Angelo and Fred: Birds and the Bees Part 2

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Angelo explains the finer points of some Human Sexuality to a bewildered, but receptive, Fred.



Angelo strolled down the street towards Fred's truck, eyebrows rising as he caught the tail end of a conversation his friend was having, complete with the young woman Fred was talking to handing over what was clearly a phone number.

As he drew level with the truck, "Hey, buddy. Made a new friend?"

Fred waved as the young woman pulled away from the parking lot, and turned back to Angelo, nodding, "Hey Jello! Done already? Yeah, lady named Clarabella. Was having car trouble. Onna her fuses had shaken loose. Not a big deal. She wanted to know if she could contact me about car trouble iffen something like it happened again." Fred held up the small slip of paper as proof before putting it in his pocket, "Nice lady. Smiled a bunch, which is kinda weird." he chuckled, "Ah don't trust anyone who seems happy, you know?"

"Clarabella, huh? I think I might've met her a time or two around the District." He studied Fred's face, then added carefully, "You know that... wasn't always her name, right?"

Fred nodded and popped a cigarette into his mouth, offering one to Angelo, "Ah figured. Sounds like a name a girl would give herself, yah know?" he shrugged, "Who am I tah judge tha girl, though? Ah mean, iffen you're sayin she was interested in sumthin, Ah don't think that was the case or anythin. Though Vette and Callie and Dori tell me Ah'm bad at pickin up on signals from girls, so..."

He took the cigarette automatically and lit them both, giving Fred a look of mildly exasperated affection. "Fred, girls don't give their number to guys they only just met if they're not interested in something. At best, if it's just a car thing or whatever, they take yours and call you when they need to. But what I'm really trying to tell you is Clarabella wasn't born a girl." Blunt was clearly the way to go in this case.

Fred looked at where the car have driven away, then back to Angelo, then back to the road. When he looked back to his gray friend, there was a pause, "...What was she born as? Cause Ah'm pretty sure she got the 'girl' thing down. Is this, like, a mutant thing? Do you know her? Ah, uh, didn't mention anything about you being gray or me being huge. Ah'm not really great at the secret identity stuff, so Ah try an keep mah mouth shut..."

"I've met her, wouldn't say I know her well, but everybody knows I'm gray. It's not like I hide it unless I really have to." He shrugged. "She was born a boy, physically anyway. Hormones and/or surgery can work wonders."

Fred blinked. Then blinked again. He opened his mouth to say something, then closed it. Fred thought more, then took a drag on his cigarette.

Finally: "...wait, that was a guy? Like a dude guy!?"

"No, she's a girl", Angelo said patiently. "A pretty girl, you saw that for yourself, but it just happens she was born with guy parts. And since I've never had sex with her, I don't know what parts she might or might not still have. Sometimes people can get nasty surprises that way, and sometimes they take it badly, and I like you both too much not to warn you."

Fred waved his hands, "No, dude, Ah wasn't tryin tah get with her, uhm him. Her?" then he did he best to think about it more, "Ah mean, wait, parts!? An...girl, but a guy, an...no dude Ah ain't...Ah mean, Ah don't really get what is...wait, Ah'm completely confused." he said rather helplessly.

"Her", was the firm response. "Something went skewy before she was born, so she's got a girl brain in a guy body, unless she did the full transition. Some people can't afford to or just don't want to. Come on, I think you need a drink."

****

Fred inhaled a tall beer without in one go, setting down the mug and looking pensively at the untouched beer sitting next to it. He looked back up at Angelo, his face as if he was trying to work out a particularly complicated math problem.

"Okay, dudes liking dudes, that Ah get. Ah mean, Ah don't get, but Ah...anyhow, there are also guys that are ladies, an they wanna be ladies, but they like guys that are guys, or guys that are also ladies, or just, like, lady-ladies...?"

"Okay. There are guys who just like to dress like ladies, but they're perfectly happy being guys, some of them even like women and not other dudes. Then there are the ladies like Clarabella who are born with boys' bodies and figure out at some point in their lives that they're really female inside their heads, and what they do about that varies. Some go to the full transition, and some take hormones but never have the final surgery. And whether they like guys or girls depends on the person. Like, I guess some of them are technically lesbians."

"Okay. Okay. So the dude/lady dressing thing...it isn't, like a gayness thing?" Fred wasn't exactly a master orator, "It's, like a...comfort thing? But sometimes it's a comfort and gayness thing...?" he scratched his head

"Pretty much. Some guys dress as ladies for a job, because they look good and they can earn money on stage doing it, but the rest of the time they're just like any other guy. Some do it because they're gay and it's their way to express that. And you've gotta remember there's a difference between the ones that dress in women's clothes but
consider themselves male and the ones that have male bodies but feel they're female."

Fred resisted the urge to take notes, and sipped his beer for a moment. Never much of a thinker, Fred had been blessed with the little he had to think about most of what he had to say. Fred lit a cigarette and scratched the stubble under his chin, "Tah be honest, Jello, Ah kinda feel Ah need a scorecard tah keep up with how people are bein people in different ways, but..."

"Or you could just go 'live and let live' and stop worrying about it", Angelo said cheerfully. "That's all most people really want, just to be let live the way they want to live and not have anybody freaking out about it when they're not hurting anyone."

Fred waved his hands, "Ah don't mean it's weird tah me or nuthin!" he promised. Then, shrugged a little, "Well, okay, it's a little different, yeah. But, ya know, Ah can suck bullets inta mah gut and eat bricks. You can stretch your skin an be grey. What's tha harm, ya know? Nuthin wrong with it." Fred rubbed his chin as he sipped (see: drank half of) his other beer, "Although all those folk at the Rocky Horror shows are startin tah make a lot more sense tah me..."

"Most of those people just dress up for fun that one night when they see the movie or the show", Angelo pointed out, amused. "But yeah, that's a good way to look at it."

Fred tipped the waitress as more beers appeared in front of them, "Ah just...Ah guess Ah've just never known what the decorum is for the situation you know?" Fred placed his empty beer on her tray before she disappeared, "Ah worried one day I'm gonna be talkin tah someone that's gay, or transgendered too, Ah guess...?" He looked at Angelo to make sure he was getting the term right, "And Ah'mma say somthin
crass, yah know...?"

Angelo nodded reassurance. "Most times if you say something crass but you're not actually meaning to be offensive, it's obvious you didn't mean it and folks will laugh it off or correct you gently. And... would this be the wrong time to tell you some people like both?"

Fred coughed into his beer a little, but to his credit he recovered quickly, wiping his face on his sleeve "Ah, uh...guess that makes sense..." His face contorted as he tried to both speak and think simultaneously, "Ah mean, sometimes Ah wanna watch a horror movie, sometime Ah wanna watch a bad movie, and sometimes Ah wanna watch a bad horror movie, ya know...?"

"Yeah, that's... sort of an okay analogy", Angelo said carefully. "But usually it's not combined like that. It's like... attraction hits and it's not really about whether it's a guy or a girl, it's about the person so it could be either. Some people are just wired so they can be attracted to both."

"Yah mean it ain't about tha, uh, yah know...'parts'..." Fred resisted the urge to point down, "It's about just wannin tah bone their personalities...?"

"It can be either. I mean, if you're just going for sex, you're probably going to be thinking about the parts. But - okay, think about yourself. When you like a girl, know her and really like her, you're not just thinking about her parts, are you?"

Fred recoiled a bit at his friends' wording. When Angelo put it like that, is seemed really... "Crass. Ah was bein crass, Jello. Sorry about that. Yeah, Ah get what ya mean tho..."

Angelo waved it off. "You were trying to understand, I was trying to help, no offence taken. It's just sometimes it's not always set in stone. You can like girls, you can date only girls for years, and then somebody walks into your life, maybe even somebody you already know, and you just can't imagine not trying to be with them."

Fred nods, looking like he was remembering something someone had told him once, "It's just people bein people, Ah guess. Different way, but no harm done. People just wake up one day, and sometimes...things make sense tah them differently..."

"Exactly." Angelo nodded back. "And that's how it was for... well, me."

Fred nodded for a second, "Oh yeah, Ah can imagine..." He took another large gulp of beer before he asked off the cuff, "What was like what for you?"

"Well, for one thing it took me a long, long time to be okay with my life the way it is now. Being a mutant was one big adjustment and then there's also the fact that I'm one of those guys who sometimes likes guys."

Fred sounded as close as he ever got to pensive "Y'know, Ah don't think anyone ever gets 'adjusted' tah bein a mutie, an likin guys sometimes is..."

Fred's brain finally dropped all the tumblers into place, and he almost coughed up his entire tallboy. Flabbergasted, Fred sputtered, "Wait, Ah, What? Yah, nah, buh...whu..with tha...?" words failing him, Fred hopelessly resorted to just poking the tips of his index fingers into one another.

Fred balked, and the color drained from his face. He nodded as Angelo spoke, and was quiet for a moment.

A moment, and then the flood started, "Jello why didn't yah ever tell me? When did this happen? Oh shit, Ah didn't, like, say anything offensive? Ah mean is it like a dating thing? We aren't onna date are we? There ain't anythin wrong with that but Ah mean-no, wait that's stupid Ah'd know if Ah was onna date. Ah mean you date proally date, like, handsome dudes. Wait, what is a handsome dude? Ah mean, like, is it a butt/hip thing? Cause butt/hips Ah get. But, Ah mean, different than chicks, right? Or is it the same with Transgender?"

Fred stopped only long enough to catch his breath and kill another beer.

Angelo waited patiently for an opening, then started answering the questions in order. "It's not something I really talk about much and until Alejandra left, I'd only been with girls for years so it didn't come up. It happened around the time I hit puberty, I guess? No, you didn't say anything offensive and no, we're not on a date. I usually like to make sure the other person knows it is one and anyway, I'm seeing somebody and so are you. Handsome depends on taste, just like pretty does, but I'm sure you know what most people would think it is."

Fred grabbed a pitcher off of the tray of a passing waitress, denying some table somewhere in their bar drinks for the next few minutes, and slowly drank it as Angelo explained things to him. It was the best plan he had at the time for calming down. When Angelo finished, Fred pauses for a moment...and lights two cigarettes, handing Angelo one of them, "Yah know...Ah...it ain't weird, yah know? Not walk-through-walls weird or throwin-cars weird. Ah ain't ever really stopped tah think about it, but..." Fred shrugged a little at his older friend, "Still just kinda sounds like people just lookin for someone an bein people, Ah guess...?"

"That's pretty much exactly what it is", Angelo said with a smile, drawing on the cigarette. "But you'd be surprised how many people don't get that and think they have the right to tell you it's wrong and bad. Religion sucks sometimes."

"It's just like any excuse people use tah hate people. Mah dad? Master at those." Fred coughed a little in his hand, and would've blushed if he were really capable of it, "Ah, uh...dunno how tah say this without soundin' real weird but, uh..." he laughed and smiled, in spite himself, "Now Ah got like...eight thousand questions about sex with dudes."

Angelo eyed him, grinning. "Go ahead, but you get too detailed, I might have to start wondering why you want to know."