that. To talk only, or to listen if you like."

He was being sincere, at least. That was something. "There isn't much to say," Topaz muttered, looking back at her notebook. "I screwed up. Probably lucky I'm not on a plane back to England right now."

"No one is going to throw you out", Kurt said firmly. "Amanda would not allow that, and neither would I. You were misguided, not malicious."

"That's a matter of opinion, I think." She tapped her pen against the notebook, shrugging. "It's done, though. Can't change the past and all that, right?"

"Indeed. If anyone does call for expulsion, I will argue most strongly against it", Kurt promised. "We all have a past."

"Thanks," Topaz replied honestly. "Not really worth the trouble though. I told Mr. Haller I'd take any punishment. And I will."

"Not that." His voice was fierce now. "This is your home now and I will not see you leave it before you want to. There may be punishment, but more likely in the line of restrictions."

Home. Not something Topaz had had in a while. She hadn't really thought of the mansion as home - just another place to stay until she was eighteen and could strike out on her own. Still, the honesty and the passion in Mr. Sefton's voice - and mind - were hard to ignore. And she was curious. "Do you mind if I ask why it matters so much to you?" She wasn't really expecting an answer. But it was worth trying.

"Anyone who matters to my sister, especially her apprentice, matters to me", was the earnest response. "And I believe in second chances - and third, or as many as are needed and honestly wanted. Besides, you remind me of another troubled young woman I knew."

"Yeah?" Topaz leaned back in her seat, still twiddling her pen around. "And what happened to her? The woman you knew?"

"She became alternately a respectable researcher for a mutant-related think tank, and your magic tutor", Kurt said, meeting her eyes. "Without getting into details that are not mine to tell, Amanda knows what it is like to stray into dangerous waters with magic."

"So I've heard," Topaz murmured, remembering - once more - the discussion they'd had during the ski trip. "Think she's worried about me." The words slipped out before she could stop them. She didn't even know why she was saying it - what did it matter? But they were out, and she couldn't take them back now.

"I would think she is", he said gently. "It took a long time and a lot of pain for her to get back into a good place - and even now, things could be better than they are, if she had never slipped in the first place."

Topaz sighed, leaning her head back so she was staring at the ceiling. "Easy to slip into something you can't get out of," she repeated, almost word for word, what Amanda had said before. "Didn't mean to worry her."

"She worries because she cares - and that, I think, is not likely to change any time soon. You may have to put up with her keeping a closer eye on you for a little while."

"Probably." Everyone was going to be watching her a little more closely for a while. At least Amanda wouldn't be waiting for her next screw up. "No less than I deserve."

"Do you really understand what you did wrong?" he asked suddenly, but still entirely calm. "Or are you just saying so because everyone tells you that you did?"

Topaz turned her head to look at Kurt, not at all put off by the suddenness of the question. "You mean do I understand I could have emotionally screwed Tandy for the rest of her life? Yeah, I get that," she responded wryly. "I'm a lot of things, Mr. Sefton, but I'm not a liar. If I really didn't understand, I wouldn't pretend to."

"Good", he said, unfazed. "Because the only way any of us can avoid repeating mistakes is to understand that it was a mistake, and why."

"I know." The words were quiet, but no less sincere. Topaz looked back to the ceiling, digging her palms into her eyes. Sleep had been...rather evasive the night before. "I know."

"Then that is good enough for me." He studied her, concern creeping into his eyes. "And now, are you all right?"

"'Course." There was absolutely no space - not even the tiniest beat of silence - between the end of Kurt's question and Topaz's answer. She was good at predicting when that question was coming. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"That, my child, was a practiced answer. I know them when I hear them, and you look tired."

Topaz blinked, turning to look at Kurt, something that could only be classified as 'surprise' registering in her expression. It wasn't often anyone called her on that. She actually didn't know what to say. "Didn't sleep last night," was what she finally settled for. She had just said she wasn't liar, after all. "Doesn't mean I'm not okay."

"It does not mean that you are, either", he pointed out. "But yes, one night of disturbed or no sleep is not such a great cause for concern, especially after the Slenderman incident. If it should be more than one night, though..."

One night? He was being generous. "I'll be fine." She purposely ignored the hint that she should talk about whatever was bothering her. She didn't need to talk. "Am fine."

"Topaz." He was still looking at her, yellow eyes unblinking like a cat's. "I cannot make you talk to me, or to anyone. But I do know about bottling things up until something snaps, and I also know a great deal about family issues, and I would like to ask you to. If not now, then I will be here whenever you change your mind."

The intensity of his gaze actually shocked Topaz a little. She opened her mouth to say...something, but after a beat of silence she pressed her lips tightly together and looked away, sliding down in her chair. No, no, no. "I'm probably not the one you should be worrying about." There, shift the focus. That was good. "Think Tandy has a few more issues than I do."

"And what makes you think I cannot worry about both of you?" he asked lightly. "I will be speaking to Tandy as well, but I really did think you were a higher priority. She has Adrienne, and I believe she will be seeing Mr Haller. Has anyone else been speaking to you?"

Higher priority. Topaz had no response to that. She was actually stunned into silence for a few moments. "...Amanda," she finally managed to say. "She came 'round after everything...came out."

"And did you actually talk to her in depth, or even tell her you have not been sleeping?" Kurt said softly. "I know Amanda will be here for you whenever she can, but I think... I will be stepping into her shoes when her work takes her away. If you will allow me."

This conversation couldn't have gotten any more surprising if it tried. "S'just...wastin' your time," Topaz muttered, schooling her expression into one that didn't show absolute shock. "Don't need anyone to worry about me."

"And yet I will", he stated simply. "You may as well go along and let it happen."

"...Your time, I suppose." Maybe it was a family thing, Topaz decided vaguely. Clearly Kurt and Amanda shared an ability to shock the hell out of her. "What you do with it's your business." At any other time the words would have sounded rude. But her tone was too distant for that.

"Yes, it is", Kurt agreed. "And you do deserve to be somebody's concern, whatever you think." He was guessing at what lay behind all the deflections, but he thought he was right.

And he was indeed right. Not that Topaz would let him know. "Like I said - your time." It probably wouldn't really happen anyways. He'd realize there was nothing worth worrying about and move on. Yeah. "I'm fine, though."

"We shall see." He got up and moved for the door. "I will leave you to your homework. Think about what I have said, and you know where I am if you need anything."

"Right. Sure." It wasn't often Topaz found herself this flustered. "Um...thanks, Mr. Sefton." It seemed like the appropriate thing to say. Even if she wasn't completely sure how she felt.

"You are welcome." He turned to offer a half-smile, and then he was gone.