Log: Maddie and Sue: Post Chess Blues (Backdated)

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Maddie tries to cheer Sue up after she lost in the chess tournament.

"Hey. So you didn't win. You still did great." Maddie settled cross-legged on Sue's bed, facing the blonde, and pressed a mug of hot chocolate into the other girl's hands. With as much time that Sue had put into preparing for the tournament, Maddie (out of more than just girlfriendly bias) had honestly thought she could win. So when Sue had returned sans trophy (or whatever it was they gave out at Chess Tournaments), Maddie had been somewhat upset and disappointed as well.

"I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you," she continued, reaching out and tucking Sue's curls behind one ear. "School and everything. But I know you played your ass off out there. You'll get 'em next time."

Accepting the hot chocolate with both hands Sue flashed her girlfriend a grateful smile before staring down into the drink in her hands. "I know I should be over the moon about doing so well," Sue allowed hesitantly, "But I wanted to do better. We spent all year preparing for this, and then I get knocked out just when the end's in sight." The blonde sighed and looked up at Maddie, "I only have one year left to win the scholastic tournament now," Sue admitted in a small voice. "And then I'm done, I'll be in college and won't be able to play in it."

The redhead pushed herself closer so that she was seated next to the blonde and wrapped her arms around Sue's midsection, pulling her girlfriend into her. "Someone being better than you gives you more of a reason to improve," Maddie dropped a kiss on Sue's shoulder, "you can't let them get you down." She knew what it was like to work so hard on something only to have it taken from you (didn't everybody?) so she knew there was nothing that could be said to ease that gut-wrenching feeling. But maybe reminding Sue of how much Maddie believed in her would help in some way.

"There's that tournament this summer, right?" Maddie's voice pitched up, inserting a little positive energy into the conversation. "And like you said, you have another year to prepare. Plus, I hear that College Chess is huge. Of course you have to be Romanian apparently, or have a Romanian coach, and the best one is somewhere out west someplace."

"Hey. Don't look so shocked. I pay attention."

Sue laughed and leaned against Maddie's side, dropping her head down to rest on the other girls shoulder. "I know, I know. I have a whole year left, but at the same time, I only have a year left. It's just a little little scary, I mean I only have one year left and then I'm a college kid. High school's over for me, and what have I done? I just wanted to be able to point at the trophy and say 'yeah that's mine I didn't waste my time'." Sue grinned, "besides, it woulda been kinda nice to come back as the reigning champion."

Maddie's fingers lazily started playing with the blonde curls, combing through them, twirling strands around her fingers. "You're not wasting your time, Sue," she murmured gently. "You're working hard to prepare for college, you have powers training, New Mutants, friends..." She smiled broadly. "I bet you that whoever it was that beat you doesn't have nearly as varied a High School experience, nor as much fun."

"Besides, they'll probably peak in High School, maybe college, whereas you, my dear, are destined for far more greatness than just a trophy."

Sue closed her eyes as Maddie played with her hair and slipped an arm around her girlfriend's waist, "But the trophy was so pretty and shiny," Sue objected with a laugh, "It'd look great on the mantelpiece at home." The blonde took a breath and sighed, "I know I'm not really wasting time, but everyone keeps telling me that you need more than good grades to get into a good college these days. So what happens if my grades just aren't good enough?"

"I'll get you something super shiny to put on your mantle." Maddie kissed Sue's hair and lightly chuckled. "Covered in glitter and sequins and glass gems and covered with a thick layer of shellac to keep it all shiny and the like." A telekinetic tug freed the mug from Sue's hand and carried it over to the side table where it settled down with little more than a soft 'thunk'. "C'mere you."

Arm still wrapped around the blonde's waist, Maddie lay back on the bed, pulling Sue down with her. A few moments of shifting of bodies and position ensured that no one was experiencing the uncomfortable sensation of a pointy body part in a sensitive spot and the girls were settled quite contentedly on the bed. It was time to address the topic at hand. "Now then," continued Maddie. "Any school would be lucky to have you, and any school that doesn't want you is stupid and therefore unworthy of your time. But if you're really worried about it, talk to Mr. H, or some of the grads that are hanging around like puppies to a teat. Wait."

Eyebrows knit in a frown, the younger girl pushed herself up slightly and tilted her head down to look at Sue as best she could. "This isn't just about college, is it? You want to impress your dad, don't you?"

"What? No!" Sue bolted up into a sitting position as she stared at Maddie. "I don't care what he thinks," the blonde denied vehemently. "He's never cared about me before now, so why should I return the favor?"

Maddie shot the girl a disapproving look, but it faded quickly, relaxing into one of comforting, with a tinge of sadness. "You know that's not true," she said in a barely audible whisper. The air felt full of electric charges, liable at any moment to explode if something would only give them a push. So Maddie remained still less she be caught in the middle of a lightening storm. "I've seen your face when you talked about the baseball games you used to go to, all the fun you had. You feel so betrayed and hurt because you know that he loves you very much and you him. He cared enough about you to call the folks here to go rescue you, and he cared enough to keep you at the mansion because he knows it's the best place for you, that you will be protected and you don't have to worry about being a mutant."

"I don't need to read your mind to know you love him and you want to make him proud. It's written all over you, sweetheart."

Sue shook her head vehemently, "So what?" she asked harshly, "So we had good memories, he was a great dad. He was! I loved my childhood, but memories aren't enough. It's about what you do more than anything else." At this point he blonde was off the bed and pacing angrily around the room. "He wasn't there when I needed him. My mum had just died! I needed my dad to be there fore me, to give me a hug and tell me that everything was going to be ok."

Sue turned to face Maddie and scrubbed the back of her hand over her eyes trying to dash away the tears, "I was 8 Maddie, 8. I didn't understand what was going on, not really. All I knew was my mum wasn't there anymore. And neither was my dad, not really. There was a man there who spent all his time working and left us to the nanny. It was like the accident killed both my parents that day, and all I had left was a shell of my dad who never spent anytime with us. I needed him then and he wasn't there." Sue's voice had been creeping higher and higher as she talked until she nearly screamed the last line. "He was never there for us, not really," She continued in a smaller voice. "So why should I care what he thinks now? He's done nothing to earn anything from me or Johnny". Sue's shoulders shook with unrestrained sobs as she turned her tear streaked face to Maddie. "Why do I keep seeing him smiling and clapping at the tournament? Why did it make me happy to see him there, to hear him say he was proud of me for doing so well? He was never there before and I didn't care, so why now? Why do I still care?"

As the blonde paced and laid all her feelings bare, Maddie had swung her legs over the edge of the bed, and just sat there watching. It hurt, seeing Sue hurt like this; there was nothing she could do. But it was what she needed, Maddie reminded herself, she needed to let out some of the past eight years of sadness, anger, frustration, confusion, everything. Previous discussions where Sue had mentioned her father had been brief, but what had been said, as well as what was left unsaid, allowed the redhead to see some of what Sue could not.

"Because you love him." Maddie's voice was soft, gentle as she slowly rose from the bed and closed the space between herself and her tearful girlfriend. She cupped the blonde's face with both hands and tilted Sue's head just enough to meet her own eyes. Even red from crying and glistening with tears they were still beautiful, Maddie thought, but it was all raw emotion that her girlfriend was feeling laid bare in those eyes that kept her gaze locked. "Because it is those who are the most precious and dear, who we love the most, they are the ones who end up hurting us the most. And if you didn't love him, you wouldn't be hurting so much."

"You do care," she stressed emphatically, and wiped a falling tear away with the brush of her thumb. "But you've built up this wall and kept him out to protect yourself, told yourself you don't care, that it doesn't matter, but it does. You lost your mother, and nothing can compare to that pain, but he lost the woman he loved, who had given him the two most precious gifts he could ever receive in you and Johnny, who he planned to grow old with. His world was shaken, Sue, and he turned to the only constant left: his work."

"You lost your mother, but you don't have to lose your father too. He can't be there for you, earn your trust, if you don't let him though."

"Maybe I don't want to give him a chance to break my heart again," Sue argued half-heartedly unwilling to admit that Maddie had a point. "It wouldn't be smart of me to set myself up for failure and pain again. I mean in the end my father didn't have too choose to escape into his work. He could have chosen his children, his family instead. We were there, a constant in his life but he ignored us till it was convenient or he felt guilty. And then he waltzes back in like everything was alright and nothing had changed. But that's not true, everything has changed while he was too busy to notice."

"Sometimes walls are there for a reason Maddie," the older girl said softly. "They get put up for a reason, you just have to trust that sometimes. Besides, I already lost my dad 8 years ago. Just because he shows up at a chess tournament doesn't make up for years of not showing an interest in me. There is no good reason why I should trust him and let him through now." Maddie's hands dropped and settled lightly on Sue's hips, her gaze still locked on those blue eyes. "You're right," she conceded. "Him showing up today doesn't make up for years of being apart. But you haven't given him a chance to be there. You didn't tell him about the tournament, yet you were so happy when you saw him there." A broad smile of encouragement spread across the redhead's face. She didn't know for sure that Franklin would have wanted to be there when she asked Tandy to invite him, but personal experience with her parents and how they always tried to make it to everything she was in had prompted Maddie to put in her request with Sue's best friend.

"He's your father, Sue. And you are his little girl. Nothing that happens can ever change that. You can shut him out, if that's what you want, but I don't think doing so will make you feel better."

"This is supposed to be me feeling better?" Sue queried, "I was happy before, I knew what everything meant and how it all came together and I could just live my life. But now I don't know what anything means. I was so angry with him Maddie," Sue told her girlfriend in a voice barely above a whisper, "Ever since the accident, between taking care of Johnny and everything that I had to deal with the anger was always there. If my father wasn't interested in me then I was going to show him that I didn't need him, I'd be perfectly all right on my own. And I didn't need him, I mean I don't need him." Sue sniffed and rubbed the back of her hand over her eyes, "But it's not there anymore, it just vanished with one smile, and now I feel lost."

Maddie stepped forward, closing the small gap between them, pulling Sue into a close embrace. There was so much more that Maddie felt she needed to say, that Sue hadn't really been happy before, that this confusion over Franklin's support showed that much, but she knew saying these things now would do no good. Those long hidden and forgotten about emotions had bubbled over, and now Sue had the look and feel of someone who was just empty, exhausted from all the effort. In time, Maddie knew, her girlfriend would come to better understand her true feelings, but right now? Right now she was raw and vulnerable and overwhelmed, at least from how Maddie saw it. So all she could do was envelope Sue in the tightest hug possible, a reminder that she was cared about.

"I'm here for you Sue. And so is everybody else. You don't have to go through this alone; we'll help you find your way."