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xp_logs Molly tries to comfort an upset Matt after he was rejected by one of the colleges he applied for.
Holding the crumpled letter in one hand, Matt sniffed and tried not to be obviously upset. He was a failure and pathetic and worthless. This letter proved it. His sniffling and red face gave him away though. He was weak. He wasn't worthy of being a Murdock, they were tough and strong, fighters. He wasn't a fighter, he was a blind kid who had some mutant powers, but still needed help and to be rescued. He was an addict and always would be. "FUCKING WORTHLESS!" he screamed, voice echoing around the empty ballroom. No one was using it, no one needed it, so it made the perfect place to be alone right now.
Molly had finally decided that leaving her room for longer than 20 minutes was so good that she was going to explore the mansion again. She had just passed by the ballroom when she heard someone yelling. Someone familiar.
Pulling open the door, she poked her head in.
"Matt?" she said. It did sound like Matt. But he sounded mad.
"Are you okay?"
Ah, shit, it was Molly. "Yeah, I'm fine," he replied, wiping his nose. His eyes didn't really cry or produce tears anymore, which wasn't a problem since he couldn't see. He didn't sound okay though, despite trying to. "You okay? Have a good nap after beating those baddies up?"
Turning on the lights, Molly slowly walked in, her hands in her pockets.
"Yeah...it was scary but I'm okay now," she said. She stared at him a moment.
"Can I sit?"
"Mmhmm," Matt agreed not about to turn her away. She was Molly and the closest person he had to a little sister. "Yeah. Scary," and did not need to be repeated.
"Are you mad about them?" Molly said as she hopped up beside him. Cause he looked mad AND sad and she didn't wanna see him mad and sad.
He sighed, running a hand through his hair, "Sorta. They said stuff, you know? And...as much as I don't want it true, there's this little voice on the back of my head that believes them. That doubt drives me crazy. Words are powerful."
Molly hugged her stomach, glancing down at her shoes. "Mine said mean things too. Bad words. And names. And it made me feel small," she said, letting out a quiet breath.
"But...I figured out they weren't real. Cause I had to get out and I had to get home, to the real people."
She swallowed. "So...they said mean things about you too? Wh...what did they say?"
"That if I hadn't been born my mom wouldn't have left and my dad wouldn't have died and I was just...worthless," he took a deep breath, "That my word meant nothing because I'm an addict. Stuff like that. Then I got my mail about college..." He uncrumpled the letter in his hand for her to see. Rejection. Granted, it was from Columbia and he knew that his acceptance there was a stretch, but it still hurt.
Staring at the letter, Molly reached over to take it. It was in braille but she could guess what it said.
"I think...maybe...the bad guys said the bad things cause they knew we thought them," she said softly.
"Not...cause they're true. But....cause....they knew it'd hurt. Cause they can read our brains. And they wanted to be mean and hurt us."
She didn't know why, but from what Matt said, and what the bad guys said to her that it sounded like that.
"I don't think you're worthless. You saved me. And you saved other people too I bet."
He offered her a wry, wan smile, "Well, thanks. I just...I want to do good and I've screwed up pretty big. Maybe not a lot, but significantly. And to think that I was responsible...if I wasn't blind then he wouldn't have gone back to boxing to try to get money, and then he died because of that," there was nothing to say Jack Murdock hadn't made his own choices, joining the mob and then defying them, but he'd ultimately done it for Matt.
Legs dangling off the stage, Molly bobbed them back and forth. She frowned, not knowing what to say. She wanted to make him feel better but it seemed like a lot of big stuff.
"You do, do good."
"Do I?" The doubt was practically palpable. "I want to. But sometimes you have to suck before you succeed. I'm tired of sucking." Receiving an acceptance to college would be a start.
"You do," Molly repeated with a firm nod. "You saved me and you don't do drugs no more and you're smart. Maybe the college saw the old you...that did the bad stuff. They just....gotta see the new you?"
"Maybe," Matt agreed, "but what if there's only the old Matt? That no matter how hard I try, it won't matter? My dad didn't finish high school, Molly. He thought he was a loser. What if I'm just like him?" He wanted to succeed, to go to college and make his dad proud, even if he had died.
"There's only the old Matt if you wanna stay the old Matt," Molly said, shrugging. "I bet he was proud of you? You gotta be proud of you. And....you're gonna finish high school so....that'll be new Matt. And you're helping people. That's new Matt too. All the good stuff, even if it's little, makes it matter."
Nodding, Matt thought Molly made some sense. He didn't feel great, but he did feel a little better. "Thanks, Moll," he nudged her with his shoulder. "When I get accepted to college we'll celebrate. Sound good?" If he got in.
Molly grinned. "Kay," she said, nudging him back.
"Ice cream? And waffles? And tacos?"
"Ice cream and waffles and tacos, oh my!" Matt couldn't resist the joke. "I was thinking maybe the zoo. But I bet we could work those things too."
"So...we can't go before that?" Molly said, sounding a little disappointed. But it was a celebration so she'd just have to look forward to it when he got into a college.
"Okay."
They could, but...it would be better as a celebration. "Well, I'll hopefully be getting accepted soon. And it's cold out now, so it'll be warmer then too."
"Yeah. Then we'll have the biggest sundae ever," Molly said, beaming. "In the zoo. But the animals can't have any. It'll make them sick."
"No making the animals sick," that was a good rule. "Thanks Mols. You're awesome, you know that? And don't let anyone else tell you otherwise."
"Princess Powerful Awesome!" Molly proclaimed with a little grin, flexing her muscles before hopping down off the stage.
"Well, I gotta go read stuff for class now." And see Kyle eventually. Cause she had to make sure of....stuff.
"Go learn something!" Matt called, feeling better about stuff. Molly's happy was infectious.
Molly nudged Matt with her shoulder one last time. "Stay cool, Matty," she said with a grin, then skipped out the door and back to her room.
Holding the crumpled letter in one hand, Matt sniffed and tried not to be obviously upset. He was a failure and pathetic and worthless. This letter proved it. His sniffling and red face gave him away though. He was weak. He wasn't worthy of being a Murdock, they were tough and strong, fighters. He wasn't a fighter, he was a blind kid who had some mutant powers, but still needed help and to be rescued. He was an addict and always would be. "FUCKING WORTHLESS!" he screamed, voice echoing around the empty ballroom. No one was using it, no one needed it, so it made the perfect place to be alone right now.
Molly had finally decided that leaving her room for longer than 20 minutes was so good that she was going to explore the mansion again. She had just passed by the ballroom when she heard someone yelling. Someone familiar.
Pulling open the door, she poked her head in.
"Matt?" she said. It did sound like Matt. But he sounded mad.
"Are you okay?"
Ah, shit, it was Molly. "Yeah, I'm fine," he replied, wiping his nose. His eyes didn't really cry or produce tears anymore, which wasn't a problem since he couldn't see. He didn't sound okay though, despite trying to. "You okay? Have a good nap after beating those baddies up?"
Turning on the lights, Molly slowly walked in, her hands in her pockets.
"Yeah...it was scary but I'm okay now," she said. She stared at him a moment.
"Can I sit?"
"Mmhmm," Matt agreed not about to turn her away. She was Molly and the closest person he had to a little sister. "Yeah. Scary," and did not need to be repeated.
"Are you mad about them?" Molly said as she hopped up beside him. Cause he looked mad AND sad and she didn't wanna see him mad and sad.
He sighed, running a hand through his hair, "Sorta. They said stuff, you know? And...as much as I don't want it true, there's this little voice on the back of my head that believes them. That doubt drives me crazy. Words are powerful."
Molly hugged her stomach, glancing down at her shoes. "Mine said mean things too. Bad words. And names. And it made me feel small," she said, letting out a quiet breath.
"But...I figured out they weren't real. Cause I had to get out and I had to get home, to the real people."
She swallowed. "So...they said mean things about you too? Wh...what did they say?"
"That if I hadn't been born my mom wouldn't have left and my dad wouldn't have died and I was just...worthless," he took a deep breath, "That my word meant nothing because I'm an addict. Stuff like that. Then I got my mail about college..." He uncrumpled the letter in his hand for her to see. Rejection. Granted, it was from Columbia and he knew that his acceptance there was a stretch, but it still hurt.
Staring at the letter, Molly reached over to take it. It was in braille but she could guess what it said.
"I think...maybe...the bad guys said the bad things cause they knew we thought them," she said softly.
"Not...cause they're true. But....cause....they knew it'd hurt. Cause they can read our brains. And they wanted to be mean and hurt us."
She didn't know why, but from what Matt said, and what the bad guys said to her that it sounded like that.
"I don't think you're worthless. You saved me. And you saved other people too I bet."
He offered her a wry, wan smile, "Well, thanks. I just...I want to do good and I've screwed up pretty big. Maybe not a lot, but significantly. And to think that I was responsible...if I wasn't blind then he wouldn't have gone back to boxing to try to get money, and then he died because of that," there was nothing to say Jack Murdock hadn't made his own choices, joining the mob and then defying them, but he'd ultimately done it for Matt.
Legs dangling off the stage, Molly bobbed them back and forth. She frowned, not knowing what to say. She wanted to make him feel better but it seemed like a lot of big stuff.
"You do, do good."
"Do I?" The doubt was practically palpable. "I want to. But sometimes you have to suck before you succeed. I'm tired of sucking." Receiving an acceptance to college would be a start.
"You do," Molly repeated with a firm nod. "You saved me and you don't do drugs no more and you're smart. Maybe the college saw the old you...that did the bad stuff. They just....gotta see the new you?"
"Maybe," Matt agreed, "but what if there's only the old Matt? That no matter how hard I try, it won't matter? My dad didn't finish high school, Molly. He thought he was a loser. What if I'm just like him?" He wanted to succeed, to go to college and make his dad proud, even if he had died.
"There's only the old Matt if you wanna stay the old Matt," Molly said, shrugging. "I bet he was proud of you? You gotta be proud of you. And....you're gonna finish high school so....that'll be new Matt. And you're helping people. That's new Matt too. All the good stuff, even if it's little, makes it matter."
Nodding, Matt thought Molly made some sense. He didn't feel great, but he did feel a little better. "Thanks, Moll," he nudged her with his shoulder. "When I get accepted to college we'll celebrate. Sound good?" If he got in.
Molly grinned. "Kay," she said, nudging him back.
"Ice cream? And waffles? And tacos?"
"Ice cream and waffles and tacos, oh my!" Matt couldn't resist the joke. "I was thinking maybe the zoo. But I bet we could work those things too."
"So...we can't go before that?" Molly said, sounding a little disappointed. But it was a celebration so she'd just have to look forward to it when he got into a college.
"Okay."
They could, but...it would be better as a celebration. "Well, I'll hopefully be getting accepted soon. And it's cold out now, so it'll be warmer then too."
"Yeah. Then we'll have the biggest sundae ever," Molly said, beaming. "In the zoo. But the animals can't have any. It'll make them sick."
"No making the animals sick," that was a good rule. "Thanks Mols. You're awesome, you know that? And don't let anyone else tell you otherwise."
"Princess Powerful Awesome!" Molly proclaimed with a little grin, flexing her muscles before hopping down off the stage.
"Well, I gotta go read stuff for class now." And see Kyle eventually. Cause she had to make sure of....stuff.
"Go learn something!" Matt called, feeling better about stuff. Molly's happy was infectious.
Molly nudged Matt with her shoulder one last time. "Stay cool, Matty," she said with a grin, then skipped out the door and back to her room.
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